New Words for the 90s
Here are Some New Words for the 90s, many of which we can readily
import into widespread daily usage:
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on,
looking for references to one's own name.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found
on computer keyboards.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.
Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a big mistake.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in
a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.
Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.
Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for
losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of
postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb
success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than
working hard.
Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their
beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by
physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of
speech in mid-sentence.
Midair Passenger Exchange: Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for
a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly
followed by "aluminum rain."
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of
an electronic device to get it to work again.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
shits over everything and then leaves.
Umfriend: A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is uh..
Phillip, my...um...friend..."
Contributions can be sent to d.cohen@pgrad.unimelb.edu.au
or paigowdion@hotmail.com
The E-Mail Humour Resource Center