The Deadly Spawn 1983AKA: Return of the Alien's: The Deadly Spawn Director: Douglas McKeown Starring:
A meteor streaks through the sky and lands just beyond where
two guys are camping in a tent. Actually, it lands in the
middle of a very lovely painting, but we're not here for art lessons.
These two dudes saunter on over to check
it out. One guy goes back to the tent to grab a camera and
while he's gone his buddy get gobbled up by whatever was in
the meteor. The still unseen monster then takes out the turkey
at the tent. Now you see, something like this would never
happen to old Punchy. He saw The Blob in 1958 and he knows
that when a meteor lands, you skidaddle, yeah, you get your buns
outta there quick.
Now we flash over to Mom and Dad who are just waking up. Dad goes
into the basement to find out why there ain't no hot water. Guess
who's down there? Yep, chomp chomp, slurp slurp, goodbye Daddy.
Now Mommy goes down to find Daddy. Chomp chomp, slurp slurp, see ya
Mom.
Now it's time for the rest of the house to haul their butts out of bed.
We've got Mom's two sons and their visiting aunt and psychologist husband.
None of those remaining in the house have any idea what transpired
earlier and just think Mom and Dad have left for the day. They have
breakfast and fart around a bit. The younger boy is a monster movie fan.
(He will be refered to as The Geek). He unsuccessfully tries to scare
Mom's sis with a monster mask and flash powder. The older
brother wants to spend the
day studying with his friends. (He will be refered to as The Nerd).
Mom's sis takes a walk down the
road in the pouring rain to help Granny set up a luncheon for her
friends. Unbeknownst to the old gals there are a bunch of baby monsters
hanging around the house. When the little critters attack they are given a
severe shit-kicking by the elderly ladies.
Meanwhile, back at the house, an electrician shows up and heads down
to the basement to work on the wiring. The Geek puts on
another monster mask and goes downstairs in the hopes of scaring the
shit out of the electrician. He's a bit late though, the monster's
already taken care of that and is just finishing the last tasty morsels
of the electrical guy. It then spits
up the mother's head and we see tons of tiny little baby monsters swimming
around on the flooded floor, they now scurry over to dine on Mom's head.
They actually look like mudfish or
something. Realizing that the creatures are blind and are attracted
only by noise, The Geek remains silent and still while he surveys
the situation and until the monster moves away.
During this time The Nerd's friends show up for their study session.
One brings in
a dead baby monster which they found outside, they
dissect it in the finest scientific
fashion. They can't figure out what it is so they go downstairs to
ask the uncle about it. Ah, but poor old unk has already met the
large monster who's made it upstairs. The monster hears them and
begins to advance toward them. The Geek turns on a radio in the
kitchen which attracts the monster giving them time to get upstairs
and lock themselves in a room.
The Geek now prepares a makeshift bomb to blow the creature up.
But there's still more to come.
This is an okay time waster with
enough blood and guts to keep even the most refined gore lover happy.
The acting here is kind of on the cornball side but the film actually
seems to benefit from it. Like, they could be my neighbors.
Yeah, I guess everyone's blessed with folks like this in their neighborhood.
Now, let's get on to the monster, it has a large main head with a huge mouth that
has to contain several hundred teeth. It also has two arm like things
that have smaller mouths on them with lots of teeth.
I mean, this sucker can chow down
big time. The baby monsters look a lot like little
mudfish and probably are. These things look too real to be special
effects in this cheapie. When we see the babies up close they have
the same mouth as the big one but not the decapitating bite power.
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