MS3tk was canned before they got to watch the horror
and experience the pure Tor-cha that is Battlefield
Earth. So here is my view of what would happen if our
happy little gang met Terl. Enjoy.
Mst3k meets Battlefield Earth
Crow: So what are we doing tonight?
Tom: Well since Bobo managed to lose our movie, I guess
we do what we want!
Crow: All right! Cool.
Tom: So what should we do?
Crow: Do you want to order take out? I think I still
have Mikes ATM card.
Tom: I get to order this time!
Crow: You did it last time!
Tom: Yeah but the thing that looked like Bob Saget
took it.
Crow: Thats right. (Crow picks up the phone) Ok,
but next time I want anchovie onions.
Tom: Gro-ss.
(Mike enters)
Mike: What you guys up to?
Crow: (drops card) nothing!
Tom: You didnt see us! you have no proof! Noooo prroofff!!!
Crow: Chill Servo.
Tom: Sorry.
Mike: Heres my card, I thought it was gone.
Crow: Oh yea, we uh found it for you, oh gracious master.
Mike: Can it crow. I know you took it. I do know how to
read the mail around here.
(Doorbell sounds)
Mike: Since we do we have a William Shatner doorbell?
Tom: Since last week, Crow bought it off of Ebay. I told you
to get the Baywatch one!
Crow: Go get the door Mike. God I had no idea how annoying
Shatners voice would be when I got this thing.
Mike: Fine. (Mike goes through an elaborate process of
opening the airlock and the outer door.) Oh my god!
Tom and Crow: Who is it?
Tom: If its that Amway salesman I'm not here.
Mike: It's Terl from battlefield earth!
Crow: You mean the battlefield earth that is rumored
to be the worst movie of all time, not counting Ishtar?
Tom: Why hasnt Pearl sent it to us?
Terl: She tried, but the pain of actually sending the
movie scared her almost to death. (cackles, the crew
covers their ears) so it never made it. She went on
vacation. I thought I would VISIT. (laughs again.)
Mike: I love a man with a charming laugh.
Crow: I so want to meet that guy.
Mike: So Terl, what are you doing here?
Terl: Battlefield Earth has been really bad for us
Psychlos. We sued Travolta, L Ron Hubbard, even the
caterers. We even changed religion. Thats why I am
here. You guys are my official stop on my Watchtower
route. Care for a copy?
Crow: Sure. We were running out of toliet paper.
Mike: Crow!
Terl: Its all right. Other times we just got spit
in the face. Can I come in?
Mike: I dunno, can you fit in the door?
Terl: I go where I want to go, cause I'm HUGE!
Mike: I bet.
Tom: We'll find a seat for you big guy, and by the
way you have something hanging. (indicates his nose)
Terl: Huh?
Crow: Nevermind him. We were about to order pizza.
Mike: Not yet, we got spam sign!
Terl: Oh I like Spam!
Crow: Not that Spam, unwanted email.
Terl: We have that except we call it...well uh now that
I think about it, it translates to one of the
man-animals worst curse phrases.
Tom: Leaves a lot to the imagination.
Crow: Not really.
Mike: Let's get cracking on the spam.
to be continued....
(
geocities.com/hollywood/set) (
geocities.com/hollywood)