Christmas is a big fat lie. Christmas is a joke. Robbie recited his litany over and over again. No tree, no toys, not even a present for his mom --nothing. Just the red and black boots he had on. At least he hadn't told anyone what he really wanted, not even Joey Picarrello. It didn't matter that neither Emmie nor his mom got anything either. If Santa Claus was really all he was cracked up to be, at least his mom would've gotten something. Emmie was too little to care.

The bus stank. Robbie had been on the bus forever. His rump was numb and his toes were scrunched up in his boots. He lifted them up so he could see them over his packages and scowled. His mom made out like the boots were brand new, but he knew they came from the back of Joey Picarrello's closet. Joey told him so. Joey told him lots of things, being two years older than Robbie and quite knowledgable in the things of this world. But not even Joey could imagine the smell on the bus.

"Hey, kid" the bus driver yelled back at him. Robbie looked around. "Yes, you-- you don't see any other kids on here, do ya? You getting off here? It's the end of the line. I don't got all day."

Red-faced, Robbie stuck his presents under his arm and shuffled down the aisle.

"You sure you're not lost?" The driver rubbed at his nose with a dirty handkerchief.

"I'm sure."

"Okay." The doors swung open. "Happy Holidays."

"You, too." Robbie wasn't ever going to wish anyone "Happy Holidays" again, not if he could help it.

The sign said "17th Avenue" on one side and "Madison" on the other, but the corner didn't look anything like what Robbie was expecting. No one could live here-- it was too busy, with horns honking and tires squealing and people generally yelling about nothing, and stores with all the things unbought for Christmas still in the windows. There was even a television set in one, playing "Howdy Doody". Robbie had never seen Howdy Doody before and it was tempting to watch, just to tell Joey that he'd seen it too-- so there-- but he had business to attend to.
Somewhere around here he would find his dad.

Robbie knew his dad lived around 17th Avenue. Late at night, when his mom thought he was asleep, he'd hear her talking to someone about "Robert taking a room off 17th and I'm so worried about him." It was something of a scandal when his dad moved out-- and the neighbors patting his head and pinching his cheeks and saying, "Oh you poor poor boy"-- but it'd happened a while back and Life crept on much the same as always. At least for his mom and Emmie. Robbie didn't think anything would ever be the same again for him.

The avenue was proving to be a lot longer than a street had a right to be. Robbie's feet hurt and the packages kept slipping out from under his arm. Some folks yelled at him--especially an old lady with a purple hat who followed him for three blocks and kept calling him her Dimmy-- but he ignored them and walked on, like he knew just where he was going. And he did, too. His dad's place was around here somewhere; it was called "The Magnolia Towers". Robbie thought it must be awful grand, with ladies in swishy gowns and swell looking men in tuxedoes. It was just the place his dad would be.

But the Magnolia Towers was nowhere to be found and it was getting dark. The only place that might look even remotely like the Magnolia Towers was a dark stone church called St Peter's. Robbie didn't want to walk up the forty-five steps to the door, a big creaky monster of wood and iron, but he wasn't getting anywhere fast. Maybe he was walking in the wrong direction. For sure he was in big trouble with his mom. He never stayed at Joey's this late and by now she would've called and found out he never even showed up over there today.

The steps weren't so bad after all. Robbie reached the top and sat down just outside the door. He carefully laid the packages down and leaned back against the building. Time to assess the situation, which boiled down to: he couldn't find his dad, he didn't know where he himself was, it was getting dark and his mother would be really mad. He closed his eyes.

"Hello there."

Robbie's eyes popped open. A old man dressed in black from head to toe stood next to him. Robbie swallowed a few times. He reached out to touch his packages, make sure they were still there.

"May I sit down?" The old man didn't wait for an invitation but eased down next to Robbie. "Come here often?"

Robbie shook his head.

"I didn't think so. I didn't think I'd seen you before and I still have a pretty good memory. I'm Fr John Duffy. And this" .. here he waved his hand in the general direction of the door.. "is my place. I'm a priest. What's your name?"

Robbie looked away. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

The priest smiled. "I'll bet you're not supposed to run away either.. and you are in a manner of speaking decamped on my doorstep..."

"I didn't run away. I'm looking for my father."

"Oh. I see. And where does your father live?"

"At the Magnolia Towers. On 17th. And that.." said Robbie, pointing to the street, "is 17th but it's not there."

"I"m well familair with the Towers. I even have a friend there-- George Fox. He's the proprietor. You know him?" Fr Duffy peered over his glasses at Robbie, who shook his head. "Hmmm, I guess you wouldn't. Well, the Magnolia Towers is over on 17th Street. This is 17th Avenue. Somewhat confusing but there you are. And where do you live?"

Robbie sighed. How could he not talk when the stranger kept asking questions? "On Terwilliger. The south end. In a house." Which they were going to have to move out of at the end of the month but he didn't want to tell him that.

"Oh my. You have traveled far today. And your father-- was he expecting you?"

"No." Robbie folded his arms and stared at his boots. "He was supposed to come for Christmas yesterday but he didn't show up. So I brought all his presents back. If he can't come I don't want his presents. Besides...." Robbie's voice got real low "... Mom bought them and put Dad's name on them. So they're not really from him. Just pretend. That's what Christmas is anyway-- just pretend."

"I see. And do you have a gift there for your father?"

Robbie sighed again. "Just one." He picked up the smallest present. "It's a set of bookends. I made them. They're not too good but I couldn't afford to buy anything. I don't have much of an allowance."

Fr Duffy got up and opened the door to the church. "That does make it difficult. Well, come on in and let's see what we can do about your situation."

"I'm not supposed to go anywhere with strangers."

The priest paused for a minute, scratching his nose. "Yes, well, there is wisdom in what you say. However, you can't stay out here all night... wait right here. Will you do that? Don't go anywhere." He disappeared into the church.

Robbie rubbed his nose and went on to give his head a good scratching. It was getting cold and the priest was taking an awfully long time. Maybe he'd gotten lost. It was an enormous building, with pointy windows and statues all around the outside, frowning at the world from the walls. They looked right at you too.... maybe they'd gotten the priest and were just waiting for Robbie to close his eyes...
Maybe there was a bathroom somewhere. It'd been a long time...Robbie grabbed up the packages and slipped inside.

It was like nothing Robbie had ever seen. It was big like a cavern with long wooden icicles hanging down and windows with pictures covering the walls. Way down at the far end was something that rose right up to the ceiling, all carved and curlicued, with a long flat table in front and a man hanging on a cross above it. But it was the people kneeling off to one side that got his attention.

Robbie walked in just a little bit, trying to see what was going on. The people didn't move. Robbie wasn't sure they were even people. Maybe they were statues, too. Robbie hoped they weren't like the statues outside. At least these were lit up and they weren't looking at him. They were looking at something in the box that was between them.

"Well, what do you think?" It was the old priest. The statues hadn't gotten him after all.

"Are they real?"

"In a manner of speaking, I guess you could say they're real. They represent real people." Fr Duffy looked at Robbie strangely. "Don't you know who they are?"

Robbie shook his head. "Can I touch it?"

"So long as you're careful...." The statues felt cool to his fingers. Fr. Duffy knelt down and pointed to each statue in the group. "These are the Three Kings.. and these are the shepherds and this is Joseph and Mary and Jesus... do you know who Jesus is?"

Robbie nodded. "My dad used to talk about him all the time..."

"Really?"

"Sure. He'd come home from work and and yell, 'Jesus, Maud, can't you do anything..."

The priest interrupted with a fit of coughing.

"Are you okay?" asked Robbie, thumping him on the back a few times. "You need some cough medicine?"

"That's okay. I'm fine, thank you." Fr. Duffy took a few deep breaths.

"Maud's my mother." Robbie figured being helpful couldn't hurt. "Robert's my dad and I'm Robbie. They named me after my dad. I even have a 'junior' after my name. Oh, and Emmie."

"Well, Robbie, outside of your dad talking about Jesus, do you know anything about Him or why we celebrate Christmas?"

"No. I figure He has something to do with church, but my mom doesn't want to go. We used to go..." he added quickly, just in case Fr. Duffy thought they were bad people. "And Christmas... people get presents and stuff. I used to believe in Santa Claus but my friend Joey told me he wasn't real."

Fr. Duffy sat back on the pew and started cleaning his glasses. "Well, Robbie, a long time ago God wanted to give all the people in the world a very special gift. In many ways, folks were just like you are today. A lot of them were looking for their Father-- who was God-- but they were looking in all the wrong places. So God sent His Son, Jesus, to lead those folks back to Him. And Jesus became the greatest Gift anyone had ever given mankind."

Robbie walked over to the box and looked down at the baby laying there.

"And this baby is Jesus? What kind of a gift is that?"

"A very special one. Without Jesus we couldn't go back and live with our Father."

Robbie chewed his lip for a moment. "I see." He thought for a moment, then said, " So where can I find Jesus?"

"Pardon me?"

"Well..." Robbie picked up the statue of the Baby and sat down next to the priest. "The one thing I really wanted ....." Robbie stopped. Maybe he shouldn't say anything. But then... "I love my mom, she's a great mom, and I love my sister even though she smells a lot, but I want to live with my dad. I want us to all live together. Like before. And that's what I really wanted for Christmas. I wanted Dad to come home. And when he didn't, I figured something was wrong. And now I know what it is. I didn't have Jesus."

"I'm sorry, Robbie, but I don't understand."

"Don't you see? The folks back then... when they got Jesus they could go live with their father, right? That's what you said. So when I get Jesus, I can go live with my father. And it'll be just like it was. Right?"

Robbie watched this strange look come over Fr. Duffy's face and for a second he thought the old man was going to cry. He got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Robbie, "the priest said quietly, "I can't guarantee...."

"ROBBIE!"

The voice rang out loud and clear from the entrance, a deep bass voice, a fatherly voice.....

"DAD!" Robbie flung himself over the pew and down the aisle to the man standing there. "DAD! You're really here! Dad!"

Robbie's dad scooped him up in his arms and squeezed him tight. From behind them stepped a small dark-haired woman with a curlyheaded babe in her arms.

"Well.." began Fr. Duffy, huffing and puffing as he made his way up the nave. "I wasn't sure if you'd get my message."

"How can we ever thank you..." started Robbie's mom, making introductions and shaking Fr. Duffy's hand.

"Of course we'd get the message. George knew all about it.." began Robbie's dad. "Everybody did."

"When I called Robert and told him Robbie was missing, he told George and ..."

"And when I called George, he knew exactly what was going on. And he didn't even tell me. Well, well.."said Fr. Duffy.

"And you, young man.. ouch! What do you have there?" Robbie's dad rubbed a place on his head.

Robbie swung the little statue around and held in front of his dad. "This? This is Jesus. And you know what? I couldn't find you til I had him. That's what Fr. Duffy said."

"Well, now.. that wasn't exactly what I meant..."said Fr. Duffy.

"And he was right," Robbie went on,smiling, "because I had Jesus and now I have you."

Fr. Duffy shrugged. "I told him Jesus led the people back to the Father and ..." He left the thought unfinished and fixed his eyes on the man. "So what are you going to do now?"

Robbie's mom looked at her husband. Robbie looked at his dad. Even little Emmie looked over at the man holding her brother.

Robbie's dad eased his son down to the floor. He folded his arms across his chest and looked up at the ceiling, then at the floor and finally at the man hanging on the cross at the other end of the church.

"I guess...." he began. He stopped, shook his head. "That is if..."

Robbie's mom handed Emmie to the priest and slipped her hand under her husband's arm. "Yes. We will." She smiled up at him. "Tonight?"

Robbie's dad turned and scooped his wife up into a bear hug.

"YES! YES! YES!" screamed Robbie, jumping up and down. He ran over and gave his mom a big squeeze, then his dad and finally he ran back to where Fr. Duffy was holding a screaming Emmie and gave the old priest a hug too. "My dad's coming home! My dad's coming home!" Robbie paused for a minute grinned up Fr. Duffy. "You see? You were right!" He stood for a moment, looking down at the Baby Jesus in his hand. "I guess Christmas isn't just pretend after all."

(c) 1997 Ruth Dupr