OD#7--Rollin and Tumblin

Rollin and Tumblin

I'll be the first person to get in the line when it comes to admitting I have a very bad temper. I seethe and grit my teeth at the kinds of things others let slide. I've gone through a metamorphosis of sorts through the years; where I used to be quick to let my temper show, I've tried very hard to develop a self-restraint as I've gotten older. When I was in high school, they used to call me Sybil behind my back, like I didn't know they called me that. It was probably justified; I went from one extreme to another as fast as anyone. I learned, slowly, that I needed to not be as mercurial, because it cost me a lot of points with people who I considered my friends.

Anger is a curious emotion, it arises from as many different reasons as there are people. Some people get angry when they don't get the right order at a restaurant. Some can't contain themselves at the sight of a child who has smeared jelly on the wall. Others have more righteous indignation, like discrimination, or poverty. We always feel justified in our anger, because it touches a place in us that we think we have made sacrocinct.

Anyone who thinks it's OK to show an ugly side of themselves to others is probably not dealing in reality very well. People who let their anger manifest itself to violence are probably in need of some help. I've never been proud of my displays of bad temper, I always feel like I've been wronged twice: once by whatever I got angry about, and then by letting it affect me to the point I have to haul the monster out of hiding. It makes for a very bad way to go through life.

One of the ways I deal with the kind of emotions that give rise to confrontation is to drive all that energy into whatever it is I happen to be doing at the time. I get very focused on my work, or my leisure pursuits. I find that I am more productive and exert a lot of energy into the task at hand. I wish I had the inner strength to be able to meditiate away all the negative vibes, but this is about as good an alternative to that as I can muster.

Everyone has demons which they deal with on a regular basis, anyone who says they don't isn't in touch with their fears properly. No matter what kind of personality you have, you'll never put the demon in it's place unless you get down in the mud and wrestle it til it gives up. You've gotta really punish the sucker, make it scream uncle, and then give it a few more shots just to make sure it won't bother you again. Sometimes it seems as though the demon is too strong, you'll never beat it. But the only thing that gives it strength is your fear of it. Once you conquer that, you've won the battle.

In the end, you can stay angry, but it doesn't help anything in the long run. You have to battle through and see what the consequences might be. Don't let the beast win. In the end, everyone loses.

Selah