A Message for Men
Why do you allow yourselves to blame everyone else for your short comings rather than examining yourself, reality, and make the necessary adjustments to continue moving forward?
You tend to blame women for "sole" choices in rearing your children, especially your sons. But, where were you during this process? Where are you now? It's not too late. Every place has a starting point, so put aside the pride and ego to develop a healthy friendship with the mother you once cared for and the child created out of that union. Besides, there are provisions within the law to protect your right and relationship with your children regardless of the childish and manipulative tactics utilized by women. Other options include custody and court ordered parental visitation rights. Additionally, go to the schools and provide a written request that a report card be mailed to you so that you know what is going on in your child's life - their strengths and weaknesses. Take your rightful place in the lives of your children to love, cherish, teach, discipline, and communicate with them.
Although your child's presence may not have been agreed upon or planned by you, they're here and the child is innocent so get over it and move forward. They deserve an education and experience from both parents. Stop leaving your children behind for women to bare the sole responsibility. Be visible and an active participant so that your values and morals will become a part and instilled in their lives. Don't accept being shut-down and out of your child's life gentlemen regardless of the games.
Never allow your children to disrespect their mother. If you want to be respected start by showing your child an example and telling them the "what's, who's, and how's" regarding the word - respect. Stop complaining about how women raise your children and step to the home plate and do it together for the sake of the child and the sake of the race. Instead of ridicule, why don't you try being supportive. Be an authoritarian and a disciplinarian in your childrens' lives. When trouble arise in school or in the streets, be there for your child and their mother. Communicate and strategize with the mother for the best end result of the child. Don't allow your current relationship with another woman destroy nor hinder your friendship with your child's mother or your child. However, you must make an honest effort to be straightforward and honest regarding this matter, perhaps, even include the current woman to be apart of what's going on if possible. Again, eliminating the doubt, but being firm about being involved in your child's life.
You have allowed a certain group of people to determine your destiny, identity as inferior, and possess and break your spirit. How? Drugs, gangs, alcohol, gun violence, cigarettes, abuse, crime and being institutionalized, lack of respect for life, etc...
Brothers you don't need to define yourself, it has already been done by God. You have been defined as a man from the beginning of time throughout Genesis (1:26-27; 2:7), defined as a husband, father, and man. So in light of all of this, why do you allow another mortal to define you as someone or something different? Don't. Don't allow anyone to break the spirit, love, and self-esteem God has given you from the beginning of time. You should know by now who you are, if not, you need to seek God and He will show you the way. You have accomplished many things that men today can not duplicate, such as, "the perfect pyramids with no heavy equipment machinery". Secondly, it was Charles Drew who invented a procedure to save millions of lives in the World War II that remains an integral part of this society today. Although, Dr. Drew invented the Blood Bank, certain groups of people tried to transform his work for the benefit of a certain group. It was requested of Dr. Drew to separate "white" from "black" blood and plasma. Dr. Drew resigned from the American Red Cross with dignity and stood steadfast on not allowing his discovery to become distorted by himself. This is to say to you my brothers, that you must know when to draw the line, stand tall as a man, and prohibit doing those things that are contrary to you and your family. Do not continue to promote what is best for a select group or few. Do as Drew has - walk away educated and with dignity providing no parts in inequities!
Do you know who you are yet? Okay, let me come to you from another angle. Blame no one for your short comings, pull yourself up and take your rightful place in this society, in your families, and with yourself. Your rightful place is with God, having a relationship with God first and foremost.
Man was created, formed, and positioned by God. Man's being is dependent on God, and his first relationship is with God. This is the primary relationship! If you can't get the primary relationship right then no other relationship in your life will work. The primary relationship is the foundation for the secondary relationship. The primary relationship, your foundation, is your strongest point. Having a relationship with God is being a man and a necessity. Being a man is being a husband and father. Being a man is being one with God, having peace with yourself, and someone who places his woman beside him as a partner and not behind him as an inferior being.
Yes, we have not forgotten about the inequities and we understand that your problems stem beyond the family structure. It is the societal pressures as well. But, don't allow those societal pressures frustrate you to a point of venting on the very ones who love and want to support you. This is just what the plan is - don't YOU see it! To break your ego and pride is the break up the family structure.
Things might be different for you if you would spend more time communicating your hurts and disappointments with your woman. Don't run to a bottle of liquor, to another woman, or someplace to temporarily hide away. It'll be there awaiting you when you come down from that high and you'll have more regrets about wronging your woman. Have you heard that saying about running and hiding? Well, it means to stand still, be strong, and deal with things head on. Communicate and tell your woman what you need her to do to support you, but on the other hand, don't use this as a tactic to hide your games!
It has always amazed me how a man can cry and communicate the best when he knows all is lost. During the struggle you refuse to discuss anything, have an attitude, and won't offer any explanation. If you are in a partnership and relationship, BOTH of you deserve explanations. Explanations eliminates doubt and creates a bond of trust.
If you are not in a position to work, perhaps you should consider taking on other responsiblities that contributes to the household and can strengthen our families. Who says a woman has to work, clean, cook, and take care of the children? Who defined the roles of a man and woman? Once you figured that out, then it's easier to accept the rest of this dialogue which most men wouldn't want to hear. We are following the dictatorship of others not that of ourselves. We are following the legacy of William Lynch.
We, as brothers and sisters, must learn to work together for the betterment and survival of our families. That means doing whatever it takes to make our families more secure and providing stronger foundations for us to grow and excel together. The woman can not do it all, help us brothers! We have been the backbone of our families for so long, step in and don't apply more pressure to break it. We must work together to combat the cruel systems designed to harm and hurt our children, our women, and our men. If you're at home, why can't you keep the house clean, food cooked, and have the children picked up from school? If your friends think it's uncool, then perhaps you need to assess who they are and if they are considered "the" man in their families? If your friends really wanted to see you happy and the aforementioned was the agreement between you and your woman, they would not dictate or ridicule it! They would applaud you for keeping the family together. You are still a man in this role.
If necessary, take care of your own children, instead of sending them to child care everyday if you're at home. One on one, you can educate them better than any child care provider where the ratio is at least 1:5 (teacher:children). Is this something to be proud of? Yes, it is. When that teacher in school says that your child is well behaved and has excelled in the areas of x,y, and z, I'm sure you would have your chest poked out (and rightfully so my brother, rightfully so). In addition, this will contribute more money towards the household for that new toy you may want some day, to invest, or to move our families forward into better communities. However, let's take a look at our priorities first in this game called "survival".
Practice monogamy, instead of infidelity if you care about the welfare and health of your family. If you are to be the head of the household, ACT LIKE IT. Did you know that most women wouldn't have a problem with their men being the head of the household if you responsibly welcomed the challenge of being a real man.
We must learn to constantly and lovingly express our needs in our relationships and in society as a culture. In addition, we must get ahead and help one another ahead. Most importantly, we as women have to restore the pride and proudness to you as our men. It should be easy for women to place you in your rightful place as head of the households. As a Christian, a man's place is the head of the wife. However, this refers to Christian men not worldly men. If you are not a Christian perhaps it's time to really consider a positive change in your life to become apart of a whole new world. If you are not dealing with a woman that is a Christian, you should lead her to Christ for herself and for the sake of a meaningful relationship.
Let me take a moment to define head as it is used in the aforementioned paragraph. In English, the word "head" is defined as boss, chief, atop, superior. This is not the definition I am referring to gentlemen! The definition I am referring to is taken from the Greek interpretation, and the most logical interpretation being that Paul was Greek who wrote about a man being head of the wife. In Greek, the word "head" has two interpretations: arche AND kephale. Arche has the similar interpretation to English - as ruler, leader, high ranking. HOWEVER, Paul used the word KEPHALE! What does kephale mean? Kephale is the point man and the person who would risk his life. SO, THE MAN IS NOT OVER YOU, HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE SO MUCH WITH YOU THAT HE'D GIVE HIS LIFE FOR YOU!
If this is not what you have and how your spiritual woman feels, re-exam the woman because there's a whole lot of girls runnin around!
For those individuals who are not Christians, challenge your own conscious to know that this idea is viewed as a way of life to promote respect, dignity, and pride.
Stop defining who you are by what you do or what you have. Being a man has nothing to do with your resume, status, money, notches in your belt, or how far and often you've traveled the world. It's about the greatest gift from God to man and woman - Love! Agape love, true love, everlasting love. Do you know anything about that? Please come into a world where our emotions are fragile, we need to be loved and respected, and we need you today.
Finally, you tend to confuse your maleness with manhood. Maleness is that biological anatomical protrusion south of your navel, but manhood is theological. It is not your testosterone that count my brothers, it is your testimony that scores. Now, how do you define yourself? Women are not going to leave a presence, but they can always find a better biological anatomical protrusion. Do you want to touch a woman in all the right places? Touch a woman where her God lives, not by a physical touch you think will work!
This message is brought to you with an opinion that has created some controversy. It is not intended to bash anyone. It's purpose is to share a different view, to enlighten, to promote and challenge your morals and values, and to provide a sense of understanding for the betterment of our families.
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