[Messages for answering machines] [Instructional manual] [Number game]


IDEAS FOR RECORDED MESSAGES

1.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done....brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

2.

A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.

3.

*Hi. This is John
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.

5.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

That might give you some ideas for your answering machine,huh?


How do I get to where I want to go?
An instruction manual created by jwai

40 golden rules:

1. drive/walk/run/swim/fly there
2. study really hard, until your brain burst and your eyes pop out
3. sleep and wake up early, it'll keep you bright and refreshed
4. do what your parents tell you to, they always know what is best for you
5. suck up to the rich and powerful, and terrorize the poor and weak
6. let other people do the hard work, sit back and enjoy their accomplishments
7. never talk to strangers
8. trust your first instinct, it's always right
9. white lies won't hurt
10. think before you act
11. plan ahead
12. never swear (x@*%=Yz$#a!?!)
13. be patient
14. believe in yourself
15. cry or whine when necessary
16. have common sense
17. read more newspaper, until your eyes are sore
18. be organized (red socks in one pile, pink in the other ¡K.)
19. never jump into conclusions
20. take chances/risks
21. never break the law
22. never let other people change the subject, always stay on topic
23. be tough on yourself
24. keep nothing inside, scream it all out (AHHHHHHHHHH!)
25. keep other people's secrets, but never unleash your own
26. keep a fierce dog (Woof! Woof!)
27. television is reality
28. never believe the weather reports, bring sun block and umbrella at all times
29. computer is the future
30. armed yourself at all times, it's a jungle out there
31. never speak with your month full, and chew your food before you swallow
32. be alert
33. if you drink, don't drive (if you drive, don't drink)
34. listen to your heart
35. be on time
36. be competitive
37. pretend you know everything even when you don't
38. speak louder than others, or else people won't take you seriously
39. a) your boss is always right b) if he is not, refer to rule a!
40. show off whenever you can, you might loose the chance in the future
41. do not be greedy
42. remain calm
43. when you didn't understand or hear what someone just said, always answer,"...Mmm...most interesting..."
44. never betray your friends, they might be useful someday
45. don't be jealous
46. when you made a mistake, blame everybody else
47. laugh at other people's jokes, evne when it is the dumbest joke you ever heard
48. be polite
49. if you stink, use deodorant (makes life easier for everyone)
50. be happy



THE NUMBER GAME...

Directions: DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. It's that simple!!!

1) pick a number from 1-9
Scroll to #2 slowly . . .

2) subtract 5
Scroll to #3 slowly . . .

3) multiply by 3
Scroll to #4 slowly . . . .

4) square the number (multiply by the same number -- not square root)
Scroll to #5 slowly . . .

5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e.64=6+4=10=1+0=1)
Scroll to #6 slowly . . .

6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4.
Scroll to #7 slowly . . .

7) multiply by 2
Scroll to #8 slowly . . .

8) subtract 6
Scroll to #9 slowly . . .

9) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc...
Scroll to #10 slowly . . .

10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter
Scroll to #11 slowly . . .

11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter
Scroll to #12 slowly . . .

12) think of the color of that mammal
(keep scrolling)

DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVE

Here it comes, NO CHEATING!
You have a grey elephant from Denmark. Cool, isn't it?

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