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Season Eight Episode Reviews of MST3k
801 - Revenge of the Creature - A creature is captured
and brought back to be gawked at by John Agar. Naturally
the creature lashes back at him and his equally geekly
girlfriend. Pretty good, one of a series of two of John
Agar movies. ** 1/2
Notes - We first meet Bobo and company on ape world. New
Crow. Pearl Forestor is Lawgiver and vows to break
Nelson and co.
802 - The Leech Woman - A woman gains the power to regain
young, on a entirely different note, men start to lose
their pinnial glands. Ok film. **
Notes: Its "Lawmaker" day on planet of the apes
803 - The Mole People - Awast ye maties, beware of the
John Agar film. He plays a know it all who decides to
find ancient civilization and finds a group of people
who need a good day or two in the sun. Pretty good,
funniest comments involve the leaders of the clorox clan.
***
Note: Bobo and peanut get diapers, and Pearl tries (and
fails at) making some rules for the apes but does get help
from Tom Servo- "Do not attempt to touch the dancers"
804 - The Deadly Mantis - It's about a mantis - shocking!
* 1/2 and we see out military at work.
Notes - Mike inadverdantly destroys planet of apes like
earth. Bobo and Pearl survive however.
805 - The Thing That Couldn't Die - A clarivoyant girl
finds a box that should not be opened. Get out while shes
a-head, if you know what I mean and I think you do. **.
Note - We meet the observers, a advanced species which
claim to carry their brains in a bowl.
806 - The Undead - For seemingly no reason a hooker is
hypnotized into her past life as a be-witch-ing call
girl. Roger Corman is guilty of wasting film on this
crud. NO STARS.
807 - Terror from the Year 5000 - A group of scientists on
a island - not Dr Moreau - disover they can send things
into future but a radioactive disco dancer comes back and
makes people feel weird. Good stuff. **
808 - The She Creature - Another movie on hypnotism, but
this time so a man can resurrect a fish killer lady out
of the ocean. Hilarious stuff on Carlo Lombardi. He reminds
me of a trout with personality.***
Notes - Nanites, not Mike, destroy the observers planet,
Pearl and Bobo take lone brain guy with them.
809 - I Was a Teenage Werewolf - Michael Landons feature
debut. Id rather remember "Highway to heaven" than this.
**
Note - Pearl and co camp on mysterious planet.
810 - Giant Spider Invasion - Spiders come from
space and scare anyone named Little Miss Tuffet. Drags
but worth it for its "Packers" riffs. Spider looks
like a Jim Henson puppet gone mad. ***
Note - Pod like vegetation take over BG and Pearl
and universe is threatened by the pods.
811 - "Parts" The Clonus Horror - A man find out that
hes literally part of a larger plan. Dick Sargent
is in this. Thats about it. ****
Note - We meet omnipotent space children.
812 - The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living
and Became Mixed-Up Zombies- Name says it all. ***
Note - Pearl takes kids home
813 - Jack Frost - Mother Goose on a acid trip. Somehow
all fairy tales are used in this Russo - Finish co-production.
****
Note - Pearl still gone, Mike help Bobo and BG stop
fighting over whos in charge.
814 - Riding With Death - A rejected tv series -can you
see why? *** for pure comic value.
Note - RIP violent Robot like planet.
815 - Agent From Harm - A James Bond wanna be defends
guy with killer mold. ****
Note - Mike is on trial for destroying three planets,
his punishment? Watching bad movies.
816 - Prince Of Space - Boot blacker by day and Prince of
Space at night fights man who looks like a chicken. ***
Note- After being pulled through a wormhole the gang
ends up on and obirting bc greece.
817 - The Horror At Party Beach - A testimony on what
toxic waste can to a movie about beach people. * 1/2
for sodium bit
Notes - Still on Roman earth
818 - Devil Doll - The Great Vorelli has a venquiliquist
dummy whos a real doll. Remember to spot the guy who
was boss in Riding with Death. ***
Note - Bobo is found.
819 - Invasion of the Neptune Men - Men from
neptune, is netptune that much of a threat, invade earth
adn get their collective butts kicked by a Prince of
Space wannabe and some REAL Annoying kids. **1/2
Notes - Flavia finds out that bobo, pearl and BG are not gods
820 - Space Mutiny - A really ugly man starts a mutiny
on a ship that looks like a glade plug-in. ***
Note - Bobo and rest are inprison till BG got his brain back
Bobo is responsible for fire where Nero fiddled.
821 - Time Chasers - Man makes time machine in a
airplane but finds it being used for bad stuff. Made
in Vermont, is that something they are proud of? **
Notes - Pearl and Mike are neighborly for the most part.
822 - Overdrawn At The Memory Bank - A man, something
with a computer and a fat guy. The late Raul Julia is
better remembered in something else.***
Note - Pearl runs a public pearl tv marathon.
822a - MST3k Summer blockbuster special.- Didnt see.
Season Nine Episode Reviews
901 - Projected Man - "The Great Vorelli" of Devil Doll
is a scientist who gets deformed when his experiment goes
awry. *** Stars.
Note - The gang, after going through another wormhole,
are back at present day earth where they can watch
Ethan Hawke movies, if they ever got the urge
902 - Phantom Planet - An astronaut lands on a astroid
planet that looks like a chicken nugget and shrinks down
to the residents size, but they wont let him leave. ** 1/2
stars. Funniest scenes involve an alien that looks like
a deformed dog.
Notes- Pearl resumes her plan to take over earth.
902a - Mst3k Oscar Special ** 1/2 Names says it all
but where was "The Full Monty"?
903 - Pumaman - It's like Batman, but it sucks! Its better
to remember the late Donald Pleasance for his work
on Halloween then this entertaining schlockfest.****
Note - Pearl has thrown a ball, no one comes except
to watch SLIDERS with Brain Guy.
904 - Werewolf - Martins Sheens lesser known brother
Joe Estevez is seen in this run of the mill movie about
a werewolf wrecking havok on people and knocking people
down in front of bars. ***
Note - Mike tries to escape, abort plan ladder A.
905 - Deadly Bees - Pop singer goes to farm to
rest when she realizes that no towels in the bathroom
are the least of her worries. *** for plain weird
british style.
Note - Other two brain guys arent dead, they revived
their planet etc, now want BG back and will destroy
earth as they go. For obvious reasons, other than
not wanting to die, Pearl and Bobo convince him to stay.
906 - Space Childran and Century 21 short - Some
kids find blob who orders them to derail test of
missile or no dessert after supper. Century 21
is about phones, hold your applause. ** 1/2
For plain wierdness but the short is funnier.
907 - Hobgoblins - Hobgoblins manipulate assistant
security guard and his friends fantasies. The
hobgoblins look liked stuffed animals and the
attack scenes they look like they are thrown
at the actors. Unfortnately you dont get dental
benefits on this job, either *** For pure boring entertainment
watch this, for something interesting, go rent "Scream 2"
908 - Touch of Satan - A dorky man meets an even
dorkier girl with a secret and "grandma" who looks like
a moving beef jerky sculture. **.
Note: Pearl is away and babysitter si on call - she treats
Bobo like a dog and calls Brain guy Brian.
909 - Gorgo - This is a "What if Great Britain made
a godzila movie" Look for William Sylvester - see
above episodes of Devil Doll and Riding with Death
*** for funny scenes with Gorgo himself.
Special Guest LEONARD MALTIN
910 - Final Sacrifice - A weinie kid and a even
weiner adult are being chase by a bizarre
WWF cult. After seeing weiner kid for several
minutes at a time you dont whether to root for him
or the cult. ** 1/2 for unwarrented snipes at
Canada. I know they are jokes, but the lameness of it all!
911 - Devil Fish- Good on a side with some
Deviled ham, eaten by a Devil Doll at a Devilish
timeof day, but a bad entree does not a bad movie
make. ** - Go fish
912 - The Screaming Skull - and GUMBY! Robot Ruckus
At the beginning of this movie is an offer for
a casket - free if this movie scares you do death.
Something tells me they have a surplus. Note to casket
makers - evil plant movie offer a free windowbox with
seedling. As for any screaming, that was me, bored to tears, looking
for a distraction - other than tearing my own arm off
and beating a seatmate with it. *
Other NOTE - A gumby episode precedes the movie - upsetting
the bots. Also the leading lady you will remember from
Space Children (See above)
913- Quest of the Delta Knights - The delta knights
(nothing to do with the airline)look for something. A
plot maybe? David Warner - a great actor in his own right,
appears both as the heros foster dad and as the evil bad guy
also looking for the thing. The thing is something
that could be used for evil and opening garage doors
in Spain. Chessy Poofy Note - A man appears as Leonardo
DaVinci in this movie. Leonardo should have gotten a
better agent. ** 1/2.
Note: Pearl and Mike switch places for a bit in the
theater. Add this as another reason why Pearl is not
on the SOL 24/7. BG, Bobo and Pearl assist in the Delta
Knights pancake breakfast. Should you eat this much after
watching a bad movie?
Season Ten Episode Reviews
1001 - SoulTaker AKA the return of Frank and Joel
Episode. Finally seen! Movie features Joe Estevez as a
Soulttaker (grim reeper type) who tries to get the souls
of a quartet of people who had just been in a crash, one
of whom might have been his lover in a past life.
P.S. - Seeing Frank and Joel were cool, but there were seen
for the total of ten minutes, its a total let down.
Rating ** - Don't listen to the Blue Oyster Cult, definately
fear the reaper if he looks like Joe Estevez and his weird
faced friend!
1002-Girl With Gold Boots First movie on MST3k that isnt
sci fi. Girl wants to be a dancer meets guy who wants to be a
better drug dealer and a guy named critter. Two guys and a girl,
no pizza place, this is set in dancing place.
Rating- *** 1/2 real funny. Like a stabbing pain in
your neck, the movie hurts real bad.
Note - Pearl has to gete accreditation to rule the world.
1003: Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders - See if you follow me, this movie is the
LAST episode to be shown after the series finale but its the third in order. Get it? Got it? Good. Anyway the movie is an anothology of a grandfather (ernie borgnine) telling his son about magic.
Review: ***1/2 for the newspaper reviewer guy.
1004: Future War It has nothing to do with with the future or war but has everything to do with a ex hooker nun and a kung fu space alien?
Review: **, I had no idea what went on here, and whats with the mini dinosaurs??
1005--Blood Waters of Dr Z - Dejected scientist tries to rule
the world by turning people into fish. Beware the gorton fisherman!
Just kidding.
Rating - **. Just when you thought it was safe...you know the rest.
1006: Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues God bless my local cable channel for getting Sci fi, so I can catch up. Its funny. Local southern swampo legend walks the earth.
**
1007: Track of the Moon Beast A rock from the sky(not a pizza pie, sorry Dean) turns a guy into
a heathing...thing moonbeast. I dunno. A guy who makes great stew figures
into too. Great for the "Behind the music" bit on "The Band That Sang Californi
Lady".
Rating: ***, with corn, peppers, rice, chicken.
1008: Final Justice Repeat offender Joe Don Baker comes back and plays his heart out with the one role he does well, a beefy sherriff with issuues. Oh yeah and its in Malta. Mike tries to escape ALA Joel.
Review:**
1009: Hamlet What fools these mortals be for trying to mst a shakespeare movie? This episode is bad, the quips are bad, and I willing taped another movie over it afterwares
Rating: * - for effort
1010: It Lives By Night and it dances by day! Another unseen one(I don't have sci fi-i get these eps from a guy friend with a sat dish)
1011: Horrors of Spider Island A photographer plane-wrecked on island with a bevy of brainless beauties and all they do is nag nag nag! However before he could play "What would Hugh Hefner do?" Hes promptly killed off by a spider who then turns him into a spider. Spider my (bleep!) he looks like he applied his makeup in the closet - shoulda stayed there too. Anyway
its girls vs spider, and who can guess how it ends? Uhuh, like me at this point we all stopped caring.
Rating: ** -cant we all get along, the spider could have spun them some clothes!
1012: Squirm - AKA Franco American Spaghetti strikes back! Some worms kill off some of the dumbest local yokels ever used in a movie. Love sprouts, sort of.
Rating: ** - at least it wasn't raviloi!
1013: Danger: Diabolik The series finale (See Merlin above, only if you want to.) Pearls new joystick breaks sending the foursome to earth. Do they die? Well? (no they dont, what kind of cruddy ending would that be???) Mike, Crow and Tom shack up together and watch The Crawling Eye (willingly no less) which is also the first episode that started it all!(attention nostalgia buffs)
Oh and movie is about two lovers who are also ingenious thieves, they try to steal gold, but then hes stupid enough to get encased (live) in it at the end.
Ratings: Who to root for? ** for the movie, but *** for the end of the show.
As far as the guys? COME BACK!!!!!! JUST ONCE! BATTLEFIELD EARTH IS RIPE FOR THE PICKING!
Points
Ratings System - Not on the movie itself but on how
the movie is treated.
* sucks
** you can stomach it
*** pretty good
**** great, lots of LOL lines.
1/2s are given due to indecisiveness.
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