So of course we do the figuring, go online and try a few due date calculators and all that jazz. It puts our conception date at April 28, due date at January 18 or 19 2006. You know how we are about due dates, so, "mid-late January" for us. :D

We've yet to contact my midwife. I figure we'll wait a bit. Hubby needs to get a few pools in the ground, get us some money flowing. Then, we'll have to pay her for the last baby, yeah, we're a bit behind. Hopefully all will be ok with that. Couldn't imagine getting another midwife now, good gravy, she's been with us for 3 kids now, this would be the 4th :D And she FINALLY made it to a birth, hello? We can't stop now Hehehe

All the usual updates will be posted here. Beginning stats: weight 115 BP: whatever normal is for me I presume LOL So far no sickies. I'm hoping that doesn't hit me like it did last time.

At the moment, it's still not really settled in with me. I can now actually SAY that I'm pregnant with #5 but, that's about it. Any and all prayers are appreciated. I'm already trying to be a little anxious about the whole pregnancy and labor thing. I'm trying to keep a handle on that. I know that my Lord will see me through if I just trust in Him. I just have to relax, knowing it is all in His hands and He wants to help me through this, I just need to "let" Him. I'm going to do my best to keep up with my exercises. That has such a tremendous affect on me emotionally as well as physically. Brad and I think that would go a long way in how smoothly this pregnancy goes. So, you all hold me accountable ok? I need to at least do a 1 mile walk 3 days a week. That is the goal I have set for myself, my minimum. And drink more water. I've been trying to do better about that anyway. I generally do alright except for weekends/out. But, even when home, I don't drink as much as I should. I'm trying to change that. Drinking LOTS more water and eating right. All things I've been trying to work on anyway, but, well, even more important for me to make those changes now eh?

Wow...#5..I still can't believe it! Miss Robin was the first to know. We had been playing phone tag the past week. We finally caught one another and I told her then, Saturday. Sunday we were with family, we didn't tell anyone. Quite frankly, I don't care if we do at all LOL But anywho... Today apparently Brad talked to Leonard and he in turn notified his wife, who then called me with congratulations ;) So, let's see, who all knows at this point...Robin, Leonard, Kristin...I told Heather this morning and hinted around at it but didn't officially tell Rachel, not sure if she 'caught' it or not. Not real certain hehe I need to talk to my sis yet. Then, well, that'll probably be good for me ;)

Well, there you go Robin (and everyone else including myself LOL), pregnancy journal #5, installment one. Miss Robin enjoys reading all my journals and birth stories. She would have clobbered me if I hadn't started this one right away. :)

Hello everyone! Checking in real quickly. Today is Friday, May 27. Of course, nothing major has happened since I last popped in. But it's becoming more and more evident "yup, you're pregnant" LOL As my indecisiveness with food has REALLY kicked in. You see, normally, when given the chance to eat out, I jump. And if that offer also includes our fave Mexican joint..oh man..it's all overwith. LOL No contest, not an issue, sign me up...whatever..I'm there! But yesterday, after our appointments, I was offered both of the above. No. What? Me, refusing my Mexican place? Well, the chips and salsa DID sound wonderful, but that was it. I was not at all interested in my usual entree of a fajita quesadilla and side of rice. Then, to make things even worse. I didn't know WHAT I wanted. I was just barely getting to that hungry stage. "Eh, yeah, kinda getting hungry but not quite there yet and not there enough to have a hankering for anything" So, we tossed it all around for a while. We ended up eating at Ryan's and being quite disgusted with our service. They just took the "be friendly" thing too far..get this..not just one, but *2* of the servers (one being ours the other just a 'stray') pulled up a chair..hello? did you hear me? PULLED up a chair to OUR table and sat down and commenced to talking to us. Trying to get my children to converse which is like pulling teeth I tell ya. These women, at separate times though mind you, SAT down at our tables and tried chatting with us as though we were all long time buddies !?!?! I sat there patiently for a while thinking 'ok just urge the kids to respond as they need to work on that anyhow, but urge them to respond and she'll be content and move on' Ugh! Took a wee bit longer than I would have preferred. Really weird situation. Uh, we won't be returning to that 'dining establishment' for quite some time. Oh and we need to report to manager, we meant to do that. That was just going too far, kwim? So well, that was yesterday hehe Today has been uneventful. The kids and I took a walk to the creek, got back a little bit ago. That's it, now hubby's home, so I probably better be getting ready for dinner.

June 14 Ok, first off, it seems I am missing my last update from June 6. I knew I had some difficulties but I thought it went through. Argh! I don't even remember what I posted then. I'm guessing it was about Joel's party. Things went well...once family finally showed up! Though I paid for it the next day, I was feeling pretty icky. Tried to go to church that Sunday, not a good idea.

I'm pretty much in bed all day everyday. I really hate it! I'm now about 6.5 weeks from conception..that's 8.5 weeks for everyone else ;) I get up in the morning, manage a little bit of breakfast then back to bed I go. I've tried the wristbands for nausea, motion sickness. Not working. I still need to get some teas to try. I need to up my fluid intake anyway. I really don't drink enough lately. Trying to improve on that one, but, ugh! I got on the scale the other day, I was up near 120, but last night I was right down at 115 again. I'm not throwing up that much, I guess just that little bit in conjunction with how little I am actually able to eat, means, stable weight if not some loss even.

My attitude has slightly improved. Still not where it should be, but, doing a bit better. Prayers still much appreciated ;) I think I mostly got off my self pity wagon. That can really be a hard one sometimes, ya know it? I try to remind myself I would not worry (stress, fret, etc.) if my heart were filled with worship. So, I'm really trying to think positively, to continue to worship my Savior in all things. Filling my heart and mind with what is good, so that I have no room to dwell on what is 'not so good'.

June 28 - I'm around 9 weeks, gestation, now. I *think* the ickies are beginning to fade. I'm still not exactly up to par, but improving. I'm having fewer of those constantly 'on-my-death-bed-nauseous' days. I still must move slow, not try to get up and about right away in the mornings. I must give myself some adjustment time. If I don't, I pay for it!!

I was actually able to attend church Sunday! I missed it the last 2 weeks. The last week we were there for the kids' Sunday school but I couldn't make it, we left before worship. This week we dropped the kids off at their classes then came back for worship time. It was nice to be back at church. I think a lot of it is that, especially while pregnant and sick, I tend to get rather lonely. I have no friends here. No "real" friends with whom I can spend time. So, I feel quite lonely and abandoned at times. Then, I go to church and I am encompassed with this community. This family of God. The worship is awesome! And it's not just some 'during worship time only' deal. You feel that power, that love, in and about these people all the time. It's great! I love being there. I pray my children learn a lot while there. We are all learning since being there. Worship is such a powerful, wonderful thing. I can't believe we missed out on so much of this for so long. But now, my children have a chance to have what we didn't. They are witness to the right way of doing things. Anyway...

Week 9, or week 11 for those who count from lmp date. Nothing more really to post. Still kinda icky, but improving, still tired and all that jazz. We've still not told any family. I don't know how much longer that will last. As I've said, I don't care to ever tell them LOL I just have an 'attitude' I guess. But, hubby can't hold it for long. We'll see how long I can get him to keep his mouth shut. See, I figure we'd be alright..we have one more kid birthday coming up in August. Well, I won't be 'showing' by then, so, it's all good. Next big 'event' isn't until Thanksgiving, right? That'll work LOL Yeah? Ya think? I knew you'd agree...thanks ;) So, that's *my* plan hehe I've not let Brad in on that one yet hmmm How to get him to agree ??

Well, I suppose that's it for today. I have laundry to fold, kids to school and banana bread to bake. I'll keep you posted on any changes.

June 29, afternoon musings: I started a letter to my dad this afternoon and kind of got off on a tangent. I got to talking about how I've been sick during this pregnancy but how good my kids have been during this time. This is what I wrote:

So, I've been stuck in bed, just trying to survive. The kids fend for themselves for the most part. I am so thankful I have "good kids". They help take care of the house, watch after their little sister, help mom as much as they are able, they are not destructive little terrors who can total a house in 2.5. This time could have been so much worse. Their behavior is what has allowed me to rest as I need to, to care for myself and this baby. Without their help and cooperation...we would all be in bad shape!!
I have often, during this difficult time, thought of some friends of ours. Their youngest 3 are about the same age as ours. But they are completely different children. They lack structure, consistency and boundaries around that house and it is ever so evident in the children's behavior. The youngest two are a demolition crew, plain and simple. If they are out of sight for 2 minutes (no joke!) You can bet they are up to something. These children climb cabinets, play in the toilet, stop up sinks, thereby flooding bathrooms, get into medication (poison control has been called on numerous occasions due to this) and the elder of the two has on more than one occasion put the younger in the dryer, closing the door then lying about knowing where he was and how he got there!
This just astounds me. One more than one level. First off, I do not understand how a parent can be so self-absorbed so as not to be aware of her smaller children's whereabouts and doings. Even in my worst state lately, I know where each child is and what they are doing, roughly, even at the opposite end of the house. How can you NOT know where your 1 yr old is for 20 minutes at a time?! Mind boggling, I tell ya!
So, anyway, those thoughts all the more confirm in my heart, I am doing ok. Yes, my kids may seem a bit "backwards" in some areas. But they are respectable, well-mannered, disciplined, obedient, considerate, caring, honest children. Their mission in life is NOT to see how much trouble they can geta way with. It is NOT to see how much harm they can cause another person. I do not have to worry that a child is being flushed down the toilet, or stuffed in the garbage or something equally insane. For that, I am so thankful.
For so long, my defense has been, "My kids ARE normal. They run an play. Act crazy and DO get into trouble from time to time. They are "normal" kids" But the more I observe, I realize, my kids aren't normal. They are better than normal. And if what I constantly see around me is "normal" behavior for children today I am going to continue doing everything I am doing now, everything I can to keep them from becoming "normal". A parent ought not have to live in the kid of chaos like the family I mentioned. Children ought not be "raised" in such a manner. I hardly call that "raising" at all. I am happy I have raised "abnormal" children, who allow me the peace and rest I need in times like these. I couldn't make it through this without them and their "abnormal" behavior.

That concludes this afternoon's musings. I actually started these thoughts last night, but carried them out this afternoon. I thought they were worth keeping.

Wednesday July 6..nothing new going on. Though, my ickies seem to have faded a bit. Still there, just not as prominent. I made it 3 or 4 days without puking! LOL Huge deal I'm tellin' ya hehe Last I checked weight was still around the same or down a bit. I do have a wee bit of a pooch going on now though. Still can't stand for hubby to touch my belly, makes me nauseous. Poor guy, that's like one of his favorite things to do hehe To gently rub my belly, pregnant or not. So, he's recently gotten his 'belly fix' by lovin' on sis-a-do.

I managed to get most of the house cleaned up yesterday, after our extended weekend getaway. We had a nice visit with friends. It was quite a drive, but, I made it. Had to stop a couple hours shy of our destination Friday night, but we made it back all in one day. Had to, no choice, Brad had to work Tuesday. That was the furthest west I think I've ever been, and it was only to Kansas City MO LOL We'll go a couple hours further, in an easterly direction, in a few weeks probably. Still waiting to hear about that job. The same guy Brad worked for that sent him to Virginia earlier this year, is now sending him to South Carolina. Heck, we could handle this..this guy keeping Brad busy, sending him all about the country. Sounds alright, eh? We'll just take what we can get.

Right now, we're not too sure where this pool biz thing is going. It's really consuming Brad. That is not his desire. His desire is still, as it has been for years, to preach and teach. Following and fulfilling his call. He is unable to do that in this position. So, it looks like the business will be let go, he'll move on to another job, somewhere. Something that will better free him to do as he is called. Hopefully, something concerning his call will come forth. He's "putting out his feelers" as he says, we'll just see what happens. So this means, no telling if we'll stay where we are or if we'll move. And if we move, where to. We just don't know. We just know we are not truly living for Him where we are, in what we are doing. We were talking this weekend with a friend about how things just go more smoothly when you're following Him. No matter how 'hard' things may seem, no matter how much you may struggle, you really do feel better if you are in His will. The guys were tossing these ideas to and fro, explanation after explanation for this same thought. I finally chime in with what has now become a quote, promptly written down by our friend, "It's easier to live with nothing, when you're living for something"

My husband says I often do things like this to him. And even more frequently it seems when these two particular men are talking LOL Anyway..that he will spend 15 minutes trying to convey an idea in just the right way, then I say like 6 words and sum it all up. They both just looked at me, jaws dropped..then our friend fumbles for his pen and paper and asks what that was again so he could write it down. LOL I just thought that was so funny, they cracked me up.

It is so true though...Brad and I have been through some hard times. When he was in school, there was nothing easy about it. We struggled financially. There were many times the money coming in wasn't nearly enough to cover the bills which were VERY few, much MUCH less than what we have now. But, we were happy. We were filled with joy. Now, we make more and have more but are less satisfied. Why? Because we are not truly living for Him. Brad is not fulfilling his call to serve Him, to preach and to teach His Word. All he does is just to get by, to live, to provide. It has no deep eternal value. It serves no ministerial purpose toward Him. We need to change that.

Plan of action to change this...we're getting out of this business. He plans to go through with the install in Lexington, but that will be it. From there, who knows. As I said above, looking into other options near and far. We're leaving it to Him. Resting in Him. We want that joy back in our lives, we don't want the stress and discontentment. We would much rather live with nothing and be living for something..for Him. :D

Monday July 11 I've had an icky day or two. Friday and Saturday were both pretty cruddy. Yesterday wasn't too bad. I spent the day at MIL's while Brad worked from 11 to 6. I had a kind if 'eh' feeling all day, but overall was able to function ;) Today I'm feeling alright thus far. Managed to get a couple household duties accomplished, that's always a good thing. Today is Brad's first day 'on the floor'. Yesterday he was allowed to do some overflow..if all salesmen were busy, he could tend to a customer. He had a couple folks believe. But today is his first real day as salesman. He's anxious to get started. He's feeling very confident about this. Says he feels more confident about this than he did about the pool biz. So, I'm praying he has a good day.

Oh, had a dream last night. I've never had 'baby dreams' that I can recall. But I had one last night. That we had our baby and named him Christian Derek or Christian David. Both names were tossed around, I don't know which we settled on in the end. I woke up LOL I have no idea where that came from, I've never considered those names. I've not told Brad yet, if I remember I'll tell him this evening. At least with Christian David, it has a biblical name and family name going on. But Derek? I have no idea, we have no Dereks hehe And I've never been drawn to the name. Oh well, dreams are funny eh?

Checked my weight a couple days ago, I'm hanging in at my pre pregnancy weight. I had gone down a couple pounds, but I'm 'back up' now. No flutteries or anything. Brad asked me that recently, nope, nothing, just nausea LOL Perhaps the nausea is masking any flutters? Dunno hehe

July 15 At one board I frequent, there are 2 other pregnant women, plus myself, well, all 3 of us liked the same ticker! I had gotten mine, while I was off getting mine, apparently G was doing the same. By the time she got back to posting hers, I already had mine up, so she switched. Then, come to find out, J has the same one on another board, so she's still looking for 'this' board. I decided to get something else for that board and put this one up here. Thought it was quite fitting :)

So, let's see, further updates:
Brad has a new job, car salesman. Doing pretty well with it. Sold 2 or 3 cars his first day on the lot, I think it was anyway. Anywho, the first day he sold a car, he actually sold 2 or 3. There! And he's sold a few more since then. One was a good money maker, just too bad it won't be on this check. It'd be real nice if he could sell at least one of those a day!! But, well, can't count on that. We'll be happy with any sales right now. It's a lot of hours though, especially right now, as we try to get out of this hole. It's not been perfect timing. He's gone 14 hrs a day, I'm pregnant, sick, lonely and stranded AND the weather has been gray all week Ick!! That always affects my mood :( But the sun is peeking out now, hopefully it will continue. Then tomorrow all of Brad's check goes to restock our pantry and fridge..yeah, we're THAT bare! (and the check is THAT small LOL but anywho, it gets food, most important right now) I'm hoping the sun stays out for our trek to town. Though, I'm not exactly looking forward to shopping...and on a Saturday no less! Ack!! It just marks the start of a busy weekend for me...I'm going to be worn out. Shopping Saturday, then Sunday after church, I'm going with MIL to take the kids to the Museum Center. We'll be there all afternoon, pick up Brad after work around 6 then head home. Then on Monday we have a birthday party for one of the boys friends up the road. But that is in the afternoon, and only for a couple of hours, so, we should be alright. We usually stay and hang out with them for quite a while, but at least we do have the option of leaving when the party is over hehe We just never have before. We all hang out for generally another 3-4 hours after the party :D I don't think that will be happening this time. Plus, later afternoon party. Have a party, go home, chill before supper. Yup yup.

Other pregnancy updates..um..still icky ?? Hehe Not as bad nor as often, but, it's still there. Still no weight change, still a little pooch, still no midwife visit or even a call. All seems fine, I'm just tired and get weak easily. To be expected when you spend 3/4 of the day lying in bed, right? I think I've felt a small flutter here and there, again, nothing major and hard to tell due to nausea. That's it. :)

September 17, 2005 Long time no post eh? Yeah, well, nothing major happening. Same ole stuff. Just thought I'd check in so anyone popping in here from time to time didn't think I'd completely ditched the place. I am back up to 120# now. Give or take a pound or two, depending on the day. I looked in one of those books the other day, it says the baby is about 9 inches long now. I'm feeling a little more movement. Still not a lot for half way along, compared to my other kids. I keep thinking they moved more than this by now. Maybe that means this one's going to be kinda mellow afterall???? Why do I seriously doubt that. LOL I just 'know' this one's going to be at least as...entertaining...as the last two hehe All else is well. No more sickies. Back aches started up, I went to the chiropractor 3 weeks in a row. The last one she gave me some pretty good treatments. Basically, I had 2 rounds in one setting. I went to get up and I was locked up. She had me go back down and we tried again, from both the back and front side THEN she sent me for an ultrasound treatment. I had those the first time I went to the chiro, things were SO tight. I made it this week without having to schedule an appointment!! Improvement!! I do need to get back there this coming week though. I still get a small pinch from time to time, when changing positions. Nothing as intense nor as frequent as previously, but it's still there. So, I need to go in and keep on top of that so I don't end up back at 'square one' Eek! And, well, that's it. A little weight gain, a little movement, rather obvious belly now. I'm at that horrible in between stage. Where regular clothes do not fit, but maternity clothes feel/fit like tents. But then again, don't most of them ALWAYS fit that way anyway? Even at 9 months pg?? I hate that..I truly despise maternity clothes. They're just sickening. Why can't we just get REAL clothes, really looking clothes in normal styles, just, cut to accomodate a growing baby belly? Is that so difficult? Well, I know it's not, I know there ARE companies who make such..I just can't afford them and/or cannot locate them. Argh! So, that's my gripe for now LOL I'll continue wearing my one pair of tolerable maternity jeans and my regular shirts for as long as I can. Hubby thinks it looks cute..me in my "Jedi Master" T-shirt over a baby belly LOL I say, well, good, cuz this is all I have LOL.

Ok, time for me to get some breakfast. I woke up quite hungry but have yet to eat. Been busy doing laundry, getting the kids breakfast started, doing a bit of school with them since we didn't do anything the last 2 days due to company. Now they're eating...my turn too!

September 28, 2005 Wow, this has to be the most boring pregnancy journal to date LOL Nothing exciting happening. Which, I guess is a good thing, right? My back is still causing me problems. I went 3 weeks in a row, then I was able to skip a week. That week I went back there was actually movement on that side!! Now, I guess that freed things up just enough, it's been pinching again. So, I have an appointment set for tomorrow. Argh! It makes me so mad, having these back issues. When it pinches, it's generally just a quick *ouch* but just the whole idea infuriates me!! I hate that I cannot simply roll over when I desire. That I have to be so conscious of my movements. That I have to change positions in stages. It just really stinks! *pout*

Today I have been working around the house. Started with vacuuming, remembered Kharissa's room needed it, as well as the boys'. Once I got to her room, it needed further help. Then I figured the boys' sheets needed washed, so I had them tend to that. Then of course, kids needed bathed, so 2 are finishing in the tub now. Things just kinda snowballed. And I'm hobbling and huffing the whole way. I get winded rather easily. Wouldn't think that I'm that pregnant but, perhaps I am? What is it...23 weeks or something? I guess. Anyway..I wonder if it's related to my diet. It's been pretty cruddy lately. And I got on a cow milk binge. I wanted cereal with 'real' milk, that started it. Since then I've also had a glass with my morning muffins. Yeah, I know..well..it's affecting me now. My sinuses are all gunky. I cannot STAND that feeling. I wish there were some quick dairy detox I could do, that would be so nice! It takes forever to clear out of your system even after eliminating it. Ah well, I'll survive. I think there may be something else going around as well. Kharissa has had a bit of an icky nose thing the past 2 days...and she's not had any of the milk. Sooooooo ?? Everyone else seems fine. Maybe just she and I 'caught' something. Dunno, just want it to go away now :D

Well, rowdy kids in the bath call. I better go before the floor gets flooded Ack! hehe

Ok, yeah, so, I stink at journalling (is that one 'l' or two? so I'm not perfect at spelling either ;-) ) Anyway...no more pregnancy journal. The baby's here!

Saturday January 21, Brad was at work, just the kids and I as usual. I was kinda tired and my ankles were swollen again. I'd not had this with any other pregnancy now here I am, with this recurring deal. Argh! But anyway..I decided to lie on the couch to rest a bit. Shortly after I get there, I feel a bit of twinging. Sure, could be contractions, but not exactly *screaming*. I continue to rest. Then I get a phone call or whatever, kids, something called me up from the couch anyway, so, I gave up on my rest time. About time to start supper. It's about 5pm now I guess. I headed to the couch I think around 4. I'm feeling these "twinges" a bit more now. With some regularity. Whenever I am up, they're about 8 minutes apart and just strong enough to make me cringe once in a while. So, I'm thinking, if I stay up and about, this could be labor, right? LOL But darn I don't want to be UP, my ankles are still swollen and itchy.

Shortly thereafter, I decide to call Brad. See if he can come home now with some pizza for supper. The contractions were just enough, that if I had to be up, I certainly didn't want to be standing around cooking supper. They were just strong enough that idea didn't appeal to me at all LOL Well, Brad says he's right in the middle of delivering a car. Am I ok or does he need to come RIGHT now. No, no, it's fine. Nothing THAT intense or close. I was just 'uncomfortable' enough that I didn't want to fix supper and it really was time to eat. I had nothing quick n easy to throw the kids. Ok, he should be done in about 10 minutes, was that ok? Yes, that's fine. So, about 10 minutes later he calls me back. "Are you sure you're ok? I'm having a heart attack here!" LOL Yes, I'm fine, REALLY! So, he's on his way home. Orders pizza shortly upon entering the door. Now things start picking up. I am going to the bathroom repeatedly! It's driving me crazy quite frankly. Then...oh then...each time I go to the bathroom, the contractions intensify. Yeah, so, here I go to sit on the toilet and I'm in one continuous contraction. I get even the slightest relief and I get myself together and out of the bathroom.

Now, I find myself in this leaned over position. I stand then when a contraction hits I lean over and rest my hands on the arms of the chair, doing my little rocking and swaying bit. Back to the bathroom!! Ack!

This time, another long contraction. Each time I try to move off the toilet, another wave comes, so I'm rendered motionless, just dealing. I finally make my way a step past the toilet squat/hover. I am now leaning over the tub. Think, above, only not chair arms, instead, tub. Oooooook this is insane! I'm going to run some water in the tub. (I had Brad clean that well after ordering pizza ;-) ) Thinking at least if I must be in this position, maybe it will be better in the water. I mean, at this point, I would pull up my pants, walk to the other room and have to go start all over again. And be in the bathroom for a good 5 minutes. SOMEthing had to change here. Well, Brad hears the water running and comes rushing in to see if I'm ok. "Are you ready for that already?" he asks. So I explain my thoughts. Ok. So, water is running, I'm still pretty well in this continuous contraction. Oh and I've made it back to my toilet hover position now. I just leaned up to turn on water then back to the toilet to pee.

Brad is still in there with me, he's just gotten the pizza, kids sat at the table eating I do believe. So, he's in there with me. I'm hovering over the toilet, trying to make my way to the tub *pop*. Uh, my water just broke. Not the big *POP* *gush* but a *pop* and some gush nonetheless. Brad exclaims "uh, hon, you can't have this kid on the toilet" LOL I know, I'm working toward the tub, really, I'm moving in that direction. I'm in!!! Ok, water's a touch too hot..I can't reach up to cool it. I'm on hands and knees, not much water yet, I think it just came to my wrists, slightly above? Anyway, still dealing with contractions, can't reach up to cool the water. Brad reaches up to turn it off..no..not off, just cool, keep it running, more water! Ok, fixed that. Water running again.

This whole time I have been doing this whole bathroom routine...I just kept telling myself "I can do this I can do this" "God is with me, He is my strength" "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" I did NOT want to freak out and lose it all, but I could feel it lingering, just hovering in the background, waiting to strike! I was NOT going to let it. I was determined to keep my focus. Dealing one contraction at a time. Don't think about the next. Don't think about the time. Just focus on the now. Get through NOW. Lean on Him, trust in Him to give me the strength to do this. He is in control.

So, now I'm here in the tub, water rising to a more reasonable level. And I think at JUST that moment, when the water was 'high enough' to be considered birthing into the water .... I had a big contraction and pushed. I felt this little head come out. It felt like the bag was still around the baby. In another moment, another push..the baby slinks further out. Then one more big contraction and push and *baby*! Brad actually got this one. I was on hands and knees so baby was delivering to the rear. He picked up the baby, awaited a cry. Good lusty cry, all clear! Kharissa hears from the other room "Baby!" Too cute, I tell ya hehe

I am still rather immobilized. I remember before, birthing in the tub even, I could return to a normal position and hold the baby. But I'm still *stuck* in this hands knees position. So, Brad is behind me dealing with the baby. Finally he tells me it's another boy. :-)

Then we drain the tub, as I am able to move again. We get the baby passed through so I can hold him. Wait a few more minutes to get myself together then we're off to the bed. Brad has it all prepared for us. Once there, I still can't sit down and hold the baby. Just something about it, isn't working for me. It was weird, stuck in this hands and knees position still. I could lean back on my feet a bit, but I couldn't sit just yet. So I just stayed like that for a bit longer until the placenta was ready. I don't remember how long that took, not very long though. Maybe 15 minutes? Then once that was over I could sit..aaaah, much better. So I sit back and hold my little guy after daddy took care of the cord. He dabbles at nursing. Then really latches on!

What's his name? Well, we weren't yet sure. Don't know how much he weighs or any of that stuff either. No midwife = no fancy baby scale ;) Though, I do mean to measure his length and head, just haven't done so. I hopped on our scale to get a 'rough estimate' Rough indeed..I think our scale is dying, it has attitude at times. Anyway..we get "somewhere between 7 and 8 pounds" LOL Na, really a bit closer to 7.5 ?? I think we'll weigh him in the produce section when we go shopping this evening teehee

Oh and Sunday morning we settled on a name: Gabriel Stephen I asked Brad for names/suggestions that meant: God is my strength/redeemer/deliverer something like that. He came up with Gabriel or Isaiah. Now, I had already thought about Isaiah, I just wasn't certain yet. Nor did that just JUMP at me once he was born. So, we pondered the two names for a while. Brad really liked Gabriel, Isaiah was fine too, but he was leaning to Gabriel. Then the more I looked at the baby, the more I liked Gabriel. Yep, that's good...Gabriel "God is my strength" Stephen (FIL's middle name) And we gave Him the glory \o/ \o/ He saw me through. He gave me the strength I needed. He answered my prayers. God IS my strength.