Starting Over

by Slazamus

Jason stared out the window into the woods. Robin loved this place. He bought it for her then she left. She’s been gone for over a year. He thought of her every time he walked around the cottage. Memories of her and the time they spent here together were every where. He thought about Michael’s first Halloween, the hikes in the woods, the shared sunrises viewed from the couch, the time he made pasta for Robin on her birthday. Jason tried to put the pictures of Robin away because she said she would never come back. She said he needed to move on and forget about her. He couldn’t stand it so the tables and walls continued to display her image. Robin fought so hard to keep them together. He didn’t see it then, but looking back at the last year he realized she did every thing she could until he gave her no other choice. She left. It never stopped hurting. He still loved her. He missed her. He wished it were Robin who was going to walk down the aisle to him. He closed his eyes a million times to imagine it, to wish for it, to dream about it. But every time he opened his eyes it was still Carly. He agreed to marry Carly so he could keep Michael in his life. Jason and Carly were never intimate. He couldn’t let himself be. That would be like cheating on Robin and he promised Robin he would never be with Carly. This was a business deal. Anyway he looked at it this was a bad decision, but he felt he had no choice. Carly upheld her part of the deal. She signed the papers that allowed him joint custody of Michael even if someone found out his true parentage.

Mike came down the stairs with Michael. Michael wore a tuxedo just like his daddy’s. Only the smile on Michael’s face was not imitated on the face of his father. His father wore a frown these days. He has for a year now. He had no idea why Jason was going through with this wedding. Everyone in Port Charles knew Jason didn’t want to marry Carly. It didn’t make any sense to Mike. He thought Jason would have learned from Sonny and went after Robin.

"Are you ready to go?" Mike asks.
" I guess so" replied Jason, "Michael, aren’t you the handsome one?"
"He does look good doesn’t he?"

They left for the church. There wouldn’t be a large crowd at this wedding. If a hand full of people showed up Jason would be surprised. Luke, Mike, Emily, and a few others would be there for Jason. Mike was the best man so he didn’t count did he? Bobbie would be Carly’s maid of honor. Jason imagined that would be about it. His suspicions were confirmed when they arrived at the church. It was still early, but he figured the large gothic church would echo through out the entire ceremony. He cringed at the thought of hearing "I do" more than once in his own voice. He couldn’t get his mind off of Robin. If he were marrying her, this church would overflow with people. He might even be nervous, but he thought he would be more excited than nervous. Jason would be looking forward to watching her walk down the long aisle escorted by Mac. But today was different. He dreaded today.

Mike sat in the limo with Jason and Michael. Jason continued to stare out the window. He had been quiet all week. Today was no different. Michael dropped his bear at Jason’s feet. Jason picked it up and stared at it. Mike remembered Robin bought Michael the bear. Jason handed it back to his son without looking in Michael’s direction. Jason continued to stare out the window. It didn’t take a genius to realize Jason was unhappy. What Mike didn’t understand was why Jason was going through with this farce. He had asked more than once, but he only got silence and an ice-cold stare followed by pain in Jason’s steel blue eyes.

The limo let them out at the sidewalk leading to the church and moved forward to make room for guests. Seventeen stairs to the door, 228 paces to the altar, and one more step up to the altar was all it took. Jason knew this because he counted it yesterday during rehearsal. Carly wanted perfection so they repeated every step ten times. Freedom was only seventeen steps, 228 paces, and one step away. Why didn’t he take it?

Carly was almost finished getting dressed. Bobbie said she looked beautiful and she felt beautiful. She was happy today. If this is what happy feels like then she wanted to bottle it. She wanted to keep this feeling forever. Carly knew Jason would learn to love her. All he needed was time. They had the rest of their lives. Robin was out of Jason’s life forever. She needed a little help, which Carly provided, but it had worked. Robin flew out of town like birds in winter. The first sign of trouble and the meek girl was gone. Carly smiled. She had Jason all to herself. She thought Jason might back out at first, but Jason promised her he would marry her if she gave him joint custody of Michael. Jason always kept his promises.

"Jason"

Jason turned to see Emily walking toward the pew he was sitting in. He got up to give her a hug.

"Congratulations" she said. Her voice danced with excitement, "I’m so happy for you".
"Thanks", was all Jason could muster.

He shook Ned’s hand and accepted Ned’s congratulations. Great he thought. All the Quartermaines were here. They will love this. Jason was sure they came to watch him make a mockery of his life. This day kept getting worse. He turned to sit back down when he noticed Mac standing next to him. He faced Mac.

"Go ahead." Jason said waiting for the ‘I told you so’.

Mac shook his hand.

" I didn’t want to come, but she asked me too".
"Have you heard from her?" Jason asked with some excitement.
"Yes", Mac replied.
"How is she?"
"She’s doing great health wise. But I wouldn’t say that about the rest of her."

Jason sat back down and hung his head in his hands. Mac placed a hand on Jason’s back.

"She asked me to come to see that you were happy."

Jason just looked at him. Happy? He wanted to scream "I’m miserable! How do I get out of this! Somebody HELP ME! The deep sadness in Jason’s eyes was not lost on Mac.

"Do you want me to stay?"
"If you want to." Jason desperately needed the support and his voice said so.

Mac left and sat halfway back in the church. He didn’t want to be here, but Robin insisted he go to support Jason. "If he looks happy or says he’s happy then you can leave," Robin told him, "but do this for me." How could Mac turn her down? Besides, it looked like Jason was just as miserable and Robin sounded. If it helped her make peace with all of this, then he would do what she wanted.

Seventeen steps, 228 paces was all it took. "Feet move!" Jason screamed silently.

"He doesn’t look happy. I thought your wedding day was supposed to be the happiest day of your life," Emily whispered to Ned.
"It is if you’re marrying the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Some how I don’t think Carly is Jason’s dream wife" Ned replied.
"Then why is he doing it?"
"Sometimes adults do stupid things Em."
"This is one of them," Emily joked.

Mike patted Jason the shoulder.

"It’s time".

Jason sighed. He looked at Mike with tears in his eyes. Jason stood and hugged Mike.

"Thank you for doing this for me," Jason said in Mike’s ear.

Mike, pushing Jason back so he could look Jason in the eye.

"I wish you were happier about it. Tell me again why you are doing this because you sure look like you’d rather be any place than here."

Jason replied in silence and the cold, icy stare was replaced with a sorrow Mike had never seen before in his friend’s eyes. The tears started to form again when the minister beckoned Jason to the altar.

"Are you ready?"

Jason nodded his head. "Seventeen steps, 228 paces and one step was all it would take. Why am I still standing here?" Jason softly shouted to himself.

The doors to the church opened and the music began to play. Jason closed his eyes and hoped with his whole heart that when he opened his eyes it would be Robin walking up the aisle. He opened his eyes to see the sparse guests standing and Bobbie walking up the aisle holding Michael’s hand. They walked slowly since Michael was still unsure of his abilities. The only smile Jason let himself have was the one he gave to Michael when Michael made it to the alter with his ring pillow. Bobbie sat Michael down at her feet and turned to see her daughter walk up the aisle. Bobbie was so proud of her daughter. Carly had made a life for herself in Port Charles. Bobbie just wished it hadn’t been at Jason’s expense. It was obvious to Bobbie that Jason didn’t want to be here. She watched as he closed his eyes. Jason pretended, since hoping didn’t work, that he saw Robin behind the veil. However, the closer Carly got to the altar the more pretending he had to do. Carly finally took her place next to Jason and they both turned to the minister. "One step, 228 paces and 17 stairs to freedom", Jason thought. "Come on feet, move!" Jason silently commanded.

The minister began with a prayer for Jason and Carly and something else Jason ignored. "Please God, if you let her walk through that door I’ll confess to you and the world who Michael’s father is. Just let Robin walk through the door" Jason pleaded. The minister continued.

"If anyone should know why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony then speak now or forever hold your peace", the minister proclaimed.

"Please, somebody say something!" Jason screamed to himself, "anyone, anyone, just say SOMETHING!" The church was still. The minister went on and asked Carly and Jason to face each other. Jason looked at Carly looking at him. Carly grabbed his hands. Jason cringed. Carly was so happy. Her smile was a mile wide. He couldn’t stand the sight of her. Jason stared at the statue of the Virgin Mary over Carly’s shoulder. "Oh God, the first time she left I had to let her go. My wants were more important than her needs. This time I forced her away. Just let her come back now. Any time today will do. I will forever carry her burdens. I will do what ever it takes to make her happy. You have my promise on that. Just give me the chance to make it up to her. I’ll spend a lifetime making up for everything I did. I just want the chance to love her again. Just bring her back!" Jason prayed, pleaded, and begged for someone to listen.

Robin walked up the steps to the church door.

"17 steps" Jason thought.

Why she didn’t just stop and turn around she didn’t know. Her feet kept moving toward the church door. She didn’t know what she would find on the other side of the door. If Jason looked happy, said he was happy or any other way gave her the smallest hint that marrying Carly was what he wanted she would run back to Paris and never set foot in Port Charles again.

"228 paces", Jason counted to himself.

Robin’s hand reached for door. "I can’t do this. Why can’t I stop myself?" Robin asked herself. The door opened and through the expanding crack she saw him. Jason was even more handsome than she imagined he would be. That was how she visualized he would look on their wedding day. He was elegant in a tux and she hadn’t even seen all of him yet.

"One step", Jason thought before he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Jason," the minister began, "do you take Carly………"

"Thank you God", Jason whispered to himself. One step and a fraction of the 228 paces it took him to walk up the aisle, he was standing in front of Robin who just stepped through the door. The closer he got the more beautiful she looked. He stood in front of her now. She tried to smile, but her trembling lip prevented much of a smile. There were tears forming in her eyes. Jason wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and lifted her off the ground the same instant Robin threw her arms around his neck.

"I came to say goodbye and give your ring back", Robin said between sobs. She buried her face in his shoulder "but I can’t. If you want to do this, I’ll wait for you forever if you want me to."
"I don’t want you to," Jason replied.

He felt Robin’s body get tense.

"I’ll do whatever what you want me to. I just want to be a part of your life," she said as she hugged him tighter.

Jason gently set Robin back on her feet. He took her face in his hands and wiped her tears.

"You don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to you to wait because I’m not going through with this", he told her.

Robin looked into Jason’s eyes and they said a thousand things to her. His smile told her he meant what he said. Jason tenderly kissed Robin. They found comfort and happiness in each other. Robin pulled away. He stared at her.

"I love you Robin".

She returned his intimacy with a smile.

"It is so good to see your smile", he said before he kissed her with all the passion he had saved since she left.

Bobbie grabbed Carly by the waist when Jason bolted for the door. A.J. came to stand beside Carly. As much as he enjoyed baiting Jason into fights these last few months he did want to see his brother happy. If that meant keeping Carly away from Jason while he and Robin talked then that’s what he was going to do. Besides, A.J. and Carly had become friends (if you wanted to call it that) over the months. She just may need a friend to lean on by the looks of the conversation or lack of it at the door.

They rested their foreheads against each other. Jason held her face in his hands.

"I just need you to give me a minute ok?" Jason pleaded with Robin as he wiped the rest of the tears from her face.

She nodded her head.

"I love you" she whispered.
"Promise me you’ll stay right here and wait for me?" he asked.

She put her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. Her kiss told him she wasn’t going anywhere without him. Jason stroked Robin’s face.

"I’ve missed you. I’ll be right back ok?" he said.

Jason kissed Robin quickly and turned back to the altar. He had made a deal and he intended to do his part. He passed Mac on the way. They exchanged glances. Mac was in a hurry to get to his niece.

"Are you ok?" Mac said approaching Robin.
"I’m fine now. Thank you for being with him", she replied with a hug.
"I didn’t want to come, but when I saw him I knew you’d want me to be here."

With that Mac put an arm around Robin and she laid her head on his shoulder. They waited for Jason to return.

Jason picked up Michael who was more concerned with a bug on the floor than his quick exit.

"I love you Michael. No matter what happens I will always love you. I promise to always be there for you when you need me. I’ll always protect you if you need it. I will never, never stop loving you."

With that Jason kissed his son on the head. He returned Michael to his bug and turned to A.J.

"Why didn’t you ask me if I was Michael’s father in the hospital when the tests were inconclusive?" Jason asked.

He looked at Carly who looked scared.

"I didn’t have a reason to did I?" A.J. replied.

Jason quietly stared at A.J. A.J. looked at Carly. Jason turned to look at Robin. He silently said a prayer of thanks to whoever listened to him early.

"Why don’t you ask" he questioned A.J. "Why, Jason? Why now?" A.J. asked.
"Don’t listen to him A.J. Jason you promised me. We had a deal. You’re going to follow through with it!" Carly shouted.

The rest of the church was deathly quiet. Carly’s words echoed throughout the church.

"Jason," A.J. began meekly, " who is Michael’s father? What would those tests say today?" A. J. asked Jason.

Jason looked at Monica.

"A.J. you both have the same blood type" Monica explained.

A.J. looked at Carly and back at Jason. Jason stared at Michael.

"Jason, are you Michael’s father?"

Jason was silent.

"Jason don’t answer him. Father lets get on with the ceremony" Carly requested.
"Jason, are you Michael’s biological father?" A.J. asked as the pieces of the puzzle came together.
"No A.J., I’m not." Jason said apologetically.

Carly raised her hand to slap Jason, but he was too quick for her. Jason caught her wrist. For a moment it was a fight of wills between them. Jason pushed Carly’s hand away; he turned around and walked the 228 paces back to Robin.

Robin ran into Jason arms. He responded by catching her and spinning her around.

"I love you Robin".
"I love you too."

They parted just so Jason could shake Mac’s hand and Robin could give him a hug. Jason took her hand and led Robin out the door. When the door closed behind them Jason scooped Robin up in his arms and descended the 17 steps to the sidewalk.

"Where do you want to go?" Robin asked him.
"Anywhere you are and far from here" he replied with a kiss.

Robin pulled at the tie around Jason’s neck and unbuttoned his collar. The driver opened the door to the waiting limo. Jason put his arms around Robin and held her tight. Robin sat next to Jason with her legs on his lap and her head on his shoulder.

"How much time do you have?" Robin asked looking into his eyes.
"I have the rest of my life and I want to spend every minute of it with you." was the only reply before he kissed her?

The End

Return to the main page or the main fiction page.