John Woo's Once A Thief
Episode 11: That Old Gang Of Mine
Remember: I want them alive. Only a father can deal with wayward children.
[ rap music playing ]
It's not like the old days any more around here. Things are changing...fast.
Look, Papa Janczyk told me himself. Jackie's calling the shots now. And if things don't go Jackie's way, people get dead. And that's how things are going to be from now on.
[ squeaking ]
I hate these scopes. Can never tell what the hell you're looking at. There's something definitely wrong here. They're not your ordinary crime family.
Hi.
So, like...who are you?
I'm Mac.
Are you Tawnii's brother? She was looking for you downstairs.
Like, Tawnii's brother, yeah.
You know what?
She never told me you'd be so...old.
You know what? She never told me that you were so... uh, babe-acious.
[ giggling ] So you want to?
What?
No one's going to catch us.
Oh, my god! You know, I'm kind of old-fashioned. Could we maybe have a little warm-up period?
Mmm, that is so amazing. Mmm.
Mmm-hmmm-hmmm. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
So, like, can you even give one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now?
So, like... not really. Allow me to introduce myself. I represent someone who your family really needs to do 2some business with.
Cool. Who?
The Tang family.
The grape drink people?
No, actually, it's orange. And no, um... the Tang family
-- You know, I think I studied about them last week. Major Hong Kong crime family. Its patriarch...oh, one of the most powerful criminal figures in Asia. Estimated assets: 450 million? 550 million. So, I guess we need to talk.
We?
Sure. I'm Jackie Janczyk, and I run the Janczyk family now.
Oh. Oof!
Action!
Today's assignment: the Janczyk crime family.
Excuse me...um, are we missing someone?
And that would be?
Oh, I don't know, um... Mac.
Bad clams.
Bad clams?
Yeah, poor baby called in sick. He ate batch of bad clams, won't be able to work.
Let's hope it's systemic.
The Janczyk family... as crime families go, they have been one of the more benign. It's because old Papa Janczyk's a little old-fashioned. So until now, they've largely avoided the heavy stuff, drugs, murder, et cetera.
That's changing?
He's possibly out of the picture. I want the reason. So I guess an ex-cop and an ex-mob chick ought to be able to get me some cold, hard facts. Yes? No? Yes?
Bad clams?
Music: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
Go, go, go, go.
You sexy man
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Jackie! Hey, J.J.!
Uncle Maury, I told you... don't call me J.J. any more. I'm all grown up now.
Yeah, sure, Jackie, anything you want.
So what's the scoop on our prisoner?
Well, his story sort of holds up. Mac Ramsay was sort of tight with tang. But, uh, things went wrong. And there was bad blood. And Ramsay disappeared.
Well, that's it? That's all you got?
Jackie, I can't just pick up the phone and ask the Tangs for an update.
Don't make me mad.
I'll do better.
Ok.
Music: And to feel some affection
And love
Baby
Now I want to hear how Mac-man got onto the grounds.
Well, uh, my investigation isn't finished, but, uh... the men on duty last night are going to be disciplined.
Well, you know what? I want you to throw them in the basement for a week. And don't feed them, either. And I want you to blast the Go Girls at them nonstop, because old people hate that music. Oh, my god! These sugar bombs are not cold enough.
I'm sure your bowl was in the freezer for the usual 24 minutes!
Ok... [ gunshot ]
Ugh!
[ giggling ] Shut up.
Music: And to feel
Some affection and love...
You brought me to a peep show? There's an explanation for this, right?
Lust and loneliness.
You know what I mean.
Look, it's just we got nothing so far, all right? It's just a contact. It's an old friend of mine.
He couldn't meet us at Starbucks or something.
Hi, heh-heh.
Oof! Bye. Where the hell are you taking me?
Look, it's not what you think. Ok, it's in here.
Hey!
Whoa! Sorry. It's, actually, it's in here. Ahem.
Enjoy.
You're joking, right? So the guy's in there?
Well, there's an old snitch in here, yeah. Wait. All right.
Ha, well, hello, detective.
Hi, Ivy.
Who's the babe?
Oh, Ivy, this is Li Ann. We...we work together.
Isn't that cute? That's what he'd say about us. Well, you know, Vic, I get paid to work, so I got to do my thing.
That won't be necessary.
Oh, no, company time, honey. The boss could be watching. Oh, sorry, boys and girls, but here we pay as we play.
She's charming.
Well, maybe if you let me do the talking. Li Ann. Thank you.
Man. I'll need a receipt for that.
No, I don't think they give them in here.
Welcome back.
Ivy, honey, we're here about the Janczyks.
I do have a special client. He's one of the Janczyk grunts, so it's just a rumour. Oops.
Oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Ahem.
This time get to the point.
You have reached level three.
So?
So, word is the old man is losing his marbles. Someone else is running the ship.
Who? There's a brother. Is there a M...
Maury.
Maury?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Vic, get with the times. It's the daughter, Jackie. Fresh out of prep school. The late-breaking news is that she's dealing with someone from a Hong Kong crime family.
Which Hong Kong crime family?
The Tangs.
Oh.
I guess you know them, huh?
Music: Dance, we can dance, have a soul romance
Hi, guys. I said hi. Hello.
Music: Dance, we can dance, have a soul romance
So, like, I checked you out, and guess what.
What?
You're who you say you are. So I guess we can talk. Mmm. So, like, I was thinking. You know, like, if, uh, if the Tangs wanted to work with us, then like, what were you doing in my bedroom?
Honestly?
Hmph, yeah.
Um, we like to know who we're dealing with. I was trying to break into your computer files. Information is power. You've heard that before?
Like, yeah, like, that is so good. You know, like, I'm going to remember that, because, you know, I'm still learning how to be a mob boss.
Yeah, um, how did that...happen?
Well, you know, dad's like a little lulu, right? The age thing -- I'm his only kid, and like, he wants me to run the family, and I'm like duh! Ha, are you crazy? I'm only 18. Well, like, well, yeah, he is. He is crazy.
Really?
Sometimes it's a hassle with school, and, like, my social life and stuff.
School?
Yeah, like, so I got a tutor, and like I'm majoring in sociology. And basically it's about, like, why people are who they are and live where they live, and, like, are basically screwed and stuff.
Oh, so it's like, when you're not killing people and dealing drugs and hookers, you're, you're studying about how people are basically screwed?
I get to go to dances.
Oh, oh, yeah.
And, like, as for the killing and the drugs and stuff? I mean, like, Papa didn't think it was such a great idea. I mean, he's so white-collar, right? Whoa, and then I saw this movie called The Godfather. It's, like, so boring until people start, like, killing people and dealing drugs and stuff. And like, I'm thinking, well, like, we could do that! And like now we are, and it's totally cool, and now you're here.
So, it's like, my family has a lot of expertise, too, in killing and shooting, and you know, dealing. I think we can, like, help you out.
Cool, but, like, what's in it for you?
Heh, heh, um... we, it's just, like, it's so rad. Right?
Yeah, cool. Well, you know what? I got to do my homework. But like, you seem, like, totally cool. So, I'll let you go, ok? But, like, we'll meet here tomorrow, right?
Yeah, ok, ok, here.
Yeah, ok.
All right. What did you ever see in that woman?
Ivy's got a great personality all right?
And not to mention how sweet and wholesome she is.
Li Ann, that's so cold.
So how close were you, huh?
Listen, you work vice, you meet a lot of interesting people.
Yeah, right.
And why would you be so interested in my past relationships, anyway? I mean, we're over, right?
Now more than ever.
End of discussion.
End of discussion.
Hey, Li Ann. Chuckles.
Hey, Mac. Feeling better? Too bad.
Now listen up. Mac was not on sick leave. I assigned him to go inside the Janczyk estate to find out what was happening first-hand. Of course, the idea was not to get caught. When he didn't return, I sent you two in to ask around. Now, apparently the sudden sea change in Papa Janczyk's mode of operation can be attributed to--
His daughter, Jackie.
Ah. Score one for the word in the gutter.
Yeah, and she's, like, oh, my god, really scary.
That may explain why she's dealing with the Tangs.
Why, Mac, what have you been telling Jackie?
You said you were with the Tangs?
I don't think that Mac would ever admit to doing something as foolish as bringing the Tangs into this...like, really. Mac?
I had to... or I was dead.
You're dead as soon as the godfather hears about this.
50 bucks for his e-mail address right now.
How's he going to find out? He's on the other side or the world. Relax -- it's, like, no problem. Ok?
Room service? This is Mr. Tang in the penthouse suite. My party has just arrived from Hong Kong and we are very hungry. Would you be so kind as to send up a menu? Ah, thank you very much.
We need to talk. You told that cop about the tangs. Yeah, cop. I recognized the guy. What, you don't know the rooms are tapped?
Look, Vic is off the force. And besides, I only told him what you told me. So I mentioned the Tang name. So sue me.
Jackie Janczyk will do a lot worse than just sue you. Don't you understand? She's crazy like her old man and a lot more dangerous.
So don't tell her. Already have. It's my job. But don't worry. She says you can make it up to her. Better not mess up, because there's no second chance.
I'm giving you 24 hours to find out who has been using the Tang name and why. Talk to your contacts. Use anyone and everyone. Find this person or people. While you're doing that, I have a personal matter to deal with. Something long overdue.
Mac, I knew you were reckless, but the Tangs?
What was I supposed to do, tell Jackie I'm checking her out for some shadowy government agency?
Yeah, but what if the Tangs are drawn in? What if we have to go up against the godfather again? I mean, haven't we caused him enough pain?
We did what we had to do, you know that.
You know, we owe him a lot. He saved me from a life on the street. He brought you in. He treated you like a son.
I know, and then when we want to leave the family, he wants us killed.
Mac, we betrayed him.
Li Ann-- how? We only wanted out. How is that betrayal? Don't we get to choose our own lives?
I just hope he doesn't find out we're still alive. Not for our sake, but for his.
Miss janczyk requests the pleasure of your company.
Pleasure. After you.
[ door closing ]
Ivy.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought you were them.
Who's them?
The Janczyks. The Tangs, maybe. I don't know. They know that I talkked to you. They're going to kill me because they know that I talked to you. Vic, you never should have come to my booth.
Hello.
Hi. So, like, I was bored. I thought, maybe you'd like to come swimming or bounce on the trampoline. Or if you want to go someplace, I bought the Santa Claus parade, and I've got these cool floats. And we've got, like, elves and reindeer and stuff. It's, like, totally cool. It's the best place to get away.
Please forgive my impertinence, Miss Janczyk. I am Mr. Tang.
Ok, hi.
It has been brought to my attention that an impostor has come to you... that this man has been using the Tang name to influence you. He is not a member of my family.
Ok.
Stop shooting! I want him alive.
Cool it.
Ahhh!
Considering my investment in you, I suppose it is a good thing that you got out of there alive. Sort of. On the other hand, you see, your death would have sent Mr. Tang back to Hong Kong and got us out of this mess we're now in. So... dead or alive, dead or alive, what to do, what to do? I think dead.
[ laughing nervously ] It's a joke.
[ gunshot ]
Oh, just stay still.
Oh, my--
I get upset when my agents do rash, impulsive, dangerous things that jeopardize an operation. Sometimes when that happens I feel the need to let off a little steam, you understand?
Yeah, sure. I mean, some people jog, right? You shoot your employees.
Now, there may be a way out of this. You see, despite what you two have done to Mr. Tang in the past, he seems to have a soft spot for you. However baffling this is to me, it is a weakness I may be able to exploit.
Exploit how? He wants us dead.
Maybe. But he also cares for you, both of you. So, I think we could leverage his emotions to help us work against Jackie Janczyk. We just play one family off against the other, sit back, and watch them destroy themselves.
It won't work.
You haven't even heard the plan.
It won't work.
You mean you won't make it work.
You have noticed that the Tangs are on the opposite side now, right? I mean, we did what we had to do, but we can't go back.
I ought to shoot at you more often. See, Mac understands the lay of the land, whereas you seem to have allowed personal matters to cloud your judgment. I suggest you think through the consequences and re-evaluate your position.
It won't work.
Ivy, I'm so sorry I got you into this.
Yeah, well. Something always told me I'd get messed up with you again.
Messed up? What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, you know what it means. But don't worry about it. Nothing ever works out anyways, so why bother?
Ivy.. I had to leave the force. And I had to let go of everything that was part of that life, including you.
Forget it. It's not like we were going to get married anyway. Come on, we're not the kind. I mean, come on, can you really see us at the church picnics and the PTA meetings, me with a baby bouncing on my knee and you carving our Christmas turkey?
No. I can't see that.
Not even with the babe?
Li Ann, we work together.
Right, right, that's why you got such a kick out of making her jealous in my booth. Look, I am living proof that what we do and what we want usually don't match up.
These days, I... I can't think about what I want.
Well, then, let me do the thinking for us.
Ivy... Ivy.
I could just, like, hurl. And he was, like, so cute. Anyway, gotta plan. Guess what it is.
Believe me, I couldn't.
This is, like, so exciting. It's just like in the movies. We're going to hit the mattresses. We're going to go to war.
What?
Yeah, a gang war with the Tangs. Oh, what to wear?
Are you crazy?
Ok, no, I'm not.
Ow!
Ok, you know what? I want you to tell everybody we're meeting in 20 minutes, ok? And you're taking care of the other thing, are you? All right, now, run along. [ chuckling ] I love this job.
He raised us -- that means something to you, right? He's like a father to us.
I feel the same way about him as you do, but if we take ourselves out of this, the agency assigns another team -- Murphy and Camier, for instance -- and he winds up dead... and dishonoured. I'm trying to protect him.
Why didn't you say anything about this before?
When? In front of the director? Come on.
Ivy. This may not be a good idea.
That never stopped us before.
You're right. Sweetheart. You know this is a mistake.
It wouldn't be our first one.
Oh...
We got away! I can't believe it. We got away. God, Vic, that was great.
But not exactly in the plans. You set me up.
No, I didn't. No, Vic, I couldn't do that.
Why did you do it?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but they said they would kill me if I didn't.
They're going to kill you anyway. How did they get to me?
Uh... one of Janczyk's people saw you at the club. They think you're working with some con man who says he's with the Tangs.
Mac.
What?
Nothing, I'm just swearing.
Please... please help me. Please, Vic, they're going to come after us again.
Remember, I want them alive. Only a father can deal with wayward children.
[ gunshot ]
What the hell is this?
Hi. It's, like, a gang war, and you know what?
What?
Sit, sit, sit. Our side is winning by a mile now that we got you, babe.
Are you mad?
No. Actually, I'm quite happy.
Do you have any idea what you're getting into?
Boring. Why don't you come with me and we'll go have some fun, 'kay? Come on. You're really cute as a button. You should smile more. Thank you.
Victor, the last agent who brought a civilian in here is, well, his prognosis is not very good.
Vic, what is this place?
She won't be safe anywhere else.
Aww, but you know, when somebody plays one of my agents like a fiddle I am quick to notice. Ms. Moen, you are quite a piece of work. Oh, I almost forgot: Mr. Tang has entered the fray.
He's in town?
Mac and Li Ann are disobeying my orders by continuing to pursue the case.
Vic--
Wait a second. You pulled them off?
Question of divided loyalties, so Murphy and Camier have taken over.
You sent in the cleaners?
Not me. I'd say a mutually destructive gang war is now inevitable. Although the prevailing agency wisdom is that Mr. Tang's death will accelerate events.
You're giving Mac and Li Ann a chance to save him. Of course with some plausible deniability built in, just in case.
Well, as you know, Vic, Mr. Tang's demise would not be in my best interests. His presence provides a rather strong motivating factor for two of my agents. I'm not very eager to lose that. Our source tells me that the festivities are taking place at the Santa Claus parade warehouse. Weston and the 401. And by the way, Ms. Moen can stay here.
Would you please tell me what is going on here?
I find you very interesting, Ms. Moen.
Isn't it great? It's like Christmas all year round in here.
What exactly are you doing?
Just having fun. So you're not Mac's real father, are you?
No, I am not.
Ok, so that would be nurture, not nature. Now, maybe I shouldn't have shot my tutor after all, hmm?
I see that you and Mac are very much alike.
Yeah, I thought so too, when I first met him. It was like, whoa, soul mate. I mean, it's like we knew each other before, like, in another life, like, 500 years ago. I was this great writer, and, like, he was a minstrel -- you know, the guys who play the flute? And, like, we wrote hit songs together, and it would just be, like, so cool. Or not. What do you mean, we're alike?
Both subject to the folly of youth. Thinking yourselves indestructible, never understanding your mistakes.
Please, I do not make mistakes.
Then, like Mac, you will never learn. That is why you have both strayed from your family's ways and dishonoured your fathers.
What's this?
I don't know.
Nothing.
So... do you want to do business or not?
I do not deal with amateurs.
Nice try. But getting me angry won't work here, Mr. Tang, because I am in complete control.
You overestimate your capacity to handle power.
Like, oh, my god, you are so old-fashioned and way too serious.
Young lady, you may think you understand--
Are you just going to, like, stand there and lecture me? Snooze alert. I don't have to deal with this stuff. Ok? Ok, so here's the deal. I think my family needs to expand, and I know that Asia is, like, a mega-place to do business right now. And your family is the fastest way into Asia for my family. So you give us, like, 60% of your assets, and we'll have a friendly takeover. Otherwise. I got to kill you.
Ha, ha, then kill me. The Tang family is much bigger than one man, and it will flourish long after I'm gone. Your failure to understand that means you can never defeat us.
[ playing pop goes the weasel ]
You are in over your head.
There are two choices: quick death or a short demise. Any preferences?
[ explosion ]
It's the Tangs. Kill the bloody creeps.
Spicer! Karl? Where the hell are you guys? Come on, Lou. Quit fooling around. Jackie!
Listen, I'm really sorry about that bad foot.
Put it down!
Ok, what the hell is going on here?
Jackie, could you, like, put the gun down, please?
Who the hell are you?
Stand clear if you please, miss.
Who the hell are you people? This is my party. You better pay attention to me.
You wouldn't kill a fellow agent. More than once?
Thanks.
I never did much care for guns.
Things are a lot more complicated than you think, but they could be worse. If you kill him, I will kill you.
[ screaming ] Oh, god... I don't know what to do.
College is an option. In the meantime, why don't you stand beside the creepy guy.
Like, which one?
Kill me, or this is not over.
What can I say? How can we make amends?
You turned against me. You killed my son, and now you dishonour me by using my name -- your name -- to bring down these petty thieves. And you ask for forgiveness? Because of you, there is no more forgiveness in my heart. Just the suffering you've caused me. There is only one way to bury this pain.
We're going to go now. Kill us on your way out.
Aww. Three little kittens have lost their mittens. What is this, wallowing in self-pity? Regrets over lives that might have been? Loves lost? Yeah, well, it's funny the way things turn out, isn't it? Instead of Mac and Li Ann being happily married, living a life of luxury off the Tang family fortune... or Vic and Ivy settled down in some cute little bungalow with a white picket fence. Here you all are, working for some shadowy government agency, with a woman you suspect to be mad running your miserable little lives. Ah, feh, you'll get over it. All right, then, moving right along. We have a fascinating case involving a group of transsexual seal tamers that the agency has reason to believe are plotting to blow up Greenland. Mac, the seal tamers will be flying in from Guam this afternoon. You will be the chauffeur. Vic and Li Ann will pose as the king and queen of Greenland. Li Ann will be king. Vic will be the queen. You'll be flying to Sweden after the meeting to undergo your sex change operations. And Mac, you'll be flying to Scotland to be surgically altered into a seal, after which you'll be trained to balance a ball on your nose and clap your flippers. Do hope you like fish, mac.
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