SWANS CROSSING- HOLD ON TO SIXTEEN
by Christopher Angelo
(c) 1998
Episode #1: "A CERTAIN GIRL"
CAUTION! This story contains some profanity and mature subjects.
CHARACTERS
Sydney Rutledge -- Ringleader
Garrett Booth -- Boyfriend
Mila Rosnovsky -- Child Actress
Nancy Robbins -- Great Pretender
Glory Booth -- Garretts younger sister
JT Adams -- Techno-Geek
Owen Fowler -- Music Geek
Rich Macpherson -- Villain
Amanda Hutton -- Target of villain
Lisa Haggstrom -- Junior class president
Sandy Swan -- Underdog
Callie Walker -- Grownie to be
Jimmy Clayton -- Ex-boyfriend
Neil Atwater -- Come on Doctor Neil, no time for love
Lila Ignacio -- Awkward chic
JAZ -- Hey...I said non-alcoholic
TIME: April 1994. Before the junior dance, a crucial turning point
for many of the characters.
ACT ONE
INT.-CAR-NIGHT
It is April, 1984. Tom Brentwood and Cristina Vasquez are making out.
CRISTINA. Oh, Tommy.....
TOM. You like that, dont you, baby.
CRISTINA. [Purrs]
TOM. You know, Ive been waiting for a night like this for a long time.
CRISTINA. [Kisses Tom] So have I, baby. So have I.
TOM. Youre not like all the other ones. You are like imported wine.
CRISTINA. I would never expect that coming out of a guy like you.
TOM. Oh, really. This high school quarterback type.
CRISTINA. Eggs...actly.
TOM. Well, Cristina. Mine is much more than just a set of arms.
CRISTINA. Im sure.
TOM. Oh...so you want to sample an exhibit.
Tom takes off his shirt
CRISTINA. Wait a second, Tom.
TOM. What..whats the matter. Whats stopping us.
CRISTINA. My mother would ground me for the rest of my teenage life.
TOM. I dont understand...is she going to examine you.
CRISTINA. I just dont think its time now. Maybe next year.
TOM. Or the year after that, or maybe even two years later.
CRISTINA. Its not like Im doing this on purpose. Im scared
goddamnit.
TOM. Just follow my lead.
He starts to take off dress.
CRISTINA. Asshole. Did you not hear me?
TOM. What. Are you afraid of becoming a woman?
A PAUSE
CRISTINA. No. But Im afraid of you, Tom.
TOM. Just relax, baby.
CRISTINA. I said no!
TOM. Come on, baby. This is all you.
He starts to take off the dress, and then she slaps him.
A demonic look emerges from Toms eyes.
Tom rips off her dress.
She screams.
INT.-SCH AUDITORIUM-DAY
JT. Black..
GLORY. Francis.
JT. How original!
GLORY. [Nudges his shoulder] Okay! My turn!
GLORY. Serpentine...
JT. Voodoo priestess.
GLORY. [Lifts eyebrows] Aunt Jemima
JT. Buckwheat boy.
GLORY. Stink
JT. Permeating.
GLORY. [Laughs] Oh, my God.
Rich Macpherson passes by, ready to begin.
RICH. Random? [Referring to their game]
JT. [Nodding his head] Yeah. Its a game.
RICH. [Firmly] As In...Random Perversion?
JT. [Stares at Rich wickedly]
RICH. How can we blame you...
RICH. Buckyball must have his toys..
JT. [Continues to stare]
RICH. And fetishes.
JT. Hay, Rich?
RICH. Yes, JT
JT. [Tries to hold himself in] Why dont you just start your thing?
RICH. [Laughs] Relax, JT. After all, this good life is too short to
be serial.
Rich walks up to center stage to begin the meeting.
GLORY. Im sure he didnt mean those things.
JT. Thats not the thing, Glory. Its just that...like..
JT. One minute hes watching your back, and then he wants to start
something.
GLORY. Thats just the way he is.
JT. I dont know. Ive like...never seen this side of him before.
And hes been like that for the past couple of weeks....plus, you know
he isnt joking about the things he says, either. Hes just...evil.
GLORY. Hes practically bankrupt.
A PAUSE
GLORY. Maybe if we didnt hang out with Lisa so much.
JT. [Stares at Glory] Now, youre evil.
GLORY. Hah...
RICH. Okay, lets get this ordeal over with, shall we?
RICH. First of all, I would like to thank all of you for taking some
of your spare time to help us out. As you know, spring formal is
within itself a red-letter occasion in ones junior year. I see that
most of you are juniors, members of SG (Student Government) no doubt...
but I also see a few sophomores in the crowd. Glory Booth...Chanell
Watson...and Cynthia Brody to name a few.
GLORY. [With hope] He included me.
JT. Ah-phhh!
RICH. All I can say for the...sophomores...underclassmen...is that
your dedication reflected in this years work can only mean.....
prosperity in the future.
JT and Glory exchange stares.
RICH. And without further ado, Lisa Haggstrom.
Rich extends his hand back, signaling Lisa.
Pulls a paper out of her pocket
LISA. Right, of course. The list. I had it in my pants pocket while
I was babysitting my little sister. But..here it is...
RICH. [Snatching paper] Balloons? Whos got balloons?
LISA. Its actually a list of different jobs...you can just raise your
hand if ya want.
RICH. We need...two balloon-heads.
LILA. [Raises hand] Ill blow balloons.
And everybody starts laughing. The SC Music plays
INT.- WOMENS APPAREL-DAY
Nancy stands in front of the mirror while Sydney stands behind her; a
typical scenario for two kids goin to the ole junior hop.
SYDNEY. Hmmm..
NANCY. Do you hate it? [Turns around with a cringe in her eyes]
SYDNEY. You want my personal synopsis?
NANCY. Preferably...
SYDNEY. Well. I always say you should cover your ass. And this dress
isnt doing that.
NANCY. What do you mean? This dress goes all the way down to my legs.
SYDNEY. No, Nancy. What I mean is...it just doesnt give your backside
that... firmness.
NANCY. Firmness? Are you trying to say that Im flabby?
SYDNEY. [Sighs] Youre suffering from osteoperosis.
NANCY. Oh...that one. Excuse me for a second.
Nancy walks back into the dressing room, ready to cry, or pull a
Nancy, or just plain carry on.
NANCY. For Chrissakes! [Sighs]
SYDNEY. When you shop for a dress...especially for a guy-type
occasion...you cant budge on the first try-on.
NANCY. It doesnt matter....I dont even have a date.
SYDNEY. Well find you someone. Who needs Mitch, anyway?
NANCY. My libido.
SYDNEY. Im telling you something. That kid was so idiotic that not
even MTV NEWS could penetrate him. Now...are you going to come out and
try on....
SYDNEY. Hmmm.....
She tries to resolve the situation as Buffy, or perhaps, Marcia Brady,
would.
SYDNEY. [Points to a dress on a rack] That one?
NANCY. I think thats the one I was looking at before. But it just
looked like... some kind of rag or something. It just totally
surpassed....
SYDNEY. I think itll look great. If only you could come out.
INT.-CLOSET-DAY
NANCY. [Bangs her head against the closet door]
SYDNEY. What harm could it do?
NANCY. Much.
INT.-WOMENS APPAREL-DAY
SYDNEY. Dont you feel sorta silly in there.
Some guy passes by and laughs
NANCY. Not really.
The guy laughs again, just to be an asshole, with his two friends;
maybe freshmen.
NANCY. Whos laughing at me...?
SYDNEY. [Sighs] If you dont come out, I will. And you know me,
right?
NANCY. You wouldnt laugh, now, would ya?
SYDNEY. [Starts to laugh] I can see it now....Nancy Robbins replaces
Mr. Han as chief librarian.
NANCY. Dont say it.
SYDNEY. What a life! You, and your kids..and then your
grandchildrens kids.
Nancy walks out of the closet.
NANCY. Give me the damn dress, Sydney. Before I decide to....[cant
finish]
SYDNEY. Boil in with the cockroaches?
NANCY. Right
Sydney walks over and gets the dress
SYDNEY. All that bitchin for nothin. You know, Nancy. Maybe you
should consult a professional. Preferably a neurosurgeon before the
psychiatrist.
NANCY. [Sighs] I wonder if this thing is an ultimate test in my
endurance skills.
SYDNEY. No, Nancy. You mean a two for one special at the Cheshire Cat.
Nancy closes the dressing room door
GARRETT. [Walking in with a suit] Well, I got my garb. What about
Janis Joplin?
SYDNEY. Shes still in there.
GARRETT. Really? Hay Nancy!
INT.-CLOSET-DAY
NANCY P.O.V.:
GARRETT. Dont forget to wear panties under that.
NANCY. Shut the hell up!
SYDNEY. Shes at a very crucial point, right now.
GARRETT. Ill bet. Oh, God...not again.
SYDNEY. What is it?
Garrett takes out his beeper
GARRETT. [Examining the device] Jesus, Christ. Its Jonathan Adams.
Hes calling from his office in Dover. What the hell does he want?
SYDNEY. Maybe he just wanted to stimulate your receptors.
GARRETT. If youre referring to the fact that my beeper is on
vibrate....
NANCY. Oh, my God! You guys are disgusting.
GARRETT. Hay, make sure your tail doesnt automatically lift up the
back of your dress.
NANCY. Meanwhile you can kiss my ass.
GARRETT. [Laughs] God, looks like Miss Nancy is having a panic attack.
SYDNEY. Did you ever think about what her fashion consultant is
experiencing?
GARRETT. Did..you want me to watch her for you?
SYDNEY. No, Garrett. I think I can manage. I wasnt trying to render
myself helpless.
GARRETT. I just thought you needed a little break. What, youve been
probably running around all day..counseling Amanda...collecting
attendance folders....working in student government...with the shag
goin on and all that.
SYDNEY. Wrong answer, Booth.
GARRETT. So, what? Are you a mutant now or something?
SYDNEY. [Turned on] Yeah. Im a mutant. Arent you?
GARRETT. Once a mutant. Always a mutant.
A stupid conversation leads to a stupid, teenage kiss
NANCY. At least you could stop joshing me around and provide a little
scoop.
GARRETT. Phhh!
SYDNEY. [Starts laughing]
Nancy goes back in the closet and shuts the door.
INT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Everyone piles out, except Glory and JT
LISA. Just love to put me in the spotlight, dont you?
RICH. [Laughs] Now, come on, Lise. You know that if there was more
to say, I would of repositioned the stars to give you some air time.
LISA. Its not that.
LISA. [Quickly pulls Richs shirt] Its snatching away a piece of
paper like a pitbul; what do I look like, one of your kindergarten
students?
LISA. [Stares at Rich] Hmmm?
RICH. I wanted to have that thing before the meeting. You decide to
make your entrance ten minutes later, when Im about to start. I
mean, I thought you were on my side, goddmamnit. Or do you fail to
see the point?
LISA. [Folds arms] Im not failing to see anything.
RICH. Good. Then why dont you think about that while you and the
guys are putting together decorations.
LISA. Yeah. Well excuse me for living my life!!
And then the loveliest girl in Swans Crossing bolts out like a maniac.
JT. Nice to see you pushing the right buttons, Macpherson. I dont
know; Id have to give that a 9 in form; but we have to work on that
4 in originality.
RICH. Switch those numbers around, my man...and one will be able to
measure your Performance Standards.....which are original within
themselves.
JT. Excuse me?
GLORY. [Calming JT down] No, JT.
JT. No, Im curious. What type of Performance Standards were you
referring to?
RICH. I dont know, friend. Why dont you consult your mothe....
GLORY. [Breaking in swiftly] If you say what I think youre gonna say,
then Ill be the force to be reckoned with.
RICH LAUGHS OUT LOUD
RICH. [Wry] Did you think you could teach the old maestro a new tune,
Adams?
JT walks up to Rich, throwing a fit the best way he can
JT. You know what, Macpherson....
JT. You are so goddamn sardonic that.....youre evil, man. Youre
evil.
JT. You know it, too. You are a genuine assshole. And Im not afraid
to say it. Thats right, Im not. And you wanna know what?
RICH. [Almost ignoring him, doing his own thing] What, my man?
JT. I bet that you and that guy Tom Brentwood, from ten years ago;
youre probably the same person.
JT. Hell, you dont look seventeen. Everyone knows it, too. [To
Glory] I mean, look at this guy.
RICH. Have a nice day.....
JT. Im pretty much convinced that when its all through, youll
decompose.
RICH. [Laughs]
JT. And your bones....well theyll basically become chipped wet paint.
RICH. [Laughs louder]
JT. Asshole.
GLORY. [Not so happy] Come on, JT. Lets just go.
JT. And another thing, you can count me out ripping your stupid little
tickets. Get some other guy to do it.
GLORY. Lets just go.
JT makes up his mind, and leaves with his girlfriend
Leaving Rich to stare into the vastness.
INT.-SODA SHOP-DAY
MUSIC: Tailights Fade- Buffalo Tom
A man pours a bit of vodka into Sandys daiquiri.
MAN. Down the hatch...
.
SANDY. I thank you very much...
MAN. Do you drink a lot?
SANDY. [Shakes head] Only...everytime [Laughs] Thats just an
inside joke. You see, Im an aspiring songstretch.
MAN. A what?
SANDY. Songstress, rather....oh, wow! Guess Im whacked out of mind.
Does her best Maxwell Smart
SANDY. And, loving it.
MAN. Dont that lady ever hook you up?
SANDY. Hardly ever. This be a teen hangout. Like the Peach Pit on
90210.
MAN. Screw 90210.
SANDY. Screw Brenda. Im so glad shes leaving.
MAN. [Takes out smore vodka, pouring it] I do declare...sink
yourself a little bitlower.
SANDY. In the words of Vivian Leigh...Dont mind if I da.
MAN. [Pulls out a Jack Daniels] On the house.
MAN. [Passes it to Sandy]
SANDY. No, thats okay.
MAN. No. I want you to have it. I want you to take it because if
I have any more of that in my system, I shall surely collapse.
SANDY. Its your poison, for Gods sakes.
MAN. Come on Brenda. You trying to tell me you dont like it.
SANDY. [Taking the drink] Finagle me...why dont you.
SANDY. Moving right along....I dont think I ever got your name.
MAN. My names Mark Chappell.
SANDY. Oh my God...youre a...
MAN. Devil with a black suit on.
Seeing Jaz, she sticks the bottle of Jack in her purse.
JAZ. Hot fudge sundae....
SANDY. Take it back...
JAZ. Eschue me?
SANDY. I said, take it back...I think Im gonna hurl if I eat that.
JAZ. Well, I dont like these, and I aint tossin it. So I guess
youre gonna have to sit with it until it melts.
MAN. [Grabs a spoon] Thats quite all right. I myself am a big fan
of frozen treats.
JAZ. Yeah, well. This aint no dairy queen, palooka.
MAN. I love you, Jaz.
.
EXT.-SODA SHOP-DAY
LILA. The last time I was actually..like...openly humiliated....like
that...was when I....had that spazoid type attack in front of like..
my whole fifth grade class. I thought I was going to be found dead in
the hallway.
LISA. You shouldnt worry about things like that, Lila.
LILA. Life in general..for me is a...fretful experience.
LISA. You just have to...try to understand that Rich is...a really
big jerk, and that he cant help but make our flaws apparent so he
can look big in front of everyone else.
LILA. What. Did he like embarrass you, too?
LISA. Did you see the way he snatched the paper out of my goddamn
hands?
LILA. I guess I wasnt...[laughs] paying that much attention.
LISA. Rich just loves to latch himself onto other people. Hell go
so far as to make it some sort of Olympic sport. Look at the way he
conducts himself around Amanda.
LILA. You can say thats like...the most unkindest cut of all.
LISA. Yes. Hes just plain bad news. Oh, my God. You werent at
that poetry reading thing last week.
LILA. What, did Rich become obnoxious while everyone was reading
their poems?
LISA. Rich read a poem. To Amanda. It was Thirteen Ways of Looking
At a Blackbird, and he compared this....written work to his love for
Amanda.
LILA. He didnt exactly say those words, did he?
LISA. No, not really. But you could pretty much tell he was beating
around the bush. He said all these other things like...I just want
to thank you for being in my life and inspiring me so...Ay! Ay! Ay!
I just felt like I wanted to drown him after a while. Its like..you
dont understand. I just wanna have power over him..Id drown him!
LILA. Were you guys at a lakeside picnic or something?
Lila misunderstood what Lisa just said.
LISA. Its an expression, Lila. You know like, Drop The Soap...
"Drown you
LILA. Oh, my God. [Laughs] Im so stupid.
LISA. Its okay, Lila. Not everyone understands what it means.
LILA. No. You dont understand. Its as if, people expect me not
to like...get something when its pitched across. And then when I
actually do get it, then I have to permanently understand, like, every
cliche and expression for the rest of my natural life. Its harrowing.
LISA. Why do you concern yourself with doing what other people want
you to do?
LILA. Because Im..like paranoid or something.
LISA. [Laughs] Oh, my God. Come into Swans with me.
LILA. I dont think I have like...[laughs] enough money.
LISA. Its okay. You can pay me back in 1995....or something.
INT.-SWANS-DAY
Lisa and Lila walk inside the soda shop.
MUSIC: I Love You- by Yello.
LISA. [Singing] I Love you...I know.
LILA. What song is that?
LISA. The one theyre playing, ass wipe.
LILA. What?
LISA. Its a term of endearment, Li.
Some guy talks to Sandy
MAN. So, you keep auditioning and auditioning, and nobody thinks
youre good?
SANDY. [Kinda drunk] Theee..bottom line. But...who gives a crap.
Sandy Swanll shake it off.
MAN. How can one be rejected so many times? Its humanly impossible.
SANDY. I mean, its not entirely...impossible. People just dont
wanna associate their interests with your..personality, I guess. Isnt
that what your voice is? [Laughs] I dont know, me kinda drunk, as
you can ascertain for yourself.
LISA. Oh my God, look at Swan. Shes a riot. [Laughs]
LILA. Whats...like....[Laughs] Oh, shes drunk.
SANDY. And look at people like Ani Difranco. Did she want her song
on regular freaking airplay? I dunno about that, do you? [Sings]
Roll With It Baby
LISA. [Screaming] Oh, my God!! Ch..rist!
LILA. Psstt..Sandy!
LISA. Lila. Whatd you do that for?
LILA. I just called her...whats wrong with that?
LISA. Oh my God, she may get kicked out!
LISA. I dont know, Lila. I think you just sounded the alarm.
LILA. No I didnt, Lisa. Jesus, you need to relax.
LISA. [Head in her hands] Oh, no!
SANDY. [Walking up to Lila] You rang?
LILA. Hi!
SANDY. Hey there, pilgrim!
LILA. [Laughs] You do realize youre completely wasted, right?
SANDY. [Burps] Most definitely. Whats it to you?
LISA. Its...absolutely...nothing. Nothing at all. [Giggles]
SANDY. So, you guys going to the dance?
LILA. Yeah.
SANDY. Is anyone gonna be singing...there? There has to be some
live music going on.
LILA. Ah..come to think of it, I think Mila Rosnovsky is supposed
to sing Black Sheep Boy by the Innocence.....
LISA. Lila, no...she didnt say that....you know.
SANDY. Mila is supposed to sing at tomorrow nights formal?
LISA. Supposedly. Its up to....Rich, really.
SANDY. No its not...up to him. Thats Owens territory, isnt it?
Rich assigned Owen to music, didnt he?
LISA. Well, yeah. In a way.
SANDY. [Grabs a Jack Daniels out of her purse] Not, in a way. Not
50% or 75% or maybe even 98%. He completely assigned that...[yelling]
asshole to music.
PAUSE
SANDY. Oh, this is betrayal at its highest level. Owen Fowler has
now managed to strip me away from the roadway to success, and stick me
on a pole somewhere. But you know what Im gonna do?
SANDY. Can you even guess what Im gonna do?
LILA. Like, whatever you do. Dont do it.
SANDY. Im gonna drown him. Thats what Im fixin to do. And he
should be delighted when I visit his cozy little cottage basement...
cause Im gonna totally ruin him..so much so that he wont be able to
process rhythms and beats any longer. Im gonna ruin him.
MAN. [Walking by] Ill let you know what I think about it tomorrow.
SANDY. [Kissing him on cheek] Youre a Doll . How would you like
to come to spring formal with me?
MAN. Well, Ill have to think about it.
SANDY. No. You must come with me now. It is an order from your Swan
commander.
MAN. I think youve had a little bit too much to drink.
SANDY. Thats what everyone keeps freaking telling me.
MAN. It was nice meeting you, Sandra.
SANDY. No, man. Wait...come back here. Please, for God sakes.....
please.
She puts her head in her hands as that possibly older man deserts her
SANDY. Oh, God. I have absolutely nobody.
Sober resolve.
SANDY. But in a few minutes...I will have...Owen the Fowler.
LILA. Wait..come on Sandy. You really shouldnt do this.
SANDY. Later, girls!
Sandy storms out of the shop in the hopes of chasing down her little
nightmare machine
LISA. You had to call her...
LILA. Its not as if I was the one who did all the screaming.
LISA. Youre so ignorant to peoples emotions. Have you ever taken
a stand before?
LILA. [A little upset] What are you talking about? A stand.....of
course Ive taken stands. Hasnt everyone?
LISA. Grow up.
The car starts up.
JAZ. Whats wrong with her?
LILA. I think she had a little bit too much to drink.
JAZ. [Storming out] Oh my God, shes drunk. Why dont you guys do
anything? Are you absolutely hopeless?
LISA. We were just gonna....
JAZ. [Storms out] Well, why dont you leave? Sandy!!!
EXT.-SHOP-DAY
LISA And where were you while the crisis was in progress?
JAZ. I have customers to take care of. The hell do I look like, Edna
Garrett.
LILA. Edna, who?
Jaz hops into her car
JAZ. Just shut up and stay in the shop. Watch it for me.
LILA. Jesus, Jaz.
JAZ. Thats what all the kids call me.
Jaz starts up her car and leaves. Light my Fire by the Doors plays
as she leaves.
LISA. What is happening to everyone in this city? Its like...
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Lisa walks into the shop
LISA. Goddamnit. What a crock.
That leaves Lila standing out in the middle of the parking lot, looking
at the other kids, their cars, all the boyfriends the other girls had,
and then looking into the storefront glass, and seeing herself in the
mirror.
INT.-SAJAS ROOM-DAY
Saja is talking on the phone to someone.
SAJA. Shes on her way to Fowlers house? Owen Fowler?
SAJA. Oh man! I told her not to resort to that. How could she go so
far as to inflict harm on someone.
EXT.-CADILLAC-DAY
MUSIC: Break On Through- The Doors
JAZ. I dont know. I heard her..she just said she was gonna drown him.
And then she bolted. It wasnt as though she made mention of
inflicting harm.
INT.-SAJAS ROOM-DAY
SAJA. Drowning another person is still bad...if you consider the
applications of the slang terminology. But I suppose Ill have to see
for myself. Goddamnit. I mean, gosh darnit. A thousand pardons.
Now..I will grab my light jacket, put on my Timberlands, and ride my
automobile over to the Fowler residence, where hopefully I can catch
up with her. Because Owens father is a big, strong man. And he
doesnt really know who Sandy is, nor is he aware of any of her problems.
That means there could be problems, because this is the stepfather.
Ill see you when I see you.
Saja hangs up the phone.
SAJA. How can she do that after all Ive told her.
He takes his jacket off the rack when Garrett walks in.
GARRETT. Need to ask you a favor.
SAJA. What, man. Make it quick. Gotta go.
GARRETT. No, no. I was just wondering if I could borrow your shirt
and jacket so I can do lunch with JTs father.
SAJA. [Putting on his shoes] JTs father?
GARRETT. Yeah. He wants me to meet him in Dover in a half hour.
SAJA. Fine. [He goes for the door] But dont start pullin out all
my old magazines.
GARRETT. Hey, thats private property.
SAJA. [Slams the door]
GARRETT. Im all by myself in your room, Saj..
GARRETT. Without any breakable toys!!
INT.-MACPHERSON APARTMENT-DAY
Rich walks in, seemingly in a demonic trance.
RICH. [Laughs] The spring formal.
RICH. [Laughs] A momentous occasion within itself, I must say.
RICH. Posh gowns, spiked punch, and ...most importantly...
Rich pulls out a notebook, and writes
Rich puts notebook away
RICH. Minimal security. [Laughs]
RICH. Spring formal...the night of the harvest. Harvesting the
futurity of Swans Crossing.
He hears someone.
Jessica Hoan walks into the main room
JESSICA. [Laughing] Thought I heard you back there...
RICH. What are you doing here, Jessica.
Another woman walks out
RICH. What are you doing here, Jessica!!!
JESSICA. Did you not give me the keys to this apartment?
RICH. For reasons other than....secret pleasures.
JESSICA. Oh, yeah. Her...well, youll have to excuse me Rich, but..I
brought her over to my parents house, and they both consented, so...I
just wanted you to know that I got full, parental confirmation.
RICH. Maybe you ought to move back in with your parents.
GIRL. This isnt your roommate, right?
JESSICA. Relax, Hope. Hes not your problem.
GIRL. I wanna know if youre living with this guy or not?
RICH. [Putting his arms over Jessica]
JESSICA. [Elbows Rich] Oh, screw you.....thinking you have the upper
hand in all my affairs. You arent that intelligent, Macpherson.
RICH. See...she loves me. I have an emotional detachment to
Jessica...and am slowly molding her into a charming, affectionate..
[clears throat] feminine...
JESSICA. I hate you.
RICH. [Laughs] And so does God.
HOPE. How could you hide all this from me. Its plainly obvious that
hes your roommate, Jess.
JESSICA. I am telling you Hope, its not what you think!!!!! (The
ratings fly?)
HOPE. Do you realize...now...that I have to go back out there, all
the way back to New York City..this time without the love and
affection that I thought would come from someone who cared about me.
You probably dont. All you people are the same.
RICH. [Laughs] If you want, we can set up a tri-rail system.
JESSICA. Listen to him, cant you see he has some sort of upper hand?
HOPE. [Shakes head] I think..this is all mind-boggling.
RICH. You should see her on Monday after Melrose.
JESSICA. Hope...I have proof that I dont live here.
RICH. Yeah, I mean...come on Hope. Shes just my houseguest.
[Laughs out loud]
HOPE. [With tears in her eyes] I dont even have subway fare to get
myself home.
JESSICA. Its okay, sweetie. Ill come with you.
HOPE. I dont want you to come with me. Dont you understand what
no means.
JESSICA. But I dont want you to go all alone.
HOPE. [Screams] Its okay. [Leaving] Have fun with your boy-toy.
She slams the door
RICH. [Laughs] Oh...Have fun with your boy-toy.
JESSICA. Whats wrong with you? We were going out for like...eight
months.
RICH. I could care less whether the two of you found Jesus, you
totally violated our agreement concerning the keys.
JESSICA. Im sorry...what agreement?
RICH. The one that said...Jessica is an idiotic whore.
JESSICA You told me...that I could use the keys whenever I needed to.
RICH. And I guess they also say This Way to Romper Room, too.
JESSICA. Listen, Macpherson. We were going out for a while, now,...
and she was starting to ask me all these questions about whether Im
for real or not, and whether Im living somewhere, cause all the
other dates took place at her house...and I wanted to show her that I
wasnt pre-arranging all the dates over there...which I was...for the
sake of beating around the bush as far as living conditions went.
RICH. Whats over there...?
JESSICA. Her apartment house, for Gods sake. Where else is over
there?
RICH. I dont know...I was kinda figuring itd be some sort of local
dig.
JESSICA. Oh, my God. Its totally not like that, Macpherson. You
need to read your instruction manual a little more thoroughly. Just
because Im a homosexual doesnt mean I have free access to the Playboy
channel.
RICH. Yeah, well, get me straight. If ever I do catch you with
another partner, a man or a woman, whatever the case may be, then not
only will I break off your relationship, but Ill put a padlock on
this door. Kay?
JESSICA. [Takes Richs keys out of her pocket and throws them] Ill
find someone else rich that I can do this do, such as Callie Walker,
my oh-so ignorant cousin. Youre just a waste of space....you think
you possess such glorious knowledge? Screw you!
Jessica heads for the door.
JESSICA. Theres certain things that may be in there....the other room.
Theyre Hopes. She always forgets things.
RICH. Well, I dont want em....go get em...!
JESSICA. [Slams door] Neither do I.
RICH. [Broods] She made a big mistake.
Rich walks over to his bookcase, and opens up a cabinet.
There are at least twenty different SCH yearbooks piled inside. As
if one couldnt ascertain that.
Rich pulls out the 1984 SCH yearbook, and flips to a page.
It has Tom Woody Brentwoods photo on it.
RICH. Brentwood. My unsung hero. Won seven consecutive...threw the
winning pass at the 83 championship...scholarships at University of
Alabama, Notre Dame, Michigan State. Deans honor roll. Extensive
volunteer. And yet he managed to violate every single fragile emotion
of one....
Rich flips the page again to Christinas, the victims, photo.
RICH. Christina Vasquez. Every emotion.
INT.-MRS. SAUNDERS CLASSROM-DAY
The door opens and in walks Amanda.
AMANDA. How are you doing, Mrs. Saunders.
SAUNDERS. Amanda, where have you been?
AMANDA. Well. I kind of havent been feeling...
AMANDA. Up to par.
SAUNDERS. Oh, yes. And I can truly be the first one to tell you that
you arent...up to par with your written assignments.
She opens up a file...Amandas.
SAUNDERS. Do you know what this is?
AMANDA. [Shakes her head]
SAUNDERS. This is your academic file. Do you know whats inside of it?
AMANDA. My work?
SAUNDERS. Thats correct...your work. The work that is supposed to
be composed by you, the author, and that which is supposed to reflect
the readings that are to be assigned...can you take a wild guess where
the readings are to be assigned?
AMANDA. [Nods head slowly] In class.
SAUNDERS. Thats right, Mrs. Hutton. In class. You havent been to
class lately, have you?
AMANDA. Well, no I havent. But I usually am..in class.
SAUNDERS. Well, that sounded so genuine coming out of your mouth. At
least you know where this conversation is headed.
AMANDA. Before you go any further, Mrs. Saunders....
SAUNDERS. Im sorry...was it your turn to speak?
AMANDA. [Clears throat] May I please speak, Mrs. Saunders?
SAUNDERS. Well, go on right ahead....
AMANDA. [Continues] Before you go any further, I have a good reason
as to why I was gone for all those days....
SAUNDERS. Seven days...a whole week. That pretty much jeopardizes
your grade three letters down....and it may also jeopardize your future
attendance record in this class..because you might not be going to this
class anymore...maybe not even this school...anymore.
AMANDA. Like I said, I have a perfectly good reason.
SAUNDERS. What is it?
AMANDA. I was in bed with the flu.
SAUNDERS. No, you werent. Thats a lie.
AMANDA. Why...are you....
SAUNDERS. Why am I...what...
AMANDA. Accusing me of being a....well..a...
SAUNDERS. Criminal?
AMANDA. Yes! A criminal.
SAUNDERS. [Puts her hands in the air] I wasnt accusing anyone of
anything. Your father told me you didnt want to go to school.
Nobody was sick.
AMANDA. My father told you?
SAUNDERS. Thats right. He called me on the phone and I heard him say
that you didnt feel like going to school...I guess because you werent
feeling up to par. Right?
AMANDA. But you have to understand, I really was sick.
SAUNDERS. Oh, really. And may I ask what you were sick of.
AMANDA. Well, a lot of things.
SAUNDERS. Really. Diverse diseases.
SAUNDERS. Amanda...
AMANDA. Yes...
SAUNDERS. Do you know what you sound like?
AMANDA. [Shakes head]
SAUNDERS. I dont think I have to tell you what you sound like,
because I think you know what you sound like, and thats a liar.
AMANDA. Why are you calling me a liar, Miss Saunders.
SAUNDERS. Because thats what you are. You are telling me a bologna
story, and both I and your father can attest to the fact that it isnt
a true one.
AMANDA. But I was still sick.
SAUNDERS. Yes, Amanda.
AMANDA. I really was, you know.
SAUNDERS. Of course.
AMANDA. And I still am.
SAUNDERS. [Looks up at Amanda] Excuse me?
AMANDA. Someone here is making me very, very sick....Hes making me
so sick that Ive been avoiding school just to stay away from him.
SAUNDERS. Youre in love with somebody? Is this the problem?
AMANDA. [Shakes head] No. Somebodys trying to stalk me. I know,
because I keep seeing him everywhere I go. And Ive been seeing more
and more of him with each passing day.
SAUNDERS. A man is trying to stalk you.
AMANDA. Not just any man....Rich Macpherson.
SAUNDERS. Rich Macpherson...is trying to stalk you? The student body
president?
AMANDA. Yes...
SAUNDERS. The one who sits next to you and tries to help you with all
of your assignments?
AMANDA. Yes, Mrs. Saunders, you have to believe me.
SAUNDERS. Im already trying to believe your first story.
AMANDA. Mrs. Saunders...hes after me. And hes dangerous.
SAUNDERS. Im sure hes a threat to all mankind. Just like I am a
threat to your intelligence, I guess.
AMANDA. I would not lie to you about such a thing like that.
SAUNDERS. Do me a favor. If you have a problem like that, why dont
you bring it to the principal before you bring it to me...
AMANDA. What?
SAUNDERS. Thats all.....
AMANDA. [Walking towards door] Im having nightmares about him every
night, and I havent been able to get a good nights rest.
AMANDA. Dont you care about that?
Mrs. Saunders ignores her coldly
INT.-HALLWAY-DAY
Amanda walks out, where she sees Neal.
NEAL. Oh hay, Mandy. I dont have a date for prom. How about you?
.
AMANDA. Oh..not really.
NEAL. Then whadya say we go dutch?
We see an imaginary Rich peering out amongst the two
RICH. [Illusion] Make your move today...do it Casey, do it?
AMANDA. Sure!
RICH. Score mighty, Casey..score.
AMANDA. I have to go.
RICH. Go all the way, Casey. Im coming for you.
ACT II
INT.-OWENS BASEMENT-DAY
OWEN. So what tapes do you want me to bring to the dance?
GLORY. I dunno. Anything that sounds reasonable...
[Owen stares at Glory]
OWEN. Reasonable?
GLORY. [Laughs] In Richs eyes.
OWEN. Lately, I havent been able to figure out how he sees clearly
with them.
GLORY. A lens and a retina, and there you go.
OWEN. Not to mention optic nerves, rods, and cones.
GLORY. Lets not go over the deep end, shall we.
OWEN. [Frustrated] I..just dont know what his definition of cool is.
GLORY. [Pulls a piece of paper out of her shirt pocket] He made up
this list.
OWEN. [Sighs] Jesus.
GLORY. He figured that it would be easier for you to understand
things clearer if you just read it.
OWEN. Glory...all my liberties have been stripped away since this
man...this Rich..Macpherson..came to power. And everything that I
figured belonged to me...well...I dont know what belongs to me, anymore.
OWEN. [Puts down the paper] I cant go with this. The Grateful Dead,
Faust, Mahogany Brain...what kind of unidentified flying music machine
is this?
A car swerves up into the driveway. Sandy?
GLORY. [Puts arms up in the air] Theyre bands that Rich likes.
OWEN. What about Tears For Fears, and Everybody Wants To Rule the
World...
GLORY. He said he didnt want it.
OWEN. Its the age-old, traditional Garrett and Sydney song. He cant
pass that up.
GLORY. Apparently, he did. Youd better just like...follow the score.
OWEN. No, I dont have to follow any score. And especially not some
newcomers.
The door opens, and in walks Sandy
SANDY. So there you are, Mr. Owen.
OWEN. Oh, hi...Sandy.
SANDY. Working on your...song list for the SPRING FORMAL???!!!
OWEN. Well, not exactly, but....
SANDY. But what? Spit it out...you have nothing to hide from me.
Except...everything in the whole wide world.
Glory has just realized something.
GLORY. Oh my God, Sandy.
SANDY. Oh my God, what?
GLORY. Youre drunk.
SANDY. Very good. You just won, an all expense paid trip to Pago Pago.
And while youre there, you can experience the fine cuisine of the
Canary Islands, and the cozy cots in your own hotel room.....hay, I
should work for a travel agency.
GLORY. That was Sandys car, Owen.
SANDY. Shut up! Im on a roll.
GLORY. [Puts head in her hand] Oh, my God.
SANDY. How do you want it, baby!
OWEN. Whatever are you talking about?
SANDY. You think youre hot stuff, dont you Fowler? You think youre
slowly evolving into a mature adult. A comprehendible human being?
Well, I dont think so.
GLORY. Who cares what you think. Youre wasted.
SANDY. I dont think so at all! I think I possess absolute power.
The power that my holy father Jehovah has invested in me.
OWEN. [Laughs] Vested in you.
SANDY. Stand up, boy.
OWEN. Excuse me....
SANDY. [Walks over to Owen] I said, stand up. You are about to be
counted among the men...the men that helped erect the pillars to this
town...the men of integrity.
OWEN. What are you....
SANDY. I want you to stand up...I dont care if its like a bitch.
OWEN. [Stands up] Okay, Im standing. Im standing.
SANDY. Im so glad. [Pulls out a Jack Daniels] Know what this is?
OWEN. Its a Jack Daniels.
SANDY. Not just a Jack Daniels, Fowler. Its not just a Jack Daniels.
It is the eternal pit of woe. The woe of me. Each day I drink and
drink, thinking somehow God will shine down upon me, but instead I
find myself falling...deeper and deeper.
SANDY. Let me give you an example.
Sandy pushes Owen...he falls down to the bed.
OWEN. Goddamnit.
GLORY. Go, Sandy.
SANDY. And youre still living in your Mila-fantasy land.
OWEN. So this is about Mila?
The door opens, and in walks Saja and Jaz.
SANDY. Who gives a rats ass about Mila, anyways?
SAJA. You must not give in to the darkside.
SANDY. [Turns around] Excuse me?
JAZ. Give me the Jack, Swan.
SANDY. I cant. Not at this point in time.
JAZ. If you dont give me the jack, Im gonna tell everyone in this
town how much of a fake you really are
SANDY. A fake? Youve got the wrong girl, Chi-Chi.
JAZ. Oh really....Princess Grace. A certain girl who one minute
kisses the ground her friends walk on because they surround her and
make her look...rich...and then the next minute wishing they were all
as poor as she was so they could....delve into the depths of bitterness.
SANDY. Your words mean nothing to me, Jaz.
SANDY. [Drinks] Absolutely nothing.
JAZ. Give me the bottle, then.
SANDY. No can do, missy. This is my new life. Wrought with
possibilities. Amazing what a little bottle can do.
JAZ. I dont think you mean that.
SANDY. Maybe you should re-examine what your neurons are relaying to
your message center.
JAZ. Sandy, listen to yourself. Dont you realize how stupid you
sound? You know I think youre a stupid asshole, dont you?
SANDY. I dont know. You seem to be treating me like a bitch, and,
from a personal standpoint: I dont want that treatment anymore.
JAZ. Honey...youre gonna be a lot more than just someones bitch if
you dont hand over that fizzy lifting drink.
SANDY. Why are you so obsessed with this topic? My ah...drunkedness.
Drunkenness.
JAZ. Because, you stupid ho...you were driving drunk...under the
influence...liable to police arrest and eternal woe.
GLORY. Oh my God, Sandy...you could of killed someone. Do you realize
that?
SANDY. Chill out..I realize that. I realize that.
JAZ. Plus, we saw the way that you were driving. Up, down and around,
just like a rat in a maze. Is that what you are, Sandy? Some kind
of lab rat?
SANDY. [Downs more Jack, in ignorance.] Thats crap..I was abiding
by the rules of the road.
Jaz grabs the Jack out of Sandys hand and throws it down to the ground.
The contents spill out of the bottle.
SANDY. Look what you did?
JAZ. Owen?
OWEN. What, Jaz.
JAZ. Move out of the way.
She pushes Sandy to the bed, where she once pushed Owen.
JAZ. I hope that knocked some sense into you.
SANDY. I hate you.
Jaz is trying to teach Sandy a lesson because she loves her as a friend.
JAZ. Hate is such a strong word. But you know what...Im a strong
girl. And youre a pathetic little whore. If I ever catch you driving
drunk again...your life, your substance, and your credibility to
society will all be relinquished...[snaps her finger] and you can bet
I make dreams come true.
SANDY. You talk such junk.
JAZ. Better to talk junk than to live junk. Know what I mean.
Jaz splits.
SAJA. I dont care how or what you think about anyone right now, but
you and I are going to have a freaking conversation. You dig,
priestess of the Sun.
SANDY. [Speechless]
SAJA. Ill see you when I see you.
Saja splits.
GLORY. That was like totally wrong...what you said to her. Actually,
it was beyond wrong...it was.....a lick in the ass.
SANDY. [Breathes deep] Nice to hear a cuss word come out of you. I
guess the world will end in the year 2000.
GLORY. Sandy...
SANDY. What?
GLORY. I didnt stutter.
SANDY. Sure.
GLORY. Maybe I should tell everyone how you suck. Leave Jaz up to
serving hot fudge sundaes.
SANDY. You know, she administered something to me. Can you guess what
it was?
OWEN. What was it?
SANDY. A bitchin cocktail.
OWEN. What?
SANDY. Oh my God, man. You have to down a couple of those in order
to reach the pinnacle of manhood.
GLORY. How many can you hold, anyways?
OWEN. Im still trying to figure out what a bitchin...cocktail is?
Sandy ignores Owen
SANDY. Probably two hundred and thirty-two.
OWEN. Oh, its a malatov, isnt it?
Sandy and Glory exchange glances and laugh
Sandy lets out a harder laugh and then a sigh.
SANDY. I think Im ready to catch some Z action.
GLORY. She cannot go to her parents house like that.
SANDY. What are they gonna be able to ascertain?
OWEN. [Changes subject] I think Im going to have to juxtapose with
a little bit of Spin Doctors in the first part. I think its for the
best...
GLORY. Thats nice Owen....meanwhile, we have to find like, someone
to keep her for the night.
SANDY. Why dont you send me to Milas. That stupid bitch.
GLORY. Oh, God...
SANDY. [Pounds on the bed] I wanna stick her face in a plastic bag.
GLORY. I guess we cant do Sydney....Garrett would be too much of
a pest. Lisa?
OWEN. I guess.
GLORY. Call her. Pick up the phone. Before she passes out and your
dad comes in.
SANDY. Relax. Im not gonna pass out. [Sighs]
GLORY. I think shes gettin close. Theres no way Im dragging a
corpse.
GLORY. Sandy, get up.
SANDY. Excuse me?
GLORY. [Give me your hand]
SANDY. What are you...a redhead bimbo?
GLORY. [Grits teeth] Just give me your hand.
OWEN. Lisa. Uh..hi, Owen Fowler. Can we bring Sandy Swan over to
your house?
GLORY. [Grits teeth] Just give me your hand....
SANDY. Kiss my butt.
GLORY. [Grits teeth] Goddamnit.
OWEN. Im calling from my basement. She came....what? What are you
talking about?
GLORY. I guess I will have to resort to more....primitive methods.
SANDY. You can do what you want...but my ass aint movin.
GLORY. Sandy..its imperative.
SANDY. I might as well just sleep here for the night.
GLORY. No...his father cannot find out. He will get...very mad...and
he is...very big.
SANDY. His fathers a doll.
GLORY. Yeah, Im sure hes a real muppet....they all call him Animal.
OWEN. [Stares at Glory] Glory. Do you mind? Im trying to get
information here...
SANDY. We know you....[drowses off] wa..nt...[yawns] her.
GLORY. No..dont do it. I implore you.
SANDY. [Lifts her hand up as if to flick her a bird, but it never
happens]
GLORY. Jesus!
OWEN. Okay...the east porch. The floodlight will be on.
GLORY. Shes asleep. Were gonna have to drag her out.
OWEN. Well be there as soon as we can.
INT.- VICTORIAS-DAY
The special lunch with Jonathan Adams.
WAITRESS. Stuffed lobster tails.
JONATHAN. Thank you. [Takes plate]
WAITRESS. And.....fried grouper.
GARRETT. [Takes plate] You are so good to me.
WAITRESS. [Giggles] Dont get fresh.
JONATHAN. Thats okay, Ill keep him in line.
WAITRESS. Let me know when you need anything.
Jonathan takes a stab at the tails.
Then he dips the crab meat in the drawn butter.
Garrett proceeds to attack his fish.
GARRETT. So...whats the score?
JONATHAN. Translation.
GARRETT. The topic of this conversation.
JONATHAN. Who do you think?
GARRETT. Okay...what did I do now?
JONATHAN. Why do you always assume that Im going to accuse you of
something.....Garrett?
GARRETT. Maybe because I treat JT with such dignity and respect. I
mean, were not exactly best buds.
JONATHAN. I know....thats why Im asking you to do something for me...
GARRETT. What? To JT?
JONATHAN. Itll be for his own good. [Takes some more crab meat]
GARRETT. Are you serious? This is the father of JT, right?
JONATHAN. That I am.
GARRETT. And you want me to do something for his own good?
JONATHAN. You can consider it a personal favor that will benefit the
both of us.
JONATHAN. I want you to...make sure he doesnt get carried away with
your little sister.
GARRETT. Say no more...Ill take the job.
JONATHAN. [Laughs] I kind of thought youd like that. Since its
been one of your missions.
GARRETT. Its the ultimate mission, sir. The ultimate.
JONATHAN. Its just that....he will be going away to school in a year
or two, and his grades arent exactly the best in town....especially
ever since hes been getting serious with Glory. Instead of burying
his head in the books, hes composing all these love letters. I mean,
you should see his room.
GARRETT. Ive been up to his room. Its a Glory museum. Wheres all
New England Patriot memorabilia.
JONATHAN. And I dont want Katie to be influenced like that, as if
love was some kind of first priority over work. Do you see me cutting
work to stay in bed with my wife.
GARRETT. Not at all, sir.
JONATHAN. And we do love each other. More than you could ever imagine.
GARRETT. I bet.
JONATHAN. And its not as if we walk around dressed in the same
clothes.
Garrett makes a face.
JONATHAN. Im afraid JT might be going to that level, in a subtle way.
GARRETT. So...
GARRETT. [Takes more fish and bites it] Was there a particular plan?
WAITRESS. Can I get you anything else?
JONATHAN. Vanessa, this is Garrett Booth.
GARRETT. Pleased to meet your acquaintance. [She extends her hand,
and he shakes it]
WAITRESS. Likewise.
JONATHAN. Vanessa will be your girl Friday. Shell do anything and
everything that you ask of her.
WAITRESS. So this JT...is he a catch?
JONATHAN. If youre into young looking guys.
WAITRESS. Sheesh!
JONATHAN. Dont worry. Ill tip you tremendously.
WAITRESS. Enough for me to buy a Celica.
JONATHAN. I said tip you...not share profits.
JONATHAN. Anyways, Booth. Shes all yours during the dance. You
just point and click, and shell follow your commands. But you have
to make sure that whatever she does helps to weaken the bond between
my son and your sister.
GARRETT. Right...consider it a plan.
JONATHAN. Shell be at the dance first thing. So you dont have to
wait.
WAITRESS. Ill see you at the hop, baby. Dress elegantly.
GARRETT. I always do.
She walks away.
JONATHAN. [Pats Garrett on the back] My blessed son, in whom I am
well pleased.
GARRETT. So how much are you willing to pay me, Mr. Adams.
JONATHAN. The pay reflects your performance.
GARRETT. But isnt there a starting wage?
JONATHAN. Yes. Your grouper.
GARRETT. [Snaps his finger]
INT.-OLD TYME PARLOR-DAY
Nancy sits at the counter of this 1940s style malt shop. She is
having a sundae.
Young James walks in and notices her.
JIMMY. My God...
NANCY. [Showing off her hair] Do you like it?
JIMMY. You look beautiful. Its definitely a new you.
NANCY. Its funny, because I dont feel any different. I mean, Ive
always felt sexy.
JIMMY. Whats in the bag?
NANCY. My sex...I mean...my dress.
JIMMY. Can I see it?
NANCY. Dig in.
Jimmy takes out the dress and examines it
JIMMY. Who picked it out?
NANCY. Syd.
JIMMY. She has good taste in clothes.
NANCY. How come it took her sixteen different tries to pick out the
right one? And why didnt she notice it when all the time it was in
the clearance rack.
JIMMY. [Puts the dress back in the bag as best as he can]
NANCY. Its okay, just like stuff it in their. Ill send it to the
cleaners.
Nancy pats the stool next to her.
NANCY. Sientate.
JIMMY. Translation?
NANCY. Sit down....Ive just discovered I have some Spanish roots.
JIMMY. So I guess that makes you a....
NANCY. Spanish Jew.
She flicks him in the shoulder.
Jazz music is playing over the speakers.
NANCY. So...are you going to the dance with Sandy?
JIMMY. You know its funny. I just havent...seen her lately.
NANCY. What do you make of that?
JIMMY. To tell you the truth, I dont know.
NANCY. I think shes starting to become very mad at the world. At
least at her temporary surroundings.
JIMMY. Temporary?
NANCY. Well...who knows what might drag her away.
JIMMY. Whadya mean by that?
NANCY. I mean that...everytime someone wants to help her she thinks
theyre trying to stab her in the back.
JIMMY. [Pauses] Am I missing something here?
NANCY. Its nothing personal. This is just the word around town.
JIMMY. Who wants any part of that?
NANCY. I cant help it...its just that I find SWAN TALK hard to
resist.
JIMMY. Well..I find it maniacal.
NANCY. Hey, listen. I know shes your girlfriend and everything,
but...hey...everybody hurts sometimes.
JIMMY. Thank you...Sophocles.
NANCY. Hey, listen.
JIMMY. Hey, yeah.
NANCY. If shes not available for tomorrow night...one of the most
important nights of your youth...theres always some choice
alternatives.
JIMMY. Oh yeah...and what alternatives did you have in mind?
NANCY. What do you think, Sal Paradise?
JIMMY. What I think...may be too hazardous for your health, Rabinsky...
Callie walks into the shop.
CALLIE. I cant even keep up with you.
JIMMY. Its okay...intermission time is over.
CALLIE. Check out the shirt...
She pulls out a shirt that says Proud Mom
NANCY. [V.O.] It should say...Proud Mother.
JIMMY. Looks as though youre getting ready for the big months ahead.
CALLIE. With bated breath. Oh...
CALLIE. Hi.
Walks over to Nancy.
NANCY. Well, well. [Scams her bag] Maternity dresses.
CALLIE. Im so nervous. I keep thinking Im gonna pass out when it
all happens.
NANCY. Dont worry. After all, youll have a doctor, right?
CALLIE. A nice way of looking at it. That is...if I want to look
at it.
JIMMY. [Gets up] We should go.
NANCY. What else are you shopping for?
CALLIE. Well, Im done shopping. I just need a ride home. My car
broke down.
JIMMY. Your ex-boyfriend Mitch towed it to the Tool & Die.
NANCY. A.K.A. Ass-wipe.
JIMMY. [Salutes her] Nice talking to you.
NANCY. [Whispers] Call me.
JIMMY. Sure.
Jimmy and Callie leave
CALLIE. I think I need to get some bigger jeans.
JIMMY. Why dont you just get your waist measured.
NANCY. [Sighs]
INT.-OWENS GARAGE-DAY
The door opens, and JT backs his 68 Mustang in.
He nudges a trash can
JT. Jesus Christ!
GLORY. Oh, joy.
JT. [Stops the car and gets out] So, where is she?
Owen sits by the wall with Sandys head nestled in his lap.
JT. [Laughs] So, Owen....
OWEN. Its not funny, JT.
JT. Why are you worried about finding a date for the dance. You got
all your springtime action here.
OWEN. I dont find this in the least bit humorous.
JT. [Laughs, then claps his hands]
GLORY. Not so loud, JT...his father might come down here.
JT. [Doing his best Mike Seaver] You know, I dont understand...
whats the big scoop on Owens dad anyways. Is he some kind of ex-con?
GLORY. What would you do if you saw some chick sleeping on your
sons lap.
JT. Doesnt he know Sandy?
OWEN. Not really. He met her when her hair was dyed orange. If he
sees her now, hed think she was some kind of...
GLORY. [Interrupting] Shh! Why dont you just give her face a lick.
JT. Lick...her face?
G:LORY. Hard to think straight when youre under pressure.
JT. Okay, wait. So shes been out for a long time? What, was she
dropping acid?
GLORY. No, no. She just had a little too much to drink. This agent
she ran into felt sorry for her and fed her a Malatov Cocktail.
JT. Holy..Jesus...what?
GLORY. And an alcoholic daiquiri....and her own bottle of Jack Daniels.
JT. Smells like a controversy.
OWEN. Thats why we need you to take her over to Lisas. So her
parents wont see her. Then she can say she spent the night at Lisas.
JT. Yeah. When she comes to. But what about now?
GLORY. Someone will have to speak for her.
JT. But who? One of her friends? Who are they comprised of?
GLORY. Youre so mean.
JT. Okay, listen. We have to be in constant contact with her....
with Lisa...and then when Sandy comes to, we have to tell her to call
her mother. What could be harder?
GLORY. I guess Lisa could page one of us when that time arrives.
SANDY. Ahhh...
GLORY. Oh, my God....
JT. Owen, baby....
OWEN. Yes...
JT. Let her go. We know you want her, but she has to lay flat, now.
OWEN. Whaddya mean by that?
JT. Take her head off your lap and let her lay flat.
Owen takes her head off his lap.
SANDY. Ahh....corn nuts.
JT. Oh, great. Shes having a dream about HEATHERS.
OWEN. What?
JT. Listen, Owen. You have to get up.
Owen stands up
JT. Owen...
OWEN. Yes, JT.
JT. You wanna make sure that you dont step on her head and let her
brains get more screwed up than they already are. So why dont you
just hop off the step.
OWEN. Sure boss.
Owen hops off the stairstep by the wall.
JT. Brilliant. Now you stay on that side, Ill go on the other, and
we lift this bitch up.
OWEN. I dont know, man. What if we drop her.
GLORY. Oh, God. Maybe this isnt a good idea.
JT. Hell, Glory. I could lift her up myself.
OWEN. No you couldnt. Shes not even standing up.
JT walks over to Sandy and lifts her up by the knees.
GLORY. [Laughs out loud] JTeee!
JT. You see that.
GLORY. Lets just get her out of here.
JT. [Takes Sandy and puts her in the backseat of his car] Just like
the flounder truck.
OWEN. [No voice] Flounder truck.
JT. You havent been to Maine. I have a lot of family over there.
JT. [Starts the car] My father cures fish in Newfoundland.
OWEN. Maybe you should go visit him for a while.
JT. [Backing his car out] Maybe we could use you as live bait. In
the car, Glor...
Glory runs towards the car
EXT.-OWENS HOUSE-DAY
Glory opens the door and lets herself in.
Owen closes the garage door. Mr. Fowler walks out
GLORY. Dont look now, but....
JT. [Turns on the radio]
And some space surfer music emerges.
JT starts dancing in the car
GLORY. I think Ive heard that station before.
JT. What, the voice of Delaware State?
GLORY. No. The Voice of Delaware Community College.
JT. [Gives Glory a look]
FOWLER. Hows everything going.
JT. Really well...Mr. Fowler.
FOWLER. Well, thats good. I see you got some rims for the IROC-Z
JT. Well, yes..as a matter of fact.
He opens and closes the front door of his car
FOWLER. Theyre pretty massive.
JT. Well. I guess you have to come for a spin to see how much rubber
I can burn.
GLORY. J...T.
JT. At least one of these days. But we have to get goin now.
FOWLER. Where are you guys off to, if you dont mind me askin?
JT. Oh..well...Sandy Swan, you know her, right?
FOWLER. Sandy...oh yes...the redhead. The one who recorded some
songs with my boy.
GLORY. [No voice] Boy.
JT. Yeah, well. She needs a ride. Her car broke down, again. Would
you believe it? Her Mazda 626 of all cars.
FOWLER. Mazda 626. Isnt that a Japanese car? How new is it?
JT. Grand spanking..new...Its a 94. And it broke down. With only
1000 miles on it. Would you believe it?
GLORY. [Giggles]
JT. [Stares at Glory] What, you think its funny? You try standing
in the middle of nowhere....
GLORY. [Giggles]
JT. With a prison chain gang, no less.
FOWLER. Well, I guess you better tend to that.
JT. Wed better. Before she goes off and does somethin stupid.
FOWLER. Ill have to go for that ride, sometime.
JT. Here, Ill give you my card.
JT goes inside of his pocket, but cant find it.
JT. Oh, not really workin today. You know I rebuild cars, right?
GLORY. [Puts her head in her hands]
FOWLER. No.
JT. If you ever have a problem with the old Boxster, you know who
to call, right?
FOWLER. Oh, well...I pretty much have my own personal mechanic.
JT. I guess its better than having a butler, right?
FOWLER. [Laughs] Youre a good kid, you know that.
JT. [Goes into car and closes door] Are you up for tomorrow morning?
FOWLER. Right before sunrise.
JT. Well crack the old whip.
FOWLER. Right on. [Heads for the house]
JT and Glory ride out
INT.-AMANDAS BEDROOM-NIGHT
AMANDA. Then she starts accusing me of being a liar, as if I was
purposely missing her class for some strange reason.
SYDNEY. Well, you are. I mean, this thing with Rich.
AMANDA. Hes watching me, Sydney...he really is. I keep having these
dreams about him.
SYDNEY. Dreams dont mean anything. Its only real...because you
fear it.
SYDNEY. Besides...its not as though Rich is an officer of the
Lucifer court. Hes just a demonic pest.
AMANDA. Sydney?
SYDNEY. What?
AMANDA. How do you explain this?
Amanda plays a message on her answering machine.
A heavy breathing voice comes on
VOICE. Cristina....the harvest has come. Are you there...Cristina?
SYDNEY. Now you see that. It was for Cristina. Not you. You ever
heard of the expression wrong number before?
AMANDA. It doesnt go down like that, Sydney....
SYDNEY. It doesnt go down like what?
AMANDA. He read this crazy poem to me, and ever since then, hes been
popping up in the most unusual places you could imagine.
SYDNEY. [Laughs] He doesnt watch you through the window at night,
does he?
AMANDA. I dont know.
SYDNEY. Well, if you really thought he was stalking you, and youre
purposely avoiding school for that reason, wouldnt there be some
window watching involved? I mean, when Grant Booth was stalking me, I
watched my window like a hawk.
AMANDA. You dont require a lot of sleep, like I do.
SYDNEY. If you want, I could stay over...and watch the door..ah..
window with you.
AMANDA. Its okay, Syd. I can pretty much make it on my own.
SYDNEY. Jesus Christ, Amanda. Youre not Callie.
The phone rings
AMANDA. Oh, no.
SYDNEY. Let the machine pick up.
The machine picks up.
VOICE. Dont be late for the spring formal. After all, nothing is
better than my Cristina in a pink dress.
The voice is altered, a la SCREAM.
AMANDA. Im not Cristina.
SYDNEY. Manda...
AMANDA. [Hits machine] Im not Cristina.
SYDNEY. Calm down.
AMANDA. You dont understand...he keeps calling every hour...on the
dot. The last time he called was exactly an hour ago.
SYDNEY. [Sits down on bed] I can stay here. I can stay here and
like...wake you up whenever you have a bad dream.
The phone rings again.
AMANDA. Maybe you should go. Theres no telling what could happen
next.
SYDNEY. Whatever you want. [Heads for the door]
SYDNEY. Like....call me if you have a problem. Ill be home.
Margarets away for the weekend, again. God knows who shes mixin
with, now.
The machine picks up
But we never hear the voice.
To be continued...
(c) 1998 Christopher Angelo
I Love You- by YELLO- (c) 1983 Mercury Records
Black Sheep Boy-by INNOCENCE MISSION- (c) 1989 A&M Records
Tailights Fade- by BUFFALO TOM- (c) 1992 Megadisc Records
**If you have any questions, comments, etc. about this story, email
them to Chris at tytell@aol.com
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/hollywood/hills/2262/fanfic
geocities.com/hollywood/hills/2262geocities.com/hollywood/hills
geocities.com/hollywood
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