Go Your Own Way

"Ike…what are you doing?" Taylor Hanson asked of his oldest brother as he entered Hanson’s dressing room in the BBC studios in London, England. Taylor could clearly see that Isaac was sitting at a dressing table, doing something to his face while looking at the mirror. The boys were in London on Tour – and also to appear on BBC’s National Lottery Live, Saturday Nights Draw. Not only would the three boys be performing one of the songs from their previous tour on stage, but one of them would get to be the one who pressed the button that started the draw.

Isaac – who hadn’t heard his brother enter the room at first - turned quickly, his cheeks instantly going red, he cupped his hands together(Around a tube of something that Taylor couldn’t identify). "Uh, nothin’," Isaac looked fairly innocent, and fairly more flawless than Taylor remembered him being that morning. Isaac had looked very sleep-deprived five hours earlier, his eyes had been darkened by lack of rest, and there had been the reddening of fatigue-blotches on his left cheek. Isaac looked better now than he had in weeks – and with only four hours sleep that night, Taylor found that to be a miracle.

"Are you wearing makeup?" Taylor asked, walking over, squinting, seeing the slight trace of a light tan foundation showing under Isaac’s eyes – the area under his eyes seemed to be sheathed by a fine ivory powder.

Isaac tried to remain totally calm – despite the fact he was in fact wearing make up. "No," he said, his hands loosened around the tube of make up in his hands.

"Liar!" Taylor accused, his smile widening – a glimpse of his retainer instantly noticeable. "I can see a bottle of ‘Max Factor-Virtually Touch-proof foundation’ in your hands!" he burst out laughing, his eyes glittering in the pure hilarity of his brothers wearing makeup to avoid looking bad – even Taylor would never stoop as low as that.

Isaac frowned. "So what, Tay? I looked like hell, the woman doing makeup suggested that I use some of this to hide the rash starting to appear on my cheek."

"That’s not a rash," Taylor informed. "Its blotches because you're tired," he explained, "and even makeup can’t hide that stoned-exhausted look in your eyes," Taylor added. Isaac was exhausted, and his eyes were dull and droopy, he looked as if he could fall asleep any moment.

"Ah…but you see…I have Optrex for that," Isaac lifted a small dropper bottle, "couple of drops of this and my eyes will look bright and alert."

Taylor folded his arms. "Why don’t you just sleep at night?"

Isaac lowered his eyes to the tube of foundation in his hands. "I just can’t…its insomnia or something I guess…"

Feeling that this was the end of the conversation, Taylor sat down at the dressing table on the bench next to Isaac and he began combing his hair distantly as Isaac continued to apply the foundation. Taylor glimpsed at Isaac’s reflection, feeling a pang of worry building up inside of himself. Isaac looked more exhausted than Taylor had ever seen him before. Isaac had been trying to do everything at once, in between practising music, writing songs, constantly sorting out tour dates with their father Isaac was also trying to do school work. Then there was the case of having to sleep on a tour-bus as it travelled, it was hard to sleep when the bus constantly shifted and hit bumps.

Ike really does look like hell, Taylor thought. Taylor hoped that Isaac would sleep well tonight, and hopefully go to bed a lot earlier than usual.

Isaac reached out for his portable CD player and turned it on, pressed play and a loud blast of music flowed through the dressing room

Just then, Zac, the youngest of the band, rushed in. "Hey, Here…you must have dropped this on stage earlier during rehearsals," Zac held up Isaac’s silver cross on a black leather necklace. "Hey, you’re looking a lot better than you did this morning…how’d that come about? Did you nap during dinner time?"

Isaac was about to say something, but Taylor totally interrupted with "he’s wearing makeup, Zac."

"Makeup?" Bwahahahahahahahahaha!" Zac burst into fits of laughter. "Oh, man…what a weirdo! Wearing makeup! How pathetic can you get?! Hahahahaha!"

"Hey, lots of famous dudes wear makeup," Isaac put in while he was pulling his cross-necklace on. "Prince…Michael Jackson…Marilyn Manson…" Isaac gave a shudder to the last name. "Anyway, this is just like a concealer, Zac. To hide all the blemishes in my skin…"

"Which is caused by lack of sleep," Taylor said in nonchalant way as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail.

"Who asked you?" Isaac frowned and Taylor.

"Did you not sleep again last night?" Zac asked, suddenly stopping his laughter, the smile from his face died instantly.

"I couldn’t, too much on my mind, I guess," Isaac shrugged, then frowned slightly, and shifted his position on the bench awkwardly.

"Something wrong?" Taylor noticed the expression on Isaac’s face change to one of pain.

"No…nothing," Isaac uttered.

Taylor and Zac exchanged concern glances, and then continued getting ready for their appearance on television.

There were many people in the crowd, Isaac, Taylor and Zac surveyed the audience from an area backstage, the presenter was talking about a project called ‘Millennium’ which none of them were sure was exactly. The presenter was very mysterious when she announced the Psychic woman who was predicting this weeks winners – Mystic Meg. Smoke and special effects were used to enhance the effect the black-haired blue-eyed Psychic woman known as Mystic Meg had on the audience. Mystic Meg looked very exotic in a way, something was Mystical about her indeed. She spoke in a slow, sleek accent.

"A recently engaged couple, a man with a green scarf, and a clarinet player will be celebrating tonight."

"I talked to her earlier," Zac whispered – Zac had been backstage a while after rehearsals and had met some of the stars who made the UK’s National Lottery an interesting show. "She’s like…really cool," Zac grinned, shaking his golden-blonde braids away from his face."

Taylor frowned, listening into some of Mystic Meg’s predictions for tonight’s lottery winners. "I hear she’s always right."

"Hey, Ike…that’s you!" Zac said in amazement. "A Scorpio with a love of music!"

Isaac rolled his eyes. "Get real, Zac," he said. "There are probably Thousands of Scorpio’s in the UK with a love of music."

"The name Diana is important. A telephone operator, a blacksmith, an a computer repair man will be celebrating toooooo."

"Ike! That’s you! The name Diana is important, Ike! That’s mom’s name!"

"Aw, c’mon, Zac. I don’t need ten million pounds…the money isn’t important…" Isaac sighed.

"Think of the studio we could build for that…" Zac whispered in awe.

Isaac blinked tiredly, and turned to see the presenter talking. "If I won anyway – which I doubt I will – I’d probably give it to charity or something…"

"Good idea," Taylor admitted. "She’s about to announce us…get ready," Taylor informed Zac and Isaac quickly.

"And Now…Mmmbopping their way onto the National Lottery stage…"

"Who gets to push the button?" Zac asked quickly, turning to Isaac and Taylor hoping they’d let him be the one to do the honours.

"Oh, I dunno…you I suppose," Isaac grabbed his side in pain, it was hurting badly for no reason it seemed.

"Ike?" Taylor asked worriedly, noticing Isaac clutching his side.

"Its nothing…" Isaac uttered. And he motioned for the other two to follow him so they were on the stage before the camera hit them.

There was an echo of screaming girls over the huge audience, and the boys began to instantly play their instruments, guitar, keyboard and drums.

Playing live was easy for Isaac, Taylor and Zac – it came naturally. However, tonight, Isaac found it hard to concentrate. The pain in his side was becoming harsher on him, he couldn’t describe it, it was just agony. It made it harder to concentrate on the song as lights were flashing around them, girls in the audience were screaming and Zac was going off beat.

Taylor looked over from the keyboard, and kept his singing up. He could see Isaac struggling to play, whilst in pain. Something’s wrong, Taylor thought worriedly. Something is dreadfully, seriously wrong.

Zac noticed it too, he went off beat three times each time he looked up to see Isaac, Isaac was toiling with the pain and trying to concentrate. Zac’s eyes squinted in concern. "Oh, man, Ike does not look good," he whispered to himself.

Taylor went off key noticing it, there seemed to be a whisper going along the audience, but the audience remained calm and did not boo them off, Taylor was thankful for that, and thankful when the song ended faster than usual.. They grouped together behind stage to make their way around the hallway leading to the other side of the stage so they could take part to press the button on the machine.

"Ike…" Taylor said, they were picking up pace walking, a camera woman at their back.

"I’m fine…" Isaac lied. "Zac, speed up…"

Zac was the first to reach the machine just as the cameras locked onto the three, the machine operator was standing directly over the huge lottery machine, waiting for the cue, hearing the unseen voice of the shows announcer. Music blasted through the place, and lights flashed, firework effects went off.

"John, please start up Lancelot."

"What's Lancelot?" Zac asked innocently as the machine operator John pressed a button and the machine started up, then Zac immediately realised that Lancelot was the machine and shut up.

Taylor kept his eyes on Isaac – and Isaac had his eyes on Anthea Turner.

"I KNOW I’M A SINNER! BUT MAKE ME A WINNER!!"

The balls in the machine were released, spinning around frantically inside the dome, waiting for destiny that they would make someone tonight a very happy person.

"And now for an estimated grand total of Nine-point-four-million pounds, Hanson press the button and start the draw!"

John – the machine operator motioned to the green button in the middle of the panel.

Isaac nudged Zac.

Zac grinned and held his finger over the button. "In an Mmmbop I’m gonna make someone a very, very happy person!" he cried at the camera in his usual hyper style, then he slammed his finger hard on the button, and the machine started up.

"GOOD LUCK!" Isaac called out to the camera – to the millions of viewers watching at home.

"Yeah, good luck," Taylor echoed, still keeping his eyes on Isaac, Isaac stumbled for a moment, luckily, the cameras had turned their attention off of them – Taylor grabbed Isaac by the upper arm and began to drag him back behind stage. "Ike…what's going on?!"

"Nothing…just some pains…" Isaac trailed off, collapsing into a chair, clutching his side.

"Is it bad?" Zac asked, following on, he looked very worried, his brown eyes showed his concern fully.

"Yeah," Isaac nodded weakly. "Zac…can you please run and get me some…painkillers or something…ask around for them…"

"Okay," Zac nodded obediently and he ran off.

Taylor knelt down by Isaac’s chair. "Why didn’t you say you were getting pains in the first place?"

"I thought it was maybe just nerves or something," Isaac struggled to speak through the pain.

"Hey…what's going on?" came a deeper but soft voice from above the two.

Taylor turned, seeing a blonde-haired man there, with a chiselled jaw, and blue-grey eyes. He recognised him as one of the presenters of the show called Gary. "Uh…Hi…" Taylor said nervously. "My bro isn’t feeling so good…"

"What's wrong with him?" Gary asked, he looked concerned.

"Funny pains," Isaac whined in agony.

"I sent my other brother off to get some painkillers."

"Scrap that," Gary retorted, he pulled a cell-phone out of a phone holster on his hip. "I’m calling an ambulance, your brothers gone a funny colour, mate…"

"Thanks," Taylor felt relieved and listened as Gary began to call an ambulance on the number 999.

Taylor remained silent, he could hear the last of the numbers being drawn and the lottery show ending.

Zac appeared back. "No one has painkillers!" he whined.

"Its okay, Zac…we’re taking him to a hospital…" Taylor said.

"Ike?" Zac asked, kneeling down too, taking his brothers face in his hands and lifting it so that Isaac would look straight at him. Isaac’s eyes were watering, his cheeks were paler and he was sweating badly. "Man, he does not look good…" Zac bit his lip.

Isaac was clutching his stomach now. "The pain is travelling…" he stressed. "God…it hurts…"

Gary got off of the cell-phone. "Okay, there should be an ambulance here shortly, lads," he informed.

"Thank you," Taylor nodded in appreciation to Gary.

"Where’s your chaperon?" Gary asked. "Your manager, am I right?"

Zac stood up. "We’re not sure…he’s supposed to be picking us up after the end of the show.

Gary seemed to think for a moment. "You can’t go without an adult…in case something happens…listen, I’ll stick with you until we get word to your manager, okay?"

"Okay…" Zac nodded.

"Uh…guys…I think he’s passing out…" Taylor yelped.

"Mom and dad are freaked out…" Taylor said as he reached the waiting room of the hospital, Zac and Gary were waiting to hear what was wrong with Isaac. Taylor had gone to call their parents to let them know that something had happened. Diana and Walker Hanson were back in Tulsa, they’d agreed to wait another two hours and if the news on Isaac was bad, then they were flying straight over on the next flight out of there.

Taylor handed Gary his cell phone back. "Here…thanks a lot, I know you’re not gonna be happy when you get your next phone bill…"

"Ah, it’s the BBC’s, let them deal with it," Gary smiled.

Taylor sat down next to Zac. "God I hate this waiting," he whined. "The not knowing…it bugs ya a lot…" he sighed. Then he put his head in his hands. "Oh, god…what if there’s something wrong with him?" he asked in a tone of vexation. "What if he has something that can’t be cured?"

"Don’t get worried over nothing," Zac reached out and clamped his hand on Taylor’s shoulder. "I’m sure it can't be like really serious, its just started…if it was really serious, we’d have had a warning or something, the pains would have been little pains at first, it wouldn’t have started off like this."

"Maybe its his appendix…" Taylor trailed off.

"Listen, lads," Gary said, he motioned for them to look at him. "I’ve seen this kind of thing a lot…my guess…its probably pains from stress…"

"Stress?" Zac asked. "How can stress cause severe pains?"

"Well, it can cause migraines…can't it?" Gary pointed out. "Anyway, I was in a band once, Robbie from the band got it twice…his was groin pains…and it was diagnosed as stress…not from the stardom, just the worry about everything…does your brother worry?"

"No, usually he’s pretty laid back…" Taylor admitted.

"Well, even so, my guess is that it’s the stress of stardom or something…"

Taylor paused for a moment, looking away. "Writing songs, constant practise, appearances, tour dates, school work, keeping us in check, being hounded by thousands of fans, trying so hard to have everything just right…I’ll just bet this is a result of all that…"

"Jesus, your brother is – what? – eighteen years old! Why is he working so hard so young?"

"He likes to push himself…he’s becoming less goofy lately and more serious – and he keeps shoving himself to the limit, its no surprise now that I think about it," Taylor admitted. "Do you think all that could cause an ulcer in his stomach or something?"

"Yeah, I suppose it could," Gary admitted. "But I don’t think you should worry so badly about it, my reckon is it is just stress."

A doctor stepped into the waiting room. "Excuse me, are you the relatives of…" he stopped and looked at a piece of paper on a clipboard. "Isaac Hanson?"

"Yeah," Taylor stood up immediately. "What's wrong with him?"

The doctor looked at Gary, seemingly recognising him from TV, but not saying a word, he just prepared to give the famous song-writer-singer-presenter the news of Isaac’s condition. "He’s—"

"Tell them, not me," Gary said. "They’re his brothers, I’m just helping out," he explained.

The doctor turned to look at Taylor and Zac – his face betrayed no surprise as he looked at Zac, his expression speaking ‘I thought the man said they were his brothers’. "Your brother is seriously run down – the pains were a result of stress, there's nothing we can really do for him, all we can do is advise him to rest and take things easy…"

"Thank god it wasn’t anything else," Taylor sighed in relief.

"Can we see him now?" Zac asked.

"Of course…come this way…"

"I’ll wait here," Gary informed Zac and Taylor, he smiled in a supportive way, then took out his phone and began punching in a number. "I’ll check with the BBC to see if your manager showed up or not."

"Thanks," Taylor and Zac said in unison and smiled too, then followed the Doctor to find their brother.

Isaac was in a ward with tons of other patients. Zac and Taylor were taken behind a curtain to where Isaac lay in a hospital bed, his face pale, but he seemed better, and over most of the pain that had scared him and Taylor and Zac almost to death.

"Hi!" Zac said, rushing over to hug Isaac tightly, so glad that he was okay. "Man, you had us worried for a second there, Ike…"

Isaac smiled and weakly patted Zac’s back, then ruffled Zac’s braided hair playfully. . "I’m okay…doc just said it was stress and that I should take it easy from now on…"

Taylor sighed, walking over. "Ike…you better take it easy, we don’t want you taking a relapse. You’ve been pushing yourself to the limit too much, you better start sleeping at night instead of staying up to write songs and god knows all what…"

Isaac laughed softly. "I’m fine, I’m fine, stop worrying…"

"So what now?" Taylor asked, folding his arms.

"Well, the doctor said I can leave in half an hour or something, but I should let the pills they gave me settle first, the doctor is seeing to someone contacting Chris, and then we can go," Isaac explained.

Taylor sat on the edge of the bed. "How do you feel?" he asked of Isaac, realising he’d not asked this before.

"Fine…a little…y’know, sore," Isaac explained. "The pain seemed to travel everywhere," Isaac frowned for a second, shifted restlessly, then sighed. "But the pain is dying down now, so I guess its gonna be okay now."

Taylor lowered his eyes to his hands. "I thought you were gonna die or something for a minute…you know how these things get you thinking like that?"

"Yeah," Isaac nodded. "I thought I was gonna die too, actually," Isaac admitted. "Thought my pony had ran its last mile," he added softly, he gave a soft laugh, but the expression was serious. He really had thought he was going to die. The pain had been so bad…

"You don’t know how relieved we both are to know you’re okay," Zac admitted, his eyes wide.

"I’m glad I’m okay, too, Zac," Isaac sighed, and turned to look out of the window. "I’m glad too."

Isaac stared at his mother, a tallish blonde with evening-sky-blue eyes, and a peachy reflection, rose-petal lips and a smile no one would forget. Beyond Diana Hanson, Taylor, Zac, Mackenzie and Zoe were sitting at the kitchen table. Mackenzie was flicking cornflakes at Zac, his hazel eyes lighting up at Zac’s annoyance. Taylor was chuckling, and cheering Mackenzie on, that was, until he noticed Isaac coming into the room, then there was a silence, and even Mac stopped what he was doing.

"Its okay, mom. I’m fine," Isaac stepped over and kissed his mothers cheek gently, patted her arm, and then walked over to the table and sat beside Taylor. He began fooling around with the portable radio on the table, he turned the dial, and eventually found a suitable station. And he instantly began singing along to the radio.

Taylor turned to Isaac, his evening-sky-blue eyes were distressed, he reached up, shoving a lock of golden hair away from his cheek, frowning slightly. "Ike…"

"Now don’t you start," Isaac warned in a tone of agitation. "I’m fine, Tay, so back off."
"Okay, okay," Taylor gave in, putting his hands up in instant surrender.

Isaac continued with the song, clicking his fingers to the beat of the song.

Mackenzie flicked a dry cornflake at Isaac. "Bombs away!" the four year old giggled.

Isaac frowned at Mackenzie. "Quit it, Mac. I’m not in the mood today."

Mackenzie paused, then put down his plastic spoon, and climbed out of his chair and left the room.

Things were silent until the song finished, and the radio DJ started talking about a local soccer game.

"Hey, Taylor…isn’t that the game you’re going to be playing in tomorrow?" Diana asked, putting down a plate with four slices of toast in front of Taylor.

Taylor took a bite of toast, and mumbled whilst eating, "uh-huh," he nodded, the look on his face was one of uneasiness.

Zac seemed a little uneasy too, but tried to make the best of it. "So…what are you gonna do today, Ike?" he asked of Isaac. He leaned his elbows on the table.

"I don’t know…I thought we had something on our schedule…" Isaac seemed to think for a moment. "Don’t we have a photo-session to go to?"

"We did have," Taylor said. "I cancelled."

"Well, go reschedule it for today," Isaac ordered. "If I don’t get out of this house I’m gonna go stir crazy."

"Its only been two days…" Zac pointed out worriedly.

"Yeah, well, I like keeping busy…and after the photo-shoot, I want you two to help me with a song I’ve been writing—"

"Isaac, you’re doing it again," Diana said, walking over, she took a seat beside Isaac, and placed her hand on his hand, and squeezed it with motherly affection. "Take it easy, you don’t have to do everything at once."

"I’m alright," Isaac assured his mother, he got up and walked over to the refrigerator and began searching for the orange juice. "Where’s the OJ?" he asked.

"I’ll get it," his mother stood up, walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbed a glass from a shelf, and poured orange juice into it, she reached out and handed it to Isaac. "Here, you go, honey," she smiled.

Isaac paused. "Y’know, I think I’ll get the garage cleaned out today, we left in a dreadful mess last week when we were practising, there's papers all over the place and everything…"

Taylor elbowed Zac in the side. "Shut up," he warned. "No, Ike. Leave us to do it. We made the mess and we’ll clear it up."

"I can—" Isaac began.

"Just forget it man," Taylor stated.

"Look, I can do it myself, alright, I’m eighteen, and I’m not an invalid," Isaac muttered. "Now I’m gonna go look up our schedule book, find the number of that company and reschedule our photo-session for this afternoon," he added huffily, and then he left the room quickly, a stomp in his step.

Taylor looked at Zac, and then to Diana. "Mom…what's getting to him?"

"He’s just apprehensive, Honey," Diana reached over and smoothed down Taylor’s hair affectionately. "Everyone is worried about him and it scares him. He thinks that if everyone’s worried about him then there must be something wrong."

"I hope that’s the case," Zac shrugged, and began eating a slice of burnt toast.

"Either that or his attitude needs a major readjusting," Taylor muttered, and went back to eating breakfast.

Isaac made the call and arranged for him and his brothers to go down to the picture-studio to be photographed. The photographer himself had talked with Isaac, he suggested that Isaac wear something pale, since the background was going to be very dark.

Two hours later, he was trying to get his brothers in order, Taylor was complaining about his hair as usual, and Zac was being difficult because he hated wearing pale colourless clothes. Isaac had chosen a white v-neck T-shirt for Zac, and a pair of beige jeans, Zac had tried the whole outfit on, but had decided the image was just not him, he was determined to let Isaac know this too. He stood in front of the mirror, arms outstretched as if he had gunk dropping from them – or as if he were too afraid to put his arm down. There was a disgusted expression on his childish face. "Uh-uh," he shook his head defiantly. "Uh-uh-uh-uh-UH!" he immediately grabbed the shoulders of the white v-neck T-shirt and hauled it off in a speed that spoke his reluctance to wear the piece of clothing. "Ike, I am not wearing that!"

"You’ll wear it."

"No."

"Zac, those are the lightest clothes you own," Isaac began, his temper beginning to rise, Zac was always like this, and it got to him a lot. "If you don’t wear light clothes, then you’re not gonna show up too well on the background."

"I don’t care! I am not wearing these clothes! I hate this T-shirt, its so plain and colourless…"

"You’ll wear it and like it – or go without," Isaac said.

"MOM!" Zac ran out into the hall, shoving past Taylor who was walking into the bedroom with a detangler comb caught in his hair.

"MOM!!! IKE IS BOSsing me arou….!" Zac’s voice faded off.

"Ike…a little help here…" Taylor whined.

Isaac sighed and walked over – he put one hand around the handle of the comb, and started using his fingers to try and pick the tangles out of Taylor's sunsteaked-blonde hair. "Can’t you even comb your hair, Tay?" Isaac demanded in a half-agitated tone.

"No, because this stupid detangler comb keeps catching. That thing is going in the trash," Taylor mumbled.

"We’re gonna have to cut it," Isaac sighed grabbing a pair of scissors from the dresser.

"AGH! Don’t you dare!" Taylor broke away holding his hands over his head protectively, the detangler comb hanging from his golden locks.

Isaac frowned. "C’mon, Tay, its just a little bit, just a centimetre’s width of hair that no one could possibly notice…"

"Its near my forehead…you cut that and its gonna keep falling over eyes!"

"Its either that or I give the comb one sharp tug and the whole thing comes out – your hair will be pulled out of its roots though…" Isaac warned. "And it will grow in awkwardly…"

"Okay, okay, fine, cut it, just don’t…screw up. If you make my hair look bad then I will Karatasize your ass…"

"You’ll do no such thing," Diana Hanson stepped into the bedroom with a topless irritated looking Zac at her back. "I hear you swearing again, Taylor, and I’ll be the one to karatasize your ass," she swatted Taylor’s head gently. "Now, Isaac…" she turned to Isaac. "What is all this about you threatening to make Zac go out topless?"

"I said no such thing," Isaac folded his arms. "Mom, we have to wear light coloured clothes for the photo session, I set out some perfectly nice clothes for Animal, and he’s refusing to wear them…"

"Which clothes?"

"The white V-neck…and the jeans he’s wearing…" Isaac motioned to the T-shirt which was now lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Diana looked at Zac. "I thought you said Isaac was forcing you to go out topless…"

"He said I either wear it, or do without…" Zac whined, pouting.

"Grow up, and get the T-shirt on, skinny," Diana walked by Zac, poking him in the ribs playfully.

"Aw…mom!" Zac complained, drawing back out of her reach.

His mother looked back at him, giving him that look that told him she wasn’t in the mood for these games.

"Okay, okay, okay," Zac gave in and began to pull the T-shirt back on.

"Isaac…what are you doing to Taylor’s hair?" Diana asked, she was leaning against the threshold.

"Trying to get this tug out…" Isaac grunted, tugging the comb matted into Taylor’s hair.

"OW!" Taylor yelped. "You’re pulling my hair out of the roots!"

"Oh, for heavens sake," Diana walked over, shoving Isaac out of the way. "Go comb your hair, Isaac," she instructed.

"I can't…" Isaac folded his arms defiantly. "Taylor has the comb in his hair…" he reminded.

"Well, go brush your teeth or something, I don’t know, go—?" Diana struggled with Taylor’s hair.

"Ow, mom!"

"Go put your makeup on, Ike," Zac suggested, laughing.

Isaac shot Zac a look of unpleasantness, and mouthed the words "I’m gonna kick your ass!"

"MOM!!" Zac whined. "Ike is threatening to kick my ass!"

"Oh, for goodness sake, Zac. Will you quit complaining, and if I ever hear you use that word again I will—" Diana managed to pull the comb out of the tug at last, and managed to pull quite a few of Taylor's hairs with it.

"But it was Ike who said it, not me!" Zac whined.

"So far in the last two minutes I’ve heard you and Taylor use that word, but not Isaac," Diana retorted. "Now…I’ll go down and start the van…"

"Can’t I just drive, so we can go on our own?" Isaac asked.

"Well…." Diana seemed to consider this.

"C’mon, mom, I’m eighteen," Isaac reminded. "I can handle Tay and Zac on my own."

Taylor and Zac shot Isaac a look that was not pleasant.

Diana nodded with a smile.

Isaac beamed proudly.

Diana was about to leave the room, she then paused, and turned slightly, looking over her shoulder. "You wear makeup?" she asked of Isaac suddenly.

"It was just once, mom," Isaac whined.

"He was wearing Max-Factor, mom," Taylor chuckled.

"Virtually Touchproof…I guess that way it wouldn’t rub off on the fans he tries to make out—" Zac added in.

"Taylor, Zac…" Diana warned.

"Okay, okay, okay," Taylor sighed. "We’ll behave."

Zac threw up his arms in surrender.

Isaac began combing his hair quickly. "C’mon, it’s a half an hours drive to the studio," he reminded.

Taylor looked into the mirror, and fixed his hair into a ponytail after combing it back with his fingers. "Ike…I don’t think this camel-coloured cord shirt is quite me…"
"Tay, you look okay, now come on…"

"Why can’t I wear your white sweater?" Taylor asked. "I’d much rather wear that…"

"Zac stained it…"

"Your sweater would be far too big for Zac," Taylor retorted, picking up his rucksack, he always carried one around with him – he liked to have his things right next to him.

"He wasn’t wearing it…he just decided to trip over a step while holding a bottle of Orangina and pour it all over my back while I was walking in front while I happened to be wearing it," Isaac explained.

Zac rolled his dark chestnut eyes. "As if I can be blamed for—"

Isaac began shoving Zac out of the room. "Never mind. C’mon."

"Zac, will you get down from there?" Isaac demanded tugging at Zac’s T-shirt.

"Hey, I’m the hyper one, people expect this of me," Zac grinned. "C’mon, I can’t pose like this forever…"

"Hold still, Tay, why are you shaking?" Isaac demanded.

"Why am I shaking?" Taylor asked. "Maybe because I’m cold…" Taylor rolled his eyes just as the photo was taken and swore under his breath, that was going to be a good picture, a picture of Taylor Hanson with his eyes rolling and face twisted in sardonic expression.

Isaac belted Taylor on the arm. "Pay attention…"

"Alright, boys…pose for the camera…"

Zac climbed down, knelt behind Taylor and Isaac and wrapped his arms around them tightly, Isaac and Taylor were squeezed together tightly with Zac’s head appearing just above their shoulders, Zac smiled, a sweet, brotherly smile, he was faking of course, Zac rarely smiled this sweetly, Zac’s smile was more of a menacing ‘I know something you don’t know’ smile. A knowing smile.

Isaac and Taylor faked their smiles, and posed prettily for the camera – then relaxed as the photo was taken.

"Alright, now…have you guys any suggestions…poses you’d like to try?"

"I have one!" Zac declared, and motioned for Isaac and Taylor to kneel on the floor. "Go boys…get on the floor…"

"Why?" Taylor asked.

"Because I say so…" Zac kicked Taylor in the butt, and watched as Taylor grumbled and knelt on the floor on his hands and knees, Isaac copied the pose. Zac hopped down and climbed onto their backs so he was standing actually on their backs. "How’s this?" he asked.

"Painful," Isaac mumbled.

"Perfect," the photographer beamed and snapped another photo.

Zac climbed down. "Ike…d’ya think you can still get me on your shoulders…"

"Uh, I wouldn’t even attempt that," Isaac shook his head.

"Okay, lets get a few of Taylor on his own next," The photographer suggested.

Isaac shrugged and moved away from the crate, watching as Taylor did his male-model poses for the camera, he frowned slightly, wondering why it was always Taylor who had to get the most attention during these photo sessions. The first half of the session had been spent mostly on Taylor’s poses alone. I guess the photographer thinks that since Taylor is the lead singer, he’s also the most important member of the band, and should be the one in the front of the photo all the time, Isaac realised. I’ve been most of the work behind this band, how come I never get that kind of attention, he wondered.

"Uh…are we about done?" Isaac asked. "Is it okay if I take five minutes break?" he asked of the photographer.

"Sure, son," the photographer said.

Isaac began to walk off, Zac bounding along behind.

"Where ya going?" Zac asked.

"To the locker room," Isaac stated. "Taylor’s rucksack is in there, and I want to see if he has any candy in there, I don’t think I’ve eaten all day…"

"Taylor always carries candy, he’s a candy freak…can't be healthy…"

Isaac paused, and looked at Zac. "This coming from a boy who relies on sugar-rush to get him through the day?" he asked, folding his arms.

Isaac rolled his eyes and began to make his way down the hall, Zac still in tow.

"Ike…you’ve been acting funny all day…" Zac then confessed.

"Huh?" Isaac asked.

"Well, you’re bossy, and you’ve snapped at us a couple of times…" Zac admitted seriously, his face losing all trace of cheerfulness.

Isaac shrugged. "I think you’re imagining it, when did I snap at you and Tay?"

"When I wasn’t gonna wear the white T-shirt…you know I hate wearing plain clothes and you practically bit my head off when I said I didn’t want to wear this…" Zac looked worried. "Then I was only joking about the makeup thing, and looked really mad at me when you threatened to kick my ass…and this morning when Tay tried to say we’d clean up the garage, you bit his head off too!"

"Look, maybe its just because you two are bugging me so much, we never get a rest from each other, Zac…its constantly us three doing this and that and this and that, I need time on my own, can't you understand that?"

"But I don’t think it has anything to do with that otherwise you’d have never arranged for us to come to the photo session today together…" Zac began. "Oh, I don’t know, Ike…and why are you so bossy today?"

"I don’t know, maybe because in the last four days I’ve been ill you two have been out of order?"

"Yeah, right," Zac rolled his eyes.

"No, I mean it, when I’m not there to keep you guys in check, you make a mess of everything, don’t you think I haven’t noticed that lately? You get totally out of control a lot and Taylor…well, he gets sort of…"

"You can’t even explain it because I think you’re just making excuses, you just like bossing us around for the fun of it, not because you have to but because you want to!"

"Oh, Zac, grow up and stop being so suspicious of me, I’m your brother for gods sake…I'm not plotting against you and Tay…"

"You swear?" Zac asked frowning slightly.

"Cross my heart, poke my ribs, see my lips? They tell no fibs," Isaac smiled.

"Okay," Zac nodded.

As they reached the locker room, Isaac instantly caught the attention of his reflection in the mirror on the wall, his lanky frame stood around five feet ten, dressed in beige and cream coloured clothes. His eyes – dark chestnut – had lost their sparkle and his dark coppery hair seemed greasy and limp and dull. I don’t look good, he thought to himself, I still look as ill as I did on Saturday at the BBC. Maybe Mom was right, maybe I should have just stayed at home and rested instead of feeling I owed the world a duty to have these photos taken so fans can drool over Taylor and look at me as some monkey faced clown in the background. Isaac thought about Taylor. The fifteen year old had peachy skin, the bluest eyes, the most delicate features, and the most perfect golden hair. Taylor was what most girls called the perfect guy – and because of his initial shyness he was loved even more. Zac was almost as popular as Taylor because of his wackiness, Zac could make any one laugh which was why he was loved just as much.

"What is it, Ike?" Zac asked, noticing that Isaac was just standing staring at himself as if shocked and disgusted by his own appearance.

Isaac blinked. "I look…bad…" he said.

"No you don’t, you look great," Zac said, and meaning it, Isaac did look good – at least – compared to the way he had looked last week he did.

"No…I don’t look good…I look…ugly…and plain and—"

"Ike, what are you on about? You are not ugly, so stop saying that, you’re freaking me out…" Zac punched Isaac playfully in the back. "C’mon…didn’t you say you were looking for Candy?" he asked, he walked over to the place where Taylor had left his rucksack lying around, and he began delving into it. "Look! A Snickers bar! Your favourite…"

"I’m not hungry," Isaac shook his head and began to walk off.

"But you said you hadn’t eaten—" Zac began.

"I know what I said, but at the time, I was hungry," Isaac admitted. "Come on, lets finish with this photo-session and then we can go home…"

"Why don’t we rent a movie and sit in tonight?" Zac suggested.

"Sounds okay," Isaac shrugged.

"A Scary movie. A good, old fashioned gorefest, bloody to the finish," Zac grinned.

"Hey guys," Taylor met them out in the hall. "You two are to come back now, we’re gonna take three more shots and that’s us done," he explained.

"Okay…" Zac nodded. "Hey, Tay, were gonna rent a movie tonight," he said.

"Kind of movie?" Taylor asked interestedly.

Isaac rolled his eyes. "A bare-butt-wobbling-lip-tickling scudaroonie special, what do you think, asswipe?"

Taylor frowned. "Okay, dumb question, we always hire scary movies…" he sighed.

"Damn right," Zac muttered, and unwrapped the Snickers Bar he’d found in Taylor’s Backpack.

"Hey! That’s mine!" Taylor made a grab for the Snickers, but failed in grabbing it off of his thirteen year old brother.

"Finders keepers," Zac gave a smug smile, and took a large bite of the Snickers. "But you can have a bite if you want," he held the bar of chocolate near Taylor’s face.

"Not after you’ve had your clammy lips all over it," Taylor mumbled pushing Zac’s hand away.

Isaac wasn’t paying attention to Taylor and Zachary who happened to be arguing about a chocolate bar. He’d been looking distantly at Taylor and realising how much Taylor was loved for his looks.

That doesn’t matter to me…or at least, it didn’t used to. Now…

Isaac sighed, and followed as his brothers lead the way back to the studio.

"Ike, you’re awful quiet," Taylor admitted that night, the three brothers were in bed, Zac had long since fallen asleep, his battery had burned out not long after watching scary movies, and he’d slipped into a deep sleep moments after hitting the pillows. Taylor on the other hand was wide-awake, and not because of the scary movies. Isaac had been quiet, and usually, Isaac was very noisy, very goofy, and always had something to say, and this wasn’t the case right now.

Isaac had been lying in bed reading in the dark with a small torch held above his book. "Huh?" he asked.

"You’re quiet," Taylor repeated.

"I’m reading, what do you expect?" Isaac asked. "And keep your voice down, do you want Zac to wake up?" he demanded in a whisper.

"Ike, there’s something bothering you, isn’t there?" Taylor asked through the darkness.

"No," Isaac lied, though he knew he was lying, Isaac felt miserable and…unwanted somehow.

Taylor sighed. "Ike…are you sure?"

"Of course I’m sure, now go to sleep…" Isaac uttered. "You have a game early tomorrow morning, and you want to be fresh for it and you have to be there early for warm up."

Taylor turned over in bed, resting his cheek on the palm of his hand, staring at the window, the moonlight was seeping in through the half open drapes and was spilling onto Zac, giving Zac an eerie glow, making his hair almost look platinum. "Yeah, I suppose…are you gonna be there?" Taylor asked.

Isaac paused, thinking for a moment, lost in his own thoughts, then he leaned over and looked down under his own bed at Taylor on the bottom bunk. "Of course I’m gonna be there," he said, as if asking the question had been ludicrous because Taylor should have known the answer.

Taylor smiled slightly. "And you’re gonna be cheering me on, right?" he asked.

"Of course," Isaac smiled too. "Now go to sleep," he said.

"Okay, night, Ike…"

"Night, Tay…"

* * * * *

Taylor was in the locker room of the community centre, of which the fields outside he and his team would be playing on. He pulled on his T-shirt, his thoughts wandering to how Isaac was acting lately…he’d become a little distant, and for the first time in a very long time, he hadn’t eaten dinner the night previous, and this morning he had skipped breakfast.

There has to be something wrong with him, probably the stress building up again, Taylor figured.

Taylor was pulling on his maroon socks just as the locker room door flew open, and in came three of his team, Bobby, Dan, and Ronan. Ronan moved into the middle of the room, kicking a soccer ball up into the air, catching it on his foot, kicking it upwards, catching it on his knee, then his chest, and then letting it fall into his arms.

"Hey, Tay, what's up?" Dan asked, tugging on Taylor’s braid playfully.

"Hey," Taylor said distantly, pulling on his soccer sneakers and tying the laces tightly.

Bobby took a seat on the old splintering wooden bench beside Taylor. "I heard that Isaac collapsed when you guys were in England…"

Taylor turned to the dark-haired boy, frowning slightly in wonderment. "Who told you?" he demanded, worriedly. He hoped there wasn’t gossip going around about Isaac’s current condition, it would make the band vulnerable to a lot of accusations, Taylor realised.

"It was on the news…rumour has it he’s got appendicitis or something," Dan cut in.

Taylor rolled his eyes. "It isn’t appendicitis. Don’t you guys have anything better to do than believe crappy stories on the news?"

"No," Ronan answered, and he headered the ball over to Dan, who headered it back. "So what's the story? What were you doing in England anyway?" he asked.

Taylor stood up, smoothing down his strip carefully. "We were in London doing the National Lottery for The British Broadcasting Company – BBC," he explained.

"And?" Bobby asked.

Taylor thought for a moment. "Well, we were backstage when he started getting these pains, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was. Anyway, we got on stage, performed ‘I Will Come To You’, and me and Zac started noticing he wasn’t doing so good…and he looked really bad…"

"How bad?" Ronan asked, holding the ball under one arm.

"Well…like, pale and dark under the eye bad…he was sweating something awful," Taylor answered. "So after the song we went backstage…I noticed he was holding his side, but he still wouldn’t admit to it. Anyway, after Zac pressed the machine button and we’d said our good lucks to like ten million viewers by television, we sped off backstage, and Ike admitted to getting pains in his side…"

"What were the pains?"

"Well, we took him to the hospital – Gary Barlow went with us…"

"Who?" Dan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The guy who used to be in Take That," Ronan uttered, having visited the UK a couple of times when he was younger, had heard of Gary Barlow.

"Anyway, we found out that the pains were caused by stress…"

"Whoa, Ike has stress?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, badly," Taylor said. "I’m scared he’s gonna start working it up again, he does too much and works too hard…"

"He’s trying too hard," Ronan agreed.

"Anyway, he seems okay just now," Taylor lied, actually, he just didn’t want to tell his friends that his brother was acting weird. "So…" Taylor pulled his hair back in a tight pony tail. "Are we gonna play soccer or what? We have like twenty minutes for a warm up…"

* * * * *

"Ike…we better watch our time…" Zac admitted, looking at his watch. Isaac and Zachary were in a drug store to get Advil for their mother, she’d been complaining about a headache all of the previous night, so she’d asked her sons to bring in the Advil for her while they were out. Isaac didn’t want to forget, so he’d decided the first stop should be to get the Advil, and then they should make it to the soccer field.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Isaac muttered, leaning against a shelving unit. "But there's a line, so we’re gonna have to wait…" he reminded, motioning casually to the long queue that had formed up before the two.

Zac whined. "But Ah dinnae want tae miss th’ fitba game!" he faked a Scottish accent perfectly, and some people actually turned looking at him – and seemingly recognising him. "Oh, uh…hey," he smiled at the people in the queue.

"Zac, will you behave?" Isaac poked Zac in the side roughly.

"Hey, Ike! That hurt!" Zac mumbled, he frowned. "Geez, man, Where’s The Love?"

The people in the queue turned again and looked at Isaac and Zac, a soft whisper carried amongst them.

"Now look what you’ve done!" Isaac hissed.

"Loooooooook at what I’m doooooooin’!" Zac sang crazily just to spite his brother – for having to come here first when they were supposed to be at the game.

"Go wait outside, ya little runt, and behave yourself."

Zac sighed, and unhappily left his brother alone in the queue, Isaac sighed in relief to be away from the embarrassing thirteen year old.

Isaac had waited four minutes to eventually reach the counter, and as the girl walked off to find what he’d asked for, he noticed himself looking at the display on the counter, by this time, he was the only one left out of the cue, everyone else had left the store, so he felt relieved by this also. He found himself looking at a packet of dark brown hair-dye.

I wonder if…he began thinking, then he stopped, shaking his head at himself. No, that’s not going to help, Ike, he told himself.

The shop-assistant came back with the bottle of Advil. "Here you go, sir," she smiled, and placed the bottle down.

"Uh…see this…this hair dye…" Isaac began nervously motioning to the bottle of dye he’d been looking at. "Is it permanent?" he asked.

The girl picked up the packet and examined it carefully. "Yes…it is…but if you’re worried about buying permanent, you could always go for something temporary…" she suggested.

"Like?"

"We sell dyes that only last around eight washes, they fade out…" she explained.

Isaac looked at the girl. "Are they easy to use?"

"They come with instructions and rubber gloves…"

"You can do them yourself, right?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah…what colour were you going for?" the girl asked, moving over to a back counter, and beginning to search out the boxes of hair dye.

"I don’t know…something darker…black maybe?" Isaac liked the thought of a dramatic change.

"Temporary dye won’t dye dark blonde hair black," she admitted, looking up from the counter. "Your original colour would just show through," she added.

"So what do you suggest?" he asked.

"Well, no hairdresser am I," she began looking thoughtful, "but you would probably be best trying a colour that was nearer your own hair colour or something that’s gonna take to it well," she suggested. She picked up a box and held it up. "Something like this…"

Isaac reached over and took the box and looked at it. The colour was ‘dark brown’. Isaac frowned at first. "D’you think I would get away with it?"

"I think it would go with your eyes," she suggested sweetly.

He smiled. "Uh…okay, I’ll give it a try…eight washes you say?"

"Yes…" she nodded.

"Alright, I’m gonna take a chance…"

* * * * *

Taylor had noticed that Isaac and Zac did not arrive until ten minutes after the game had started – and he was annoyed at that. Isaac and Zac had promised to be there before the game to wish Taylor luck.

Taylor played brilliantly until halfway through the game when he twisted his leg, hurt himself, and was taken out of the game, and made a sub until at least his leg felt better, Taylor was annoyed about that also, but couldn’t argue. Taylor limped over to the place where Isaac and Zac were sitting on the grass watching the game.

"You were good out there," Zac admitted.

Taylor wasn’t in the mood for Zac’s appraisal. "Why were you late?"

"Mom wanted us to go to the drug store," Isaac answered.

"Why?"

"To get Advil for her headache…there was a big queue," Isaac admitted. Isaac left out the part about he’d taken so long because he was buying hair-dye, even Zac didn’t know this, because he’d been waiting outside at the time, Isaac was determined to use the hair-dye before his brothers could find out, because if they found out, they would try and stop him, and Isaac would have none of it. He needed a change, for the last year and a half he’d been the same Isaac Hanson with the same long hair, the same sense of style, and the same attitude, and he felt that he was no longer supposed to be that Isaac Hanson.

Taylor sat down on the grass, pulling his knees up to his chest, its freezing," he muttered, rubbing his bare legs against the cold. "God forbid that we should try playing soccer outside in late November," he rolled his eyes. "Hey, Ike…can I borrow your jacket just now?" he asked.

Isaac shrugged and slipped out of his brown leather jacket and he handed it to Taylor.

"Thanks," Taylor shivered and pulled the jacket on, hugging himself to keep warm.

Zac flopped down on the grass, watching the game in fascination – he loved Soccer. "Your team is like…doin’ great," Zac admitted.

Isaac shifted his seating position restlessly. "What's the score? I lost track…"

"Four-nil," Taylor answered.

Most of the rest of the game was spent at the side for the three brothers. Taylor only got to finish within the last ten minutes of the game, but he didn’t mind, since his leg was still hurting from earlier. Chattering amongst themselves, the three brothers began to make their way home, Isaac intent on his dramatic change today.

"Ike, you’ve been in the bathroom since we got home, what in the hell are you doing in there?" Taylor demanded as he beat on the bathroom door, he'd been waiting to get in there for the last twenty minutes.

Isaac had gone straight there after coming from the game. Now it was almost an hour since he’d been in there.

"What's all the yelling about?" Zac’s head popped up from behind the banister.

Taylor turned to his younger brother, frowning. "Ike’s locked himself in the bathroom – for some reason which I can’t explain. I don’t know, maybe he’s getting back at me for something…" Taylor trailed off, folding his arms, a brooding expression on his face.

"Don’t be stupid," Came Isaac’s voice from inside the bathroom. "I’m washing my hair, I’ll be out shortly, alright?" he asked.

"Ike, how long does it take you to wash your hair?!" Taylor demanded. "You’ve been in there for almost an hour…"

"What's going on?" Diana Hanson appeared from the master bedroom of the house, buttoning up a white cotton shirt over a black vest.

"Mom, tell Ike to let me into the bathroom," Taylor whined. "I’ve been waiting for ages!"

"What is he doing in there?" Diana asked, tucking the shirt into her black boot-cut pants.

"He says he’s washing his hair," Zac admitted.

"I am!" came Isaac’s voice from in the bathroom. "I’ll be out in five minutes…I’m just rinsing it now…"

"Yeah, right," Taylor grumbled.

"C’mon, Honey," Diana knocked on the bathroom door. "Tay needs in there, now."

"Mom, I’m extremely busy, give me a few more minutes!"

"Isaac…" his mother began in a serious annoyed tone.

"Okay, okay, give me a minute to get a towel or something…"

Taylor tapped his fingers on the door frame in an agitated manner. Just then, the bathroom door opened slowly and Isaac stepped out, wearing a towel wrapped around his head.

"Hey, what's with the turban?" Zac grinned. "Trying to do a Gloria Swanson?" he asked giggling.

"Ike…me and your father are going to the store and then to see about getting some new things for Zoe…I want you to watch the kids until we get back…"

"But mom…I was gonna go out…"

"You can go out when we get back," Diana stated.

"And when will that be?" Isaac asked.

"Not for around three hours…" Diana answered.

"Aw, mom!" Isaac whined.

Zac posed dramatically, his head held high. "I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. De Mille," he said in a overly exaggerated Gloria Swanson accent – the impression included a pouting lip and some fluttering of the eyelashes.

Isaac rolled his eyes and made his way across the hall and into their bedroom. "You’re a freak, you know that?"

"Like, tell me something I don’t know," Zac followed in casually. "So…what were you doing in there anyway?"

"Washing my hair, duh," Isaac shook his head in disbelief, and he leaned down, unwrapping the towel off of his head, and beginning to pat it dry.

"You took an awful long time," Zac stated.

"Do me a favour and go get me moms hairdryer," Isaac instructed.

"Get it yourself," Zac muttered.

"Get the damn hairdryer, Zac. I'm not in the mood to argue."

Zac took a surprised step backwards, and then hurried off to get the hairdryer. He appeared back moments later with their mothers defuser. "Here," he said. "Though I don’t understand why you don’t let it dry on its own like normal…"

"Because I'm going out later, and I don’t want to get the collar and shoulders of my shirt soaking wet," Isaac answered, plugging in the hairdryer, he switched it on and immediately a rush of hot hair shot from the thing. Isaac began drying his hair with his head leaning downwards, his hair dried quickly – no surprise since it wasn’t that long. He leaned up, once it was dry, and looked in the mirror – his hair looked very different, and it was only at that moment that Zachary noticed it too.

"Ike…?" Zac asked frowning slightly, squinting.

"Uh-huh?"

"Is it my imagination…or has your hair gone a funny colour of…dark brown?"

"Dark brown?" Isaac asked innocently.

"Dark brown…" Zac nodded.

"Don’t be silly…" Isaac rolled his eyes.

"I’m not being silly…have you been putting in dye or something?"

"Zac…don’t be stupid," Isaac rolled his eyes.

"Hey!" came Taylor’s voice in the hall. "Ike…tell me this bottle of Clarol dark brown number 9 – isn’t you—" Taylor stopped dead as he stepped into the bedroom seeing Isaac’s hair. "Oh, no…you didn’t…" Taylor's blue eyes widened, and his face paled, his mouth dropped. "Oh, my god…Ike…tell me you didn’t…I’m dreaming, I'm imaging this, this isn’t happening now, its some sort of crazy joke or something…"
Zac was shaking his head. "This is no joke…this is really happening, Tay…Ike’s turned to Clarol Dye and hairdryers!"

Taylor was close to hyperventilating. "Ike…why? Are you nuts?!" he demanded, his voice coming out in barely a squeal. "Do you have any idea how long it could take for you to grow that out?!"

"Relax, Tay…its temporary, it won’t last forever…" Isaac tried to explain.

"Mom and dad are gonna go ballistic!" Taylor yelled.

"Mom and dad are gonna go ballistic about what?" Jessica asked as she walked into the room without knocking, she stopped just in front of Zac, then she took one look at Isaac and realised what he had done. "Oh my gosh!" she cried, putting her hands to her mouth. "Oh geez oh geez oh geez," she fell back against Zac.

"Jess…" Isaac began in a calm voice.

"Mom and dad will KILL you, Ike!" Jessica gasped.

"Jessie…go downstairs or something," Taylor pleaded. "I really have to speak with our big brother…"

"You are in sooooo much trouble," Jessica said to Isaac.

"C’mon, Jessie," Zac said, gripping her firmly by the shoulders and beginning to lead her out of the room. He got her out of the room and closed the door after she was gone, he leaned against the door weakly, biting his lip.

"Why, Ike?!" Taylor demanded suddenly in a tone of desperate rage.

"Because I needed a change," Isaac stated simply, beginning to search out a clean shirt from the closet.

"But…the blonde hair…its…you know…the gimmick thing…part of the charisma…You know…hair power…"

"That’s the point, Zac," Isaac muttered.

"Huh?" Taylor asked. "You mean you did this deliberately to set yourself apart from us?" he asked, feeling a little threatened all of a sudden.

Isaac shrugged and began pulling his hair back into a ponytail. "I needed something different, Tay. I can’t be like a blonde kid forever."

"You’re being stupid," Taylor grumbled. "And Jessie was right, mom and dad will KILL you when they see that…"

"They won’t see me like this, because I’m gonna be going out before they’re back from the store, and I won’t be back tonight until they’re well asleep…" Isaac changed his shirt for a cleaner – less damp – shirt.

"You can’t hide it from them forever," Taylor reminded, folding his arms. "What are you gonna do, go on trying to avoid them like the plague, leaving the house before they wake up, and not coming home until they’re asleep?"

"Look, deal with it, okay? I’m going out, Tay, you’re in charge" Isaac muttered, and then stormed out before Taylor and Zac could say anything else.

Taylor fell back into a chair, holding his hand to his head. "Oh, god, what are we gonna do now? We have a photo shoot in four days…that dye will never be completely out by then…"

"Tay…what's up with Ike?" Zac asked a little distantly. "I knew something was up before…but now—?"

"I don’t know…I think he’s going through a phase…" Taylor shrugged. "Buts its weird, considering we’re the ones who’re supposed to be ascending into maturity – WE should be the ones going through freaky phases…not him…"

"I hope that’s all it is – a phase," Zac admitted.

"Me too, Zac…" Taylor trailed off for a moment. "Because what Ike doesn’t seem to know – and I’ll bet he didn’t even consider – is that this could probably affect us as well as himself…"
"What do you mean?" Zac asked, worriedly.

"I mean that if Ike is going through freaky stages while we’re touring and stuff…he’s probably gonna cause us a lot of trouble…"

"Like?" Zac asked.

"I don’t even want to think about it, Zac…"

Isaac had made a circle around the house to make sure there were no lights on before he bothered putting his key in the lock to open the door and let himself in.

No lights on, everyone is asleep, he guessed, but the moment he got into the hallway, and put his keys on the hook with his Initial above it he noticed that his mother was sitting at the bottom of the staircase, in the dark.

Shit, he thought, Tay must have ratted on me. Isaac reached out and turned the hallway light on. "Mom…what are you doing up? Its after one…"

"No, Ike," his mother stood up, the look on her face clear and unpleasant. She took a step forward. "The question is what do you think you’re playing at?!" she demanded.

"What?" Isaac asked, pretending to not know what she meant.

"For leaving a fifteen year old in the house in charge of four kids, when it was you I left in charge, that’s what I mean!" Diana Hanson hissed, she stepped over, grabbed Isaac by the arm and dragged him into the living room where they were least likely to be heard. The look on her face was purely extreme, as if she would blow up at him any moment.

"Mom…you’ve let Taylor babysit before…"

"When I’ve had no other option – and even then, I didn’t leave him alone with four hyperactive kids and a baby for a long time…"

"Tay can handle them…" Isaac took off his jacket and rested it on the back of an easy chair.

"He can't, Ike, that is why I am so furious with you!" Diana growled, she folded her arms. "Do you know what was going on in this house while you were out?"
"Well…no…"

"Jessica and Avery were acting out of sorts and when Zac and Taylor were trying to get them under control Mackenzie was in the bathroom spraying shaving foam all over the walls, pouring talcum powder down the toilet and pouring shampoo all over the towels! Then Avery got into Taylor's candy in your room which made her totally sick because she ate the whole lot, she was throwing up all night!"

"Oh, geez," Isaac felt suddenly sickened to think about all the trouble Taylor and Zac probably put up with – and the trouble they got into when their parents came home.

"And Taylor isn’t talking to you, by the way, he says he’ll never forgive you for leaving him in charge when it was supposed to be you keeping peace in the house until we got back."

"He’ll calm down eventually," Isaac said to himself.

"You are sooooo grounded for this," Diana uttered to Isaac.

"For how long?"

"A month," Diana said.

"A month?! Aw mom!"

"That’s just for this," Diana then began. "Another two weeks for dyeing your hair without our permission – without even thinking about doing it before you did it, and another week and a half for coming in an hour and a half late!"

"But mom—!"

"Do I make myself clear?" she asked flatly.

Isaac sighed, "yeah, mom, perfectly," he groaned and he went off on his way, intending on going to bed. He turned on the upstairs hall lights.

He went to his bedroom, and found his way about in the dark as he got into his night clothes – a pair of shorts – which had once been a pair of jogging pants – and a matching vest.

He had to step over Zac’s bed to get to the edge of the bunk to climb up onto his own bed, Zac was fast asleep, his face lit up by the moonlight seeping through the space between the drapes at the window. Taylor was also slightly illuminated by the moonlight, his expression through sleep was something of troubled, the edge of his lip twitching every so often. Isaac didn’t know how he was going to make it up to Taylor. If what Diana had said was true, then Taylor was NOT going to be in a good mood with Isaac tomorrow morning. He climbed up onto his bunk with unhappy thoughts still running through his mind. Not long later, he could hear his mother going to bed – she stayed up later and later these nights because usually Zoe ended up screaming at the early hours of the morning. Isaac guessed it was around half an hour later when he heard the creaking of his sisters bedroom door, and then a quick patter of faltering footsteps. Then he heard the creaking of the bathroom door, and heard an audible ghastly sound – his sister was throwing up.

Isaac immediately felt guilty about that – he hopped down from his bed, and stepped back over Zac’s trundle bed and left the bedroom, stepped through the dark hall, and to the bathroom, the light was on, the door was open, and Avery was leaning over the toilet breathing noisily, groaning. Her hair hanging over her face.

"Avie…" Isaac said, he hurried in, closed the door behind him, and then rushed by her side. "Are you okay?"

Avery shook her head, leaned over and continued to throw up, Isaac rubbed soothingly at her back.

"See what happens when you eat too much candy?" Isaac asked softly.

Avery leaned up, swaying weakly, Isaac caught her and steadied her.

"Think you’re done?" he asked.

She gave an almost unsure nod, paused, and then nodded surely this time. Isaac helped her over to the sink, and he wiped her mouth and face to cool her down, she looked hot and flustered.

"Okay, c’mon, lets get you back to bed," he said, drying her face off with a blue towel.

"Can I sleep in your room?" she asked, leaning against him exhaustedly.

"No you can’t," Isaac answered.

"Please?" Avery asked.

Isaac considered this then sighed. "Okay," he answered, giving in, and he lifted the weak girl into his arms after flushing the toilet. He turned out the light and left the bathroom with her in his arms. Into his dark bedroom he went, and he lifted her onto his bed, letting her take the side of the bed near the wall – just in case she fell over he edge. He climbed back up and pulled the covers over them both. "Now go to sleep," he whispered to her, and kissed her forehead.

Avery snuggled up against Isaac, her face pressed into his shoulder her arm draped over him. Isaac pulled his arms around her and hugged him to her gently, glad that at least someone in this house wasn’t mad at him right now. Sighing, he closed his eyes and began to drift off into slumber.

It was well after nine when Isaac blinked his eyes open, still exhausted, he hadn’t managed to fall asleep until around five. Avery had gone from his bed, and Taylor and Zac were gone from theirs. Isaac got out of bed, and began to clumsily get dressed, two even tired to bother about hygiene and brush his teeth, wash his face or comb his hair. He staggered downstairs and into the living room where all the kids were, Taylor and Zac –reading something for homeschool, Jessica and Avery were drawing pictures, and Mackenzie was playing with a toy robot. Diana was sitting by Zac, explaining something thoroughly to him – until she looked up and saw Isaac looking seemingly at his worst.

"Well, morning…" Diana said.

"Why didn’t you wake me?" Isaac asked of his mother. "Its past nine…I never sleep past nine on a week day…"

"Yeah, you don’t usually leave everyone else in charge of stuff you should be doing either," Taylor mumbled, still looking at his book, he turned a page slowly, then glanced up at Isaac for a split second, then back down to his book.

Isaac sighed. "Look, mom, can I work in our room today, I have a maaaaajor headache, I need some peace and quiet," he said.

"Fine by me," Diana said. "Just go on with what you were doing on Friday," she added. "And call me if you get stuck."

"Okay," Isaac nodded, and headed for his bedroom where his books where, he closed the door behind him, did a little tidying up before he actually attempted to even open his books, then as he did, he found he couldn’t be bothered. He sighed, and left the history book open on the page he’d been at last, and he went off across the room to turn on the CD player, Isaac had said he needed quiet, but he really hated silence, it was almost deafening. He put the radio on – and instantly a blast of music from a song called ‘Stamp’ came from the speakers. Isaac went back to trying to read, had no luck in reading his history books, and proceeded to read a magazine instead, but was disturbed when the bedroom door opened, and Taylor stood there, he looked unamused.

"Mom said you’ve to get that crap down now or else she’s adding another week and a half to the month and a half you’re already grounded for," Taylor stated plainly.

"Its not even that loud," Isaac said, though he could barely even hear himself speaking.

Taylor stepped over and turned the volume down. "Yeah, well, SOME Of us are trying to concentrate on school work – unlike you, sitting there with a music magazine reading about Michael Jackson’s greatest thrill and so on," Taylor turned and was about to leave the room, but Isaac stopped him without hesitation.

"Tay, you don’t need to be mad at me…"

"The hell I don’t, geez, Ike, its because of you me and Zac spent three hours cleaning shaving foam off the walls and unblocking the toilet because the talc had totally clogged it! And its because of you that Avie got sick eating a jumbo-sized bag of candy because you weren’t here to keep your eye on her knowing how she always gets into things…" Taylor shot. "I just can’t believe how irresponsible you were!"

"You’re one to talk, Taylor," Isaac mumbled, standing up, "I left them in your charge thinking that maybe for once you could handle something simple like look after three kids—"

"Uh-uh, correction," Taylor interrupted, "three totally hyperactive kids, Ike. A nine year old who throws soaking wet tissue-bombs filled with talcum powder and shampoo at me from the staircase. A six year old who sticks dolls shoes down the back of the radiators deliberately, then starts screaming for me to get them out, and a three year old who tried to stick my cat in the washing machine!" Taylor hollered. "So while Zac is getting hyper and chasing Jessica around the house, I’m telling Mac off for putting Mama on spin dry and meanwhile Avie is raiding my personal stuff looking for Candy!"

"Its your problem if you don’t know how to handle them," Isaac snorted. "You should have been stricter with them…"

"Oh, yeah, and do what? Threaten to hit them? I’d never hit a kid…" Taylor stood at the open door, glancing at Isaac, his blue eyes were furiously glimmering. "You should have been there to make sure this never happened!"

"Look, stop trying to blame me!"

"It was your fault! Mom left YOU in charge, you should have been making sure nothing happened!" Taylor yelled, then he left the room, slamming the door shut.

Isaac stood by the Lego table, then just sat down again. Fine, so Tay isn’t talking to me. I can live with it. Who needs him anyway?

"So Tay went nuts then?" Isaac’s friend, Brian, asked of Isaac on the phone.

"Yeah," Isaac said, rolling over on his bed, he was using his fathers mobile phone to call his friend – since the other phone was off limits - Isaac was staying in his room until at least the rest of the family had time to calm down at him for the other night. "Jessie was throwing tissue-bombs, Avie clogged the radiator with a Barbie shoe, and Mac tried to spin-dry his cat. Even Zac is pissed off at me, and it isn’t like him."

"You’re right, Zac is usually the one who sees both sides of the story," Brian agreed. "So…how long you grounded for?" he asked.

Isaac thought for a moment. "Well, a month for leaving Tay in the house with the kids and going off on my own, two weeks for dyeing my hair, and half a week for coming home past my curfew," he sighed.

"Oh, geez," Brian mumbled. "How are you gonna get out for the party tonight?"

"I’m not…I don’t think," Isaac sighed.

"Hey, man, you have got to be there," Brian said dramatically, "no party is a party without you, man."

"I could probably sneak out at eleven – my parents were talking about having an early night, trouble is…sneaking out with my brothers not noticing I'm gone…we share a room so they’d know I wasn’t in bed.

"Put your pillows under your blankets and make it look like you’re sleeping, then climb out the window and drop from the sill, shouldn’t so difficult, should it?" Brian asked.

"I suppose…I’ll see what I can do…" Isaac said.

Just then, the door to the room open, and Zac wandered in, humming an Alanis Morissette song to himself.

"Uh, I gotta go," Isaac said. "I’ll talk to you later, Bri, okay?"

"Sure…bye"

"Bye."

Isaac turned the phone off, and put it on his pillow, looking at Zac, Zac was all dressed up nicely, and his hair was combed back neatly and pulled into a ponytail. "Where you going?"

Zac ignored Isaac’s words for a moment, singing to himself, "And isn’t it Ironi—"

"Zac!" Isaac said again. "Don’t be so damn ignorant, I asked you where you’re going!"

Zac pulled on a pair of black Dr. Martin boots. "Out."
"Where is out?"

"Out to Laser-Quest," Zac said. "Me and Tay are gonna scope out some games, then go for pizza…" he answered this simply, not really caring to put any more detail in his tone. "Then we’re gonna check out the amusements at that circus in town."

Isaac felt regretful, it sounded like such fun. "Wish I could go," he muttered to himself.

"You blew it for yourself," Zac uttered, looking at Isaac.

"I know Tay’s mad at me, but why are you mad at me?"

"Because I am, alright?" Zac asked. "You’ve never deserted us before, and you’re a whole different per—" Zac stopped. "Wha—?" he squinted, noticing something golden glimmering in Isaac’s left ear. "Ike…are you wearing an earring?!"

Isaac realised he’d forgotten about getting his ear pierced two nights ago. It didn’t hurt, so he didn’t notice it much, and because his hair was down most of the time, no one had noticed either. "Oh, uh…" Isaac reached up, and brushed his finger against the little golden hoop in his ear. "Oh, yeah, it is," he nodded.

"You got your ear pierced?" Zac asked in shock.

"Yeah, so?"

"Mom will KILL you…"

"She can’t do a thing about it, I’m eighteen and I can have an earring in if I want…" he shrugged.

"Ike…you better take that out, Tay will go nuts…"
"I don’t care what Taylor does, I’m not taking it out, it’s a part of me now…"
"Ike, don’t be stupid, the fans will think you’re mad if you keep that in…"
"Its just a little hole in my ear, no big deal…in fact I’m thinking of getting the cartilage done too…"

"No way!" Zac said in shock, "no way, no way!"
"Yeah, way," Isaac said. "I thought about the eyebrow, but I heard its painful," he said.

"Next it will be tattoos," Zac rolled his eyes.

"Still considering it," Isaac admitted. "So…are we talking again?" he asked of Zac, hopefully.

"Well…I guess," Zac said. "But you ever do this again, Ike…" he warned.

"I won’t, I promise," Isaac crossed his heart.

"Okay…"

"Think you can convince Taylor to forgive me too?" Isaac asked.

"I doubt it."

It was well into midnight by the time Isaac managed to sneak out of the house, his parents had went to bed at ten, and his brothers had went to bed at eleven – and Taylor was still refusing to forgive Ike, no matter how much Isaac begged. Isaac had to push his car out of the driveway, and then start it up hoping the noise of the engine wouldn’t wake anyone.

The house the party was at was an easy place to find, and because there was so much noise coming from the place, it made it impossible to miss. Isaac let himself in through the already open door, Brian was already there, laughing with a few guys, and by the looks of it, smoking a joint. Weird, Isaac had never seen sensible responsible Brian as the junkie type, though Isaac doubted that just smoking grass could make anyone a junkie. Amongst Brian was a couple of guys who looked really wasted, and a girl who looked like a pro, suddenly, Isaac was beginning to wish he’d never come to the stupid place.

"Hey, Bri," Isaac said as he walked over.

Brian’s hazel eyes lit up and he smiled. "Hey, Ike, ya made it! Glad to see ya, buddy," he spoke in an almost drunken tone.

Isaac faked a smile, and nodded politely in Brian’s direction.

"Hey, man, wanna beer?" asked one of the guys from Brian’s little group.

"Actually, I shouldn’t," Isaac stated, "see, I’m driving and I—"

"Aw, shuddup, Ike, stop being such a sissy, by the time you leave the stuff will have burned out your system," Brian commented, slinging a beer in Isaac’s hand.

Isaac looked at them all, they looked expectantly at him. As if they were waiting for him to accept and drink the foul tasting brown liquid from the open bottle.

Isaac stared at the contents, he sighed, and gave in to the peer pressure, and he took a swig, trying not to make a face as the stuff hit his taste-buds. This stuff tastes like cats piss, he figured, he wiped his mouth. "There, satisfied?" he asked of them all, they just laughed and slapped him on the back, accepting him as if he were one of their own.

Isaac watched Brian take another drag from the joint, and wondered – for the life of him feeling guilty for wondering – what it felt like to be high, Brian seemed to be enjoying it.

No, Ike, don’t ask, you’d lose your career over something like that. You’d have to be stupid to do something like that, he thought. He took a few more swigs of the bottle, it didn’t take long for him to get through the stuff, he chattered casually with the guys and that girl who looked like a pro.

But the more he wondered, the more natural it seemed. "Can I have a blow of that joint?" Isaac asked, the sound of the words sounding extremely unusual on his own voice, he swallowed as if the words blow and joint had left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Sure, man, here," Brian handed Isaac the joint, and grinned.

Isaac held the joint in between his thumb and his forefinger, curiously, he wondered what the hell he was about to do, and why the hell wasn’t his conscience telling him off for it. Slowly, he put the tip of the joint to his mouth, and he drew in the smoke, he wanted to cough, but he tried to withstand it, surprisingly, he didn’t feel anything, the same basic sickliness he’d encountered when trying his first cigarette at age fourteen, but nothing else. He coughed slightly.

"You’re not used to this, are ya?" one of the guys who had the name V.D sewn into the chest of his Letterman Jacket, asked.

Isaac shook his head, he could only think about what the letters V.D stood for…some kind of sexual disease maybe?

"Why don’t you go mingle," Brian suggested.

"Mingle?" Isaac hated the sound of that word suddenly, it sounded strange. "Mingle," He laughed. "Sure, I’ll go mingle," he shrugged and he walked off, he was barely halfway through the door to the living room where the main part of the party was taking place when he felt a swimming in his head, he paused, staggering a little. "Whoah," he mumbled.

"Hey, you alright?" asked a familiar – but not too familiar voice.

Isaac turned and stared, there was a young woman standing beside the doorway, dressed in a dark green cotton dress with black stripes down the sides, and a fitted brown suede jacket. Her hair was light brown and was pulled into a half-pony, the rest hung down in tousled waves, she looked around nineteen, maybe twenty, she was cute, Isaac thought, in an older way. Something about her grey eyes was very familiar to Isaac, but for some reason, he just couldn’t place her. "Don’t I know you?" he asked stupidly, beginning to feel just a slight bit dizzy, and also tipsy.

"Yup," she smiled. "I was in the Drugstore the other day when you walked into buy Advil and some hair-dye," she explained.

"Oh, yeah, right…" Isaac nodded. "Yeah, I was there yesterday," he nodded remembering.

"Are you okay, you looked a little…off balance," she admitted, she took a hold of his arm as he stumbled again.

"Yeah, I’m fine, what's your name?" he asked smiling, losing interest in himself and catching interest in hers.

"I’m Suede," she answered.

"Suede?" he asked, almost in confusion, what kind of name was that? Suede?

"Well, actually its Samantha, but I get called Suede because of my Suede Jacket I’m rarely without…" she explained motioning to her jacket.

"Yeah, it’s a nice jacket," Isaac nodded, "And you look great in it," he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you flirting with me?" she asked, she folded her arms, smiling, she leaned back against the wall.

"Maybe."

"I don’t even know your name…"

"Its…" Isaac frowned for a moment, he didn’t really want to say ‘my name is Isaac’, Isaac was such a dorky name. He preferred Ike when his brothers called him it, so he supposed it would do. "Ike, my name is Ike…"

"Well, its nice to meet you…Ike," she frowned at the name a little.

Isaac hoped she didn’t recognise him or the name. "So…um…are you at college or something?"

"Couldn’t afford college, so I’m working at the drugstore and saving up so I can go," she explained.

I could pay for your entire college funds in a days work, Isaac thought. Bet you didn’t know that.

"How about you? You at college?"

Isaac didn’t really want to tell her he was still at home school, she looked older than him, she was probably twenty, he didn’t want to say he was just eighteen. "I’m at college, but I’m on a break just now because the place is having a major tune up…so I’m at home right now," he explained. God that sounded like the worlds worse lie, and he hated himself for it, but what else was he going to say? He didn’t exactly want to mention he and his brothers were the most famous people in Tulsa right now.

"I’m gonna have to get going now," Suede sighed, she put a hand on her hip.

"Can I have your phone number?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure," she smiled, "just let me get a piece of paper to write it on," she said, "I’ll be right back," she said, and she disappeared into the crowd.

Isaac paused, looking out for her, he felt a hand on his back and jumped, he turned and saw Brian there. "Oh, hey," he said.

"I saw you talking with Suede Lauriston, she’s a hottie…"

"Yeah, she is," Isaac said thoughtfully, he grinned.

"Here," Brian handed Isaac another beer, which Isaac found himself accepting thankfully this time. "She’s twenty-one you know," Brian stated.

"I guessed around twenty," Isaac stated.

"She’s easy though, I heard," Brian added.

"What do you mean she’s easy?"
"I mean she’ll let you get into her pants if you’re nice enough…"

"Geez, I only asked for her phone number," Isaac trailed off.

Suede returned, she held out a piece of paper. "Here, don’t lose it," she smiled.

"I won’t," Isaac promised, he stuffed the piece of paper into his pants pocket. "Let me see you to the door…"

"Okay," she smiled.

Isaac lead her to the door, the porch was quiet, and gently, as he got there, he slid one arm around her waist.

This is so unlike you, Ike, Isaac thought at himself worriedly.

"Hey, you’re fast," she mumbled smiling.

"Hey, I’d be a maniac to let you slip out of my hands," he grinned, he tilted her head up towards his and he kissed her gently on the lips, she responded by grabbing a handful of his hair, and she kissed him back hard, almost in a desperate way that – until now – Isaac had only ever fantasised about. Their mouths were open wide and their tongues were flicking wildly against each others, Isaac had never kissed like this before, his kisses had always been gentle, caring, but this was down right intimate and sensuous. He loved it.

She pulled away, smiling devilishly. "See you," she said, and she made her way down the porch and disappeared into the night. Isaac hung out at the party, drinking and generally carrying on like a drunk although he was basically fine. When he looked at his watch it was nearly five in the morning, he finished off his beer, and told Brian he had to go, he climbed into the car, and began driving home, thankful the beer had not gotten him even tipsy enough to make him sway the car, he wasn’t in the mood for explaining something if he crashed, all he knew was his parents were going to kill him.

He had to let himself in through the back door, the house was silent, and there was no evidence anyone had been awake since he’d left. He felt woozy, and was thankful he’d gotten home when he had, who knows what could have happened, he’d been drinking and driving.

He quietly crept up the stairs, along the hall and into his bedroom. Immediately upon arriving there, Isaac felt something grab the front of his shirt, and force him into the wall.

"What the fuck are you playing at?!" Taylor demanded in a whispering hiss.

Isaac glanced over at his brothers eyes, shining in the light from coming dawn. Taylor looked angry, his bottom lip was curled into a snarl, he looked dangerous. "Tay, let go of me," Isaac slurred, he grabbed Taylor’s wrist, but felt nothing in the strength remove it.

"You’re fucking drunk!" Taylor spat. "Where the fuck were you?! God, all night I’d been unable to sleep properly because I was guilty for being so mad at you, I thought you were just going through a rough patch," Taylor slammed Isaac back into the wall, Isaac felt ten times dizzier when Taylor did this. "Geez, Ike, in this last week you’ve changed a helluva lot, and I don’t like it one bit."

"I’m not drunk," Isaac stated calmly.

"Yeah, right…" Taylor mumbled. "You’re so up to your eyeballs in it you can’t even tell yourself, god you smell like a boozers bedroom, Ike…mom and dad are gonna be so angry at you…"

"You know what? I’m sick of you and Zac saying ‘mom and dad this’ and ‘mom and dad that’, fine, you’re worried about them, keep your own nose clean, I’m not worried at all, they can’t do anything to me, they can’t even keep me in this stupid house so don’t think for a minute that you’re gonna scare me into being good little boy Isaac Hanson because that’s just not me, it never was."

Taylor's eyes were glittering with emotion, he let go of Isaac’s shirt. "You're an asshole, you know that?! You’re a fucking asshole!!"

Isaac didn’t know what gave him the nerve, but he swung at Taylor like he never had before, his fist connected with Taylor’s stomach, and Taylor let out an audible ‘Hoof!’ of pain, the breath shoved out of him. Taylor fell to his knees, making a thud against the floor, tears rolled down his cheeks and he looked at Isaac as if he couldn’t believe he’d done that. Isaac suddenly realised his mistake and fell to his knees beside Taylor. "Oh, god, I’m so sorry…" he panicked. "Tay…are you alright?"

"What's going on?" Zac asked, waking up from hearing the loud thud.

"Go back to sleep," Isaac grunted, he pulled Taylor up a little. "Tay, c’mon, say something to me…"

Isaac felt a sharp stinging at his eyes where tears were forcing to burn. How could he have done that? How could he have just went away and punched his brother in the gut like that? His little brother who’d always been his best friend, his little brother who he’d gladly donate a kidney to…or bone marrow to…or god, he’d even donate his heart to Taylor. How could he have gone ahead and punched him? Without thinking? Isaac felt sickened with himself.

Taylor looked helplessly at Zac, as if he wanted to ask for help, but couldn’t get the words out. "Zzzaaac," Taylor managed through puffs of uneven breaths whilst clutching his stomach. "Get mom and dad…"

"Why?" Zac responded with.

"Jus’ do it!" Taylor pleaded.

Zac got up and ran out of the room before Isaac could even stop him. Isaac looked at Taylor, and all he got was an ‘I hate you’ glare from his blue eyes.

Diana and Walker Hanson rushed into the room looking frantic and sleepy, their eyes blinking wildly.

"Wha’s goin’ on?!" Walker demanded, one hand holding the side of his head, the other hand reached out to turn the light on.

Isaac squinted, the light hurt his eyes, especially since he was used to the dark conditions of the room right now and plus, his head was hurting from the drink already.

"Ike…jus’ punched me…" Taylor managed through deep puffy breaths.

"WHAT?!" Diana asked.

Taylor could barely breath, having being winded from the punch.

"I didn’t mean to, it was an accident!" Isaac tried to lie. His father grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up.

"Why are you dressed at five thirty in the morning?!" he demanded, shoving his face in the face of his soon hoping to scare him into answering. "Answer me!"

Isaac tried to get the words out, but they wouldn’t come. God he’d never been scared of his father before now, but this time was different.

Walker could smell it off of Isaac, and he let go of Isaac’s shirt. "He’s been drinking!"

"What?" Diana asked in a gasp.

Isaac lowered his eyes ashamed of himself, and he turned away from his parents. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Sorry isn’t good enough," Walker stated.

"Honey, are you okay?" Diana knelt down beside Taylor, he only shook his head, and leaned against her, clutching his stomach. "C’mon, lets lie you down, maybe you’ll feel better after some sleep, okay?" she asked.

Taylor nodded, and Diana helped him back into the bed, when Taylor was comfortable she turned to Isaac.

"Clarke Isaac Hanson, I have never been more ashamed of you in my life," she stated. "You obviously snuck out, you’ve been drinking – god knows what else – and you have the nerve to punch your brother?!" she demanded.

"Sorry, mom…"

"Don’t sorry mom me," Diana got to her feet, she looked straight at him. "I don’t want to even SEE your face in the morning, is that clear?! You are confined to this room…"

She turned away from him as if she couldn’t even stand the sight of him and she left the room, Walker at her back, the door slammed shut – it probably woke the kids, but they didn’t seem to care.

Isaac looked at Taylor, who was lying on the bed, and Zac was standing in the corner looking almost frightened, uneasy and tense. "I didn’t mean to," Isaac said to both of them.

"Like we’re gonna believe it," Taylor mumbled, drawing an awkward breath, his eyes followed Zachary as he moved across the room and got back into bed, looking at Isaac worriedly.

Isaac turned off the light and climbed into his bed, not caring if he was still dressed or not. He kicked off his sneakers and lay back, closing his eyes. He’d have to wait until morning – of course it was morning already – or possibly later to make things right, all he knew was Taylor might never trust him the same again, and nor would Zac. Somehow, he just couldn’t bring himself to care now.

"God, my head hurts," was the first thing Isaac said to himself upon waking up the next morning, at exactly ten fifteen. He vaguely remembered the details of what had happened the night previous, he just barely recognised that something had happened. He couldn’t remember getting home or getting into bed, but he could remember driving home almost near blind drunk.

God, I could have killed myself last night! He realised. I could have crashed the car, god, how could I have been so stupid? Everything after that was a blank. He could remember the details of the party, the girl he’d met – Suede? – and the car ride home, what next? It was all a blank to him.

He sat up, groaning, the sudden movement caused a nausea to lick at his throat, he put a hand over his mouth to stifle it, he jumped down from the bed weakly, dashing for the bathroom, just making it in time. Barely.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Taylor was curled up in a chair near a window in the living room, drinking coffee, he was tired, for some reason, after the ordeal last night, he hadn’t slept, despite the fact he was exhausted. His gut ached terribly, Isaac had packed some punch, Taylor was beginning to wonder if it was possible Isaac had possibly damaged something, right now, everything felt sore inside and out.

He couldn’t believe his own brother had punched him, never in the fifteen years Taylor had been alive had Isaac ever clenched a fist at Taylor, Taylor was almost scared of it now, did it mean that Isaac would do it again? Did it mean that if Taylor went too far Isaac would simply do it again to shut him up? Taylor closed his eyes, almost drifting off, but the face of Isaac remained in his mind, the way he’d looked last night, under the overhead light in the bedroom when Isaac had tried to explain to his parents he hadn’t meant it. Oh, but he had, he had meant it, he’d meant it to be hard and it was. Taylor remembered the bloodshot eyes, the pasty complexion and the way when he’d stood how he’d staggered weakly, how he’d tried in a puny attempt to pry Taylor’s fingers from his shirt. God, Taylor had never seen his brother like that before, it almost made him want to cry.

"Tay?"

Taylor blinked his eyes open, he’d almost fallen asleep. He stared out, November rain was beginning to fall down heavily outside.

Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain, Taylor quoted the Guns ‘n’ Roses Song in his head. He turned slowly, seeing Zac there, Zac looked slightly frustrated, his eyes were dark, he was tired too, he wasn’t admitting to Taylor that he’d seen the whole thing, the punch and everything, but one look in his eyes, told Taylor that he had.

"Mom wants to know if you want some breakfast…" Zac said in a quiet voice, so quiet Taylor had to strain to hear it.

"No thanks, don’t think my stomach could take it right now…" Taylor rubbed at his sore abdomen wearily.

Zac looked curiously at Taylor, as if he wanted to ask if he was alright, but was somehow too frightened to.

Taylor looked up at Zac, "what do you think was wrong with Ike, last night, Zac?"

Zac looked guiltily at the ground, as if somehow it was all his fault, even though the both of them knew there was no way that was possible. "He was drunk."

"Do you think we drove him to drink?" Taylor asked, wishing Zac was the older brother for once because he felt like he needed someone to cling to for safety.

"I don’t know," Zac whispered. "I guess—"

Taylor raised his eyes seeing Isaac entering the doorway, a sudden pang of inevitable fear rose within him, making him tremble, Isaac looked ill, terribly pale, dark under the eyes and fatigue blotches had begun to work their way on his face making him look pasty. His hair – dyed coppery-brown – seemed to look darker and greasier as if he hadn’t washed it for days.

Isaac looked at Taylor, and Taylor stared right back with an air of contempt. "Why are you looking at me like that…?" Isaac asked in a shallow tone, he had his hand to his head, rubbing at his left temple.

Zac took a step back a little, almost tripping over Taylor’s foot and falling, he looked at Isaac, suddenly feeling a little scared of him just as badly as Taylor felt.

"What's wrong?" Isaac asked of Zac.

Zac stepped over Taylor’s feet and he moved to the other side of Taylor’s chair, using it as a shield in case Isaac blew up, he seriously doubted Isaac would, but he wanted to be on the safe side.

Taylor looked away from Isaac, "you have the nerve to ask?" he asked, "in fact, you have the nerve to even come down here, you asshole, I hope you die in hell," he kept his tone incredibly flat as if he’d simply ceased to care. As if Isaac was a stranger in his heart.

Isaac stared blankly at Taylor, he didn’t understand why his brother hated him so much, "why are you talking to me that way?"
"WHY?!" Taylor blew up, he stood up, it was painful to do so his stomach hurt a thousand times a movement.

"Tay, what's wrong?" Isaac asked, noticing the way Taylor moved, as if he were in pain, it was almost like he couldn’t straighten up, he was slouched.

Taylor’s blue eyes were incredibly cold, his expression spoke volumes, he seemed to be shooting daggers from his eyes.

Isaac stared at him. "Tell me…"

Taylor refused to speak, knowing inside he’d solemnly sworn to himself to cut Isaac out of his heart.

Isaac looked at Zac for help, Zac was cowering behind Taylor as if he were scared. What did I do? Isaac wondered in terror, he knew it must have been something bad if both his brothers were scared and mad at him.

Zac peeked out behind Taylor, but refused to speak as well.

Isaac sighed. "Fine, don’t tell me," he mumbled and he turned away from them both, he headed for the kitchen, where his mother and father were with the little ones and colouring books. Diana was the first to look up, her eyes went dull and cold, drained of all love, she was certainly displeased about something, and Walker raised his eyes, glanced at Isaac only for a second, then shifted his gaze as if he were ashamed of him.

"I told you that you were confined to your room," Diana made her anger clear in her voice.

Isaac looked at her, confused. "When did you tell me that?" he asked stupidly.

"Last night when you—oh, what's the use," Diana turned away from him shaking her head.

"Kids, why don’t you go in the other room with your brothers?" Walker suggested to Jessica, Avery and Mackenzie.

"But you’re helping us colour-in," Avery pointed out.

"We’ll be through in five minutes," Walker promised.

Jessica took Avery by the arm and Mackenzie by the arm, "c’mon, Ike’s gonna get yelled at or something…" she mumbled.

"Oh, that’s why we gotta leave," Avery concluded.

The kids left the room, and then everything was silent.

Isaac stared at his mother for a few moments, trying to remember, it was then it hit him, the cold look she’d had in her eyes last night, just like now, and the look as tears of pain rolled down Taylor’s cheeks after Isaac had punched him. Isaac put a hand to his mouth and staggered backwards, feeling a little queasy, though not from the hangover screaming in his every nerve. "Oh, god…" he whispered.

"I am so disappointed in you, Isaac. I have never ever been disappointed in any of my children before. And for me to be disappointed in you really hurts me," she put her hands around her coffee cup, running her thumbs over the rim. "This last week has been torture on me, you know that?" she asked, looking at him.

Walker motioned to an empty chair for Isaac to sit, Isaac did as his father commanded, he didn’t want to argue right now, not with the dangerous look he had on his face, but soon, his fathers features softened, and he looked at Isaac. "You know what, Ike? You were always the one to make us the most proud."

Isaac dropped his gaze to the table.

"You were our first son, you did everything right, good grades, always honest, you were always headed in the right direction, you always made us proud…" Walker continued. "But what you did last night destroyed that pride, killed it…" he clenched his fists. "I mean, first, you go and boss your brothers around – when you never would dream of it before. Then you dye your hair – without our consent so you can set yourself apart from your brothers. You leave Taylor and Zac in charge of three kids when you should have known they couldn’t handle it, then you go out and get drunk, driving I might add, you could have had yourself killed!" Walker’s voice was shaking. "THEN you punch your brother in the stomach!"
"He called me an asshole!" Isaac recalled with some anger.

"AND YOU ARE!" Walker outburst, "Isaac, you were so responsible, what happened to you this week?! What the fuck is with you?!"

Isaac felt that terror in fear of his father again, his father rarely swore as well as got mad. Isaac’s bottom lip quivered. "I…I just…I’m sick of being good little responsible Ike!" he stood up, slamming his hands hard on the table – despite the fact it hurt to do so.

"There was nothing wrong with the responsible Ike, Isaac," Diana raised her eyes to him, her look one of warning, and agitation. "That was the Ike that was our son, you…I don’t know what you are, but you’re not Isaac, if you had any morals or ethics you would never have done what you did, and you would have never raised your fist in anger!" she stood up too, looking him straight in the eye.

"I’m not that Ike anymore," Isaac stated furiously. "I’m sick of being what everyone expects me to be, you think I should act how I was raised, not how I want to act, but how I should act!" he turned away, folding his arms insecurely.

Walker stood up. "You’ll regret what you say when things start falling apart for you, Isaac," he warned.

"I can handle anything," Isaac responded turning, looking at his father straight in the eyes, breathing in to keep himself calm.

"Fine, then go ruin your life!" Walker shoved Isaac hard in the chest. "Go drink, destroy your career, screw your chances in the band, experiment with drugs and top yourself, die like the scum you’ve become!!" Walker yelled.

Isaac frowned, "fine, I will."

"Get out," Walker hissed. "Get out and don’t you EVER darken our doorstep again."

Zac couldn’t get over what he’d heard his father yelling at Isaac that morning, it was just too hard to force out of his mind.

Zac would hear those words in his head for a long time. Would hear his father just tell Ike to leave and never come back, not even letting him get his belongings. But what he’d heard Isaac respond with would remain in his heart forever, like a shard of glass stabbing him in the heart until he died from the pain.

Zac froze, looking at the small silver-framed picture of Isaac that remained on the mantel, he picked it up and looked at it closer. Did Isaac actually intend to start drinking, experimenting with drugs? Zac had noticed that Isaac’s clothes from last night – which had been left lying on the floor when he’d gotten changed after the row that morning – had smelt like what he decided probably dope. Zac wasn’t sure, he’d never smelt dope before, but that’s what he’d heard it smelt like and that was what Isaac’s shirt smelt like.

It was strange thinking these things about someone, especially Isaac. Isaac had always been the most stable, the one to be in control, the one with all the ideas, the sensitivity, the charisma, the intelligence. It was hard thinking that Isaac would even want to blow a joint – however harmless it may seem.

Zac looked steadily at the picture of Isaac, the dark-brown eyes of the young man in the picture seemed to be smiling at Zac just as much as the red heart-shaped mouth was. Then Zac thought to this morning when Isaac had walked in. It hadn’t felt like his brother, it had felt like…a stranger. As if someone had taken Zac’s Isaac away, and replaced him with some thoughtless punk who was easy to intimidate. Zac gave a heavy-hearted sigh, and he put the picture back on the mantel beside the little silver-framed pictures of all the kids, but Zac decidedly moved the picture to the other side of the mantel away from the picture of Taylor and himself.

"Hey, Zac, what are you doing?" Taylor asked as he walked in.

"Just looking at pictures," Zac responded, he took a seat down on a footstool, and rested his arms on his knees, but soon, he was hugging his knees, shaking a little.

Taylor came over and knelt beside Zac. "You’re scared aren’t you? You always do that when you’re scared…"

"I’m not scared, I’m just freaked. Ike is acting really weird lately…its only been a week, but he’s changed so much, he’s just…he’s not Isaac anymore, at least not the one we’re used to…" Zac trailed off, he swept his long blonde hair back from his face. "This is just a phase for him, right?"
"I don’t know," Taylor mumbled. "Truthfully, I don’t care," he added, though Zac could see it in his eyes that he did care.

"You don’t mean that," Zac stated knowingly.

"Yes I do! He hit me Zac…" Taylor’s bottom lip quivered, slowly, he took a hold of the bottom of his sweater and pulled it up to his chest, just so he could reveal his badly bruised abdomen. "Look," he exclaimed.

Zac stared at the bruise, straining to keep calm, the bruise was around the size of a clutched fist, maybe bigger, right now, it was pure black and purple, Zac replayed the scene he’d seen the night before, Isaac’s fist heading straight for Taylor and connecting with his stomach. Zac looked at Taylor’s clear blue eyes, trying to read them. Oh, yeah, Taylor was lying alright, he did care, but also, he was terrified, and Zac couldn’t blame him. When Isaac had hauled off and punched Taylor – who was supposed to be his best friend – it meant that the only person who’d protected him was now against him.

"Lets just hope it’s a phase," Zac prayed in an almost silent voice. "Lets just hope…"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Isaac looked at the piece of paper with the address on it again, apartment 34 in Renlot towers. Renlot towers was a shabby building in the bad end of town, windows were boarded up, the building door was hanging off its hinges and there was a distinct smell of urine – either from dogs or humans, Isaac just didn’t want to know. Isaac had never been at a place like this before.

I shouldn’t have called her, Isaac decided, she’s older than me, she’d probably want nothing to do with me – a little kid, that’s all I am. When Isaac had called her, Samantha ‘Suede’ Lauriston had been more than encouraging for him to come up and see her, said she was free all afternoon, giving Isaac some hope of getting to know her – he hadn’t done too good last night. Besides, his parents had thrown him out, he wasn’t sure where else he could go, he certainly didn’t want to stay with Brian right now.

Sighing, he made his way into the stairwell, the walls were plastered in all kinds of colourful graffiti & obscene posters practically plastered to the wall. Isaac exhaled, not wanting to breathe in that foul smell of piss coming from the stairwell. He found apartment 34 on the third floor, the door was also covered in graffiti, Isaac carefully knocked on the door with the back of his knuckles in a gentle way, and he waited patiently.

He heard footsteps inside the apartment, and there was a click and the door opened, the chain on, those familiar grey eyes stared through the gap, first a little apprehensive, then a smile appeared on her smooth pink lips.

"Hi," she said, she almost closed the door to undo the chain and then she opened it fully and let him in.

"Hi," he responded nervously, he looked around.

The apartment looked like someone’s worst dream, the flower patterned wallpaper was yellowing and half peeled and ripped as if someone had decided to decorate, then got bored and left it. The furniture consisted of one drab grey upholstery couch, a makeshift coffee-table from a wooden crate and a large sheet of wood. The kitchen was a part of the room itself, and was only a counter, with a kettle and a toaster, a sink and a few cupboards above and a fridge which Isaac had a feeling would be empty. Isaac glanced around still, there was a single bed against the wall of the car corner, a pink candlewick blanket and an incredibly flat pillow for comfort. Isaac turned his eyes to the bathroom door which was open, inside he could see a white ceramic bath, white tiled walls, and a drab – not to mention dirty – looking towel was piled up on the floor.

How can she live like this? Isaac demanded of himself in horror.

Isaac had always been used to comfort, warm colours and bright clean furniture, but what was in this apartment didn’t even pass for furniture. There wasn’t even a TV or a radio that Isaac could see. God, he suddenly felt so lucky to have the things he’d always taken for granted.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?" Suede asked, she was running her fingers through her hair – which was wet and stringy, she’d just gotten out of the bath obviously.

"Um…that would be lovely, thanks," Isaac answered, not sure if he even wanted to drink out of a cup that belonged to this apartment.

Suede crossed the room and made her way to the kitchen, seeming perfectly at ease with her home, Isaac didn’t know how she could be.

Isaac walked over. "So…um…how have you been?"
"Since last night?" she asked, laughing softly.

Isaac blushed, how stupid was he to ask a question like that?
"Actually, I’d only just woken up when you’d called," she admitted. "And I just got out of the bath," she added, she noticed Isaac was looking at the apartment a little strangely. "Sorry about the place, its just temporary until I can afford college, the rent on this place is dirt cheap, I can’t afford much else…"

Isaac looked at her. "Its okay."
"I suppose you’re probably used to a nice warm house with nice clean white walls and a TV," she mumbled, looking a little embarrassed.

"Well, yeah, but home is only the place you live," he said. "Doesn’t matter if it’s a palace or…" he looked around helplessly, "a shack."

She smiled, and handed him the cup of coffee she’d made for him. Isaac looked at the cup – which was surprisingly clean and the coffee smelt inviting, he took a sip and felt grateful.

Suede motioned for him to go sit while she wiped up the mess she’d made with the water on her counter.

Isaac took a seat. "So um…if you don’t mind me asking…um…could you tell me a bit about yourself, there wasn’t much we talked about last night…" he reminded.

She paused thoughtfully. "Gee, no guy has ever asked me that before. Well…I left school when I was sixteen…"

"That young?" Isaac asked, surprised.

"I was in England back then, that’s the normal age to leave," she shrugged. "I lived in England half my life, then came to America with my parents, when they moved back to England, I decided to stay here…I love it here in Tulsa. So anyway, I’m working through the drugstore and a job at McDonalds to make enough money to live here and go to college…end of story really…" she trailed off. "How about you?"

"Not much to tell," he lied. "I was born in Tulsa, I’m from a big family, and I’m studying music…"

"Kind of music are you studying?" she asked.

"Oh, the modern kind," Isaac answered. "I play guitar, rhythm, electric, acoustic, most kinds of guitar, ‘cept I don’t play bass," he added. "I play piano too."
"Well, well, well, I landed myself a musician," she laughed, she moved over and sat down beside him.

He smiled, "I wouldn’t exactly call myself a musician," he mumbled, although he would and did more often than not.

She smiled too, and she placed her hand on his knee. "Hey, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a writer…"

"Is that what you want to be? An author?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Maybe you could show me your work sometime?"
"Only if you play me some music," she teased.

"Hey, it’s a deal."

Isaac looked at the floor for a moment, deep in thought. "Suede, I need to ask you something," he sighed. "I…I’ve been thrown out of my house…I…need a place to stay, I don’t know where else to turn…" he sighed.

"Why were you thrown out?" Suede put her hand on his arm, a soothing comforting touch.

"I…I punched my little brother, my parents went ballistic, threw me out…" Isaac sighed.

Suede smiled slightly. "Of course you can stay, if you’ve no where else to go…"

"Its been two days…"

Zac had said the same thing to his parents for the last 6 hours he’d been awake and they seemed to ignore him. Obviously they were ignoring the fact Isaac had been gone for two days without even calling or coming to pick his stuff up, it was scary. Zac was wondering if they cared about Isaac.

Zac sighed, looking at Taylor, he’d just stated the obvious to Taylor, that Isaac had been gone for two days.

Taylor paused for a moment, "so?" he managed almost nonchalantly, he went back to his homework , scribbling down some notes for history.

"So don’t you even care that he’s been gone for over 48 hours without any word?!" Zac asked. Zac was personally worried sick. Even if Isaac was upset, wouldn’t he have at least called to say he was fine, and put Zac’s mind at rest? Zac sat down on the edge of Taylor’s bed, lowering his head, feeling his long blonde hair sweep across his cheeks and fall over his face, he put a hand to his forehead, sighing unhappily. "You don’t care."
"You’re right, I don’t," Taylor answered in an emotionless tone, he erased a word from his notes and scribbled something else down.

"How can you say that?! He’s our brother!!" Zac exclaimed, he leaned up and his hair fell back from his face, revealing his wide almost frightened eyes. "Don’t you even care that he’s not here? That we don’t know where he is?! Its bad enough mom and dad are acting like he was never even born but now you are too!!! You’re heartless…"

"Zac! You know he—" Taylor turned to yell what he was going to, but he saw tears in Zac’s eyes, he lowered his voice to an almost whisper. "He hurt me, how can I trust him when he hurt me? How can I ever care?"

Zac swiped furiously at the tears. "I don’t know! But you just…you can’t blow him off like he never existed, we gotta find him anyway! We were supposed to do a concert tomorrow, we can’t cancel!!"

"Sure we can, we’ve done it before, we just say we had scheduling conflicts…"

Zac was fuming, he couldn’t believe Taylor was acting like this. Without another word, Zac grabbed his jacket and pulled it on, zipped it up tight, and grabbed a hat from the rack on the wall, he pulled his hair under it.

"Where are you going?" Taylor demanded.

Zac snorted, and left the room, intent he was not telling anyone he was going to look for Isaac, but he knew they would know anyway. Just as Zac was leaving the bedroom, a friend of Taylor’s from the soccer team – Bobby Smith – entered.

"Hey, Tay," Bobby said, "Your mom let me in. She just left, she told me to tell you she’s taking the kids to your aunts, won’t be back until four. What was with Zac? He looked MAD!" Bobby’s dark eyes remained on the empty threshold for a moment and then he closed the door.

"Oh, you know Zac, he’s so overdramatic."

"What made him mad?" Bobby asked, he sat down on Taylor’s bed, and adjusted his shoelaces.

"I did," Taylor sighed, for a moment, he looked away, his eyes staring into space.

"Something’s wrong, isn’t it?" Bobby asked, he got up and walked over.

Taylor leaned his elbow on the desk. "Isaac is gone."

"What do you mean Isaac is gone?" Bobby asked.

"I mean he blew up and got thrown out…" Taylor sighed. "My parents…they were mad at him for being so irresponsible lately, and then he went out and got drunk a couple of nights ago, me and him had an argument, he punched me, mom and dad went nuts, in the morning, there was this huge argument and my dad just told him to get out…and he did…"

"That’s terrible…" Bobby said. "Do you know where he is?"

"Who cares?!" Taylor demanded. "He’s done this to himself, he’s not Isaac Hanson anymore, he’s just an asshole, and I don’t care if I ever see him again."

"Geez, Tay, that sounds hard to believe, you and Isaac were always like – tight."

"Yeah, well, the moment he punched me things changed," Taylor got up. "C’mon, I think we should go look for Zac…"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Isaac sighed, he’d read all of the magazines in Suede’s apartment and was getting restless. He wished he could have at least brought his guitar, but his father had been so anxious to get him out that he hadn’t had a chance to grab anything, or any clothes, he wasn’t too happy about having to roam Suede’s apartment in nothing but a towel while he washed his clothes – even if she was at work at the time. Isaac decided he was going to have to draw some money out of his bank account soon to help pay his way, he couldn’t live off of Suede like he’d been doing these last three days.

I need to help Suede pay the rent on this place or something, Isaac realised, remembering this morning when Suede had received a debt letter, she had to pay off some bank, and if she did that, she wouldn’t be able to pay her rent. Isaac decided that – with all the money he had – he’d help her pay off some of her debts since she’d been so kind as to help him. Not only that, Isaac realised he needed to get some new clothes while he was staying with her, or he needed to get home and get some of his own clothes, as well as his guitar. He’d had songs in his head and he needed to get them into music before he lost them. Right now, his mind was whirling with a lot of different ideas. Only a few of them were with him and written down on paper. He needed his guitar.

He’d just pulled on his clothes and fixed his hair into a ponytail, intent on going out when Suede arrived home, looking positively fresh as if she’d just woken up from ten years sleep. Isaac found that incredible, she’d been up since six this morning and working at the drugstore until two.

"Hey, Ike," she smiled.

"Hey," Isaac smiled, he sat down on the couch and leaned over to pull on his shoes. "Listen, I gotta go out for a while, I need to draw some money out of my bank account," he stated. "Wanna come with me?"
"I can’t, I have to start work at McDonalds in an hour, I just came home to have a quick bath and get changed," she explained, she got up and walked over to the bathroom.

"Okay," Isaac nodded. "Anything you need while I’m out?" he asked.

"Um…milk I think," she said.

"Okay," Isaac nodded. "Tell you what, I’ll pick up a few groceries on my way home, okay?" he asked.

She smiled. "Thanks, Ike," She stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

Isaac sat there for a moment, listening to the sound of running water. He wondered what she looked like naked, he’d wondered a lot in the last couple of days he’d spent with her, he hadn’t even spent that much time with her, she’d been working 14 hours a day. He hadn’t even kissed her again, though for some reason, right now, he wanted to, more than anything in the world. Slowly he got up, and he walked over to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Suede?" he asked softly.

"Mmmhmmm?" she asked.

"Can I see you for a moment?"
"Sure, hold on," there was the sound of shuffling about in the bathroom, and the door then opened, Suede was standing in a white bathrobe her long light-brown hair around her shoulders, tousled and sexy, her grey eyes looked at him in an almost intimidating way, she smiled. "What is it?" she asked softly.

Isaac smiled, "just wanted to, um…kiss you goodbye," he gave a dashing smile, and he pulled one arm around her waist, and pulled her across to him.

"You are coming back, right?" she asked in a hopeful tone.

"Of course I am," he smiled, he licked his lips and pulled her up in his arms so he could kiss her, the kiss was full of sweetness, different than their first kiss, Isaac gently cupped one of her breasts in his hand, in ease, the old him would have never done that, but the new him found it easy, and wonderful. She held his hand there, he could feel the towelling under his fingers and wished so much it was her bare skin.

"Do you really have to go?" she asked sweetly.

"Yeah," he sighed, but he smiled and kissed her once more. "I have to go down to my house to pick up some stuff, y’know…"
"Okay, well…I won’t see you until around midnight," she said, she patted his chest. "Will you be awake?"

"You bet!" Isaac gave a sly smile.

"Okay, I’ll see you then…" she nodded, kissed his cheek, and let him go.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When Isaac got to his house after going to the bank, there was no one home, no sign of anyone, even the kids, it was strange. He checked all the rooms downstairs, even the garage, not a trace, he noticed it had started to rain though.

"I better take a good weatherproof jacket," Isaac sighed, he stood in the garage alone, he was about to leave when the phone down there rang, he paused, he wasn’t sure about picking it up. He took a seat on the sofa and waited for the answering machine to take affect, he heard his own voice along with Taylor and Zac’s stating that the person calling should wait until the beep then leave the message. The beep came, and then the message, it was Zac.

"Tay, are you there?"

"Guess not…"

"Tay, I’m sorry I blew up, I’m just freaked…I know I shouldn’t have ran out of the house like that, but I was just so upset. Only reason I’m calling now is because if I say this in your face you’re not gonna listen to me."

Isaac closed his eyes, Taylor and Zac had been arguing, and it had something to do with him. God, why did this have to happen? Isaac pressed the "keep as new" button so the message would still beep for Taylor so it wouldn’t seem as if he’d been there.

Sighing, Isaac headed out of the garage and up to the bedroom to get some clothes feeling that he wished he could die.

The room felt different somehow to Taylor. He couldn’t put his finger on it. He was feeling a tad edgy, Zac had called the answering machine saying he’d freaked out, but at least he was coming back home, which was good, Taylor didn’t think he could deal with two brothers not being around. Bobby had gone home and Taylor was alone in the house. Taylor flung himself on his bed, sighing. He wondered what Isaac was doing right now, if he even gave a damn about him or Zac. There were a lot of things on Taylor’s mind. Zac’s message kept replaying itself in Taylor’s mind.

It was true that Taylor did care about what was going on with Isaac, he was scared to admit it for some reason he didn’t understand anymore. Didn’t matter though.

"I’m home!"

Taylor leaned up from his bed, hearing Zac’s voice.

"Anyone home?!" came Zac’s voice ringing through the halls.

"Zac, up here," Taylor called loudly.

There were thudding footsteps and then the door room opened and Zac walked in, he was soaked from head to foot from the previous rain. "Hi," he said.

"Where have you been, I was worried sick!" Taylor stood up, feeling apprehensive. "Me and Bobby went looking for you and we couldn’t find you…"

"I just walked…and walked…" Zac explained, he ran his fingers through his wet hair, he crossed the room taking off his jacket, his foot brushed against a piece of paper. "Hmmm, is this yours?" Zac asked, noticing it was a lyric sheet, not much else.

Taylor picked it up. "Don’t think so…" he trailed off.

It was a song. A song that Taylor didn’t recognise. It was Isaac’s handwriting. But the words were different from anything Isaac had ever written before. Taylor gulped nervously, frowning. "What the—?"

The song wasn’t from Isaac, it couldn’t have been. It wasn’t anything that could come from the imagination of the eighteen year old boy.

"What is it, Tay?" Zac asked, walking over.

Taylor looked up from the paper to see Zac, then he looked down at it again, frowning. "It can’t be…"

"What?" Zac asked. "What can’t be?"

Taylor shook his head. "Zac…you just wouldn’t understand…"

"Yeah, right," Zac grabbed the piece of paper from Taylor’s hands, and he looked at it, and began reading the words out clearly.

"I want to feel you all over,

Run my fingers through your hair

I want to kiss you all over

Let my hands show you how much I care

I want to be with you all night, baby

Tonight, You know what I want to do

I want to hold you against me baby

Hear you moan softly as I move with you," Zac swallowed, his eyes scanning over the rest of the song.

"I want to bring you over

And watch you lose control

I want to tease you, touch you, taste you

I want to feel your soul

Yeah, girl, I want you badly

I wanna feel your fire

I imagine your hands against me

And I burn with wild desire…" Zac trailed off. "Tay, did Ike write this?!"

"It’s his handwriting, Zac!" Taylor closed his eyes.

"Tay…this is like…about sex…"

"Yeah, it is…"

"This wasn’t here when we left – so does that mean he was here?"
"Must do, I just noticed his jacket isn’t hanging on the rack…"

Zac lowered his eyes feeling lost in another world. He turned the piece of paper over to see if there was more writing on it, instead, he found an address. "Tay…where’s 34 Renlot Towers?"

"Bad part of town. Why?"

"Its here…an address…this must be where Ike is, maybe he left it here deliberately?"

"Zac, forget it. He’s just an asshole and he’ll probably get mad if you go over there…"
"Tay, we have a performance to do tomorrow, its an acoustic performance man, there is no way either of us is gonna play the guitar – so we need to get Ike, he’ll do it as a professional if anything…now are you coming?" Zac pulled his jacket back on.

"No," Taylor said. "And take heed of my advice, don’t go either."
"I have to, Tay. I promise I’ll be straight back, count on it."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Isaac entered the apartment with a huge shoulder bag, his guitar and two bags of groceries. He was surprised to see Suede sitting on the couch reading a newspaper. "I thought you had work…" he trailed off.

"Yeah, I did, but they fired me," Suede sighed, "said I wasn’t alert enough," she rolled her eyes, she put the paper away and stood up, walked over. "Did you get the milk?"
"Yeah," he nodded, he put his shoulder-bag down and he put the grocery bags on the counter and began emptying them. "I got some vegetables and stuff…"

"I can’t even cook," Suede announced.

"That’s okay, I know how to cook – a little," he grinned devilishly, he continued with putting things away.

"Great, I have beer, we’ll make a night of it," she smiled. "What's this, a guitar?" she asked as she tapped her fingers on the guitar case.

"Yup."

She knelt down to his guitar case on the floor and she opened it. "Mind if I try it out?"

"Go ahead, but please don’t adjust the strings or anything…"

"I won’t," she promised, she took the guitar out, sat on the floor folded legged and got comfortable, and almost instantly began picking out a tune that sounded vaguely familiar and vividly professional.

Isaac paused. "What's that?" he asked, referring to the tune she was playing.

"Its called ‘Take It Easy’," she answered. "By The Eagles, I think," she added, carefully continuing with the tune. "I can never remember the words, but I know the song by heart."

"So where’d you learn to play the guitar?"

"High school," she answered, she got bored with the tune, returned the guitar to its case and closed it, and stood it up against the wall.

"What?" she asked, she looked as he held out money in his hand.

"Money for the rent."
"I don’t want your hard earned cash."

"No, take it, I have plenty, besides, I owe you something for letting me stay the last couple of days…" he admitted.

"You’re not paying me a hundred and fifty bucks so you can sleep on the couch," she mumbled.

Isaac sighed, "take…seventy then," he pleaded, "I need to pay my way," He explained, he separated his cash and gave her half.

She looked at him. "Ike, you’re not like the guys I’m used to seeing," she folded her arms looking a little worried.

"Yeah, well, maybe I am different," he shrugged, he put his hands on her shoulders, and he brought her closer, planted a soft kiss on her lips, ran his hands down her arms.

"You’re so sweet," she smiled and she reached up to run her fingers through his hair gently, she leaned up to kiss him and they wrapped their arms around each other.

Their kisses were just beginning to get deeper when there was a knock at the door, Suede pulled away. "I have to get that."
"Just leave it…" Isaac kissed her neck.

"It could be important," she mumbled.

"Nah, this is more important," he smiled, pulled her into another kiss.

Again, another knock, this was more persistent this time, but Suede chose to ignore it as their kissing got heavier and heavier. A third knock, she pulled away. "Ike…"
"Leave it," he pleaded, he pushed her down to the couch and lay on top of her, he ran his tongue across her jaw, stroking her waist gently. There was no fourth knock. And Isaac continued with what he was doing, though, in the back of his mind, something felt a little peculiar. Still, that wasn’t about to stop him.

Isaac opened his eyes to heavy daylight shining on his face, he was squeezed against the wall, and Suede’s body on the single bed at the end of the room. He closed his eyes tightly, shutting out the brightness, and he draped one arm over Suede, he tried to sleep, but something was persistently piercing his thoughts. It felt like he’d forgotten something. Yep, he’d definitely forgotten something, damned if he could remember what though…

God, Isaac thought in a distressed tone. What did I do last night?

He knew he’d been drinking before having sex, though he really couldn’t remember it, he could only half remember the passion going on all night between himself and Suede, every steamy moment. But it hadn’t felt right, all night he’d been kicking himself, his thoughts screaming ‘this isn’t me’. Still, the physical side of him had been screaming for him to do what he did, and he’d obeyed it. It wasn’t like anything should hold him back, he was eighteen after all.

He heard a mumble, Suede turned over slightly to look at him. "What time is it?" she asked, she turned over fully and lay her head on his shoulder.

Isaac – who was still wearing his watch despite nothing else – stared at his watch and focused. "Ten."

"I have to be at work in an hour," she sighed.

Isaac wrapped his arms around her. "Call in sick," he suggested, he ran his fingers through her tousled light brown hair.

"I can’t, it’s only until three anyway," she sighed, she ran a finger over his bare stomach. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine…a little woozy, but fine…why?" he asked, he looked at her through his curious rich brown eyes as if for the first time.
"You were up at six this morning throwing up," she sighed. "I thought you were seriously ill for a moment, are you actually used to alcohol?" she asked.

"Of course I am," he lied.

"Okay," she nodded, she leaned right over him and planted a kiss on his lips, "Y’know, if I didn’t know any better…I’d swear you were a virgin before last night…"

Isaac frowned a little, of course it would be obvious, he’d been so nervous last night, some points he’d had to have her show him what she wanted him to do, it had almost been embarrassing. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you were sort of…unsure…a little timid perhaps…"

"I wasn’t a virgin," he lied. "Its just been a while…sometimes its like riding a bicycle, you forget how to after a while…y’know?"

She smiled, and kissed his chin.

He sat up, why did he feel he’d forgotten something. He spotted his guitar leaning against the wall of the kitchen counter, and he suddenly remembered.

He had a concert with Taylor and Zac, he was supposed to be performing acoustically. He had to be there, it was his job to be there. He couldn’t let the fans see that something was going on. It was bad enough he’d almost collapsed on stage in London.

"SHIT!!" Isaac swore

"What is it?"

"I’m supposed to be somewhere at eleven," he sighed, he got out of the bed, for some reason – even though she’d seen him totally naked the night previous – he put his hand over his shame as he crossed the room to get into his bag and put on a clean pair of boxers and some pants.

"Where?" she asked.

"Its not important…well it is, but its not really important that you know, I mean, its just some obligatory crap I have to put up with in my life…sort of like job," he pulled on a clean shirt, a clean pair of socks and he tugged on his sneakers and tied the laces quickly, he stood up, smoothing down any creases in his shirt. "How’d I look?" he asked.

"Good," she smiled. "Cute."

"Okay," he nodded in satisfaction, he began searching through his bag of clothes and pulled out a cellular-phone.

"You have a phone? You can afford a cellular phone?" she asked in surprise. "Who’re you gonna call anyway?"

"A Taxi," he answered. "You better get ready for work, don’t worry about me."
"Okay."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The concert hall was chilly, it felt like there was no heaters on whatsoever. Zac was huddled up into a corner listening as Taylor attempted to pick out the tune to ‘Mmmbop’ on one of Isaac’s old guitars. There was no way Taylor would get away with it, the tune didn’t sound anything like ‘Mmmbop, it sounded more like something from elementary school guitar lessons.

Zac couldn’t believe their bad luck. He’d gone to the address he’d found last night, but there had been no answer whatsoever, though he could have sworn he’d heard a girls voice inside there. Maybe he’d had the wrong address or something. He just didn’t know.

"Tay, you’re not gonna master it within fifty minutes!" Zac outraged, standing up, he stalked over, shivering slightly.

"Zac, I need to do something, I just can’t sit around, god, if only we’d managed to snag Ravi or something, god, if we hadn’t left this until the last minute…maybe I can still get a hold of him, I tried a couple of times, but I think his phone is off the hook."

"Don’t be stupid…Ravi isn’t part of the band, he’s just a back up player, Tay! Ravi isn’t a part of Hanson, the audience are gonna notice that, don’t you think?!"
"Are you boys finished practising?" Walker Hanson appeared through the backstage entrance.

"No, and we’re not gonna likely be until Isaac shows up…he has to show up, he wouldn’t let us down…" Zac trailed off.

"He has let us down!" Taylor yelled. "God, Zac, don’t you think if he wouldn’t let us down then why did he?!"

Zac stared at Taylor for a moment, then he grabbed Taylor’s tambourine and threw it across the auditorium, heard it break and rattle against a seat.

"ZAC!! What are you playing at?!" Walker demanded.

"Why don’t you ask him that?!" Zac screamed, he jumped down from the stage, looked up at his father from the five feet of height added to the already six foot tall man. "Ever since this happened, you’ve ALL been acting like Ike was never born. You were the ones who taught me how important family unity was and you go and throw Ike out like he doesn’t belong with us. So what if he did bad things, it doesn’t make him a bad person!" Zac yelled, and with that, he took off in tears.

"I’ll go after him," Taylor sighed.

Taylor traced Zac to the gents toilets at the other end of the building, Zac was huddled up in the corner near a frosted glass window with his knees pulled up to his chest, hugging his legs with his arms.

"Zac, there’s no point in crying about it…"
"Piss off," Zac mumbled.

"Zac, Ike messed up bad, why can’t you see that?"

"Because he’s my brother and I believe that he’s just upset, that he’s going through a rough patch and we should be there for him. God, we’ve always been there for you when you were going through rough patches, I know Ike has ALWAYS been there for you."

"That was then, this is now," Taylor stated coldly for a moment. "Zac, I think Ike is dangerous right now…"

"You’re wrong, he’s not dangerous, he was that one time, but he was drunk…"

"Yeah, and if he’ll do it once, he’ll do it again, I can’t trust him anymore…" Taylor put a hand to his head, he’d begun to take on a headache the moment he’d tried to play the guitar his head was throbbing now, badly, he wished he could just lie down and sleep forever, not worry about concerts, brothers and everything else.

Taylor eyed the crowd from behind the stage, he was peering over. He felt breathless, frustrated. There was a huge crowd, clapping cheering, they were all there to see Hanson, and only two members of Hanson were there. How were they going to manage to sing without guitar? How were they going to manage to sing without Isaac’s harmony?

Shit, Zac was right, this is gonna be a disaster, he thought.

"Taylor…"

Taylor turned, his mother was standing nearby, Jessica at her side. "Mom, I can’t do this, please don’t ask me to do this…" he begged.

"Taylor, don’t panic…"

"Zac was right, god, I should have listened, we can’t do this without Isaac, we need him…" Taylor took in deep breaths, he felt like he was ten seconds away from hyperventilating, he didn’t want to take attacks when he was supposed to go on stage.

"Its okay, honey," Diana condoled, she grabbed Taylor’s shoulders and shook him gently as if to bring him to his senses, she kissed his forehead. "You’re going to be great, you always are."
"But Ike isn’t with us, we need Ike, get him!"

"Its too late, Taylor. You’re on in five minutes, there is no way we could find him and bring him back…"
"Mom," Zac said, he’d been unusually silent, sitting on the floor for some time now. "Do you regret what you said to Ike?"

"Don’t be stupid, Zac. Of course I regret it, he’s my son…but there’s nothing I can do right now, your father is already out there looking for him, and so is everyone else we know…"

"Mom, I feel sick," Taylor mumbled.

"You’re gonna be fine, honey," Diana assured, she pointed out the announcement on the speakers for Hanson, the crowd was cheering wildly, Taylor sucked in a nervous breath, his eyes bugged out as if he were suffocating – or being squeezed too tightly. Then, just as he was about to turn, he heard Zac gasping, and he turned, everyone was staring, Isaac was there, with his guitar, he looked tired, but better than he had a in a while, Taylor stared.

"We’re on," Was all Isaac had to announce, he walked by Taylor and entered the stage area, the crowds were going wild, and Taylor looked helplessly at his mother, and she smiled unsurely.

Zac however grinned from ear to ear and he got up and walked by Taylor, he grabbed Taylor’s sleeve and tugged on it, "C’mon, bro, we’re on," he announced.

The Hanson brothers united went on stage, and Taylor took his place behind the keyboards, looking nervously at Isaac.

Zac passed by Isaac, and he brushed his hand against Isaac’s sleeve. "Glad to have you back," He admitted, a surge or relief in his expression.

Isaac just shrugged nonchalantly, and poised himself, Taylor went behind his keyboard and Zac sat behind his drums. The three broke into song and kept in perfect beat and time, Taylor’s singing was at its usual standards, it had its good points and its bad points, they managed to get through the concert without too many mistakes, Zac always somehow managed to belt himself in the head with the drumstick, and managed to do it twice this time. Yet it felt like old times, but somehow different, at the end of it all, all the screaming girls, and the love and applause, they left the stage and Isaac was silent, Taylor looked at him, hoping for an apology, but Isaac didn’t give one.

Isaac looked at his watch, realising it was around the time Suede would be getting home, "I gotta go," he said in a flat tone, he looked at his mother and father, they made no attempt to ask him to come home, and he didn’t expect them too. He walked by them, and they didn’t stop him. Zac looked at his mom and dad in a pleading expression, he wanted them to ask him to come home, but they didn’t, they just looked very nonchalant. Zac didn’t know how his parents could be like this. Sighing, he dashed after Isaac.

"IKE!" he yelled, half way down the back corridor, Isaac stopped, and turned towards his little brother, "What?"

Zac looked at him, "are you coming home."

"They don’t want me home, Zac, can’t you tell?" Isaac asked in a tone that showed how much he didn’t give a damn about this at all.

Zac looked at him, "You’re not just gonna…like, disappear or anything are you? And we’ll never see you again…" he kept the emotion in his voice hidden.

"Of course not," Isaac laughed softly, but the laughter died with the awkwardness of the moment.

"Will you ever come home to visit?"
"I honestly don’t know…" Isaac answered.

Zac felt like he wasn’t talking to Isaac, like it was some stranger, Isaac had changed. He’d grown up a lot more. "Will I see you again?" he questioned quietly.

"Only if you want to."

"I…looked for you, I tried Renlot towers…"

Isaac looked at Zac, "I know, we didn’t answer the door."
"We?" Zachary asked.

"I’m staying with a friend," Isaac shrugged.

"Oh…" Zac nodded.

"Zac…if…if you want you can come by…any time, I’ll be there…" Isaac stated.

"Thanks," Zac smiled, glad he wasn’t losing Isaac completely.

"I’ll see you later," Isaac smiled a little.

"Yeah…bye," Zac sighed.

And Isaac left, and Zac stood for some moments silent. Pondering.

"Zac, where are you going," Taylor asked of Zac, who was ready to go out the front door two days later.

"Gonna go see Isaac," Zac said firmly.

"Why?" Taylor asked in a flat tone, as if he really didn’t give a damn, but deep inside, he wished he could go see Isaac too.

"Because he’s my brother, and I wanna make sure he’s okay," Zac answered, "He’s living in a pisshole, you should see the mess of the building."

"Oh," Taylor said nonchalantly, looking through the open door as Bobby walked in.

"Hey, Tay," Bobby said.

"Hi…"

"Hey, Zac, where you goin’?"

"Out," Zac answered, and with that, he left.

Bobby ran his fingers through his short dark hair, "geez, everyone is so informative these days, christ this family is falling apart."

"Tell me about it," Taylor rolled his eyes and lead the way to the garage.

"Word has it that Ike showed up for the concert on Sunday."

"Yeah, he did," Taylor nodded.

"So is he back?" Bobby asked.

"No, my mom made out like she was regretting her words and stuff, and the moment Isaac arrived she clammed up, and she didn’t ask him to come back, and Ike left, so far Zac is the only one who knows where he’s staying."

"So why don’t you go see him?" Bobby asked.

"Fuck, why should I?" Taylor demanded, he turned on one of his keyboards and began doing scales.

"Because he’s your brother."

"After the way he slugged me—" Taylor began.

"Christ, Tay, grow up, Neil has slugged me more than once, and I always forgive him."

"Yeah, the difference between you and your big brother is that you actually deliberately get on his nerves and then make him feel guilty about it after he slugs you," Taylor pointed out, he absently hit a B flat. "This is different…"

"Why is it different, what exactly happened again?" Bobby sat down at Zac’s drums, and leaned on the snare.

Taylor looked distant, "I woke up around four in the morning, and he wasn’t there, so I was worried, I knew there was a party he wanted to go to, but I didn’t think he’d sneak out. So I waited, and waited, an hour and half later he comes home, pissed as a newt, I got really mad, I slammed him into a wall…said some stuff, he said some stuff, I called him an asshole, next thing I know I’m on the floor holding my stomach," Taylor explained.

"Well, you got mad, and for a drunk guy that would be threatening, probably," Bobby shrugged.

Taylor fingered out the chords of ‘Mmmbop’. "I know…I just…god, he’s such an asshole. He didn’t even apologise."
Bobby shrugged again, "Brothers don’t think they need to, its just a silent thing, its over with, then you go back to normal, there’s no apology or no forgiveness, just plain brotherly love," he smirked.

Taylor looked to the floor, "I miss the old Ike."

"Yeah, I think everyone does, this family isn’t the same without Isaac…"

Taylor felt like crying, he wasn’t about to in front of Bobby. Guys didn’t cry and if they did, it wasn’t in front of other guys.

"Look, its probably just a weird phase he’s going through or something," Bobby tried to comfort, seeing Taylor’s upset over this.

"Yeah, I thought that too…but it can’t be, its lasting too long, he hasn’t even said anything to me…" Taylor sighed.

"Yeah, well, if he was going through a phase and you were excluding him and calling him an asshole its no wonder he’s excluding you," Bobby commented.

Taylor sighed, "so I take it you’re not on my side?" he questioned.

"I can’t be on anyone’s side, remember, I’m Ike’s friend too, and I kinda know how he’s feeling, it’s probably just the fame thing getting to him, maybe you shouldn’t worry."

"You won’t take my side? God, you’re supposed to be my best friend," Taylor remarked coldly.

"Sorry," Bobby looked to the floor.

"Like, is everyone just abandoning me? God, first Ike, then Zac, now you."

"I’m not abandoning you," Bobby commented, he looked at his watch, "Oops, I gotta go, I have soccer practise," he remembered, then frowned a little, "You’re supposed to be there, are you coming?"

"No, I don’t feel much like playing soccer anymore," Taylor brooded, and silently left the garage, leaving his friend to find the way out.

Zac smiled brightly, "hi," he said, "I…just thought I’d stop by," he explained, and jumped into Ike’s arms for a brotherly hug. Isaac gave a slight laugh, he sometimes forgot about Zac’s open affection. It felt good to at least know his brother still cared.

Zac stepped back, peering into the apartment.

"Uh…c’mon in," Isaac offered.

"Thanks," Zac gave a weak smile, and stepped in cautiously, he’d never been in an apartment quite so run down and in need of redecoration. He wondered who the hell Isaac’s friend was, and why they let the apartment stay like this.

Isaac spotted a bra hanging at the edge of the couch and before Zac could see it, he discarded it behind a cushion. "Have a seat…"

"Is it safe?" Zac looked at the dirty looking couch and made a face.

"I guess," Isaac shrugged, "I sit here, nothing wrong with it."
"Oh," Zac gingerly sat down, looking around. "Nice place," he said sarcastically.

"This is just temporary."

"Until mom and dad take you back?"

"No, until I get my own place," Isaac answered.

"Oh…so…you’re not coming home…at all?"

"Why should I? Tay hates me, mom and dad treat me like I wasn’t born, what’s the point?"

"The point is you’re their responsibility," Zac answered.

"I’m eighteen, I could get a job if I wanted to, live off my own earnings and my share of the band money and rely on myself, I’m no one’s responsibility, Zac."

Zac looked to the floor, this felt awkward.

At that moment, a petite young woman, with light brown hair in a ponytail, and grey eyes stepped into the apartment, wearing a pair of combat pants and a cropped blue gradient sweater, revealing her pierced naval and flat stomach. Zac gaped, she was quite attractive, she had to be at least twenty. Suddenly he could understand Isaac wanting to stay where he was.

Isaac stood up, "Uh, hi," he said to Suede.

Suede gave him a smile and walked over, "Hi," she smiled sweetly, and looked to the couch, "who’s the kid?"

Zac felt himself blush, being called a kid always bugged him, he was thirteen, and shouldn’t have to be referred to as a kid.

"This is my little brother Zachary," Isaac introduced.

Zac raised his eyes to Suede and stood up, "Hi," he said quietly.

Suede gave a smile.

Isaac wasn’t sure what to call Suede at this particular time, he hadn’t asked her out, so he wasn’t sure whether to call her his girlfriend, so far it had been living together and sleeping together. "Zac, this is Suede," he said.

Suede gave him a funny look, waiting to see what she was going to be referred as.

"My girlfriend," he added quietly.

Suede smiled, and Zac looked at Isaac curiously, then shook Suede’s hand.

"Suede…that’s…uh, an unusual name."

"Actually its Samantha," Suede answered, "Suede is a nickname," she added.

"Cool," Zac shrugged.

Isaac felt tense in the moment, he was wondering if Zac planned on going home and telling their parents that Isaac was living with a girl, probably sleeping with her as well.

Zac wondered if this was his cue to go, he was about to mention it, but Suede interrupted him before he could by talking to Isaac.

"There’s this movie I wanna see tonight, can we go?" she asked of Isaac, "I’m paying…"

"Sure…" Isaac smiled, "But I’ll pay, what’s the use of having so much money when you can’t even use it."
Zac wondered if this ‘Suede’ girl even knew who Hanson were.

Suede was curious, "Exactly how much money do you have?"

Isaac shrugged, "Not sure," he answered.

Suede shrugged, "Not that I care," she added.

Zac looked at his watch, "Well, I should go," he said.

"You just got here," Isaac reminded.

"Yeah, but I was just stopping by, seeing you were alright and stuff, I have to go home and practise, before Tay kicks my ass," Zac explained, "See you."

"Yeah, bye," Isaac nodded, and watched as Zac let himself out.

Suede smiled, "cute kid," she commented, "looks like you?"

"Really? I didn’t think so…"
"Well, same eyes," Suede shrugged, "How many brothers and sisters do you have anyway? You’ve mentioned a few before…"

"I have three brothers and three sisters," he answered, "I’m the oldest."

"Will I ever get to meet any of them?" she questioned.

"The way things are going at the moment I doubt it, I don’t even think my mom wants to see me ever again."

Suede hugged him, "she’ll come around, I hope, cos I know you’re not happy here."
"I am happy here," he hugged her back, "I just miss my life."

Zachary walked slowly into the house, and stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall, trying to gather his thoughts.

Oh god, why did I leave him to stay there like that, I should have said something to him. Zac felt incredibly lost. There didn’t seem to be anything he could do to make the situation any better. He breathed in a sigh, it felt like he was losing his brother more and more each day.

He stepped down the hall and into the living room where the family was watching TV, his father raised his eyes to him. "Where have you been?" his father asked of him lightly.

"Out," Zac answered, he didn’t want to say he’d been at Isaac’s. "Me and a couple of friends went to see a movie," Zac lied, he got no response, "Where’s Tay?"
"He’s out, hanging out with Ronan and Dan," Jessica said without looking up from the TV.

"I’m going to my room," Zac decided flatly, "call me when dinner’s ready," he added, and with that, he left the room and went upstairs, pulled out his trundle bed and flung himself on it wearily. Noticing the silence, he turned on the radio, trying to let the mellow music of Jamiroquai soothe his tired mind. Still, his mind wandered to Isaac, living in that dingy apartment in Renlot. How anyone could live in that was beyond Zac. He heard a knock at the door, and he sat up, "come in."

Jessica opened the door and stepped in slowly, it was rare she was ever in this bedroom unless she had to be. Zac looked at his sister, she was a ten year old, blonde, sharp-witted girl with the retro fashion sense of a college student and a love for beanie babies. She stood at the threshold, donning her wide legged jeans and flower patterned tee.

"What is it?" Zac asked, knowing his sister rarely came to him for anything unless she wanted to borrow something.

Jessica stepped into the room fully, and closed the door behind herself and walked over slowly, "did you go see Ike?" she asked.

Zac had to smile, she knew him well, his parents had fallen for his ‘I was out with friends’ lie. "Yeah, I did."
"How is he?" she asked worriedly, she sat down, "I haven’t seen him in over a week…"

Of course this was something to worry about for Jessica, Avery and Mac - Isaac not being around, and only having the vague knowledge their parents had thrown him out left Jessica rather baffled.

"What’d he do that was so bad that they threw him out?" Jessica asked quietly. Jessica was shy at times and now was one of those times, she tucked her pale gold hair behind her ear, looking at Zac with sky blue eyes.

Zac had to wonder what had taken Jessica so long to ask him. "He pissed mom and dad off majorly," Zac tried to explain, he couldn’t think of any way to explain it to a ten year old and make it sound understandable. He had to remember, there was three years age difference between him and Jessica, and that three years extra knowledge he had made it much more easy to understand Isaac’s situation, where as she might condemn him for what he’d done, not understanding Isaac’s side.

Jessica paused, and then spoke, "Tay says Ike changed," she commented.

"Don’t pay attention to Tay," Zac muttered, "don’t listen to him, he’s talking through his ass, like usual," he rolled his eyes.

"Is Ike even coming home?" she asked carefully.

"I don’t know, wish I did," He shrugged, he lay down again, hands behind his head. "Just gotta give mom and dad some breather time away from him, let him get on with it, I suppose."

"My friend says her cousin told her Ike is a drunk…"

Zac sat up instantly, "who told you that?"

"Emmie did, her big cousin saw Ike at a party."

"Well, if Emmie’s big cousin was at that so-called party Ike was at then she was obviously getting high and drunk herself, so she’s one to talk," he muttered, "don’t listen to anyone, just trust me on this, nothing is wrong, its just a little tension between mom and dad and Ike and Tay, that’s all."

"Okay," she nodded, understanding.

"This game sucks," Ronan threw the Playstation control pad across the room.

Taylor, Dan and Ronan were in Dan’s house, in Dan’s room, the three had been competing in a game of Tekken 3 but so far, Dan was constantly winning because he’d had so much practise, and Taylor was too preoccupied with other thoughts, so his gameplay was affected by his lack of concentration.

"The only thing that sucks is Taylor’s gameplay," Dan commented, "Where is your brain, Tay? Left it at home?" he smirked.

"Might as well have," Taylor shrugged, he was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the base of the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees.

"What is with you lately?" Ronan asked.

"Nothing, just tired I guess," Taylor shrugged, "my life sucks," he then added.

"You know what you need, a girlfriend," Dan stated surely. Dan was what one might say an expert on girlfriends – considering he had a new one every week. Dan was the type who dated until he got what he wanted, and then decided to ease off on the relationship and find a new one. Taylor didn’t quite understand it, but Dan was his friend and he wouldn’t base his friendship with him on what Dan was like with girls – even though Taylor despised the way Dan disrespected girls that way.

"I don’t need a girlfriend," Taylor retorted.

"Sure you do," Dan turned off the Playstation, "little nookie would do you the world of good," he joked.

"I don’t think so, if anything it would ruin my career," Taylor stated.

"How is that?" Dan demanded.

"Well look at it one way, if I had a girl and slept with her it would make me look bad…the public don’t like that."

"That reminds me!" Ronan clicked his fingers, "Have I got news for you…" he said, he sat folded legged and rolled a soccer ball into the wall so it came back at him.

"News for me?" Taylor asked.

Ronan nodded, "apparently your brother moved in with a girl and he’s sleeping with her," he said.

"Ike? Move in with a girl? No way, he wouldn’t move in with a girl let alone sleep with one, he has morals…at least…I thought he had."

"No, its true," Dan admitted, "I heard about it too," he shrugged, "from what I heard they’re both on drugs and everything," he added.

"I…listen, he’s just an asshole anyway."

"He’s an asshole just cos he had a couple of beers and smoked a joint?" Ronan asked, "Big fat hairy deal, most guys do that at least a couple of times in their lives."

"No, not just that, he completely changed," Taylor sighed, "He used to be…y’know, cool, used to be funny and helpful and responsible…"

"And a complete weirdo, you gotta admit, your brother was a nerd," Dan stated.

"He was not! And anyway, I liked him that way."

"Yeah, well, sounds like he didn’t like himself that way, probably why he changed," Dan shrugged.

Taylor raised his eyes as Caroline, Dan’s older sister, stepped into the room, "Dan, mom said dinner is nearly ready so your friends have to go now," she said.

Taylor looked at Caroline. He’d known Caroline for six years now, ever since he’d first laid eyes on her when he was nine and had joined up the local soccer team in which Dan and Ronan were also members. Caroline was of a certain beauty, with hazel eyes, sleek black hair, smooth lips, and rosy cheeks. She was sixteen, pretty, and Taylor had just noticed it for the first time.

"Okay," Dan nodded to Caroline and waved her off, she left the room a moment later.

Ronan growled in his throat, "Your sister is a babe and a half," he whistled.

Taylor sat quiet, he didn’t want to give it away that he’d always admired Caroline. Taylor hadn’t seen much of Caroline lately, he’d been busy with touring and whenever he was back in Tulsa and at Dan’s house, she was never around. She was usually hanging out with friends at the mall, or her boyfriend Kevin Marx. Taylor didn’t want to even mention his slight feelings for Caroline, as she was dating and it was stupid to get his hopes up.

Taylor stood up, "well, I better go," he said, looking at his watch, "my mom will be making dinner now, so I guess I should get home. I’ll see myself out…"

"See ya later," Ronan and Dan both said, and Taylor left the room and walked downstairs slowly. Caroline was on the phone to some friend, just as he reached the bottom of the stairs she’d hung up, sighing.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"My boyfriend is such a sleaze," she rolled her eyes.

"Why?" he asked.

"Tonight is like, our two year anniversary and he forgot and already made plans to hang out with friends."

Taylor looked sympathetic, "sorry," he said.

Caroline shrugged, "I guess I shouldn’t complain, he’s always so sweet usually, I can’t even believe he forgot about tonight…"

Taylor walked to the door and paused, "think yourself lucky, most guys don’t forget the anniversaries of the days they went out with their girlfriends. They remember the dates, they just don’t wanna celebrate it, they’d rather spend it doing something else," He shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess you’re right," she shrugged.

"See ya, later, Carrie," he smiled.

"Bye, Tay," she said with an expression full of preoccupation.

Taylor gave her one last look, and left.

Bobby meanwhile was looking at a Playstation game called FIFA international. "This looks cool."

"Geez, do you ever think about anything but Soccer?" Taylor asked.

"Hey, I’m a guy, I’m supposed to like sports. I mean, look at you, you’re more interested in music and sappy songs. No wonder people think you’re gay, man."

"They can think all they want, I know and you know I’m not."

"Hey man, I know nothing, I never saw you talk sweet to any girl so how would I know for sure?" Bobby questioned, putting the case down.

Taylor picked up another CD case and looked at it. "Well, for a start, most of the songs I sing have girls names in them."
"Big fat hairy deal," Bobby rolled his eyes.

"Secondly, I do like girls, I just have trouble finding the perfect one."

"Lets get out of here," Bobby sighed, there weren’t any interesting games to consider buying.

"Yeah, I guess. Lets go," Taylor agreed.
"So where to now?"

"Lets go to that store at the end of the mall that sells paint and wallpaper and stuff," Taylor suggested.

"Why?"

"Because now that Ike is out of the picture, me and Zac have managed to agree on a way to decorate our room."

"And?"

"Midnight blue," Taylor smiled.

"Cool," Bobby shrugged.

The two boys headed out of the store, and began to make their way up the mall to the DIY store.

On the Thursday Isaac looked at apartments and found a better apartment in a better part of town, it wasn’t cheap, but the money in his bank account handled it quite well, and he’d already a job which would pay off half of anything else, he didn’t want to spend with his bank account too freely. In his new job, all he had to do was run a website for a big internet/mail order company – and he could do this from his new apartment. Of course, it meant that he had to go out and buy a computer, modem, as well as get his new apartment connected to the phone straight away.

He and Suede found themselves in the DIY store in the mall. Suede seemed a little depressed Isaac was moving out of her apartment, she’d grown very attached to him, it would seem so lonely without her boyfriend.

Isaac picked up a pot of paint, and looked at it, "do you like this colour?" he asked.

"Yeah…" Suede gave a faint smile, "Its okay."

"What’s the matter?" he asked, he put the paint down, he turned to her.

"Nothing, its just…well, it’s gonna feel so weird staying home alone without you now."

"Well, y’know, we’ll see each other a lot," he pointed out, he gave a smile, "we’re going out now, so we’re gonna be sleeping over at each others places."

Isaac really didn’t want to mention he didn’t want to move in with Suede permanently, he wanted his own place, he couldn’t ensure he’d always be with Suede, and though he did care about her, and didn’t plan on dumping her, he wanted to know he’d always have somewhere to be. And now he was independent. He didn’t have to worry about anything.

She gave another faint smile, "I guess you’re right," she said, she picked up the pot of paint, "you’re gonna paint your apartment coffee coloured?" she asked.

"Well…I would paint it Khaki, but its not the kinda colour you see in someone’s living room," he admitted.

"Ike, how can you afford an apartment on Hartwood Avenue?" She asked.

"I have a lot of money," Isaac shrugged.

"Yeah, but how, y’know, you don’t tell me much about yourself…" she admitted.

Isaac looked to the tins of paint and picked up a cream coloured paint. "How about this?"

"Ike, c’mon…tell me?"

"Later, I’ll explain it all, there’s a lot you won’t like, I just…don’t wanna go into it just now," he rested his arm around her shoulders. "Don’t worry."

Suede rested against him, and gave a soft sigh, "Okay."

Taylor couldn’t believe it. As he and Bobby turned the corner to go to the paint aisle, there was Isaac, standing with his arm around a girl’s shoulders, looking at paint. He felt his nerves freeze, and heard Bobby’s voice.

"Hey, there’s Ike."

Taylor was silent.

"Why don’t you go say hi?"

"You KNOW why."
Bobby grabbed Taylor’s arm and hauled him along. "Hey, Ike!"

Isaac turned, looking blank for a moment, then seeing Taylor, a look of guilt spread upon his face and he went pale. "Hi," he said quietly.

Taylor looked at Isaac, then to the girl. So this must be the girlfriend, Taylor thought. She was attractive, the kind of girl Isaac would go for.

"What are you doing here?" Bobby asked.

Isaac shrugged, "Just picking some paint. We’re gonna paint my apartment," he answered.

"You got your own apartment?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah," Isaac nodded, he noted Taylor looked too out of place, and was too shy to say anything.

The girl looked at Isaac, "Aren’t you gonna introduce me?" she asked.

Isaac smiled a little, "Sure," he said, "Tay, Bobby, this is Suede, my girlfriend," he said. "Suede," he motioned to Taylor, "this is my little brother…and his best friend."
Suede reached out for Taylor’s hand and shook it lightly, and he looked back at her, then to Isaac.

"How’s mom," Isaac asked.

"She’s fine," Taylor uttered coldly.

"Look, Tay…just drop it now. What’s done is done."
"Yeah right," Taylor rolled his eyes, he turned away, "Bobby, lets go."
"B-but—" Bobby tried.

"I said lets go," Taylor confirmed and with that, he stalked away.

Bobby didn’t go though, he looked at Isaac, "your family is falling apart, Ike…nothing is the same without you," he commented, "And its all because of you, and if you just apologise, it would make the world of difference," and with that, Bobby went to catch up with Taylor.

He considered calling his mother to let her know how he was doing, but he doubted she wanted to know. He sure could use his fathers advice on fixing his bathroom sink as well. He missed his family, and he missed his younger brothers and sisters. Still, he had a lot of freedom and peace and quiet now, that was something he hadn’t had in all the time he’d been with his family. He looked around his apartment, it didn’t have any of his real stuff yet, he needed to go home and collect his personal belongings, clothes, posters, his other guitars and his amps, his music books, everything he possessed. He felt so incomplete without his stuff and his family.

Sighing, he looked at his watch, if he left now, he’d be there before dinner started, and the whole family would be there, all he’d need to do was grab his belongings, and say goodbye and leave. He decided on this, he had to go face the music, tell his mother what was going on his life. He grabbed his brown leather jacket from the edge of the couch, and he pulled it on and left his apartment and locked up. He wished he had a car, it was times like this he wished his parents had bought him one, instead of having him use his fathers old battered Chevy to get places. Isaac walked, it wasn’t that far, but none the less, he was tired when he reached home. He still had the key and he slipped it into the lock slowly, and turned it, the door opened and he stepped in, Mackenzie and Avery were chasing each other in the hall. Upon seeing Isaac’s return, they both screamed out and dashed to his arms.

Isaac fell to his knees and hugged them both tightly, closing his eyes trying to block out the want to cry. He felt Mackenzie’s chubby arms around his neck, the boy clung to him for dear life.

Diana stepped into the hallway from the kitchen where she was cooking. She looked at Isaac, and he stood up, Mackenzie still hanging onto him. There was unavoidable eye-contact. His mother didn’t look angry, but she didn’t look sorry, her expression was unreadable.

"I…uhm," Isaac swallowed and put Mackenzie down, "Kids, why don’t you go play in the living room, huh?" he asked.

"But I wanna talk to you!" Avery squealed, "I have lots to tell you about stuff!" she giggled.

"Please?" Isaac asked, he looked at his mother, and his mother gave the kids a soft glance.

"You can talk to Ike at dinner," she said, it was an unspoken invitation.

Isaac watched as the kids walked into the living room and he could still hear their squeals and screams and thudding footsteps as they played.

Diana looked at Isaac, "How are you?" she asked, it had been the first time she’d spoken to him since the day she and Walker had thrown him out of the house.

Isaac shrugged, "I’m okay I guess. I’m managing."
Diana stepped into the kitchen and Isaac followed her slowly, he waited for more questions, and he was greeted with more as he expected.

"Rumours are flying all across town that you’re bunking with a girl," Diana said in a mono tone as she crossed the kitchen to tend to the food she was cooking.

Isaac sat down slowly at the table, "That was true," he admitted. "I…have my own place, its on Hartwood Avenue."

"Do you even know how to survive on your own?" she asked this as if he were some strange kid living on the street.

"I know enough to get by, and I can learn from experience I’m sure."

Diana turned back to him, "Things aren’t the same here without you."

Isaac looked to the table top, "Yeah…I heard. I spoke to Bobby. He said this family isn’t the same without me."

"Why do you think that is?" Diana asked, she walked over and sat down.

Isaac gave a shrug, he really wasn’t sure.

Diana sighed, "Isaac, what did we do wrong?" she asked.

"What do you mean."
"What did we do wrong that made you act that way…"

"You did nothing wrong!" he sighed, and shook his head, "you just don’t get it, do you? Its not you who went wrong, its me, but its taught me a lot, and when I was living with Samantha I had a lot of thinking time. Mom, the time away from Tay and Zac and this family, and from the press and recording studios and TV shows and autograph signings has really helped me get myself together…"

"Do you want to come back?" She asked, deciding he’d learned his lesson.

Isaac paused for a moment, yes, he did want to come back, but also, this house seemed too cramped for him, and besides he had a big spacious apartment, a girlfriend, why move back home? "I...already have my own apartment, I think its time I had my own space."

"What about us?"

"Its not that far away, I’ll be visiting a lot…if you’ll let me?" he asked in a hopeful voice.

"Of course…" she smiled, she reached over and touched his hand.

Isaac gripped her hand, smiling, looks like he and his mother had patched things up, it was just Taylor and his father to go.

"You’re staying for dinner right?" she asked.

"Yeah," Isaac smiled, "of course."

Isaac ended his conversation with his mother briefly, and turned to Taylor. "Hi," he said.

Taylor ignored it, and spooned himself some potatoes.

Diana looked at Walker, trying to get his attention, "Walker, your son has his own apartment."
"That’s nice," Walker said quietly.

Isaac felt himself grow tense and he looked to the food on his plate. "I also have a job…" he added quietly, "I run a website for a mail order company."

Taylor couldn’t believe how together Isaac seemed to be. A Job? A Girlfriend? An Apartment? How could he pick himself up like that?

Zac looked at Isaac, "so what’s your new apartment like?" he asked.

Isaac thought, "Its big. It has a small balcony, one bedroom, a living room, kitchenette and a bathroom. It needs a lot of work. I have the living room mostly sorted out, it just needs more of my stuff…that’s why I’m here, to get my stuff," he explained.

Zac looked at him, "You’re moving out? For good?" he questioned.

"I have to," Isaac stated, and shrugged.

"Oh. Is Suede moving in with you?" Zac asked.

Eyes rose from the table.

"Suede?" Walker asked.

"She’s a friend," Isaac said quietly, he glanced over and Zac and gave him that look for him to be quiet, and Zac clamped up. "I moved in with her while I got my act together…" he explained, "she works in the drugstore…" he added.

"Yeah, good place to get her valiums," Taylor commented coldly.

Isaac looked across the table at Taylor and Diana and Walker’s eyes flew to Taylor as well, everything fell silent.

Isaac stood up, "I’m not taking that, not from him!" he tried to keep his voice from getting louder, but it did get louder, almost into a yell.

Taylor stood up, "why? Can’t take it that your girlfriend’s a slut and a druggy?!" he demanded.

"She’s not like that!" Isaac yelled.

"STOP IT!! BOTH OF YOU!" Zac stood up, his voice in a loud squeak from his changing voice. "Why can’t you just get along?!!" he demanded.

Isaac and Taylor both felt silent, and they looked to the floor. Zac stood there, looking at them both, they weren’t going to apologise to each other. Things might have been looking up before Taylor had made that comment. This was becoming so immature, Zac realised it was Taylor who was provoking it, not Isaac.

Diana looked at her two eldest sons, "sit down," she commanded both of them.

Isaac looked at his mother, then to his father. His mother wanted him to stay, he could see that, but his father and Taylor seemed to care less.

"No, I’m going," Isaac said, and with that left the room and headed upstairs to get his stuff, he was leaving for good. Zac followed without word, he found Isaac in their room, packing clothes and things into a large tope bag.

Isaac seemed to be fuming, the look in his dark eyes was insane, yet, at the same time, Zac had never seen Isaac look so hurt.

"Don’t go…" Zac pleaded.

"I have to. I can’t stay here, you saw the way Tay reacted…"

"You’re not even trying…" Zac mumbled.

"I am trying! God knows I have!" Isaac hollared.

"Well you’re not trying hard enough! You hurt Tay, Ike! You can’t blame him for being like this!!" Zac yelled.

"Yes, I can, Zac. He can’t face the truth that I changed, none of you can!"

"How do you expect us to accept it, we can’t even understand it."

Isaac turned around and looked at Taylor, who’d just spoken that sentence with a cold bitter tone.

Isaac stared at Taylor. "What’s to not understand?" he demanded in a tone of emotion.

"Why you changed, Ike!" Taylor yelled, "You were never like this, you used to give a damn about yourself, you used to care what happened to yourself, used to care about college and schooling and the music and us! And you dropped it all for drink and parties and some girl, this total free lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself!"

Isaac looked away, "What did you expect me to do, stay at home babysitting when we’re in Tulsa, let managers and publicists run my life when we’re not?!" Isaac demanded. "Spend my life walking in your shadow!!"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"I’d spend half my time being shoved into the background, no one ever knew me, no one cared about me, no one cared about the music, it was always you and your vanity. No one cared about how good a guitar player I was! No one cared about how hard I tried to be a good singer, no one cared about how I held this band together when there were times you and Zac felt like throwing in the towel. No, all people cared about was that Taylor could play the keyboard, Taylor could sing, Taylor could look good. Even at home, my friends became your friends and pretty soon they weren’t even interested anymore! I’d go out with girls and they’d dump me because they thought you were better looking and they hit on you!"

Taylor stood there, he couldn’t believe he was hearing this. It wasn’t that, but he couldn’t believe that half of it was true, and he knew it was. Isaac had always been in the background when it came to the band, he didn’t have the right look, true, but his guitar skills and his vocal talent were supposed to help him overcome that. Didn’t seem like it had been helping.

Isaac stared at his younger brother, his voice quivering with emotion. "I spent all my life in your shadow, Taylor, even when it came to family, they always ignored me and paid attention to you. For once, people don’t look at me like I’m Taylor Hanson’s big brother and they don’t look at me like I’m just part of the background anymore. I have a job, and a girlfriend, and an apartment, and a life, and you’re not gonna make me feel guilty about it. I’ve grown out of being your carpet, Taylor. Find someone else to walk all over."

And with those final words, Isaac picked up the bag he’d been packing and left, without saying goodbye to anyone.

Isaac reached Suede’s apartment two hours later, after having been to his parents, gotten his stuff, gone back to his apartment and left his stuff there, he decided he needed to see his girlfriend. He slipped his key into the lock – as she’d given him the key to the apartment – and he stepped in. Suede was lying on the couch, reading, a heating pad pressed to her stomach. He closed the door quietly, "hi," he said softly.

Suede sat up a little, "hi, where you been? I called by your apartment earlier, no one was home."

"I was at my parents, discussing things, I’m out of there for good, had a big fight with Taylor…" Isaac sighed, he walked over.

Suede made room on the couch, and he sat down, and she rested her head against his lap, he reached to her hair and curled it around his fingers absently.

"My life is a wreck," he sighed.

Suede was silent for short while, resting there with her head on his lap, content letting him mess with her hair, then she murmured softly, "I lost my job."

Isaac straightened up, "how?"

"I keep making mistakes lately, I’m just so tired, in between working at the Drugstore and trying to find another job, I hardly have time for sleep these days."

"So…how you gonna manage to survive?" Isaac asked, waiting to find out how she would respond.

Suede sat up slowly, and looked at him, "I…thought I’d move back to Bradford, live with my parents…" she explained carefully.

"Bradford…as in Bradford England, as in the UK, which is…not here," Isaac looked at her, she couldn’t desert him now, she was all he really had left, he couldn’t let her go!

Suede sighed, "There’s nothing else I can do."

Isaac gripped her shoulders, "Live with me."

"Isaac, you’ve barely gotten yourself together and we’ve barely been seeing each other a month."

"I don’t care," he said, looking at her, "My family threw me out, they don’t care, you’re all I have…" he explained, "if you leave, I’m gonna be alone."

"Don’t guilt me into it that way, I have to decide what’s best for me…"

Isaac looked at her, "I’m what’s best for you…I…I love you," he murmured.

Suede looked at him, she wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not. It wasn’t like he was the kind of guy she was used to, those guys could say ‘I love you’ and not mean it, Isaac was a different kind of guy. She’d known him less than a month, he’d lived with her for a while, and they were an official couple, he treated her good, which was more than anyone ever had. She was crazy about him. But to believe him when he said he loved her, when he was so desperate to not be alone.

Isaac wasn’t sure if he meant it. He knew she was thinking the same thing. He was desperate to have her stay, she was all he had, and besides, this relationship seemed to work, he couldn’t give up on it, just yet. And he would willingly support her, put her through college if he had to just to keep her in Tulsa. She rested her head against his chest and lay that way for a while, as if she was thinking about it, and he sat there thinking too.

"You could go to a community college, and live with me…"

"I can’t afford—"

"I’ll pay for it…"

"Ike, how the hell could you afford to—"
"Does it matter?" Isaac asked.

Suede sat up, "Yes, it does, Isaac. You’re spending money willy-nilly, you bought a $2500 computer system, you spent $2000 on stuff for your apartment, where the hell is all this money coming from, Isaac? I know you’re working on this computer thing working some webpage for some hotshot company, but really, where did you get the starting money for this?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I don’t know where the hell you’re getting it from. In fact I don’t even know you, I hardly know anything about you…"
"I don’t see why that matters, what you wanna know is who I was, not who I am…" he looked at her.

"I don’t see how I could be expected to care about anyone I don’t know anything about," she pointed out.

"Look, it doesn’t matter, just drop it!" he almost yelled, and with that, he got up and he left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Isaac sighed as he tried to add a jpg to the webpage he was running for Mr. Hoh, the man who had employed him to run the website of his company. Isaac didn’t seem to be having any luck with this though, and he felt like giving up. No matter what he did, for the last two days, he couldn’t think about anything but Suede, and how they’d argued that night.

I was being pig headed, Isaac decided. I should have just told her right there and then that I’m a celebrity, but no, I have to keep going on and on and lying to her…

Isaac sighed and shoved in a CD to listen to, hoping it would drown out his thoughts, but somehow, Fleetwood Mac’s ‘tell me lies’ didn’t take his mind off of the argument with Suede. God he felt so stupid, how could he keep this from her. He realised one day she would find out and if it wasn’t from him it could make matters worse…much worse.

Isaac was just in the midst of closing the computer down, when he heard a knock at the door, he got up, sighing to himself and he headed for the door, and he peered out the spyhole, he opened the door finding Zachary looking at him, a little tired looking. "Zac, hi," Isaac said in a cheerful tone, trying to hide his upset from Zac.

"Hi," Zac responded, "Hope you don’t mind me dropping by, but I was bored, and Tay was being a shit head, y’know," Zac explained with a long sigh.

"Yeah, I know how that goes," Isaac nodded, "But I’m glad to see you, at least someone cares enough to visit…"

"I Like what you’ve done with the apartment," Zac said, looking around in awe, you’ve made it look like a real home."

"It is a home, now, Zac, its my home…"

"Can’t you just come back to our home?" Zac asked.

"What’s the point, Taylor doesn’t want me there, and mom and dad will never feel the same about me, and besides…its too crowded. Here, I have my own personal space…and I like it."

"But it’s not the same at home when you’re not there," Zac complained.

"Even if I did go back, it would never ever be the same anyway. Let’s face it, I’m not really considered part of the Hanson family anymore."

"That’s not true!"

"Zac, face it, I’m on my own now. Things can’t be the same, they never will be. Tay hates me now, and mom and dad just don’t trust me now."

Isaac headed towards the kitchenette and he poured a glass of Sunny Delight, and brought it over to Zac, "here."

Zac accepted the orange juice as if it were some kind of stiff drink and he downed it in all one go, then looked to his older brother. "Thanks," he said quietly.

Isaac sat down on the reclining chair he’d got at garage sale, and Zac sat on the couch, the two brothers looked at each other as if they were strangers.

Ike is right, Zac thought dully, nothing is the same.

Taylor had decided he was going to see Isaac and apologise. Well, he’d decided this twice now, but had changed his mind and turned back, then half way home, he’d decide he wasn’t going to chicken out and he’d restart on his journey to Isaac’s apartment. He didn’t know what he could say to his brother, and he felt that a simple sorry would never be enough, then again, Isaac had to apologise too. Zac was right, Taylor knew that. Zac kept saying things weren’t the same at home since Isaac had left, it was true. It was like the day the laughter had died was the day Isaac had gone. Taylor was passing by the McDonalds on his way to Isaac’s, when he recognised a familiar pretty face as he was passing by the window. Decidedly, he changed his mind about going to Isaac’s, and he turned and headed into the McDonalds, he looked to the corner booth, pretending he was passing by to reach the counter, and he pretended to just notice Caroline Crawford sitting at a table by herself, eating her food, preoccupied by some thoughts.

"Heyyyy," he said brightly, he walked over to her table.

Caroline lifted her hazel eyes and looked at him, "Taylor, hi…" she gave a faint smile.

"What are you doing here all alone?" Taylor asked, he leaned against her table, looking down at her, she looked incredible in a thick beige sweater, her hair hanging down her shoulders.

"Supposed to be meeting Kevin," she sighed, "I’ve waited half an hour now, doesn’t seem like he’s gonna show," She sighed downheartedly.

Taylor looked at her, "You and Kev going through some problems he asked nosily, he wanted to see what the chances of her dumping Kevin were, and if she did, Taylor had decided he would ask her out. After all, Caroline was the most beautiful and sweetest person he knew.

"Kinda, but it doesn’t matter anyway…" Caroline sighed.

"Sure it does, looks like you’re pretty upset about it," Taylor admitted. "If he’s giving you this much pain, you should dump him."

"I guess you’re right," she agreed softly. "He doesn’t call anymore, he doesn’t come over anymore, when I go over to his house he’s never in, there’s probably some logical explanation though…"

"Yeah, like maybe he’s seeing another girl," Taylor rolled his eyes, "some guys are like that, your brother, for example."

"Yeah, I know all about Danny’s habits with girls…"

Taylor put a hand in his pocket to get his wallet out so he could go up to the counter. "Now on the other hand, there are some guys left who aren’t bastards…"
"Like you, honestly Tay, you’re so different from other guys I met…"

"I used to have a good role-model…’til he went nuts on us."

"Yeah, I heard about that…" Caroline admitted. "But maybe, y’know, another chance would help, you could always try to patch things up."

"Not until he apologises," Taylor decided firmly.

Caroline looked at him, "this really gets to you, doesn’t it?" she asked.

Taylor looked away from her, "he hit me, Carrie, he’s never done that before…"

"Word around said he was drunk. That can change a lot of people."

"Well it changed him, a lot," Taylor said bitterly.

Caroline looked at him, her hazel eyes met his, "people change, ya gotta deal with it. Huh, look at me, Kevin changed, he’s not the same guy I was going out with, hell, if he doesn’t call me tonight to apologise for not showing up, he’s dumped."

Taylor decided this increased his chances with Carrie, but still, she was sixteen, and he was only fifteen, and Carrie could have any guy she wanted whereas he seemed to only attract teenies.

Taylor looked at her, "want some company?" he asked.

"Sure, pull up a chair, better than me sitting here on my own like a complete reject," she pointed out.

Taylor gave a soft smile, "just let me go get something to eat," and with that, he headed of to the counter, happy as a pig in mud.