Gallagherisms

* Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

* Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

* Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

* Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

* Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

* If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

* Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

* Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

* How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

* If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

* If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

* If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

* If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

* If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

* You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

* Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

* Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

* Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

* Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

* You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

* Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

* If you have your finger touching the rear view mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

* Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

* If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

* Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

* Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

* Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

* If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

* Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

* Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

* Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

* Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

* Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

* If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

* Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

* How can someone "draw a blank"?

* Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

* Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

* Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

* What is another word for "thesaurus"?

* When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

* If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

* Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

* Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

* Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

* Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

*If vegetarians eat only vegetables, then what do humanitarians eat?

*If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

My apologies to Gallagher, as many of these don't come from him, but they are funny, aren't they???