September 23, 1997...The Pole Vs. The Two-Year-Old

A lesson in being a Mommy.

On being a parent ... I have discovered (and been told) that being a parent is the hardest job there is on this earth. I've also been told (and discovered) that it is also the most rewarding. I firmly believe both of those theories, because God gave us special instructions on being parents, including that we will in so many words answer one day for how we raised our children .... "bring them up in the admonition of the Lord" ... "fathers, do not bring your child to wrath" ... and let us not forget ... "that it is better for a man to hang a millstone about his neck than to harm one of these little ones."

Lord, I hope I'm doing it right.

As a Mommy I have discovered there are no two kids alike, at least not in my house. My youngest child, a daughter who we lovingly refer to as "The Boss," is the embodiment of that theory. She is by far the best behaved child of my three overall, however at the same time she is also the most stubborn of the three. The Boss is also the loudest of my three children and is also the biggest flirt and charmer. She has all the power in this house, and she knows it.

However, despite the realization that this little person "runs the show", I have decided, because I am her Mommy, that it is time for her to learn to use the potty. I came to this decision because she demonstrates the knowledge of when her bodily functions are happening and because I am sick of changing diapers!

A month ago, when I made this decision I was dismayed to discover that this small person was extremely modest ... only in that she could not tolerate being without her diaper or other clothing covering her behind. Well, this is no longer a problem, because we have now been invaded by "The Happy Stripper."

The Boss refuses to wear a full set of clothing most of the time. She will either wear a diaper and nothing; a t-shirt and nothing; pants and a diaper underneath; or none of the above. She makes the choice of her apparel at random, which means she strips to the skin or any mode between clothed and naked at any given moment in any given place... be it the back yard, the grocery store or heaven help us ... in church.

The Boss seems to delight in the fact that grown-ups (and I use that term loosely) take great pride in chasing her about to restore a discarded piece of clothing to it's proper place of wear. Much to the delight of this little person, adults will perform this little display over and over and over, while she runs her fat little legs off giggling with delight.

We were in the midst of just such an episode in our back yard today. The Boss had for the dozenth time today, discarded her shirt and buried it in the sandbox. Then she stood in the center of the patio and yelled, "Moooommmyyy look me funny ... (giggling quite profusely) no shirt!"

So Mommy (being a grown-up determined to keep the child clothed in questionable weather) goes to the patio and searches for the shirt. Finding it in the sandbox, this "grown-up" retrieves it and sets out to return it to it's proper place. The Boss sees it coming and begins to run about the yard, tossing her head from side to side making her riotous curls dance and her footing a bit wobbly. She then proceeds to out-maneuver her Mommy for several minutes, until in the wondrous frenzy of activity a stopping point comes in the form of a metal clothesline pole. This "stopper" of course jumped into the path of the two-year-old stripper, who just happened to run dead into it and raise a knot in the middle of her forehead.

As I'm sure you have guessed the game ended in a flurry of sobs and wails. But do not be fooled, dear people. Even though the child was mortally wounded, she still did not want the shirt on. And it was discarded probably another dozen times throughout the day. However, on the subsequent chases to return the shirt The Boss made sure to warn Mommy in advance of each session, "weady, se-e-e-e-t, watch dat owy (pointing at the mean pole) Mommy, ..... GO!"

Our dear Father in Heaven sure has a sense of humor, no? "And a little child shall lead them..."

January 1999 update on this story .... Though we try to convince "the boss" daily she still refuses to use that potty chair. She states matter of factly, "I really don't want to....you can change me," which is followed and preceded by a melt-butter smile.

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