How do you know a blonde's been at the word processor?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to feed information into a computer once.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until
they go down on you.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
A blonde with a whole brain?
Golden Retriever
How do a blonde's braincells die?
Alone.
What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
Rebel without a clue.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear, buy her another beer.
How do you make a blonde eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why should blonde not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Why do blonde wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
She opens the car door.
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
More head room.
Why do blonde drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
Bucket seats.
What do blonde say after sex?
"Do you guys all play for the same team?"
What did the blonde mom say to her before the blonde's date?
If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
How many blonde does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Blondes don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in jacuzzis
Why aren't blonde good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself.
Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
An IN-body experience!
Why do blonde have orgasms?
So they know when to stop having sex!
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.
Why do blonde have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
They both have a black box and a cockpit.
What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
What do you call 10 blonde standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
What do you call 15 blonde in a circle?
A dope ring.
Why do blonde take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
What's the difference between:
Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
A blonde and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Butter and a blonde?
Butter is difficult to spread.
A blonde and "The Titanic"?
They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
A smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
A blonde and a telephone?
It costs 25 cents to use a telephone.
A blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
One's a bunch a cunning runts.
A blonde and the Suez Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
A blonde and a toilet?
A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
A blonde and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock'll-doodle-doo", a blonde says, "Any-ol'cock'll-doo."
A blonde and a supermarket trolley?
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
A blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after 6 months.
A blonde and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
A prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
A counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phony buck.
A chorus line of blonde and a magician?
A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
A blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
A lesbian doing a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
One's a bike in a ditch.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!
Why do blonde put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde head?
A Space Invader.
What's a blondes' favorite rock group?
Air Supply.
What do you see when you look into a blonde eyes?
The back of her head.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Why did God create brunettes?
Neither could the blondes.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them, and so men can understand them.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
A labrador.
An indicator of a really bad hangover.
Why do blonde have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why do blonde have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
How many blonde does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are
walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
The dumb blonde! Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a smart blonde
don't really exist!
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An air bag.
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.
Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Why can't blonde put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Perri-air.
When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
What is a blonde favorite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump!
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.
What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Why did the blonde cross the road?
I don't know. - Neither did she.
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
Why are only 2% of blonde touch-typists?
The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Why don't blonde have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.
What do you call a pimple on a blonde's backside?
A brain tumour
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant
Why do blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop
What did the blonde say after she gave birth?
Gee, are you sure it's mine?
Why did the blonde wait a whole month to change her baby's diaper?
Because on the package it said "Good for up to 20 lbs."
What did the blonde do when she got her period?
She looked around for the guy that must have shot her
Did you hear about the blonde husband whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her
How did the blonde die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on her
How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blonde?
There's a stamp on it
What did the blonde do when she found out that 90% of all accidents
occur around the home?
She moved
When the blonde ordered a pizza, the clerk asked if she wanted
it cut into 6 or 12 pieces...
6 please, I could never eat 12 pieces
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
people were leaving.
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that
her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and
Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,
"How do you give shoulders?"
A blonde is tired of being called "dumb", so she studies really hard and
learns the capitals of all the states. The next time some calls her a
"Dumb Blonde" she says,
"Oh, yeah? Well, I can name all the capitals of
all the states. Just ask me!"
So the guy says, "Yeah? What's the capital of Vermont?"
So she says, "Oh, that's easy. It's V!"