Hot Chick: Eva Green

Hot Chick Factor: 7.75 in the movie, but she's done a lot of French film and speaking French is HOT

Synopsis -- Orlando crusades against playing contemporary characters and against Muslim attackers and common sense in Jerusalem in the late 12th century

Short declaratory phrase in an attempt to get quoted in TV trailer, ad, or cover box --

"This movie was so good that I declare jihad on bad movies!"

Nate's review:

This movie was not that bad, but it certainly wasn't that great either. I mean, come on, the Muslims fighting the Christians? Everybody knows that Muslims hate the Jews more than anybody, besides Americans of course. Or do they just hate the Christians in general now? Oh hell I don't know, everybody's just a bunch of fuckin' infidels as it turns out. The main thing I didn't like about this movie was the lengths they apparently went to in order to make sure the Muslims weren't treated as barbaric or unsympathetic to the human condition in the least. Yes, that's right folks, mass political correctness has spread to your epic historical dramas. Hey it was the fucking middle ages, everybody was nuts back then! It's okay to show both sides of the story. The reading here was that organized Christian religon is detrimental to its followers, while Islam functions in a much more "humanist" mode (these are the same guys that spawned a massive amount of extremists that have no qualms about blowing themselves up). I'm not saying this wasn't true in the case of the Christian hierarchy during this period, but let's also look at the basis of this assumption and how it runs counter to the canon and exhorations of Christian thought at the same time. Let's show the detriment is due to the mass corruption of officials, and not because the school of thought is inherently faulty. But what the fuck do I know? I'm just an infidel. Okay, I'm off of the soap box now. I did like how there was a lot of dirt flyin' around during the fight scenes and the way they were cut together (similar to Scott's work in "The Gladiator," but hey, it works so why not fire it up again?). I gotta have more dirt! And cow bell. The battle scenes in particular were impressive because (are you listening George Lucas?) Scott actually used (gasp!) some real people in costumes to carry out the action instead of relying too heavily on obviously fake CG effects. I was hoping to see someone strap a bomb to a camel and ride it into a marketplace or something, but that didn't happen. I thought I saw a guy pull a bunch of rocks out of his coat and start throwing them everywhere though, before getting knocked out by one of those same rocks. All in all, you could do worse than this movie, but you could definitely do better.

Rating: 6 out of 10 cameljackings

Jason's review:

Jason has yet to review this film.

Ryan's review:

Ryan has yet to review this film.

Tim's review:

Tim has yet to review this film. Whatever!

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