Reviews of "Gangs of New York" by The Four Bastards

Hot Chick: A stunningly, surprisingly Irish-looking Cameron Diaz

Hot Chick Factor: 9.75!

Synopsis -- A boy, after seeing his gang boss father killed in battle by a rival gang leader, grows up and begins to work for the very man who peaced out his dad in an attempt to get close enough to avenge his death. Set against the backdrop of the craziness surrounding the Civil War draft.

Short declaratory phrase in an attempt to get quoted in TV trailer, print ad, or cover box --

"Out of all of Martin Scorcese's movies about NYC, this is the only one with 'New York' in the title!"

Mother of god, this was a pretty long movie. Hence, I shall write a long review. It was good though (unlike this review), and not just because I like seeing people impaled, hung, run through, or otherwise peaced. Because I don't. Well, perhaps a little. Anyhow. the sheer visual spectacle of this film makes it worth seeing. The depiction of New York City in the Civil War era makes modern-day NYC look like polished fucking brass! I'm telling you, it was dirty and smelly, and the cinematography fittingly exuded both qualities admirably. It seemed so real that several times I thought I smelled Leo during the movie, but it turned out to be the stinky old people sitting behind us. What is it about old people and an aversion to personal hygiene? But again, I digress. The bottom line is, not everyone is going to like this movie, but I thought it was good. The message about how the two groups fighting at the end cared nothing about the War or the draft was interesting, since one group's position was that they were fighting for the good of the country, and the other was that they were fighting for the good of the common people in the country. It goes to show how misconstrued and unimportant our personal paradigms can be, relatively speaking, and also how little things have really changed in all these years (sounds like present-day political squabblings). Scorcese includes a shot of present-day NYC at the end of the film, complete with the twin towers in the background. This was obviously purposeful, perhaps pointing to the violence that still exists today to form and shape a city. Daniel Day-Lewis was the shit in the movie, even though I kept wishing he would blow his nose. He kind of sounded like Groucho Marx with a bad cold. Leo and Cameron weren't bad either. Go see it and then quote some lines of dialogue to all your friends, with the Irish accent.

I didn't want to see this movie. I have to question any movie that was supposed to come out like 10 years ago and they keep doing stuff to it. But because of the hype and because of the fact that Martin fucking Scorsese directed it, I had to see it. The movie is cool and not as bloody as I thought it would be, but still bloody nonetheless. Leo is horrible. He sometimes has an accent. It's no wonder that the movies he's in are always applauded, and the other actors are up for awards, but he is not, hmmm.