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Poor old Plan 9 always seems to top everybody's All
Time Worst List.
What can you say about a flick that has a lousy plot, or better
still a lousy non plot, shows you flying saucers that look like
aluminium coffee pot lids that just sort of flop around in front of
various backgrounds with attached strings clearly visible, takes
place in a graveyard full of cardboard tombstones that are easily
moved or knocked over, uses fire crackers and sparklers as special
effects, has dialogue that is horrible and acting that's even worse?
What can you say? I don't know what you can say, but I know what I
can say! Hey, what a great flick. It's too bloody bad to be bad. To
be quite honest though, it does suck... It Sucks Big Time... However,
I'm a bit more tolerant than most, I just happen to like it, I think
it's very entertaining...
Plan 9 was a film made on a zero budget and it shows... Loved by
some and hated by most, it's one of those not so rare flicks from the
50's that falls into the category of ---It's So Bad It's Good---
Actually, it's so bad it's hillarious...
The acting of the invading aliens is goofy and about as cardboard
as the tombstones. Eros, the leader of the flying saucer is overly
long winded when he gives his speech about why they want to take over
the Earth. He doesn't really get along that well with Tannia, his
female assistant and they seem to be constantly running into
atmospheric conditions in the total void of outer space. Mabey that's
why they're so screwed up.
The zombies, or ghouls as they are called, look really dumb with
the exception of Tor Johnson, an ex-wrestler that weighed in at about
400 pounds... He's the last thing that you would want to meet in a
cemetary at midnight...
Probably the strangest thing of all is that Bela Lugosi who stars
in the film was aready dead and buried before shooting began... He
shows up from time to time due to the magic of old footage from some
other unfinished movie... In his place is a guy who doesn't resemble
Lugosi in the least, he wanders around with a cloak wrapped around
his face to hide his identity, but it doesn't work because he is
physically quite different than the Lugosi that we see at the start
of the movie... Lugosi's wife, the Ghoul Woman, just sort of stands
around doing nothing with a 10 inch waist and 10 inch fingers, a very
strange looking babe indeed...
Jeff and Paula Trent, a couple that lives close to the cemetary
seem to be the only normal people in the film, although he gets
pretty macho when he meets the space invaders...
Rounding out the cast are some of the dumbest cops to ever grace
the silver screen since The Keystone Cops... When they discover
Inspector Clay has been murdered, they then deduce: ''Inspector
Clay's dead, murdered, and somebody's responsible''... Boy, are these
cops sharp or what?
Crisswell, a dorky 50's T.V. psycic does the absolutely stupid
narration... This more than anything else spoils the movie...
After his wife dies, the Old Man exits his house and commits
suicide by stepping into traffic... At his funeral a flying saucer
cruises by and resurrects his dead wife who now becomes The Ghoul
Woman... She bumps off two graveyard workers... The Old Man is later
resurrected and becomes The Ghoul Man... While investigating the
murders, 400 pound Inspector Clay gets murdered and resurrected...
Airline Pilot Jeff Trent lives close to this mysterious cemetary
and has a close encounter with a flying saucer while on a flight...
He informs the military and is told to keep his mouth shut about the
incident... This does not go over lightly with him cause he's got
scruples... The Ghoul Man tries to put the grabs on Jeff's wife Paula
while he's away but she escapes through the graveyard just barely
avoiding the other Ghouls...
Later the cops and some army guys are visiting Jeff and Paula when
suddenly the Ghoul Man tries to kill one of the cops. Before he can
accomplish this he is felled by a beam of light from the flying
saucer... Jeff, Paula and the rest now drive into the graveyard
towards the light's origin... Paula and a cop stay by the car while
Jeff and another cop discover the spaceship... The two good guys are
allowed into the ship to meet Eros and Tannia, the occupant aliens...
Eros explains that Earth must be defeated because Earthlings are
so dangerous... We've already developed atomic bombs and will soon
discover 'Solarite', the deadliest force in the universe... Not only
that but we must be destroyed because we don't believe in flying
saucers... Aw shucks guys, like, do you think that if we sorta like
start believing in you, like then will you sorta like go away and
leave us alone?
Anyway, while in the saucer, Jeff wants to kick some alien butt
but discovers that Paula has been scooped by the 400 pound Inspector
Ghoul... One of the cops sneaks up on the 400 pounder and conks him
on the head freeing Paula and allowing Jeff to now kick some butt...
Tannia starts up the saucer and begins to take off while the good
guys jump out... The saucer then blows up in mid air saving the world
but not the movie... Hold it, the movie's not over yet, we now get to
listen to the closing narration by Crisswell, Yuck!!!
Sure it's bad but have you ever seen 'Santa Claus Conquers The
Martians' Now there's a stinker...
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