AMUSING WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS

Authors: Anonymous, written by cancer patients, but will still make you laugh
Copyright (c) 1995, The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania

1.  Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2.  Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa.
3.  Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4.  When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
5.  Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
6.  Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.
7.  Make a list of things to do that your have already done.
8.  Dance naked in front of your pets.
9.  Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school as if nothing was wrong.
10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms in Roman numerals.
11. Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
12. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
13. Leaf through a "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
14. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. return it the next day.
15. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.
16. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
17. Drive to work in reverse.
18. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of "The Flintstones" during the important finance meeting.
19. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
20. Refresh yourself. Put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail.
21. Tell your boss to blow it out of his mule and let him figure it out.
22. Polish your car with ear wax.
23. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
24. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
25. Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
26. Braid the hair in each nostril.
27. Write a short story, using alphabet soup.
28. Lie on your back eating celery using your navel as a salt dipper.
29. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
30. Make up a language and ask people for directions.
31. Write a message to your doctor on your hip so he can see it during the bone marrow harvest.
32. Practice up on how to walk like a zombie.
33. Count how many minutes it takes to stare at the phone before it rings.
34. Dial 911 and tell them you're returning their call.
35. Switch rooms with another patient and argue with the nurses that it's really your room.
36. Bring in all of your "Three Stooges" movies and insist that the nurse has to see them with you before you will take your chemo.
37. Buy a fake i.d. and have a free Denny's breakfast for you birthday.
38. Tell your family you have plans and then do absolutely nothing.
39. Leave a message with farm animal sounds on someone's answering machine.
40. Redecorate your house. Finger-paint the walls and blame it on the kids.
41. Determine your strength. Thumb wrestle with your own right and left hand.
42. See how many people are listed in the phone book with your last name. Call them up and tell them you're their long lost cousin.
43. Wall around the block and count all the pot holes in your street.
44. Read tea bags.
45. Give yourself a pat on the back and affirm that you made it another day.