When you are faced with the reality of a breach of trust, your first reaction is to wonder "Why?" What happens when you find out unpleasant things about someone that you may be prepared for, but aren't quite ready to handle? For me, I get a strange sense of deja vu. I've gone through it too many times to have it surprise me, but I still haven't mastered the art of taking it as non-chalantly as I like to think I do. Some people lash out, some people bottle it up, some do rash acts they regret later. I do a little of all three, just so as to give equal time.
There is a disgusting lack of awareness today about what the concept of real friendship should be about. We've replaced real relationships with others with a kind of drive-through, ala carte way of dealing with people we consider friends. We pick and choose the things we want to deal with when faced with difficult situations, and end up leaving things that are important cornerstones of interpersonal relationships isolated in their own little boxes, left to be picked up later, as needed. When we start omitting vital details from the fabric of friendship, the whole idea is not as solid as it could be. It's like building a house of stone on a foundation of quicksand.
The idea of honesty and trust has become a casulty of the judgemental world we live in. No one wants to be left feeling an outcast if there is something about us that one might find objectionable. But to be less than completely honest with others about our faults is to be less than honest with ourselves. Avoiding a subject, because we find it uncomfortable, is as bad as making it seem like it's something that it's not. It's dishonesty, through and through.
We've become smitten with the notion of not wanting to hurt other people through the things we say or do, to the point of covering up those things behind a wall of silence and dissembling. What we fail to realize is, sometimes, being forthright and honest is the best way, even if it's not what the other person wants to hear. We have to be cruel to be kind, in a way, otherwise, you leave an impression that is opposite of the one that you want to give. The person who lacks a skill has to be told, otherwise, to humour him is to do a disservice to everyone. The pain involved is far less than the pain that comes later, when the person has to confront the idea on their own. Why have effort and time be wasted, when it could be better used in a different direction?
When we rob a person of their dignity, by corrupting the idea of friendship through dishonesty, we cheapen the value that friendship is supposed to stand for. We become unworthy of any kind of respect, because we mis-use an element of society for personal gain at the expense of others, the exact opposite of what friends are supposed to be. They are supposed to enrich us, nurture us, give us a place to cling on when we are sinking in the ocean of life. They should be stalwart, and true. We shouldn't have to be forced into thinking that giving of ourselves to others is a burden not worth the effort. It should be something we wouldn't trade for any amount of money in the world.
Now, that being said, I will end up by saying that sometimes you find things you didn't even know you were looking for when you experience the betrayal of a friend. You can get so locked into the emotions of hurt, that you miss something else that is quite evident, but not necessarily apparent. There's a song that's not very good that has one good line--"every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end". Don't stop being true to others when someone else is untrue to you, in the end, you might come out better for the experience.
Selah