Jack Frost 1996

Jack Frost, a convicted serial killer, is on his way to get fried for his crimes in the "State Executional Transfer Vehicle" which in reality is just a bread truck. Like, shouldn't they be using an armored truck or something? Jack is to be executed in 30 minutes. Somehow I don't think this state has got it's shit together on the proper etiquette of snuffing it's murderers.

The driver and his partner are both sitting in the same driver's seat which sorta gets me wondering about them. They're also tormenting Jack in the back by shouting out lines like "Deep fried Jack." Little do they know that Jack has already broken the neck of the guard that was in the back with him and is making ready for his escape.

Of all the trucks in all the world these sorry-ass bastards have to crash head on with one that's carrying some kind of genetic DNA acid slop shit that is squirted all over poor old Jack. Right before our very eyes Jack melts away into the snow and becomes one with it.

There is a snowman building contest going on in the lovely town of Snowmonton even though there seems to be a severe lack of snow on the ground. There is also a hint of murder in the air. An old fart is bumped off and the Sheriff, who was the one that originally captured Jack, thinks it sorta looks like his handiwork. After all, Jack swore he'd return and kill the Sheriff and his family. The Sheriff calls the FBI and is assured that Jack was killed in the crash. The FBI agent who actually knows what's happening lumbers into town with a dweeb scientist tagging along. These two dipshits get bumped off later in the pic which was fine by me.

A snowman suddenly shows up in the Sheriff's yard and his kid is putting on the finishing touches when the local bullies show up. One of them knocks the snowman's head off. Hey kid, I got a feeling you shouldn't hadda done that. The snowman, as you've probably already figured out, is Jack. Jack shoves the little nerd to the ground where he is decapitated by an an oncoming sled. But Jack's not finished with this family just yet. He then goes over to the dead kid's house and rams an axe handle down the father's throat. Jack takes care of mom by strangling her with a string of lights, grinding her face in glass ornaments and finally hanging her in the Christmas tree. The big fat guy that owns the local hardware store shows up to view the events but manages to escape the snowman. I thought maybe the hardware guy would get wasted because he's always trying to make a sale whenever things go bad. He comes close when his belly gets stuck in a window as they're trying to escape from Jack later on.

Now the dead kid's sister and her boyfriend sneak into the Sheriff's house and are planning to perform a little dirty boogie. Now both you and I know that when teens do the dirty boogie in a horror movie they're dead, right? Right! He gets icicled to death and her, well let's just say she got what she came for.

Using blow dryers, yes I said blow dryers, the Sheriff and a few townsfolk force the snowman into a huge blast furnace and he goes up in steam, but he soon shows up again since he possesses the mystical power to melt and solidify at will. This enables him to get under closed doors and do other neat stuff. Then they blow up the cop shop with Jack inside but that fails too.

Finally Jack and the Sheriff have a one-on-one on the second floor of a building. The Sheriff gets stabbed by an icicle but manages grab the snowman and the two of them go flying out the window into the back of a pickup truck that has been filled with anti-freeze. This seems to do the trick and they bury Jack's remains which consist of a couple dozen plastic anti-freeze jugs. The preacher even says a few words over him. But on closer inspection we see that the anti-freeze in the bottles is boiling. Oh Oh, could be future trouble.

A lot of people out there treat this flick like dirty laundry. Michael Cooney, who directed it, doesn't seem to have taken it to seriously so why should anyone else. It ain't no Alien, but it's a hell of a lot of fun if you've got a sense of humor.