Title:  Melissa's Blown Away  (continued)


<"She's not a piece of evidence.">

<"Why is so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing 
to her how you feel?  I expect more from you.  DANA expects more.">

Dana inhaled as she pushed the door open, and saw her sister's apartment.  She'd been in 
it before, but not alone.  Melissa never had anything to hide, and right now, Dana needed 
to connect with all Melissa had left behind.

Dana walked slowly through the hallway and braced herself for anything familiar she'd see 
that might be painful.  She saw all of Melissa's post modern hippie possessions.  Candles, 
peace signs, crystals, scented matches, it was all here.  Her Melissa.  

Dana walked over to Melissa's dresser.  Mulder followed cautiously behind her.  He didn't 
want to say anything to her.  He wanted her to let her have her peace with what had happened, w
ithout anything from him.  Scully, she could always survive anything.  Damn the Cigarette Man 
for doing this to her.  He'd killed Melissa.  Attempting to kill Scully.  He couldn't imagine 
how Margaret Scully was surviving.  He got the impression that as a child, Melissa had been 
closer to her mother than Dana, because of Mrs. Scully's comments.

<"Dana was always a tomboy, unlike her sister Melissa.">

Dana inhaled quickly in pain as she looked at a photograph that was of her and Melissa.  
Mulder placed his hands supportively on her shoulders and kneaded them.  She reached slowly 
for the photo.  It was taken in 1994.  Melissa had seen Dana once that year, other than when 
Dana had been dying from her abduction.  Melissa had been running all up and down the west 
coast.  However, Melissa had remembered Dana's birthday early in 94 and came over to see her 
sister.  

Dana placed her hand over her mouth.  Dana's hair was long.  So was Melissa's.  Dana was 
smiling a baby smile, an honest smile.  Not forced at all.  God, how Dana missed her sister.  
Her sister had only been gone a day, but it was forever in her mind that she would never see 
her sister again.  It was still so unbelievable.  Dana thought surely her sister would come 
running through the door.  

Dana's hand was still over her mouth and a tear rolled down her face and landed on her hand.  
Dana removed it and Mulder rested her on his chest lovingly.  She inhaled several times gaining 
back control.  She found control.  

She opened a drawer of Melissa's, hoping not to find anything she didn't want Mulder to see, 
and she found Melissa's favorite candle.  It was lemon scented and used half way.  It was a 
huge candle, Melissa meditated with.  Dana felt the urge to do what Melissa would do.  Meditate 
to make herself feel whole.  

Dana pulled out the candle, turned off the lights in the room, lit the candle, and sat across 
from Mulder on the floor.  He'd never meditated before, and she hadn't either without Melissa.  
However, she remembered what Melissa would do.

"Hold out your hands Mulder.  Point your fingers towards the candle.  Open your heart."

He did just as she told him.  He was happy around her.  Even though she was suffering, and he 
was too, being with her was filling his heart all by itself.  He kept his eyes opened and 
watched her.  Eyes closed, concentrating.  Then, he shut his eyes.

"Dear God, my heart is open.  Come into my heart, fill it, and take away the pain," he heard 
her beg.  "Dear God, my heart is open, come into my heart and fill it.  Mulder, feel God's love 
go through your fingers and into your heart.  Feel the love from God flow through your body."

He concentrated, not worrying about himself as much as her.  He wasn't very religious, but 
this wasn't about religion, this was about faith.  The faith she had, or what Melissa had.  
Melissa and Dana meditated.  Just like this.

"God, take care of my sister.  Love her.  I will let her go if you...if you please, fill my 
heart with love.  Take away the anger, the fear, the pain.  Dear God, my heart is open, 
please, fill my heart with love."

Dana said nothing more.  Even though her eyes were closed, tears came out of them.  Mulder 
opened his eyes and saw her tear stained face.  His heart broke.  Her eyes remained closed 
as she tried to concentrate.  Her face drained the excitement and intensity he was used to 
seeing.  She opened her eyes.  They were so bright he almost thought he saw steam leaving 
them.  She blew out the candle, and looked at him. 

"Worked better when Missy did it with me."

"You did damn well to me Scully."

She smiled and looked down.

"I'm a beginner.  I never really believed much in that stuff.  Actually, it wasn't even that.  
When would I have had the time?"  

"I love you Scully."

 she thought.    She looked up, very surprised.  

"Oh I love you too Mulder," she whispered.  "But right now I just, I feel so empty.  I don't 
know if I have anything more to give."

He stood up and pulled her in his arms.  She walked with him over to the bed and he sat down 
and rocked her.  They were silent for a few moments.  He knew just how she felt, and she knew 
he did.

"You have so much love in your heart left to give."

"There's just no more me Mulder."

"Yes there is Scully.  I promise you."

She was silent for a few moments.  Then she spoke in a crying voice.

"I've seen people die Mulder, so many times but I...I never knew what they felt like."

"You're so strong Scully, you'll get through this."

He placed his hands around her face and forced her to look up at him.  She shook her head.

"But I'm not, I'm not anymore.  I'm not strong anymore Mulder."

"Hold on Scully and I promise, it will get better."

"Melissa's gone.  She's gone.  She's blown away to a place I can't reach and I...I don't know 
how to deal with it."

He kissed her forehead.  The little light in the room still showed that she was the most 
beautiful thing he'd ever seen.  He loved her.  He'd told her and she'd replied the same.  
What more could he ask for?  The only thing he could ask for is for the pain to stop.  Stop 
for both of them.

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