Hot Chick: Salma Hayek!

Hot Chick Factor: Well fuck me she's gotta be a 10, kids. Especially given the fact that that was all that she was in there for (looking good).

Synopsis -- who really cares? It's all bullshit, is what it is (to use the parlance of our times).

Short declaratory phrase in an attempt to get quoted in TV trailer, ad, or cover box --

"Oh, uh, Before the Sunset is one hell of a heist! Aw shit, what is it? "After?" Fuck. Okay, "After the Sunset" is one hell of a great goddamn mother fuckin' sweet ass time at the mother-lovin' movies! Holy shit... Where is my mother fuckin' G&T??? Goddamn. (pause) G&T, bitches! NOW!"

Nate's review:

Well all I can say is-- ahhh, I'm not sure. Honestly, they wasted this cast. Woody can be so much funnier, and Salma is clearly there just to look good (which she does well, but still, she can be a lot deeper than that, not that I'm complaining about her numerous cleavage shots specifically [unless, of course, it benefits be do to so]). Don Cheadle-- mother fuck, this role could have been played by Dave Chapelle with more gusto, bitch! Again, the script totally wasted this cast. I guess Brosnan is not too worried about playing against type, which is okay with me since he's the best Bond ever. Yeah that's right, I said it, fuck Connery and all that bullshit! Just admit it; Brosnan kicks the shit out of the Bond movies. Now, if he could only get Woody Allen to play his cousin...

Rating: 4 out of 10 big fat pieces of shit (why not?)

Jason's review:

Jason has yet to review this film, even though I (Nate) sat right next to the Bastard at the mother fucking movie. He was too busy getting excited about the press screening of "Christmas with the Cranks" to write a review about this. He said he panned it on the radio, so at least 2 of the Bastards thinks it's worth skipping, for whatever that's worth.

Ryan's review:

Ryan has yet to review this film.

Tim's review:

Tim has yet to review this film.

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