Back up just a little...I had taken a test a matter of days before. I had been charting, noticed I hadn't started yet and there was a possibility of conception. Brad, as usual, was antsy and bought the test. I semi reluctantly agreed. It was negative. I rather despise that whole testing deal. I just think it's silly and he drives me crazy with it. I have just stifled it until now. It really got to me that day. He vowed not to "make" me test again LOL

Then, those few days later, I test, all of my own accord. I was still a bit curious what was going on..late ovulation..blah blah blah. And I just wanted to get that test out of my house! Then the darn thing went and showed a positive! Now what!?! I've never taken a test without my husband. How was I supposed to tell him? So, I decide on this approach: Thinking he might be.."upset" not as in mad upset more like a semi hurt feelings kind of upset..anyway, thinking he might get upset I went with, "Honey, can I tell you something and you not get mad?" In an ever so serious tone. He gave me an odd look, like..what!??!?! Then I handed him the test. He's like, what? what is this supposed to mean? Smiled and gave me a huge hug.

So, here I sit, a mere 11 days after ovulation. According to "those people" who tell you how to choose the sex of your baby..though that is NOT what we did. Nothing was intentional about this, purely spontaneous. Anyway, according to "them" chances are high this one's a girl. But...we'll see. I try not to think about that. Seeing that we would sooo like a girl this time. Three boys now ya know...come on!! LOL But, we'd welcome another with open arms and big hearts just the same.

So far very few people have been told. We're holding out on this one a while I do believe. After the torture I was put through last time LOL I dare not go down that path again. Holding out as long as possible with some folks.

No ickies, so far. Hoping there won't be any this time, at least not to the extent as my last pregnancy. Though, we will be watching my diet more closely this time as well. Eating better to keep things in line, physically and emotionally. Been praying faithfully since I found out. Praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. A good birth. For my fears and anxieties to be released and turned over to God. I REALLY do not want to repeat all that mess. Trying my best to stay on track spiritually, as I know He is who will ultimately pull me through. Amen!

June 3, 2003 - Joel's 4th birthday!! Time for a check in, don't you think? Well, I've had some really rough days. Things started out ok, thought I was going to make out with a relatively uneventful pregnancy..but..nope. I was quite sick for a while. There were several days where I didn't want to get out of bed, PERIOD! Add to that the stress of living in a dinky, dingy, dreary hotel room..lovely I tell ya, just lovely! So, we decided we'd try camping. At least then the boys could go outside and play, right? WRONG! It rained the whole time we were there. Ok, well, not the whole time, but every day anyhow. Each night it rained and it was so cold, I didn't want to get out of bed til it was nearly noon and the sun had finally warmed up my tent!! But we made it out there for nearly 2 weeks. Then, we came to stay in the basement of Mr. W..who sold us the land. It's nothing special, just a big open space with a dining room table and a kitchen. Hey, a kitchen with some counter space and a real table are quite an improvement ya know! So, things are going considerable better now. Not nearly as stressful. And my queasiness has let up as well. I am now 10 weeks. That means this baby now has 10 perfectly formed fingers and 10 perfectly formed toes. Isn't that cool? Still a tiny little thing. I forget for sure but I'm thinking somewhere around 2 inches...maybe. Last I remembered noting was 1 1/4" My queasiness, as I mentioned, has let up some. I still have some icky days/moments, but they aren't nearly as often nor as bad as before. I am very thankful for that!!

I've been tossing around name ideas. Brad, of course, generally just says, that's fine honey, whatever you decide is fine with me. Though if he really DISLIKES a name, he WILL let me know. LOL So, since I don't get much input from him, I consult with Levi. Hey, he may only be 6 but he helped immensely last time. He even got to choose the final name. So, anyway, I run some names by him, problem is...he insists this is a girl and thereby refuses to give ANY input on ANY boy names. I mention one and he sneers up his nose and says, no, it's a girl, we don't need a boy name. So, repeatedly I have explained to him how we don't know for sure which it is, only God knows now. We will have to wait until the baby is born. So, we need to have a boy and a girl name picked out so we're ready either way. He again says, no, it's a girl. It's my baby sister. I guess we'll see huh? I remember for a while last pregnancy, Joel insisted I had 2 babies!! Well, we know HE is not the psychic of the family LOL We'll see if Levi's any better at that. If God is telling him something He's not telling us. Well, that's it for my check in today. I'll try to get back into journalling a little more frequently here, but no promises as long as we're in temporary housing.

Long time to see, eh? Well, here I am posting in on Monday July 14, 2003, just shy of 16 weeks. I've started feeling some movement. Stuff a tad more than "flutteries" but not BIG moves yet. Baby is about 4 inches long now. Not sure of approximate weight, didn't notice that in the book I was looking at, though I'm sure, somewhere online, I could find out. But oh well, another time, perhaps. The morning sickness has definitely subsided!! Woohoo! Even the fatigue has let up. I'm feeling a little more "normal" now..whatever THAT is. ;-) We're still living in a basement, though our house is getting closer. Supposed to be set next Monday. *happy dancing* How long after that til we get in? I really don't know. I suppose that strongly depends on how much other stuff is done between now and then. But, I'm sure it's not much longer. I can see light at the end of the tunnel now LOL Wasn't sure I'd ever see that again! So, though we likely won't be in within the next couple of weeks, for Benjamin's birthday, it shouldn't be "much" longer than that...so I'm being told at this time. We all know how that can go now don't we? Well, that's pretty much it. Nothing exciting to report...just starting to show a bit, got a baby pooch as Brad says and feeling little movements.

Well, let's see...I'm nearing 22 weeks now. Baby is quite active. I still haven't had an appointment with my midwife. Though I have seen my chiropractor ;-) Started having that pinch in my back again. I've gone about once every couple of weeks for a month or so now. We are no longer in that basement. We're staying at Brad's aunt's house. Still hoping our house is done soon. We're on the final stretch..hooking up utilities, doing dirt work to get porches up. Brad has a good portion of the water line trench dug. He's gone all the way across our property. Just waiting on the contractor to get the pipe out there so we can call to get the road cut and Brad has to dig the trench up the hill to where the meter is being set. He also has to dig a short trench for the electric as well as set that box on the house. Still haven't gotten the septic finished. Contractor! I'll just leave it at that!! We're relying on him to finish the dirt work too. Ugh!! Let's see...what else? Oh, we'll have to get gas out there, as we have a gas stove and furnace...we'll be needing that stove right away LOL Still need the basement door and window. And the interior finish guys still need to finish a few more things in the house, mostly clean up stuff. We have some friends who are talking about coming for a visit around the end of September, if we're in our house. I say We BETTER be!! I don't know though. If we harrass the contractor CONSTANTLY and are out at the land doing some kind of dirt work or what not EVERY day, maybe we'll make it. I'm trying to be patient but this is just ridiculous. I still stand firm in my vow to never build again! Especially not if I have to sell and move from the current house in order to do so. This temporary housing stuff is the pits and being pregnant does NOT help at ALL! Well, so, this was more of a housing update than a pregnancy one, but oh well. It's MY journal to write about what I want LOL