Prez Sez: Vern Dale-Johnson (vern_dj@msn.com)

Since our last Blurb several events have come and gone during what has turned into an impossibly busy summer. I’m anxiously awaiting the news on the Van Duesen, Vancouver’s late May classic show (always draws a real rumble of Morgans), Classics Against Cancer held in Georgetown, Ontario on Father’s Day (this year it was dampish and lots of opportunity for our intrepid Morganeers who are not deterred by foul weather – Ray Shier must have taken a trophy!), Ottawa – Montreal events over the same period including the Old Port of Montreal Car Show on May 27, several local car shows during June, and other events. Perhaps Sylvia will have details….

Personally I was in Calgary over the Father’s day weekend of June 18 (and thus missed Classics), spent the next 10 days in Vancouver (sorry, Mike & Ron, it was all work), Kamloops & Kelowna. On arrival at Vancouver Airport Hertz was out of vehicles so… had to wait… and the first car available was a Mustang convertible, in red no less! Not a Morgan but definitely better than driving a tin-top around in beautiful BC weather. Best run was up to Kamloops on Friday the 23^rd. Got out early to avoid the rush. Scenery wasn’t too bad – 32 Ford rod, Chrysler Valiant series 1, mid 60’s Camaro, early VW Karmann Ghia, mid 60’s Ford Galaxie 500, beautiful early Pontiac GTO and then… about 4:30, about 10K outside Kamloops a red & black Morgan +4 (?) with the driver, silver hair streaming, obviously enjoying the ride! (the Mog heading towards Merritt on the Coquihalla). OK Wet Coasters, who was it?

Arrived back in Toronto on June 28^th to a hayfield for a lawn – very wet summer – and just enough time to pack OLBDII’s onto the trailer for a run down to the Shawnee Inn for MOG 30. Yes, Amanda & Marissa were along for the tour and thus the necessity to trailer and no, it is not a trailer queen, we’ve already put over 1700 miles on this year. On arrival we learned there was one other Morgan from Canada, thought to be an Ottawa car. The next morning we learned it was indeed an "Ottawa car", Claude Jacques early 50’s +4 now residing with Rod & Meg Wilkinson from the Toronto area. Lots of work had been done on the car over the winter, including a new set of Webers installed by CMC Motors. The results were worth

the effort as Rod & Meg took home their first MOG pewter plate with a concours win in the early +4 class. OLBDII’s also took home the pewter. After an early morning wash down by the river, and a waxing under the trees, we rolled onto the concours field just as judging was about to start. Drat, the horn would not work (I think the compressor has been fried by the engine heat!), and the gremlins were still in one of the brake light circuits. Despite this we did take a 2^nd in the hotly contested 4-seater category. OLBDII’s is not just a pretty face, on the Autocross we again took home a 1^st place award in the 4-seater / DHC category and, with Marissa as navigator, won the Gymkhana event for another 2 plates – Marissa’s first! Two Canadian Morgan’s, 5 plates – the rest of you missed a great event!

Glen Nigh reports Peter Toma and his +8 (yes, the car is for sale) won first choice at the car show in Grimsby early in July. Chris Sinclare’s staff sent us a pic of Chris, in the old Geo Sterne +8 (looking pretty spiffy!) marveling at how close it resembled the cover of the 3-2000 Blurb. Look for the photo later on.

Follow-up from the Queenston – to – Tobermory run, thank you John Collins for your write-up in the last Blurb, was a note from Mary Shier: "Vern. Just got a note from Glen Nigh that Martin Fisher hit a dog on the way home and had to get a tow as well out of the ditch, I assume. Martin's OK and  the car received minor damage. He told us what a great time he had on the trek so I hope 

he's OK." (photos follow in the print version)

Pig Out at the Sands.  This event is open to MSCCC members and invited quests only. Marlies and Alan are expecting us on August 19 (Saturday) for our annual summer BBQ.  RSVP's to Marlies and Alan would be appreciated 905-936-4341. Toronto area members will have a BBQ "flyer" included with this issue, if not call for directions.

Fall Weekend.  We need an organizer for the MSCCC part of the Fall Weekend.  Vern Dale-Johnson is travelling with the MOA group starting Sept 3 and will not be attending.  Please let Vern DJ know if you can be the "host" for the MSCCC portion, working with Martin Brassard and Dino Zapi of the MGCCT group.

The Mountain Springs Lodge in Collingwood (Blue Mountain) will be the base site again this year for the weekend of Sept 8 - 10.  That is the weekend before British Car Day (s) at Bronte.  Again this year we are planning the weekend to coincide with the MG Car Club of Toronto "Wayne McRae" weekend to continue the friendly rivalry. 

Reservations need to be made before August 1 if you are planning to attend.  Contact MSL at 800-704-8633 (705-444-7776) and mention the "Morgan Weekend" to get the special rates.  Studio is C$84/night, one bedroom suite is $94/night, studio loft $104/night and one bedroom loft $124/night.  Rooms are subject to 7% GST and 5% PST.

Sorry, June was too busy and July is going to be a wash-out as well. Perhaps in August I’ll get the long-promised and anxiously awaited "special issue" of the Blurb featuring the rather erotic work of Valentin Tanase, and more…. The raw material is ready, minor verbiage has been created, just need to do the paste-up and copying. Again, it will come with a disclaimer – "does not represent the views of the club or the executive, etc, etc… only for enjoyment of those who like to fantasize over more than new Aero 8’s".

The following were forwarded to me by the SVAO (Specialty Vehicle Assn of Ontario) and are included here as they give a good outline of the tone and policies of the Ontario government towards emissions and emission testing (of older vehicles). Some provinces may be taking their cue from Ontario, some have opted for a different path. Let us know what is happening in your area. Note particularly the suggestions for "safety inspection programs". We don’t have one within our HOG MOG group, do you? We all should be considering organization and implementation of such a program – if nothing more a regular sping "tech session" for inspecting members Mogs.

 Vern

Notes for remarks by The Honourable Dan Newman Minister of the Environment to the "Specialty Vehicle Association of Ontario (SVAO): Fifth Annual General Meeting April 15, 2000

I want to thank Ray Spencer (Chairman, SVAO) and the organizers for inviting me to speak today with the members of the Specialty Vehicle Association of Ontario.

This is one of my first speaking engagements as Minister of the Environment, so I want to take this opportunity to tell you about myself and how I view Drive Clean and other environmental protection programs and issues. The common thread running through these roles is my strong belief in the importance of safe communities. This means not only safe streets, but also safe air to breathe and water to drink. I want to people to have confidence in the ability of their government to work with its partners to address these safety issues effectively. Drive Clean is an integral part of our strategy to fight smog and other forms of air pollution.

Before telling you more about what is covered under Drive Clean, I will tell you what you know already – that the program does not apply to cars that are 20 or more model years old. I know this is a special concern for your group, so and I want to reassure you of this exemption right at the outset. Quite frankly, we have had some complaints – by phone, by letter and by email – from people who see older cars as "stinkers" that are a big part of the vehicular pollution problem. There are several reasons why we don’t share this view. Older vehicles represent about three per cent of Ontario’s car fleet. Of these, to be sure, there are so-called stinkers on our roads. But some of these cars are in such poor mechanical condition that they will not be in use for long. Also, the worst polluters on the road – the visible emitters – are targeted by our smog patrol program. These vehicles can be ticketed or even taken off the road.

Many older cars are in the hands of people like you – vintage car collectors. I know that you take great pride in your ability to keep these automobiles in the best possible shape. Is it okay for me to say it’s an obsession? Your vehicles are extremely well-maintained and are, in general, driven only occasionally and for short distances. We also recognize the particular circumstances you face as owners of older cars. Some weren’t originally equipped with pollution control equipment. Parts can be difficult, if not impossible, to obtain.

Considering the small percentage that older cars represent, as well as some of the considerations I’ve just outlined, we believe it would be inefficient to concentrate on them. And cars newer than four model years are much less likely to fail the test. I should qualify this by saying that any car, up to 19 model years, must be tested when it is sold. This protects the consumer because it can be far more costly to fix pollution problems in newer cars if they are the result of, say, a failure of the on-board computer.

Another concern for you is specialty vehicles, including kit cars, rebuilt cars and hot rods. Under the program, they will receive limited pre-tests, consisting only of a visual inspection for the presence of a gas cap. For the actual emissions test, specialty vehicles will be tested using emissions standards for 1980 model year vehicles of similar size. Since some of these specialty vehicles have engines that are much older than 1980, my ministry plans to adjust the emission standards accordingly, in the near future. I am also having staff examine whether there isn’t an even better way to deal with the 400 or so kit cars registered in Ontario. As with older vehicles, specialty vehicles are not a focus of Drive Clean because of their relatively small contribution to smog. We believe we can get more environmental improvements out of Drive Clean by focusing on cars in the four to 19-year-old range.

I’d now like to turn to those improvements...the results we’re seeing through Drive Clean.

The latest figures I have, which cover up to a few days ago, show that more than 1.3 million light-duty vehicles have been tested at 1,037 accredited Drive Clean test facilities in the program areas – the Greater Toronto Area and Hamilton-Wentworth. Roughly 85 per cent of the vehicles tested passed the test. You may also be aware that, beginning September 30 of last year, we are requiring annual emissions tests for heavy-duty diesel vehicles province-wide. Dirty smoke from these vehicles is one of the most aggravating aspects of smog. We have about 560 accredited facilities to test heavy-duty diesel vehicles. We also have about 118 facilities to test heavy-duty non-diesel vehicles in the GTA and Hamilton-Wentworth.

Interestingly, we’re finding that, when it comes to heavy-duty vehicles, diesels are passing at a rate of about 94 per cent, while non-diesels pass at a rate of just over 71 per cent. While we don’t have adequate data yet to assess the results of the heavy-duty inspections and repairs, we know that – during its first year – Drive Clean reduced smog-causing pollutants from light-duty vehicles in the program areas by about 6.7 per cent.

Bear in mind that these numbers have been achieved while testing less than one quarter of the vehicles that will eventually be covered under Drive Clean. So we’re well on the way to achieving the program target of reducing smog-related emissions in program areas by 22 per cent when Drive Clean is fully implemented in southern Ontario in 2004.

Drive Clean is only part of a larger strategy to protect Ontario’s air. We believe everyone has a role to play and we are working with Ontarians from all walks of life – not just drivers – to improve our air quality.

As you may be aware, my predecessor, Tony Clement, announced a series of measures on January 24 that will help us all breathe easier. The key measures include mandatory tracking and reporting of all harmful air emissions by industrial and commercial emitters, as well as tough new emissions limits for smog and acid rain causing pollutants. We recognize that automobiles, trucks and buses are an important source of contaminants that contribute to the smog that affects our urban centres, but we don’t see the point in targeting older cars and specialty vehicles. They simply are not a big part of the smog equation. In fact, I see common values between your hobby and environmental protection. As car collectors, you are engaged in conserving tradition. You pay close attention to detail and are conscientious in your work. These are also the traits of people engaged in environmental protection. This is why I believe your group is an important partner for my ministry in the protection of Ontario’s air, water and land.

I look forward to finding new ways to work with you on behalf of our common goals: a well-protected environment and clean, healthy and prosperous communities.

- oOo -

PRESENTATION TO THE ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING OF THE "SPECIALTY VEHICLE ASSOCIATION OF ONTARIO" APRIL 15^th, 2000

Andy Soutar, Senior Enforcement Policy Advisor, Carrier Safety Policy Office, Ministry of Transportation

This is the 3^rd opportunity I have had to address you at your annual general meeting. I really appreciate the opportunity to be part of this event, and I thank you for the invitation this year as well. I always read your newsletter when it arrives, and I 'm very glad to see that your leadership has taken the approach it has towards the safety inspection of specialty vehicles, namely, to encourage you to be proactive in developing your own safety inspection programs rather than leave it to the government. I believe my message in the past has been very clear - that, at present, the Ministry of Transportation does NOT see a need for a mandatory safety inspection program for specialty vehicles. However, as I have also emphasized in the past, if we did, we would likely look to your association for guidance, and to possibly take some of the responsibility for such a program. In that situation, an organization like the Specialty Vehicle Association may have input as a stakeholder in the development phase of the program. If that happened, we would definitely be looking at the past practices of the organization and of its members, to determine what involvement by the Ministry of Transportation was appropriate or necessary. This is where your efforts at developing your own safety inspection programs come in.

If we were going to implement such a program, we would need some strong evidence that your inspection programs were effective in ensuring the safety of specialty vehicles. That would go a long ways towards convincing us that you're responsible enough to assist in the delivery of these inspections, and it would be a big step towards establishing and maintaining a relationship with MTO that will allow us both to satisfy our individual goals. Lets face it, your main goal is to have fun with your vehicles, but you also want to keep government's involvement in your hobby to a minimum - that's human nature. However, the Ministry's goal is to ensure the safety of everyone who uses Ontario's roads, regardless of the type of vehicle involved. These two interests, while not completely compatible, are certainly close enough that we should both be able to meet our objectives, and keep everyone, safe, happy, and on the road for a long time to come.

At present, there isn't any unusual pressure on MTO to create a province wide inspection program for specialty vehicles, and we would LOVE to keep it that way. As everyone knows only too well, the resources of all Provincial Government ministries are stretched to the limit, and then some, and we don't need any accidents involving specialty vehicles to complicate things. Such accidents always draw a lot of media attention and demands from the public for stronger laws and more enforcement, and the Ministry of Transportation must respond to these concerns. It's a simple fact of life that, with any increase in accidents, there is more pressure on the Ministry to do something, and if specialty vehicles are involved, the direction of our attention is obvious.

We all know that the number of accidents involving specialty vehicles has traditionally been very low, and it's easy to explain this. The usual reasons given include the good condition of the vehicles involved, their regular maintenance, the high quality of the engineering used in building and restoring them, the low usage of the vehicles, the incredible skill of drivers like you, and so on. While these are all very valid reasons, I also believe that plain old luck plays a very big part in all of this as well.

For example, when I recall some of the things I did back in the 1960's in my muscle car, I can honestly say that sheer dumb luck was just as responsible for my lack of accidents as my skill as a mechanic or as a driver, and I'll bet that many of you can say the same thing. However, the issue of safety inspections is just too important to leave to Lady Luck. I can't say this enough times - DO NOT SIT ON YOUR HANDS WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN, BECAUSE IF IT DOES, ALL YOU'LL HAVE ARE WARM HANDS!

Please, heed the words of your Executive Committee and get involved, and do everything you can to encourage others to get involved as well. If your club has a safety inspection program, support it by taking your vehicle through, even if it won't pass, or by volunteering to help, or at the very least, support it by NOT criticizing and complaining about it! In a volunteer organization like a car club, there is absolutely nothing so discouraging to somebody who has gone to all the trouble of developing a safety inspection program and setting up a safety lane than to have nobody show up for inspection, or to have everybody badmouthing the program. If another club has a safety lane going, consider taking your vehicle through it too, and encourage others to go through yours - remember, you're all in this thing together. As well, I would encourage your association to consider a standardized inspection program, with a common inspection criteria, inspection forms, window decals, and so on, that would be recognized by all member clubs. This degree of organization is exactly the sort of thing we are looking for if we were to ever consider a self-managed program for this purpose. If that sort of professionalism is NOT there, think what would happen if the Ministry of Transportation came knocking at your door looking for the results of your safety inspection program. You better have something to show us if you expect us to listen when you tell us how good your intentions are!

Just put yourself in my shoes for a minute. What would you think if a club, or an organization like the Specialty Vehicle Association, had nothing to show you when you came to visit - no formal inspection program to follow, no statistics, no procedures, no policies, no agenda, no promotional material, no formal goals or mission statement for the program? Would you think these people are serious about safety? Would you really think they're responsible? Would you give that group the responsibility of running a safety inspection program for specialty vehicles? Finally, could you go to the public - the average man or woman on the street - and honestly say to them that they don't have to worry about the safety of specialty vehicles anymore, because it's in good hands now? I couldn't do that, and I certainly could not justify a program like that to my Director, and he's the guy that makes the decisions. I know just what his decision would be in that case!

I hope you have been seriously thinking about what I've said, but talk is cheap, even mine, and the most important thing is to actually have a safety inspection program that works. Some car clubs already have safety lanes in operation, and some of these have been well established for years. Clubs like those are a great place to start if you don't have a program now. You might have to look for this information beyond Ontario, or even Canada, but it's worthwhile to see what everyone else is doing and how they do it. You might create a partnership with another club to share the safety lane equipment and responsibilities. Perhaps your corporate sponsors could be persuaded to support this effort, and what about insurance companies - do you think they would be interested to know that you have a safety inspection program in place? I'll bet they would. Also, I don't know if your Association has a safety director, but it should have. As well, it would be a good idea for the Association to form a safety committee that can research the existing programs and bring the results to the membership for their comments and suggestions. In fact, this may complement my earlier suggestion for a coordinated approach to a safety inspection program that many clubs could use, instead of each club doing one individually.

As you are all likely aware, our inspection criteria for "Historic Vehicles" in our regulations is not very detailed, and rightly so, since many older vehicles that fit that definition wouldn't pass a "normal" inspection. Regardless, you might still consider using those "normal" criteria as a starting point for a safety program, since it contains a lot of good information. In fact, besides being used to issue Safety Standards Certificates, this regulation is now used as an operating standard for all heavy commercial vehicles on our highways, and it is also the inspection standard for those specialty vehicles that don't fit the definition of "Historic Vehicle" as well. Please understand, I'm not suggesting that your safety lanes should do the entire inspection that's in the regulation, but it would be a good place to start. Any of you who are involved in a licensed Motor Vehicle Inspection Station already have these standards in your brown Inspection Manual that all stations have, and I will provide a copy to your executive for them to copy. As well, I'm usually just a phone call away and your executive has my number.

In conclusion, I realize this may sound like a lot of boring stuff, but the function of an association like yours is to work towards common goals that will benefit all its members, and that won't happen without your help. While I'm well aware that some of my suggestions may not sound feasible or practical right now, unless you try, you will never know. As well, I must commend your association's efforts in promoting the interests of such a diversified group as yours - I've been there and I know it's not an easy job. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to tell my boss that - "we don't have to worry about the safety of specialty vehicles, because they already have their act together and they don't need our attention", and I know he would love to hear that too. Thank you for your attention, and have a great summer.

Coming events:

Additional central Canada events to note:

Victoria British Car Club of Lindsay Ontario have announced their "7th Annual Open Classic British Car Show" will take place Sunday July 23.  Call Jim Nesbitt at 705-324-7574 (day) or Alan Dyson at 705-328-1658 (evening) for more detail.

Kingston Boot 'n Bonnet Club's 11th Annual  British Car Day is being held in Kingston City Park Sunday August 20.  More info contact Brian & Linda Thomas 613-533-2228 thomasl@post.queensu.ca or Wes & Glenda Meyer 613-386-3797 olden@kos.net

"Keith Cox Memorial MOA III – New Orleans to Nova Scotia":

MOA III.  There is a seat open from Montreal through New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, ferry across to Maine and the last leg down to Hershey Penn. You will need to plan to join up with me in Montreal on Sept 20. We leave Nova Scotia for Bar Harbour Maine on Sept 29 (Sept 20 to Sept 29 is one possible leg if you're interested) and run from Bar Harbour down to Hershey to finish on Oct 8 (another possible leg, Sept 29 through Oct 8).  Let Vern DJ know if you are interest in taking part in all or some of the second half of the trip -- accommodation is shared with me in a non-smoking room. 

Central Canada Morgan Events:

Aug 19 MSCCC Pig Out, Alan & Marlies Sands 905-936-4341 sands@csolve.net

Sept 8-10   MSCCC Fall Weekend, Mountain Springs Lodge, Collingwood (organizers needed, please!)

West Coast Events for MSCCC and MOG NW:

July 22 Bellevue ABFM, Morgan is featured marque. Gil Stegen 425-883-6722

Sept 2-4 ABFM Portland – 25^th Anniversary of MOG Northwest, Bob Hauge 360-636-6015

Sept 16 All British Vancouver to Whistler run, Ted Carew-Gibson 604-421-3939

Eastern Canada Events for MSCCC and GoMoG:

Aug 12 The Hurst Marina Boat and Car Show. Ed Burman 613-839-3140

Aug 27 Moggies on the Grass. At Phantom Farms Ed Burman 613-839-3140

Sept Quyon/Healey Corn roast naturally held in Quyon (date TBA). Ed Burman 613-839-3140
Oct 21 La  Runne de la Grosse Citrouille. Ed Burman 613-839-3140

Other Events of interest:

Sept 10 18^th Annual Battle of the Brits, Sterling Heights Mich, Sue Snyder 810-979-4875 snydley@home.com

Sept 9-Oct 8 Keith Cox Memorial Morgans Over America – New Orleans to Nova Scotia (see above)

Sept ? – Oct ? Morgans Over America III 2000, The Eastern Experience (see above)

Morgan Memorabilia:

Still lots of MSCCC pins and crests available. Pins are the highest quality 4 color epoxy, 1 inch across, priced at C$12 each. Crests are the MSCCC "badge" on a variety of background colors – black, red, green, blue – at C$10 each. We can also embroider your clothing with the MSCCC crest – send items to Vern DJ. Cost is C$10 / crest. Many of our members have had the MSCCC crest added to shirts with a second club already in place, allows you to advertise your support for two groups at once!

Check with our book suppliers and Morgan agents for "A Morgan Called Red: Brooklands to Laguna Seca" by Larry Ayers. This is the story of a 1930 Morgan Super Aero 3-wheeler from the day it left the factory, through its fabulous racing career, relocation to America, restoration, and the facts about its present racing career. There are lots of historic photos in the book. Published by Beeman Jorgensen Inc of Indianapolis (ISBN 0-929758-20-X). Cost should be about US$25.

Notes from the East: Ed Burman (elburman@cyberus.ca)

On telescopic shock conversions: "Lorne, I read your email more carefully and was struck by what you said about the importance of the placement of the telescoping shocks kit.  The ride is definitely better than before, but I've always wondered if there was some other geometry involved in relocating the shock tower that I should have used.   Any thoughts on that? Thanks.  Mark Olkon"

Hi Mark, start off with a rule that any properly adjusted shock system will improve the ride. That being said and ignoring the intricacies of vibration modulation that is the primary desired result of shocks, let's talk shock angling. Speaking very very generally, each degree the shock is angled AWAY from the direction taken by the force of the impact prejudices the effect of the shock by the number of degrees of off-angling divided by 90. i.e. 5 degrees off over 90 = 5.5% prejudice or the shock is 5.5 % less effective. You can also roughly assume that the effect of off-angling is cumulative...for example if you are off 5 degrees backwards and 7 degrees sideways, the shock is 12/90 (13.3%) less effective. (This explanation ignores systems where shocks act in concert but on a Morgan that is not much of a factor.)

If you swallowed this so far, you have to agree that shock placement should be determined by where MOST of the impacts will be coming FROM (you can't cover EVERY eventuality). After you have decided on this all
important direction, go back and look at how the two systems address this. As a parameter, I have decided... silly me!... that most impacts will travel upwards and slightly towards the rear. I'll call this the standard bump (SB). This means I believe the ideal angling would be parallel to the sides and upwards from the axle with a 5 degree tilt rearwards.

Now let's look at the MMC system, extraordinarily strong and the shocks are attached to the wheel hubs and that can be good...but then they angle slightly forward off the rearward position (if memory serves) by 10 degrees, and INWARD about 30 degrees and the rest upward. The inward part of the angling will serve you well if you believe your wheels to be "curb feelers". Aside from this, figure the loss of shock effectiveness
at 30 + 10/90 or 44.5% when dealing with a SB.

In the TOK system the shocks are attached at the juncture of the leaf springs and the axle...that is very very good. They then angle straight (no inward or outward angling) but forward about 10 degrees or off the ideal rearward position by 15 degrees or 16.5 % loss in dealing with a SB.

Theory aside, I have tried both systems using the very same shocks on the same car over the same bump at the same speed within 24 hours...then you don't need theory. Lorne

Hi Vern, I have forwarded the king pins email to Derek Atkinson and thanks for the nice words re Borrowed Time. Yes, Lyn and I find "The Blurb" very interesting, coming as it does from the other side of the equator. Where else would I find information on a car that left New Zealand????? I suppose it is not really surprising that Morgan owners, no matter where they are, form an interesting group of people. And of course, Morgan problems seem the same no matter where the cars are. I don't know if you have looked lately, but I have now published the initial Tourist section on our web page. Just something different from a normal format.

We are just going into the cold part of winter now, the ski fields in both islands are opening, and our weather pattern has swung around to allow all the cold air from the Antarctic to come north. No snow in Palmerston North (although the hills around to the north and south have some "white" on them. Forecast is for a mild winter in this area. Very best regards, Gary Moles, New Zealand

Notes from the West: Ron Theroux (ronsmog@home.com)

"Oil Change Instructions For Women"
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

$20.00 for oil change

$1.00 for coffee.

Total = $21.00

"Oil Change Instructions For Men"
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to local shop to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer; drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up looking after 15 minutes and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; burn hand in hot oil, get it all over your clothes in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up looking after 10 minutes, poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up to lend technical support, helps finish case of beer; unanimous committee decision to finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11 & 18.
20) Beer. No, wait a minute -- drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Suddenly remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift through muck for drain plug.
29) Mutter under breath about first quart of fresh oil, now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with crescent wrench while tightening drain plug, bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin uncontrollable cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes due to thrown wrench damaging Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
35) Beer me.
36) Clean up hands and forehead; bandage as required to stop blood flow.
37) Beer.
38) Another beer.
39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
40) Beer.
41) Lower car from jack stands.
42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
44) Beer.
45) Test drive car.
46) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the influence.
47) Car gets impounded.
48) Make bail; retrieve car from impound yard.

Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$27.50 beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands (hey the colors have to match!!!)
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee
$2,379.50 Fines and court costs

$3,732.00 Total
Present company excepted, of course!

(Name withheld on request, but… you guessed right!)

Morgan Friends… Just had an odd situation take place over the weekend. Hope everyone had a great holiday without this problem.  My friend had his 89 Morgan over for the evening and after a great time we went out to say goodbye, as he started the car there was a great flash of white under the bonnet (hood). I quickly undid the strap and raised the half section of the bonnet but nothing was there other than the intake plenum and gas peddle linkage. I was looking for a bad wire or something like that .I put the bonnet back in place and the car was started again. This time there was no question what was wrong for the gas linkage that had been replaced a week ago was now very hot  and  throwing burning  hot plastic all over the place with lots of smoke. After shutdown the new gas linkage was now uselessly seized again, the reason for replacement in the first place .We pushed the car into my garage for the night. It seems that the ground strap has not been doing a very good job since it was put on at the factory and along with sitting most of the time had now given up altogether. The ground went through the gas linkage much the same way the older cars had with the choke cable. There have been several bits of trouble that now reflect on this poor ground.

I simply put the car on stands and cleaned the existing strap that had a good coat of paint in the joint and added a second strap from the frame to the starter and a third from the firewall to the engine. We took the car to a Sunday event that had us giving kids rides and all is working well. I think an extra ground strap added to your car might be a good investment if your looking for something to doodle with .The gas linkage costs about $150. The strap cost $5.

The ‘62 has been performing very well and even in the rain we find ourselves very comfortable (with the rain gear on of course) We did the run from Queenston to Tobermory and back and broke only the speed'o cable . The overdrive is fantastic. Safe motoring all.  Cheers Glenn Nigh      1962 +4, 2seater

For Sale / Morgans Wanted:

Peter Toma has his  1989 Plus 8  " FOR SALE ". British racing green, sports seats, leather interior , side curtains and top , all in tan color , third brake light , leather bonnet strap , lefthand drive , fog/driving lamps and more . The car has 24,000 original km and is in great shape. Price seems to have dropped to the C$50,000 mark. Give Peter a call at 905-309-0890 .     

Notes from the Web:

On the subject of Morgan luggage "space"… Behind the seat are all the spare bits/tools.  In other words, that area is designated for Moggie. I carry a basket (day trips) or soft sided Lands-End Jumbo bag (overnighters) that is designated for the boss. I get the glove compartment. She thinks it's fair. Lenn Nelsen (Married to a happy boss)

Hello Lenn. I believe in the current Morganizer (GoMoG) appears a reprint of prewar article on touring in a Morgan. Among the simple expedients is to have more bulky personal goods (presumably not your wife) shipped to convenient railway stations along your route. This would appear to be one of those quality of life possibilities which modern life has rendered obsolete. On the other hand there is cuprinol and improved tire (tyre) quality.  Finally, to Mossy, wouldn't an occupied bikini present a distraction to safe vehicular operation?  Tinkerty tonk,

Reply: Probably would still work for Europe; but here railroads don't seem to go where the good roads go.  You see my boss packs for what she MAY wear and not what she'll HAVE to wear.  The wicker basket or Land's End Bag is huge  and really looks terrible on the luggage rack.  But, she must travel with what
she must travel with afterall she has allowed me the Morgan and just recently approved purchase of wire wheels and tires.  So, if you see this huge wicker basket or super sized Land's End Bag coming down the road with a wire wheel shoed Morgan underneath it please wave--I'll be smil'n! Lenn Nelsen (She brings what she may want to wear)

George… I have an old Miscellany with an article on preparing your Mog for long trips by an Andy Garlick. He suggests that to ensure you have enough room for spares, etc. to limit the females luggage to 2 bikini's, a sheepskin coat and a toothbrush. The older high cowled +4's have a quite reasonable amount of space behind the seats. All I can say about the +8 is I'm glad it came with a luggage rack.. Cheers Mossy

 Hi, We often take extended trips in the Morgan. We have a waterproof strap-on hardcase from a British company with a super carrying capacity. Behind the seats is a full set of tools and a large over-nighter. We
have a choice of clothes still after ten days on the road. Sadly, there is no space for the results of my wife's shopping exploits. It is one of the things that I have had to learn to live with. It is wise to fill all free space in a Morgan before you leave with the wife. Explain that it is ballast. Lorne

Hi Folks, We have just undertaken some VERY SERIOUS research! We had to go to Le Touquet today to finalise some of the Mog 2000 arrangements.  (We know - lousy job - but someone's got to do it!).  Even
the weather was perfect as we rushed from one business meeting got another!

However we were able to confirm our earlier findings. Even with forty bottles of wine behind the seats it is still possible to stash away five bottles of (rather nice) malt (at 60% of UK price), 10 packs of coffee (at 50% of UK price), three six-packs of serious beer (at 40% of UK price), and four packs of smelly cheese (at 400% UK odour!). Quentin & Ann

Regarding Morgan reliability….

As a casual observer of this Discussion Group since it started, now seems as good a time as any to dip a toe into the water and make my first contribution. The way Gerald describes your 'cultural visits to Le Mans' this seems one trip that should definitely not be missed.  I was very tempted to join you this year but work arrangements made it impossible to commit to the dates - who knows, maybe in 2001.

On a more philosophical note, why do Mogs always run sweeter the moment they are booked into the garage for a service - and then misbehave again on the drive home?  Is it for the same reason that toothache stops as soon as you set foot inside a Dentist's waiting room or that your lottery numbers come up the very week you forget to buy a ticket?  My 4/4 has performed faultlessly in my  two years of ownership, only for it to suffer partial electrical collapse last week only 5 minutes into its journey home from acquiring a brand new MOT Certificate in the middle of a torrential downpour.  The problem - a blown fuse.  The real problem - no spares of the correct rating.  Result: one wet and soggy walk and an important lesson learnt the hard way! Now you all carry a full range of fuses, don't you!! Andrew Abbott

Thoughts on driving…

Carl, Sorry I don't understand "dead drive"... If  it means driving in a mundane manner or without concentration? You may have misunderstood my poor description of "fun" driving within (ish) the law. There are many wonderful roads in my local range that in the right set of circumstances could be deemed reasonably safe to drive on at speeds in excess of that which can probably be achieved by an "average"  +8 pilot, I think I may have done so, in cars and m/cycles that are perhaps better equipped/designed to do so.

I have been fortunate to escape incident on the road so related, and have to say that good luck more than skill or judgment probably played a major part in my high-speed exploits. The roads were much quieter then and nowadays I am not inclined towards thoughts of risking my license and making newspaper headlines for the tabloid press, Though I suspect they are more interested in m/cyclists and drivers of cars that have a "social envy" tag association... I guess it sells more papers.

Technology available to the authorities now means that if I come over the hill and see a clear dry twisting open road stretching for miles with no one on it, no blind bends or sheep... And will make for a "safe" exciting challenge of say up to 120 mph in stretches... The largest gamble would probably be the one with my driving licence and all that goes with it. 100mph carries an automatic ban on Motorways... What about the road through the countryside I have just described, it would probably carry a 60 mph limit? ... Just too risky for one who loves to ride/drive... Though I do not say I will never get caught speeding... Just hope there is less chance of it within the parameters of my current "style" of fun.

I would like to think that it takes a measure of skill to proceed as fast as is reasonable within the confines of the law and still enjoy a car...? There are no doubt many modern sports cars that are pussies when cruising or in town, Yet if you stomp on the loud pedal, can unleash a tiger with Mog pounding Power... Yup I have experienced similar vehicles... In general the "need to let it have its head" is great, as "only then" is it possible to get "involved" in what you are driving!! Unless of course the driver prefers to look at his/her image created while driving past the plate glass windows of the shops in town more than exploring cornering
capabilities. It takes all types, thank goodness.

A Morgan to me seems to, if required, be all consuming and involving in ownership, friendship and most important when driving. Please correct me if I have got this totally wrong... In the driving issue... A Morgan can be a wonderfully involving car when progressing along around 60 mph on twisting, climbing and dropping scenic routes, with occasional increase in decibels as you pass close to a rock face and hear the reflected sounds of your car at work, The suspension is communicative and the set-up of the car in general needs driver input to be somewhat skilful rising exponentially with speed and road surface imperfections... etc. etc. etc... I really want it to be so?

As far as needing to clean an under-stressed +8 engine out… I suspect it is more likely to get fluffed up with an old worn carb set-up than with an old ECU... Though if indeed the engine and choice of fuelling  created a car that choked it`s self in time, I would hope that my track day foolishness might give it a sufficient blow through... if not blow up!!

Driving as I enjoy it on "fun" days is not for the dead of head and hopefully relatively safe and reasonably considerate to the others I "come upon" while progressing. In my time driving in this fashion I have not been caught up or passed by anyone who was driving remotely near the speed limit. If someone who is disregarding the speed limits comes up behind... I try to make it as easy as possible for him/her to pass in order that I can continue to enjoy my drive in my own way. Zero to 60 can be a whole lot of fun... That is providing you seek out the ideal kind of roads.

I think most car minded folk might enjoy being a passenger with me without feeling the need to brace themselves unduly or indulge in phantom braking, while at the same time thinking we were progressing well and enjoying the drive... What do I know!! I am not preaching or saying that everybody should drive in this fashion… Just that I hope to find that a Morgan of some type is well suited to this and other driving requirements I have. Long may you have your kind of "fun" with your Morgans of all types. Cheers, George

Lime Rock, June 3-4 Weekend of Historic Racing:

It was a less than spectacular weekend for the Morgan contingent at Lime Rock this past weekend (June 3-4). The weather on Friday delivered hurricane-level rains and wind, although during an "eye' of the storm we had an excellent long race with all classes thrown together. Saturday, after a turgid start, was a beautiful day.

There were plenty of spectators and a few road going Morgans and a few other cars from England. Phil Roettger, who all know from this list, was there with his very nice Lotus, as was Chris Towner with his trike, Mike Virr with his '59 4/4, Richard Odgers with a '57 +4, and I brought my '57 +4 as well.. A number of mechanical problems: Mike's car was shorting through the rotor, stopping him cold, Dick Odgers had a few teething problems, and I sprung a sizeable gas leak on the aft carburetor. All fixed in time with the usual patch repairs. Sadly, Chris Towner's beautiful trike was towed in with what might be a broken crank in his beautiful flathead Ford engine. On the positive side of things, novice driver Dick Odgers and Phil Roettger were both able to harry the very skilled and indecently fast Mike Virr and occasionally get ahead of him, although I suspect that he was a bit off the song when that happened.

From my vantage point at the very back of the pack (gridded 31 out of 31 cars) I was still able to pass 4-5 cars, but I give away a lot with my drum brakes and stock engine. But had a few absolutely gorgeous drives. There's nothing lovelier than Lime Rock track in the long shadows of a late spring afternoon, except perhaps the same venue surrounded by your competition going hammer and tongs instead of being 0.5 miles back. My day will come!! Chip Brown

TRUE OR NOT? EMPLOYEE EVALUATION COMMENTS:

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations...

(1) "Since my last report,  this employee has  reached rock bottom... and has started to dig."
(2) "His men would follow him anywhere, ...but only out of morbid curiosity."
(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
(4) "This employee is really not so much of a "has-been", but more of a definite "won't be'."
(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
(11) "This employee should go far, ...and the sooner he starts, the better."
(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingie that holds it all together."
(13) "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
(17) "He's been working with glue too much."
(18) "He would argue with a signpost."
(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ... he's the other one."
(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
(24) "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
(26) "The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."
(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge ... he only gargled."
(34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
(35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."