Lesson 44
Chapter Fourteen: "God's Provision
Resources For The Wife's Protection
The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife"
by Martha Peace. Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp.
155-164. Copyright,1999, Focus, Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with
permission for the purposes of this devotional series only. May not be
reproduced or forwarded without the express consent of the publisher.
Last week, we completed our lessons dealing with Biblical Submission. As
wives, we were challenged to seek godly advice and support through an older
sister in the Lord. This is a scriptural principal that we looked at in
Titus 2:3-5. This principal gives the wife a wonderful opportunity to grow in
the Lord alongside another sister in Christ, who is committed to living her
life as unto the Lord.
This week we are discovering God's Provision and His Resources for the Wife's
Protection within the marriage. This chapter explains eight biblical ways God
provides for the protection of a "submissive" wife when her husband sins
against her or others. This is why biblical submission from the wife's point
of view should not be seen as slavery, but rather freedom in Christ. We can
be sure that God will protect us as we joyfully serve our husbands--being
obedient in all things.
These steps will require a wife to take action as it is explained in God's
Word. Most of these actions can be taken whether or not your husband is a
Christian or not. Again, these principles are based upon God's Word and you
have the responsibility to use God's resources. They are designed by God for
your protection, and to help your husband to live faithfully before God.
These eight resources are listed in the order in which the wife should
usually implement them. They are not easy for a wife to do, especially when
she is in the middle of a conflict with her husband. However, when you
commit yourself to God, being obedient to His Word, He will give you the
grace to do them. It will take commitment on your part and through much
prayer and sacrifice, you will begin to see the fruit of your labor.
Remember, your goal is to glorify God--in all things. It may even be helpful
to pray and ask God to direct you to a mature, godly Christian woman whom you
can be accountable to in this area.
The Eight Resources For The Wife's Protection Are:
1. Learn to Communicate Biblically.
2. Learn to Overcome Evil with Good.
3. Learn to Make a Biblical Appeal.
4. Learn to Give a Biblical Reproof.
5. Learn to Biblically Respond to Foolish Demands.
6. Learn to Seek Godly Counsel.
7. Learn to Biblically Follow the Steps of Church Discipline.
8. Learn to Biblically Involve the Governing Authorities.
We will study Principles 1-3 in this lesson.
Resource #1--Communicate Biblically
The heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips.
Proverbs 16:23
Wow!! We all need to learn the skill of how to communicate biblically. "What
is Biblical Communication?" It is communication that is based upon God's
Word. This will require 'training' on your part as we are so accustomed to
speech practices of the world. God desires that we train our tongues to
'respond properly' in EVERY situation. We can do it because God's Word
encourages us to do so. This is one of our first steps in biblical
submission to God and our husbands--Getting control of my tongue!
"How can I accomplish this?" Only through much prayer and practice. It is not
enough to be a hearer of the Word we must become doers of the Word. James
1:22 says:
"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it
says."
With God's help we can 'learn' how to bring honor to Him as we practice
responding biblically to our husbands.
Here's one example of how to do this; Instead of 'snapping' at your husband
in a harsh manner, a godly wife 'thinks' about what she is going to say and
how she is going to say it. "But what if I am annoyed or provoked by my
husband?" Let's look at three key verses of scripture that deal with this
issue;
Proverbs 12 16 says: "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man
overlooks an insult."
We cannot blame our husbands for the way we respond.
Proverbs 12:18 says: "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of
the wise bring healing."
When you outburst your response without thinking, your words have the
opportunity to cut into your husband like a sword. God has given you the
opportunity to choose your words and allow them to speak healing to your
husbands troubled heart.
Proverbs 17: 17-28 says: "A man with knowledge uses words with restraint, and
a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he
keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.
When we are prompted to hurl our words or talk too much, God says "Hold it!
Better keep that to yourself!" To be able to restrain your tongue shows that
you are wise and a woman of understanding. Failure to communicate biblically
is sin--you are disobeying God. We can choose to obey God honoring Him as we
follow hard after Ephesians 4:29, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your
mouth but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need
of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." God wants to use
your tongue as an instrument of His grace. There is not only protection for
you but blessings also.
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Resource #2--Overcome Evil With Good
Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21
When a husband sins against his wife, she needs to learn how to respond with
the right words and the right actions. We must not fight back with evil but
fight back with good. Look at I Peter 3:9, "not returning vil for evil or
insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the
very purpose that you might inherit a blessing." We are 'commanded' by God
to respond in this manner. You must battle the sin of your husband with good
and fight as long as it takes--that is until the Lord removes you or your
husband from the conflict or until the battle is won. Battles are difficult.
They may last longer than what we'd like them too. They may even be short
battles. We are not to focus on the length of the battle to fight it God's
way with His power and His grace. No matter how hard it is or how long it
takes the godly wife's duty is to fight biblically. God determines when the
battle is over.
The Lord will give you peace in the midst of the battle, and He may even
bless your home with peace as the end result of the battle. Look at Proverbs
16:7; "When a man's ways please the Lord He makes even his enemies at peace
with him." God can give you the wife real peace with your husband. Remember
that your husband is not the enemy here. Satan is, and we fight Him with The
Sword of the Spirit--the Word of God.
"How can I overcome evil with good?" When your husband sins, don't dwell on
what he has done or what you can do to get back at him. A godly wife will
prayerfully consider a specific and practical act in which she can bless her
husband and does it! III John 11 says; "Beloved do not imitate what is evil,
but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not
seen God." And Romans 12:14 says; "Bless those who persecute you bless and
do not curse."
On page 158 Mrs. Peace gives us a list of examples of practical ways we can
bless our husbands and fight evil with good. She also encourages you to pray
and ask God to give you creativity and wisdom to think of other ways you
might do the same. Let me share a few of them with you:
1. Pray for him daily
2. Speak words of kindness, softly, and gently to him
3. Praise Him for one of his good character qualities
4. Reaffirm your commitment to him
5. Surprise him with a sweet note or card in his lunch
6. Give him an unexpected gift
7. Spend time with him doing something he likes to do
8. Obey God and let your husband see Christ in you
Keep in mind that godly wives do 'not' take matters into their own hands.
Godly wives do not seek revenge against their husbands because to do so is to
take vengeance into her own hands. This violates God's command not to return
evil for evil. God wants you to be patient and to obey and trust Him to
execute His retributive justice for your husband's sin. Do the will of God
and you will succeed in the end. Don't give up, don't give in--don't throw
in the towel! Endure and God will reward your faithfulness in due season.
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Resource #3
Make A Biblical Appeal
Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.
Proverbs 16:21
"What is a biblical appeal?" A biblical appeal is a request or plea to a
person in authority for the purpose of asking them to reconsider or
reevaluate a command, directive, or instruction. As we studied in our past
lessons, a godly wife should always obey her husband, unless he asks her to
sin. However, if a wife believes that she has a wiser solution/idea, as her
husbands helper, she should be ready to give him the benefit of her
advice/cousel. A 'wise' husband should always be ready to receive it. God
has placed you in a position to be able to be the "helper suitable" for him.
"What are the conditions of a biblical appeal?"
First, the intent must be made to achieve the husband's objective or desire.
Second, the motive of the wife must not be manipulative. This means that you
are not using the appeal to get your own way. Third, the appeal should be
made in a respectful manner and a submissive spirit. Fourth, it should be
done at the proper time--when your husband is not rushed, angry, or tired.
(Some appeals may have to be made on-the-spot due to serious consequences.)
Fifth, an appeal should be made only once. (Serious circumstances may require
a restatement of the appeal to ensure that it was understood.) You must not
be frequent or repetitive in your appeals since this may appear to your
husband as nagging, contentious (argumentative), and manipulative. Remember,
you want this to be an 'effective' biblical appeal. A further appeal can be
made if there is new information that you need to share with your husband
that he did not previously consider. Sixth, a biblical appeal should always
begin or end with a statement by the wife that she is willing to do whatever
her husband decides. You might say, "Honey I am committed to doing whatever
you decide." Seventh, if her husband is asking her to sin, she should
suggest a workable alternative which seeks to accomplish the husband's
intent. She might say, "Honey, I would really like to b able to do what you
have asked, but that would require me to violate the Word of God. May I
suggest this alternative? ...Would that be alright?"
Mrs. Peace reminds us on page 160 that "When the appeal is made to a
Christian husband it should be based upon biblical principles to ensure that
the appeal is made wisely. A wise wife will even use Scripture to strengthen
her appeal. But, if the appeal is to an unbelieving husband, the use of
Scripture or referring to God may only provoke him." Romans 8:7 says; "The
mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God, for it does not subject itself
to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so." Instead appeal to the
unbelieving husband's conscience to what is right or to his reputation. She
may say, "Honey, I would like to appeal to you regarding your decision to not
take the course on budgeting and household management I am asking you to
reconsider your decision. I know you are trying hard to provide for us, but
your struggles in this area are really hurting us all. I would be willing to
take the course with you so that I can be of better help to you. It would
really mean a lot to me if you would take the course. I would appreciate it
if you would consider it. Thank you for listening."
"What do I do if my husband does not listen to nor grant my appeal?" You
must accept his decision as the will of God for you at that moment. It may
be that God is preparing to chasten your husband for a foolish decision or a
prideful heart. Unless your husband is sinning, or is asking you to sin, you
must assume that his final decision is God's will for you at that time--even
if you have to suffer for righteousness sake. In like manner, when you
refuse to follow your husband's sinful and ungodly commands, it may mean that
you must suffer consequences for your obedience to God. I Peter 3:17 says;
"For it is better, if God should will it so that you suffer for doing what is
right rather than for doing what is wrong." God is your protection and
comfort.
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Gaining Insight:
1. During your trial or time of testing, how can you highlight God instead
of highlighting your pain? (Share scriptures to back up your answer. This
will help you to glorify God in difficult situations.)
2. Let's probe deeper. Look beneath what you say and address the negative
attitudes, lack of compassion, your uncontrolled tongue, your envy, your
quarreling, and all the behaviors that contradict your faith. Ask God to
surface these and bring them to the forefront of your mind. As He does this
write them down. Begin to practice putting off the old man and putting on the
new man which is Christ formed in you.(Share the steps you will take to do
this.)
3. What new insights from this lesson have you gained to help you become a
godly wife? Do you feel the tugging of the Holy Spirit at your heart? What
action is He prompting you to take?
God is willing and able to see you through. He will give you joy, peace, and
deliverance. His salvation is free. Come to Jesus, he's all you need.
This week, may you draw on the all-conquering power of Jesus Christ.
Pamm
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