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This file is from the Seinfeld Mini Scripts Page, by
Andrea Ferrari - fdq@pobox.com, http://pobox.com/~fdq
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This file provided to the Seinfeld Mini Scripts Page by:
KOERBER DUNCAN DANIEL
/|Duncan D. Koerber
||1st Year English B.A.
||Erindale College
\|University of Toronto
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEINFELD
"The Bris"
#O4-O5O5
Written by
Larry Charles
Directed by
Tom Cherones
*REVISED TABLE DRAFT
September 22, 1993
*9/21/93
SEINFELD
"The Bris"
#O4-O5O5
THIS IS A TENTATIVE SCHEDULE ONLY. ALL DATES ARE SUBJECT TO
CHANGE AND DO NOT CONSTITUTE A "CALL" FOR ANY EPISODE OR DATE.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 16 STAGE 9
PRODUCTION MEETING 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM
TABLE READING 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
NOTES/REHEARSE 2:00 PM - 6:00 PM
SATURDAY, SEP 18 STAGE 9
REHEARSE 10:00 AM - ----
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 STAGE 9
REHEARSE 12:00*PM - 4:00 PM
RUN-THRU 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 STAGE 9
BLOCK *10:00 AM - 3:30 PM
LUNCH *3:30 PM - 4:30 PM
BLOCK/SHOOT *4:30 PM - 7:00 PM
SHOOT STAND-UP *7:00 PM - -
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 STAGE 9
BLOCK/MAKEUP/HAIR/WARDROBE/SHOOT 12:30 PM - 6:12 PM
LUNCH 6:12 PM - 7:12 PM
AUDIENCE-IN 6:30 PM - 7:15 PM
AUDIENCE WARM-UP 7:15 PM - 7:30 PM
SHOOT SHOW 7:30 PM - ---
SHORT RUNDOWN
Page 1 of 2
SEINFELD Revision #1 (pink) 9/22/93
"The Bris"
Production No.: O4-O5O5 Director: Tom Cherones
ACT ONE - SCENE A (1)
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (1)
Jerry, Elaine, George, Stan,
Myra, (Steven)
ACT ONE - SCENE B (5)
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY (1)
Kramer, Patient, (2 Orderlies)
ACT ONE - SCENE C (6)
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM #2 - DAY (1)
Kramer
ACT ONE - SCENE D (7)
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (1)
Jerry, Elaine, George, Stan,
Myra, Kramer, (Steven)
ACT ONE - SCENE E (12)
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY (2)
Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer
ACT ONE - SCENE G (19)
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY (2)
Jerry, George, Kramer
ACT ONE - SCENE H (22)
INT. HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATION
OFFICE - DAY (2)
George, Mrs. Sweedler
ACT ONE - SCENE J (27)
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY (2)
Jerry, Kramer, Resident
ACT TWO - SCENE K (30)
INT. FLICKS' - DAY (3)
Jerry, Elaine, George, Kramer,
Stan, Myra, Mohel, *, *Man,
*Woman, (Steven)
SHORT RUNDOWN
Page 2 of 2
SEINFELD Revision #1 (pink) 9/22/93
"The Bris"
Production No.: O4-O5O5 Director: Tom Cherones
ACT TWO - SCENE L (41)
INT. GEORGE'S CAR - DAY (3)
Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer
ACT TWO - SCENE M (44)
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY (3)
Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer,
Mohel, Stan, Myra, (Pigman),
(Male Nurse), (Security Guards)
ACT TWO - SCENE N (48)
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY (4)
Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer,
Stan, Myra
*9/22/93
SEINFELD
"The Bris"
#O4-O5O5
CAST
JERRY.............................................JERRY SEINFELD
GEORGE............................................JASON ALEXANDER
KRAMER............................................MICHAEL RICHARDS
ELAINE.........................................JULIA LOUIS- DREYFUS
GUEST CAST
(in order of appearance)
STAN..............................................TOM ALLAN ROBBINS
MYRA..............................................JEANNIE ELIAS
PATIENT...........................................*FRANK NOON
MRS. SWEEDLER.....................................DEBRA MOONEY
RESIDENT..........................................JOHN GEGENHUBER
*MAN..............................................ALFRED DENNIS
*WOMAN............................................TIA RIEBLING
MOHEL.............................................CHARLES LEVIN
SEINFELD Revision #1 (pink) 1.
"The Bris" Sept 22 1993 (A)
(Jerry, Elaine, George,
Stan, Myra, (Steven))
ACT ONE
SCENE A
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (1)
JERRY, ELAINE AND GEORGE ARE VISITING WITH NEW PARENTS, MYRA AND
STAN FLICK AND THEIR BABY STEVEN. MYRA DISCREETLY BREASTFEEDS THE
BABY. STAN IS IN THE MIDST OF THE HARROWING BIRTH STORY, AS JERRY
AND ELAINE ALTERNATE BETWEEN BOREDOM AND SQUIRMING. GEORGE, SITS
BY THE WINDOW, STARING OUT, IGNORING THE PROCEEDING.
STAN
...And so the baby's head comes
out, and I'm screaming and my
brother who's been videotaping the
whole thing turns green, his eyes
roll up in his head and he blacks
out, drops the camera, the camera
breaks, then , the placenta comes
flying out.
ELAINE
Whoa.
STAN
And then doctor says...
JERRY
Thank you, that's enough.
JERRY AND ELAINE EXCHANGE GLANCE. MYRA IS BREAST FEEDING. JERRY
WINCES, HE CAN'T WATCH. HE IS VISIBLY UNSETTLED.
STAN
Will you look at that baby. Sucking like there's no tomorrow.
Just sucking away. Suck, suck, suck...
Jerry
(LOOKING AWAY) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
STAN
Look at that Jerry, look at that.
Sucking, sucking...
Jerry
Yeah, I looked. I saw.
STAN
This doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?
Jerry
Uncomfortable? Not at all. (ASIDE TO ELAINE) See your friend's
wife's breast sticking out - why would that make me
uncomfortable?
STAN
Look at him.
Jerry
How long do they do that?
STAN
Oh, a year or two.
Jerry
No break?
STAN
Then comes the weaning.
Jerry
So after the sucking, comes the weaning.
Elaine
First the sucking then the weaning.
Jerry
Well, you gotta wean.
STAN
Gotta wean.
Elaine
It's a must wean situation.
PAUSE.
George
What about that spot I got?
Jerry
Yeah, that's a great spot.
George
You open the door to the car, boom, you walk right into the
hospital. You can't beat that spot. I'm on a roll. I am just
willing these great parking spots. In front of my house. In front
of Jerry's building. Did I tell you about the spot in front of
the post office?
Jerry
Yes.
George
I'm driving to the post office.
Jerry
(INTERRUPTING) George.
George
Maybe the baby would like to see my spot. A positive, uplifting
message to start his life out with. You can still get a great
space in this town - if you apply yourself.
Jerry
Where's KRAMER? He should've been here by now.
Elaine
Did you give him the room number?
Jerry
Yes, 1397.
CUT TO:
(Kramer, Patient, Orderlies)
ACT ONE
SCENE B
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY 1
KRAMER, WANDERING.
KRAMER
1937, 1937, 1937...
A WANDERING PATIENT STOPS HIM
PATIENT
Excuse me. Do you know where the staircase is?
KRAMER LOOKS AROUND.
KRAMER
Uh.. over there...
PATIENT SMILES AND EXITS. KRAMER WALKS A BIT FURTHER AND FINDS
WHAT HE THINKS IS THE STAN'S ROOM.
KRAMER (CONT'D)
1937.
HE ENTER THE ROOM. TWO ORDERLIES RUN DOWN THE HALL, FRANTICALLY
SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE.
CUT TO:
ACT ONE
SCENE C
INT HOSPITAL ROOM #2 - DAY 1
KRAMER LOOKS AROUND. THERE IS A PATIENT BEHIND A CURTAIN. OUTSIDE
THE CURTAIN IS A TRAY OF FOOD. HE PICKS UP THE TRAY. KRAMER IS
HUNGRY AND LIKES HOSPITAL FOOD TO BOOT. AS HE STUFF HIS FACE, HE
BECOMES AWARE OF A STRANGE SOUND EMANATING FROM BEHIND THE
CURTAIN. IT SOUNDS LIKE THE "OINK" OR "SQUEAL" OF A PIG. HIS
CURIOSITY GETTING THE BEST OF HIM, WITH HIS MOUTH FULL, HE STEPS
INSIDE THE PARTITIONED AREA. A BEAT. THEN HE COMES BURSTING OUT,
SPITTING FOOD AND SCREAMING.
KRAMER
Pig man! It's a pig man! Pig man!
CUT TO:
(Jerry, Elaine, George, Stan, Myra, Kramer (Steven)
ACT ONE
SCENE D
INT HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 1
STAN
..So anyway, Jerry and Elaine, we have something we want to ask
you.
GEORGE
Look at it. I pulled it in perfectly equidistant from the car in
front of me and the car behind me.
Jerry
Will you shut up.
Elaine
I'm taking a cab home. I can't take it anymore.
Jerry
So what were you about to say, Stan?
STAN
Myra and I would like you and Elaine to be the Godparents of
Steven.
Elaine
Wow.
Jerry
Me? A godfather?
STAN
Yes.
Jerry
(A LA DON CORLEONE) Never go against the family, Elaine.
Elaine
What?
KRAMER ENTERS.
KRAMER
The pig-man! I saw a pig-man! He was just lying there and then he
woke up. He looked up at me and made this horrible sound (MAKES
SOUND).
George
Kramer, what the hell are you talking about?
KRAMER
I'm talking about the pigman, George. I went into the wrong room
and there he was.
George
A pigman?
KRAMER
Yes, a pigman. Half pig, half man.
Elaine
That's nice, Kramer... So, anyway, what exactly is involved in
being a Godparent?
Jerry
(A LA DON CORLEIONE) Elaine, don't ever ask me about my
business!.... (SHEEPISH) "Godfather."
MYRA
Nothing really.
STAN
The most important thing is to help with the bris.
Jerry
The bris?
Elaine
The bris?
KRAMER
A bris? you mean snip snip?
STAN
Yeah.
KRAMER
I would advise against that.
Elaine
Kramer. It's a tradition.
KRAMER
Well, so was sacrificing virgins to appease the gods, but we
don't do that anymore.
Jerry
Well, maybe we should.
George
Why are all those people milling around my car?
KRAMER
I don't know.
Jerry
Maybe they're admiring your spot.
KRAMER
No. They're all looking up.
George.
Oh my god, there's somebody on the roof of the hospital.
KRAMER
Whoa. That's the guy who asked me where the staircase was.
George
Jeez, I
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