Hot Chick: Natalie Portman!

Hot Chick Factor: 10 (b/c she was in "Garden State.")

Synopsis -- Anakin Skywalker goes to the dark side... over and over and over again, and then tells you about it a lot and how great it is, much like Luke Skyywalker from the 2 Live Crew

Short declaratory phrase in an attempt to get quoted in TV trailer, ad, or cover box --

"'Revenge of the Sith' will have you spinning in your seats with glee! If you like the unforgivable, needless overuse of horribly-constructed, overly-cartoonish CG creations. Which is like everybody."

Nate's review:

So this movie was enjoyable, but in a strange way. As Jason said, "It was horrible! But I still liked it." No matter what, any film showing Anakin Skywalker's progression from Jedi apprentice to Darth Vader is going to be liked on some level. Although this movie will make a shit-ton of money, it is quite possibly the worst thing to be enjoyed by so many since that prisoner abuse in Abu-Ghraib a few months ago. My biggest question is this: why do the filmmakers insist on using so much mother-flippin' CG?? What is wrong with hiring a couple of guys to put on clone trooper outfits instead of using obviously fake and much more expensive computer-generated clone troopers? Shit, if they were having trouble finding guys to do it, I would have volunteered. I've got "extra" experience. They could have even looped my lines and I wouldn't have minded. The other thing that was like, "come on!" was the fact that R2 was so much more dexterous and agile back in the day, apparently. He was flying around, spinning, dodging gunfire and robots out the wazoo! He didn't do that in the first three/last three movies. Maybe he got all old and rusty by the time Luke was assigned to cleaning them up. At any rate, this movie improves on the ridiculously fake-looking characters from the last two/first two movies, while still not getting them quite right, and regresses on the backgrounds and settings since nothing (except one scene that they shot during Ep. II) was shot on location. It's all greenscreen, and you can tell. What is wrong with opitcal special effects sometimes? The reliance on purely computer-generated effects while eschewing the optical effects that Lucas' team themselves invented back in the day seems misguided, in my view. But then again, I'm not the one with a gradjillion dollars. However, there is something viscerally cool and exciting about seeing the Vader transition. I'm telling you, when I first heard JEJ's voice, I got nine kinds of fired up. And when you start seeing the familiar motifs and costumes from the first three/last three movies, you too will raise your fist whilst whispering "Yessss!" out of clinched teeth.

Rating: 7 out of 10 dropped lightsabers, except the last 20 minutes or so, which is 10 of 10 ass-kicking Yodas

Jason's review:

Jason has yet to review this film.

Ryan's review:

Ryan has yet to review this film.

Tim's review:

Tim has yet to review this film. Whatever!

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