Hot Chick: Laura Clifton

Hot Chick Factor: I can't tell, I don't know who this bitch is! Hers was the first female name on IMDB... congrats, you get hot chick.

Synopsis -- I don't remember

Short declaratory phrase in an attempt to get quoted in TV trailer, ad, or cover box --

"Forget the movie the Alamo and remember my foot up your ass for seeing this piece of shit!"

Nate's review:

You know I won another son of a bitching radio contest, you rat bastards! I cannot be stopped! It's like a sixth sense, really. I would write a book, or at least a small pamphlet, but it's not something you can teach. Either you've got it, or you don't, much like Celeste's ESP on "Days." Yeah, I got to see this early! What that means is I got to see how much it sucked before any of you other bastards. Geez, thanks KROK. What the hell was the deal, fellas? It seems like it would be pretty easy to make at least a modest hit out of this story. How could you fuck it up so badly? The action was, at best, sophomoric, and the emotional pull of "will the reinforcements come or won't they" was just lacking. The rest of the soldiery that was actually at the Alamo was too busy fighting and being stupid assholes to care about. Also, I'm not sure, but I could swear that I saw some sons of bitches digging a basement in that fucker... but that's another story. Billy Bob was the lone bright spot in the film. He was pretty funny, but outwardly conflicted as well. It made for an interesting characterization. Unless you are a huge Billy Bob fan, skip this movie, you won't regret it. Oh, and fuck texas.
Rating: 4 out of 10 basements

Jason's review:

Jason has yet to review this film.

Ryan's review:

Ryan has yet to review this film.

Tim's review:

Tim has yet to review this film. Whatever!

Back to Reviews