PRETEND NO MORE

I know I have to keep on with getting on
But I'm going to quit pretending to be so strong
From now on when I'm having a bad day
I won't pretend that I'm really ok

But it's so much easier just to go ahead and smile
Than make people feel uncomfortable for a while
For after all its been two and a half years
Shouldn't she be better - why still the tears

I can't worry about how it affects others
I have to think of myself - a grieving mother
I will never be the same again
It gives the wrong message when I pretend

It happened to me so it can happen to them
They can lose their child and not know when
So it's alright with me if they keep away
But it won't ensure that their child will be able to stay

Unless they've been there some people won't get it
So no more pretending it's time to quit
No more stuffing my feelings inside
No more pain will I try to hide

I may get angry and lash out
But I have to do this - there is no doubt
For there is much grief work I still have to do
So maybe not pretending will pull me through

It was so much easier to start pretending
To spare others an uncomfortable feeling
It was easier to hide the pain
And make it appear I was getting back to the same

It started slowly just once in a while
But now it seems it's my normal lifestyle
It's time for this to all come to an end
I have to be honest and not pretend

So from now on when I'm having a really good day
It will be for real when I say I'm ok