Our March cover features a cartoon from the book: "Morgan, isn't that a horse" by the Late John Erickson. While a sampling is available below, the March Edition also contains: A Tribute to the Sternes & Morganeering in Western Canada, A Book Review on "Morgan Sports Cars: The Early Years", a Plus 8 road test article, Info on a F-Type Replica, and News From The West, The East, & more!
To subscribe to THE BLURB and get six complete issues each year - see the CLUB INFO PAGE.
Click on an article below (or scroll down) to sample articles from "THE BLURB"
THE CO-PREZ SEZ March/98 Edition. By F. Kuzyk
SCUTTLEBUTT CORNER By Hairy "Winston" Hogmog
EDITOR'S NOTES By Vern Dale-Johnson
THE CLASSIC SPORTSCAR REVISITED By Peter Balfour
CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLES FROM THE PREVIOUS EDITION
Updated March 20, 1998
THE CO-PREZ SEZ: Fred & Lynn Kuzyk (msccc@sympatico.ca)
Well, given the weather that some of us are enjoying in February, it appears to be an early Spring! We hope that our members & friends in Quebec & Eastern Ontario have survived the ice storms without too much hardship. Congratulations are in order to members like Peter Toma, who like many others, volunteered their time to help the needy areas.
The big news for the MSCCC lately is the launch of the MSCCC Website. The Club now has its presence in cyberspace for the benefit of Morganeers & the British Car/Sports Car Movement everywhere. The site has events, photos, newsletter bits, links to other sites of interest, regalia from all over, info on Morgan cars, Info on the British Car Council & Specialty Vehicle Association of Ontario, Club history & history of Morganeering in Canada. Those who are web capable, please come & visit as a few thousand have since January 24th. The URL address is:
http://www3.sympatico.ca/msccc
If you have any ideas or contributions, please let us know. Vern & I now have scanners, so if you have photos to share, send them along. In the future we hope to have classified ads & a list of email addresses. Once I get a sound card, you can expect a couple of interesting tunes! Surf on over!
I think the Club really needs a slogan. Seems like everyone has one. You know, "Dedicated to....", or "To preserve & drive the....", or "The Marque of Friendship", etc. We played with "Unification not just self-preservation". This one is a bit lofty considering our resources. So, I think I got one: "Our Focus is MORGAN....our Scope is much greater"! I think this implies a broader outlook, as well as Morganeers being more than the everyday & ordinary. Then there's: "The Little Club that Could". Let us know what you think.
Afterall, "Morgan, it's more than a car - it's a lifestyle"!
I'd like to welcome the new inductees into the fold: Michael Hughes , Ontario; and Chris and Gayle Taylor, Ontario. Welcome!
Chris Taylor, Alec Knight, & Vern Dale-Johnson have volunteered to be the judges at this year's Fall Weekend. Vern has accepted the mantle of Head Judge this time, so prepare your bribes and do it discreetly. One other judge hasn't been approached yet, Ray! The Fall Weekend promises to be another splendid affair. Peter & Heather McCowan are looking into the arrangements, once again.
BEER, ANYONE? Anyone out there drink Sleeman's? The Guelph brewery has a program whereby, if our group sends them receipts for product purchased, they will give face value towards regalia merchandise! If say 20 members buy 5 cases of their beer a year, and submit the receipts to the Club, Sleeman's would give us a credit for about $2500! That would yield a lot of door prizes for the Toy Run or T-shirts for the Fall Weekend! Start drinking, folks! And get a receipt.
MORGAN LIFE? Folks are wondering what is happening with this publication. Since its premiere issue last year, there have been no further examples in the subscriber's mailboxes. Melvyn Rutter advises that the publisher's health has been poor. There is no shortage of material & the magazine is not a scam. Hopefully, new editions will be forth-coming when the man is on the rebound. Apparently, this is now happening.
IN PRINT. The MSCCC was featured in the most recent edition of the British Marque News publication, on the BCCI page. The articles dealt with: Morgans at Stowe, Anne Fort-Menares car's new owner & his ordeals, as well as my own ramblings on the use of stockings for a repair, and upcoming events. We thank Jon Rosenthall of the British Car Council for submitting these. We also thank Chris Phillips (winner of the "Santa's Favourite Jaguar" award) for the article he wrote on the 3rd British Car Toy Run, which appeared in color in his US club's magazine, Jaguar Driver. We appreciate the effort & exposure!
Copyright Infringement. The Club apologizes for printing the one page "Morgan Buyer's Guide" from British Car magazine, in the last edition of the Blurb. This was done without permission. We won't do it again, we promise! It's funny but Joe DeLuca for instance, was only too pleased to have his "Raymond the Cat" Morgan cartooons featured on our website. In British Car's case, the 120 or so black & white photocopied reproductions is detrimental to their business. Although we swap ads with British Car, their policy is NOT to grant permission to redistribute any of their material. Understandable, business is business. The law is the law! Copyright law does allow the brief inclusion of quoted material for critique purposes from acknowledged sources. British Car would like us to direct readers to articles of interest, so that members purchase the magazine. We'll certainly do that. Speaking of which, I just received word today that the photos & Toy Run article supplied to them will appear in the upcoming issue's "Dispatches" section! And how did BC learn of this transgression? Why, the Club sent them a free copy of the Blurb! Ooops! A similar situation occurred recently when a club (not MSCCC) used drawings from the Morgan Spares catalog & didn't include the source. This is what puts food on the table for lawyers. A warning to newsletter Editors everywhere: be careful, rough seas ahead! Oh, if anyone wishes to sue, our Club's assets, plus a dollar, would probably get you a coffee!
REGALIA. Vern has Club crests available at $10 each. Embroidery is still available (at $10/item). He also has a ladies MSCCC watch available at $45. I've scooped the one-of-a-kind male's version! If anyone would like name tags or car magnets, let us know & we'll make them.
BCCI. The British Car Council held a meeting on Feb 21. I was unable to attend, but BCCI Director Ven Dale-Johnson was there. New Directors have come forward to take the place of departing Directors Vern & Jon Rosenthall. These are Represetatives from The Rolls Club & the Healey Club. Paul Burnett of the Bluewater British Car Club of Sarnia (organizers of this year's Triumph "Canadian Classic" July 30-Aug 3) will remain as a Director. Vern has offered to remain active with the organization, taking over from myself as the MSCCC Rep in April. Lant & Co Insurance Brokers has announced a Club Insurance Program. At this time, the rates are not as attractive as the Council's, at least for us
SVAO. The Specialty Vehicle Association of Ontario has been continuing it's work regarding legislation in Ontario. Recently, they have been involved in a Coroner's Inquest involving a "custom car" that may have future ramifications for this segment of the hobby. The SVAO has met with the MOT, with regards to the possibility of creating a lower fee for specialty vehicle owners, other than the Historic Plate method. The following has been provided as an interim method. "A vehicle can be linked to two other registered registered entities of individual or company type, and have its own Registered Identification Number (RIN). As part of the joint registration, a stager date, other than an individual's birth date, can be chosen." The idea here is to have you and your spouse jointly register your collector cars and choose the renewal date beyond the date that you put your babies away for Wnter For renewal you simply buy your plates when you are ready to take your car back out on the road the next year! You only pay for the months driven! The SVAO Annual General Meeting takes place on April 18 at the Ford Company HQ, in Oakville. There will be guest speakers on emissions, MOT Inspections & Liscensing, etc. All are welcome! Contact MSCCC member Paul Whittaker (also a SVAO Director) at (905) 677-9259, for more info.
EVENTS: There's much afoot this season! We've received invites from the Rolls, MG, & Rovers Clubs for activities, as well as the Empire Day organizers. I'd like to touch on a few of these below. We'll have more info for you on all the happenings, as we get closer to their dates. It's been confirmed that Empire Day July 4 will once again follow the same fun, family format, rather than a concours.
SPRING FLING May 22-24. The Toronto MG Club has invited the MSCCC to join them & the Toronto Triumph Club for this annual event. The weekend event takes place in the Niagara area. We will be headquartered at the Embassy Suites Niagara located at 3530 Schmon Parkway in Thorold. Your rate is $87.00 per night and includes a breakfast. You may reserve your room now at 1-800-EMBASSY or (905) 984-8484, please mention reservation number 117490 and the MG Car Club of Toronto. The hotel has a pool, an exercise room, a sauna and a whirlpool. On the Saturday, we will tour some of the local wineries and shop in Niagara-on- the-Lake. We will end our tour back at the hotel for a friendly inter-club volleyball tournament. Because of the lack of interest, this year the car show will be dropped. On Sunday, the group will cruise to Mount Hope and join the Austin-Healey's "British Wheels and Wings" May 24 at the Canadian Warplane Heritage aircraft Museum. Registration is $20.00 per car and the Saturday banquet is $30.00 per person You may direct your questions to Martin Brassard at (905) 712-0719 or e-mail: mbrass@yesic.com
MSCCC ESCARPMENT RUN III June 14. Host Nyal Wilson is opening his home once again to members for a lunch, followed by a scenic tour of Dundas, Ancaster & beyond. Starts at Noon. Please call Nyal to RSVP, at (905) 304-3047 or Fax: (905) 304-0888. This is always a good day!
BRITISH CAR DAY at the THEATRE, June 28. Hosted by the Rolls Club. Takes place at the Herongate Theatre, 2885 Altona Rd, in Pickering, ON. Group lunch & performance of the British comedy/thriller "Deathtrap". Lunch approx at noon. Performance at 2:00 PM. Tickets are $34.95 per person, including lunch. Only 150 seats. Advance tickets only, deadline is April 1. Contact Kiwi Compton at: (416) 960-1393.
MSCCC PIG-OUT, August 1-2. That's right, TWO days! Alan & Marlies Sands have resurrected the camp-over concept at Pipers Hills, in Caledon! Those that can stay are being encouraged to bring tents, sleeping bags, etc, to party through till morning. As always, BYOB, bring bathing suits, & food items. Members of the GoMoG Ottawa Morgan group have expressed interest in joining. Otherwise, the event is closed to MSCCC members and guests. You never know what to expect at this event. Last year, the McCowan's had a tech session (put on by Steve & Martin Beer) & hired the Climax Blues Band. The previous year, Al staged a fun rally. The only things you can count on is that there will be roasted pork & the ultra-lite will not be flying! Mark this on your calendars & RSVP to Marlies at (905) 936-4341.
MSCCC 4TH BRITISH CAR TOY RUN, Sept 27. Negotiations are under way with Land Rover Canada for an increased presence at this event. Trevor Easton of the Toronto Area Rovers Club has been generously attempting to have British Army Land Rovers make an appearance. We won't hold our breath, as we have experience with trying to obtain permission at "upper levels", but we certainly appreciate the effort to try & have the army make an "invasion landing"! Phil Miller has pledged his support again, as has the Halton Region Museum. We are always looking for help & volunteers for this day. Can you?
Vern has asked me to mention the financial specifics of the Toy Run, as they have not really been detailed to the membership before. The event costs in the order of $800-$1000 to stage, not counting incidentals (long distance, duplication, fax, etc). While not an exorbitant amount, it is sizeable when you consider that this sum represents 30-40% of the Club's annual income! Last year, except for incidentals, we pretty much broke even. The hall & chili cost $400, dash plaques $200, awards $200, Disc Jockey $125. These expenses were offset by $200 & change from the Morgan Motor Company, $362 from the 50/50 draw, $150 from the British Sportscar Club, $60 from food donations, and $40-$50 from each of: The Mechanics & Howe Motor Works. In addition to the articles donated, Jimmy received $50 from BMC and $100 from the Volunteers at the Halton Region Museum from the food sales there. Jimmy has always received a donation each year from the Toronto Triumph Club. The Hamilton Firefighters Association, I believe, has made a donation of a couple of hundred dollars. This year, the MSCCC gave Jimmy $250, $100 of this donated from our members, at British Car Day. In the first few years, Lynn & I absorbed some of the costs, as we felt this necessary to get the thing off the ground. With the support of others, this has been lessened each year.
Sep 29-Oct 1: CAARGB North American Rally arrives in the Toronto-Niagara area. Approximately 25 European cars of all description on a rally from Nova Scotia to Florida. Sept 29: Arrives at the Oshawa Holiday Inn. Sept 30: Toronto to Niagara. Oct 1: Rest day in Niagara, staying at the Best Western Inn On The River, 7001 Buffalo Ave, Niagara Falls, NY. All are welcome to join the participants. Possible winery stop in Niagara area.
As individuals & a Club, we receive many requests for appearances at functions. We try to honour these whenever possible. We try to promote the Club & the marque through such avenues. On one day this week we received two requests for Morgans! These were by non-car people that would like to have old cars at their function. I must be getting old or perhaps more picky, but as some potential business folks have asked of the Toy Run: "What's in it for us", I have to ask the same. In the one case, attempting to sell members on having their cars stuck indoors at a business conference, just so that they can mingle with 600 biz people (and forgo 2 british car events the same weekend) is not an easy task! It's kind of like website links. I'm finding that folks like having a link to their site (to spread their word) but they're not always so keen on linking yours. We'll continue to do what's reasonable.
I'd like to thank all those who have offered support & encouragement for Lynn. She has a month to go of chemotherapy, followed by 4 weeks of radiation. I'll be studying for my Lieutenant's exam over the next two months. Business before pleasure! See you down the road!
-Fred Kuzyk
SCUTTLEBUTT CORNER. By Hairy "Winston" Hogmog
Hellen "Squiggy" Hogmog is on sabbatical this edition. She has made the trek to the Morgan Monastery in Vulgaria to visit with long-time associate Dr F. Art Sharpenwessel. Thus I , her significant other, am filling in for her. Hellen is renowned for her publishing prowess (for years banging out her tomes on her 1920's Remington, not unlike "Jessica Fletcher"). Like Jessica Fletcher, she is also known for her sleuthing abilities - often "sticking her snout" in the oddest places. She does have a 6th sense for sniffing out the gossip. I, on the otherhand, pay informants! I too am a "Hog of Letters" of sorts. However, I am more blunt than she, and a man of action. My grandfather was present at the Boxer Rebellion in China. My father covered the "Fall of Hong Kong" for Reuters (were he here today I'm certain that after the recent handover to the landlord, he would write that we should have insisted on a longer term lease!) Yes, the universe may be expanding but the Empire is contracting! Myself, I was a "military adviser" (with MI-5) at the "Bay of Pigs". Mercifully, I made my landing at the Bahia de Perros (Bay of Dogs) so I escaped all of the unpleasantries! Luckily, I hooked up with my good friend Ernest Hemmingway in Havana & we spent a couple days quaffing mojitos, in a shroud of smoke from his finest Havanas! Suffice it to say that my family has a proud history in the Empire & a connection to the Morgan factory, as well. It seems that my grandfather's cousin, the Earl of Duckworth, had an idea for a suspension system for a baby's pram. He showed this diagram to drinking buddy HFS Morgan. Well, the rest is history....but that's another story.
Bob & Gloria Poloz have relocated south of the border in Michigan. The Club wishes them well & we have referred them to Orrin Geeting & the Great Lakes Club. The HogMogs' do mourn the loss of a cigar smoking partner!
Bob Wright appears to be believe that "less is more". His four wheeled Allard is up for sale. Not too long ago, he purchased his Morgan trike. Recently, he has acquired a Matchless bike. So, 4 wheels is good, 3 wheels is better, and 2 wheels is best? Where will this "De-evolution" end? Perhaps with a unicycle?
Enquiring minds have wondered: where's Brian & Linda? Hellen misses you!
I'm told that Peter & Dorothy Pfahl are wintering down in Florida. Not without Mog, as Peter couldn't bare to be without it, and drove it down. The pets I think were left behind (not really). Audrey & Reg Beer are also parties to the "Snowbird Exodus", having migrated to Hilton Head.
Meanwhile, Doug & Sandy Turner have been wintering in a cabin in Oakville. Until the new home is built they've had to be "pioneers". Thankfully, it's been a mild winter.
Speaking of which, Alec Knight believes that the stories about cold winters in Toronto are a conspiracy & fallacy, designed to "Keep people out of a good thing". Alec also has stories of his own, some of these dealing with poorly fitted hair pieces, as well as the art of shoe-horning obese men into trikes. Alec has experience that the club wishes to press into service for funkhana & judging purposes at the Fall Weekend!
While not doing much Morganeering lately, Jeremy Hinchcliffe has been burning up the race tracks in vintage racing with his TR, this last year!
Peter Toma is to be commended for his volunteer relief work in ice ravaged Eastern Ontario. Part of a contingent of Bell workers, it wasn't easy getting things online there. Pete spent 4 days sleeping on an army cot, 200 to a room. A certain cabin in Oakville would begin to look pretty good! Well deserved kudos to Peter! More recently, Pete had the opportunity to meet King Hussein of Jordan at a hockey game. Pete remarked that unlike "King Clancy", this King needs to work on his backhand!
Oliver Dawson: any truth to the "Sleeman's Takeover" rumour -- they have acquired 83% -- that all outstanding shares are yours!
It's been suggested that the club stage a Bobby Burns party next year, if only to see Russ Balfour in his kilt! We're told that Balfour Castle in Scotland is a major restoration project and that the clan's tartan was stolen from the clan McDuff'! Thankfully, the Balfour clan are not car thieves! Presently, Russ & Sylvia are vacationing in Antiqua. Kilts are uncommon there, as are truant Canadian Senators!
Christina Birch, daughter of Joan & Nigel, will hear wedding bells this November, provided Saddam Hussein behaves himself and the RAF is not mobilized. This air force lady is marrying into a "farm family". She has begun to fit in by raising rodents, I'm told. Things move slowly at the Birch household. It's said that it has taken 2 years for Nigel to hook-up the gas BBQ. No doubt the internet software will take 5 years to install!
Rumor has it that Glen Cavers & Julie have gotten engaged. Congratulations! Glen, did you get that rare Jag? Will it have to go in favour of a house? If so, deepest regrets.....
New member Mike Hughes is the new owner of Craig Davis' car. Mike is a commercial pilot. This discovery began setting minds toward thoughts of transporting cars to & from Britain. Or the thought of possible airline prizes of free tickets overseas. Ah, to dream!
Michael & Marlen Cowpland, Ottawa Morganeers, relatives of the great H.F.S. & principals of the Corel computer software company, have been getting a lot of press recently. While Corel stock has been tumbling, Marlen's scanty attire has been featured in the likes of Elm Street Magazine. It's been said that while the couple has been enjoying the numerous cars & homes, once the company's stock rebounds, Michael can then afford to purchase the other half of Marlen's gown!
It seems the Club is guilty of some copyright infringement, of late. Nonetheless, I personally feel that the Editor is to be achnowledged for a grand publication. While the Blurb will be more cautious of sources, Hellen & I will continue to steal whatever material we can!
English is a wonderful language. Take the word dog, for instance. Backwards, this lowly word now becomes god. Similarly, if one takes MG, backwards it becomes GM. Now some have said that "What's good for GM (General Motors) is good for the country. That could then explain how some may feel: "What's good for MG is good for the British Car Community"!
On the recent Paris to Dakar Rally, it was alarming to hear that shots were fired at some of the participants by rebels in Mali. Although a few cars were peppered by slugs, nobody was injured. Support trucks were however hijacked with the use of a bazooka! The crews were left in the desert & the vehicles taken! My word! The Mousquetaires Morgan Round-The-World Tour seems like a cake walk in comparison.
I am an admirer of Sir Winston Churchill. Hence my middle name. Many do not know this but it took him 3 years to get through the 8th grade because he had trouble learning English! It's ironic but many years later Oxford University invited him to address its commencement. He arrived with his usual props that accompanied him wherever he went: cigar, top hat, and cane. To a standing ovation, he approached the podium. He removed the cigar & carefully placed the top hat on the podium. He gazed at the waiting audience. Authority rang in Churchill's voice as he shouted, "Never give up!" Several seconds passed and he repeated: "Never give up!". There was a deafening silence as he reached for his cigar and hat, steadying himself with the cane, he left the podium. His commencement address was concluded.
Here is a look at how shrewd American business people translate their English slogans into foreign languages. The process could use some Process Improvement...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in Leather", it came out in Spanish as "Fly Naked".
Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose", into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea".
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken", sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate".
When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is "f," which in German is the guttural equivalent of "sexual penetration".
Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.
The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No Va" means "It Does Not Go" in Spanish.
When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave".
When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite The Wax Tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that mean "Happiness In The Mouth."
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA--with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what is inside since most people can not read.
Submitted by . . .S. Comey
Rolls Royce did a comparable stumble a few years ago when they introduced the new model in their famous lineup (Silver Ghost, Silver Shadow, Silver Spirit, Silver Cloud, etc), the "Silver Mist"... similarly to the embarrassed silence from their German dealer network... seems that "silver-plated turd" is not the most appealing name for the ultimate prestige automobile.
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines , surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge"? the clerk asked. "Cash", I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness , I explained , "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau". "Shall I gift wrap the bat"? the clerk asked sweetly. "Or aren't you going back there"?
The Statements Car Owners are Really Making:
Acura Integra - I have always wanted the Buick of sports cars.
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX - I am impotent.
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing the reactions when I tell people I have
a 'Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel-well.
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special ed and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate.
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes
when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no
convertible at all.
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280
days per year.
Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle.
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Lotus - I like working on my own cars.
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See Lincoln above)
Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen wheeler.
MGB - I am dating a mechanic & can thus afford the superior attitude.
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.
Morgan - I feel a Mustang is too little & a Ferrari is too much.
Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune
off the parts.
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 911 Turbo - I wear a hairpiece.
Porsche 944 - I am dating big-haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible
to me.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal.
Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than
Isuzu.
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet.
Volkswagen Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Cabriolet - I am out of the closet.
Volkswagen Golf (Tan) - I am a loser with a piss ass job, a raging lunatic
and smelly breathed geeky wimp.
Volkswagen GTI - I am very intelligent, good looking, great disposition,
down to earth, and hung like a yak.
Volkswagen Microbus - I am tripping.
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.
Submitted by . . . Randy Tjahjono
All jokes courtesy of: ComedyCenter at http://www.ComedyCenter.com (no permission
needed)!
All in good fun & bad taste..... Hairy Hogmog.
Editors Notes: Vern Dale-Johnson (vern_dj@classic.msn.com)
Erratum: With apologies to Dale Barry, editor of the Morgan Plus Four Club Format -- "On a Mission" by Evelyn Willburn was originally published in their Dec 97 issue; and to Greg Kaufman, editor of Morganizer (GoMoG) -- "The Bug-eye" by Peter George was originally published in their Spring 97 issue. Note the enclosed letter from Gary Anderson of "British Car". We do apologize for copying without permission and thus infringing on the copyright of the Morgan Buyer's Guide © article. There have been several comments from "authors" and "publishers" recently regarding use of copyright material in club newsletters without permission or proper credits. As noted we do try to ensure permission to publish is obtained and all original authors and publications are appropriately credited and encourage other editors to do likewise.
"Practical Classics" Feb 98 issue contains a Morgan article. Unfortunately both Fred and I missed picking up a copy. If anyone did and would like to drop us a note summarizing the article this would be appreciated. "Classic & Sports Car" April issue has an article on Chris Lawrence and his Morgan connections to racing and development over the years. On a lighter side the Hongkong Bank of Canada 1998 calendar has a Morgan DHC featured on February's poster. Love the caption "Act responsibly now, so you can act irresponsibly later"......
Congratulations to Bob Poloz and Gloria Poloz-Johnston for their "Long Distance Award" from the BCCI. Their distance travelled in 1997 was an amazing 21576 km! Other recipient in 1997 was our Prez's. For 1998, get your applications in (only costs a few minutes of time, an envelope, and a stamp). See application form enclosed with this Blurb.
I received a call from Serge Dejardins, member from Laval Quebec who I met at the 97 British Invasion in Stowe (but mistakenly identified as his friend Yvon Galarneau). Serge is building the F-type replica. He called to ask if I was interested in a story, with photos, on the project -- of course! These have arrived and are included in this Blurb. The platform and frame are finished, wood is being erected and Serge hopes to have the car completed for BI 98. In the meantime to answer the call of the "British Blood" in his veins he's tooling around on a Triumph motorcycle. Good on ya mate! (Serge, please tell Yvon to send in his new address with 98 dues -- his Blurb's are being returned as undeliverable).
Rebuilds and undeliverable mail... will our Alberta members please send in an update on David Gard's +8? David -- your subscription has run out (and your mail is making round trips)! Time to renew....
May 15 &16, All British Field Meet at the Van Dusen Gardens in Vancouver. Ron Theroux is suggesting out-of-towners stay at the Ramada Hotel at 19225 Hwy 10 in Surrey (reservations thorugh 800-272-6232, quote #1626 "Morgan Owners" or call the hotel directly at 604-576-8388). Hotel is new, indoor pool and spa. A 40 minute drive from the ABFM but 10 minutes to the after party! Yes, the priorites are straight! Let Ron know if you are planning to attend the after-party -- 604-576-2957 or theroux@intergate.bc.ca
Fred has announced the birth of the Morgan Sports Car Club of Canada
WEBSITE:
http://www3.sympatico.ca/msccc
This "baby" is gender neutral, not the prettiest, & weighs little BUT it has a local, national & international Events List, Newsletter articles, info on BCCI and SVAO, Links, Morgan car info, Photo Gallery, Club Info & History, and info on our 4th British Car Toy Run. Thank you Fred Kuzyk for getting this together.
MOG 28 (MCCDC) will be held at Mount Saint May's College in Emmitsburg Maryland starting on July 2 with a wrap-up and good-byes on July 5. Rooms must be booked by May 26 either at the College or in area Motels. If booking at the College, consider the 3 room apartment option (sleeps 5). Contact Sara Corbett 804-593-3590 or Lee Ridgeway 610-458-7540 for details on the event. Call Bob Hanson for housing information (7-10 pm only at 703-820-3496).
Autumn MOG (3/4 Morgan Group) is planning their Autumn MOG over the same weekend as the MSCCC Fall Weekend. For those in Eastern Canada who won't be coming over for "our" weekend, give Stu Ross a call at 908-876-3688 or stuross@nac.net for details of the event at Jiminy Peak. Concours, rally, autocross and banquet are being planned plus a visit to Hemmings Motor News. Cost, including banquet and accommodation in condos or 3 room suites, is expected to be under US$350.
Those interested in keeping up with the activities of British Marques throughout the US and Canada should consider subscribing to "British Marque News". Cost to BCCI "members" is only US$10 for 11 issues. Use the enclosed subscription form.
Blurb advertising: Our policy has been to offer a "free" business card size ad to any member wishing to advertise. Rule is your name must be on the card or it won't get included (ie, don't send in a card from a friend). These "free" ads will remain as long as the requestor pays dues before March 1 of each year. In addition we have offered to include a "flyer" if the advertiser pays that month's postage to members (this is pegged at C$100). As we are getting requests from others for advertising, the following has been determined as policy:
1) advertisement will be placed in 6 consecutive issues only (ads for inclusion in less than 6 issues will not be considered -- use the "flyer" option).
2) cost of a 1/8 page ad (about 4 x 3 inches) is $60/6 issues.
3) cost of a 1/4 page ad (any shape) is $100/6 issues.
4) cost of a 1/2 page ad (any shape) is $175/6 issues.
5) copy ready artwork must be forwarded to the editor with a cheque for the above amount made out to the MSCCC.
6) decisions on inclusion of advertising and location are at the discretion of the editor.
Vern : Just received the blurb and noted Lynn's [Evelyn Willburn] article. The whole newsletter looks good. How in the world do you have time to put all that together? If anyone there is interested in pre-war racing and car display, let them know about the All British Extravaganzia at Buttonwillow Raceway on May 2~3. Last year we had 10 pre-war race cars and 9 Morgan 3 wheelers. We expect about twice that many this year. It is sure to be quite an event. Dale Barry, Plus 4 Club TAZZBARRY@aol.com
Dear Fred : Many thanks for putting my Morgan Registry onto your links. That will be a big help in attracting other owners who might like to be listed. A reminder, nobody has to be on a computer to be listed. The more people who are listed, the more interaction that each of us can make with one another in obtaining information, parts, etc. about a particular car. I currently have 317 cars listed, and hope to make 400 by summertime. I will be updating and improving my page and making it more strictly Morgan in the coming months, so it might look a little better then... Please bear with me!
By the way, if any of your members would like to add their name without
e-mailing, my address is:
Tony McLaughlin
P.O. Box 1064
Daphne, Al. 36526.
The information needed is: year, model, serial#, color, owner, city, state,
country, email address (if any)...
If owners don't have all of that, any available information would be included
and added to the list...
Thanks again, Tony McLaughlin ldmcjr@zebra.net
http://www.zebra.net/~ldmcjr/
>> Join the Morgan Registry listed on my web page! <<
Dear Fred, I am in the process of compiling with Jake Alderson the second Volume of Morgan Racing History (after 1953, the stop date for the first volume which has just been published--Alderson and Chapman--it even has a Western Australia Flat Rad on the flysheet! Not mine but the chap driving it lives a block from me). If you have already seen the book you will note that the North American information is a little scanty for Canada. Jake and I wondered if you could suggest whom we contact for the bits and pieces of the Canadian jigsaw--pictures are very important, race programs help to establish who and what was entered in what and results sheets make the outcome gap a little narrower--then there is the anecdotal information which is essential to put the humanity into the times and places etc. The first volume took just over 10 years and we hope that the second will be a little quicker.
I expect to be in Eastern Canada (Toronto, Kingston and Montreal) visiting my parents in law in Knowlton PQ in May-June and so could actually go and talk with people who have the information. Any pictures I usually have them couriered to me for copying and then courier them back--havent lost any yet! Hope you can help or steer me in the right direction. Craig Atkins, Head Dept of Botany, University of Western Australia. Nedlands WA 1907 Australia. tel 618 9380 2262, fax 618 93801001.
Dear Fred, Thanks for the prompt response [to my enquiry regarding Morgan racing in Canada]. I appreciate your sending the mail on to Mike Powley—if he does not respond in a week I will pester him. Yes please fax the message on to Audrey Beer. Sounds as though these two should be valuable contacts. I will write to Dave Elcombe and Dave Smith. I will be back in contact no doubt as things unfold. I don't know if there is anything I can do to help you or the Canadian Club but if anything comes to mind don't hesitate to ask, Regards, Professor Craig Atkins.
Dear Fred & Lynn: A very special hello to you. Thanks for the magnificent polo shirt [gift of thanks for efforts with last year's run to Montreal]. Although I've been thinking of you I'm not very good at writing but would like to see you this summer. Hello to everybody, expecially to Vern. Happy New Year to everybody. Very happy about Jacques F1 championship and I am temporarily a blondie! Regards, Marc Lalonde
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology as the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 miles/gal". Recently GM addressed this comment by releasing the following statement: "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" Occassionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason and you would just accept this, restart, and drive on. Occassionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought CAR95 or CarNT. But then, you would have to buy more seats. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of the roads. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their care run much slower. The oil, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. The air bag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
(from the internet -- original author unknown)
THE CLASSIC SPORTSCAR REVISITED. By Peter Balfour
It'd been a long time since I've driven an English sportscar. A decade and a half to be exact. So when my father called me up one day exclaiming that he had finally found the "perfect" Morgan +4, mixed emotions flashed through my mind.
I remember many an exiting moment with my beloved Triumph TR6. That was a great car. But like many things, time seems to filter out many aspects of distant memories. I remember all the great things about an English sportscar but, I've seemed to have filtered out any of the negative features.
Dad had made a deal with a guy in Ottawa for a 1967 Morgan +4 Drop Head Coupe. A relatively rare car, and he did get a seemingly good deal on it. Dad has wanted a Morgan for years, so after the departure of his 1973 MGB a few years ago, he was getting the British car itch again. So this was the car, his new baby that would take both my parents through countless hours of exploring warm days and twisty roads.
The first problem was how to get this thing home. Dad wanted to rent a trailer to tow his treasure home on. But I, in a fit of sportscar purism, convinced him that any Morgan owner worth his salt would just have to drive the thing home, top down of course. My years of salesmanship paid off and Dad took the bait. Dad figured it to be such a good idea that I was elected to pilot this relic home. This was not my main objective. No, I thought Dad could drive this thing home and get some time to learn precious idiosyncrasies about his new steed. But now it would be me who will drive this 29 year old car for 5 1/2 hours from Ottawa to Cambridge. I must learn to think these ideas out before I act on them. But, after rethinking this challenge, I actually got excited about it. Yes, chugging along in an old English sportscar, meandering through endless curves with the wind rustling through the cockpit does have an aura of romanticism. The big thing I was forgetting, is this car is not my modern 1991 Mazda Miata roadster. No, this is a very distant English cousin with an attitude.
The day we were to pick up this new member of the family finally arrived with a rumble of thunder and pouring rain drops dancing off the pavement. Dad pulled up to my garage at 5:30 am, as in O' dark thirty. We loaded various tools and other mechanical paraphernalia into Dad's Lexus and went to pick up my brother Jon. Jon is a little less keen about the idea of driving this Morgan home. He figures that we should just trailer it home, and Dad and I were just nuts to think this old piece of tin and plywood could make it 300 miles. Jon did not get that adventurous gene that I obviously inherited from some strange distant member of our family tree.
We drove along for 5 1/2 hours telling tales of how great this is going to be. Jon of course, was a little less optimistic.
We finally arrived at this huge farm and our reason for coming was parked elegantly on the driveway. She's a beauty. Dark burgundy red, swooping fenders, wire wheels and chrome bumpers. The paint is a bit tired with pancake size chips exposing its metal fenders. The top at one time was white but is now a pale gray with bits of torn cloth hanging from a few areas. The interior is in great shape, a nice red leather with walnut trim. Big gauges with "Morgan" encrypted across the face stare at you through a huge black and chrome steering wheel that might look more at home on a yacht. All in all, the car looks quite solid and should have no problem, in my opinion, making it home.
Dad and Lyle, the guy who is selling the car take off to the license office to acquire new plates and change the ownership. Jon and I have inspection duty and promptly change the oil for the journey. This car is so easy to work on and does have charm not found in today's cars. We carefully inspect the car and find it has a small coolant leak around the water pump. We informed Dad before he left to get some "Stop Leak" just in case. The car also had a faint exhaust manifold leak. We thought it to be the gasket between the exhaust and the head that was the culprit , so Jon and I tightened all the nuts hoping it would help.
Dad and Lyle returned with the new plates and ownership. Jon promptly installed the plates while I put things away to get ready for our journey. Knowing we had a long journey ahead of us, we didn't waste too much time with small talk. We said our good-byes and I hopped into the old Morgan. The minute I started the old TR-4 engine a loud barking sound emitted from under the cowl. We quickly opened the clamshell hood to reveal that the exhaust pipe was broken right below the header. Great! Now, what are we going to do? Nobody will be too anxious to work on a 30 year old English car on a Friday. We decided to get on our way anyhow and hopefully find a muffler shop that could do a quick weld job just so we could get this beast home. Back in the Morgan and off I go bouncing down the old dirt lane- way with the engine barking away like an old boat motor with no exhaust.
The car is amazingly quick and quite responsive. First gear has no synchromesh so it has that distinctive whine when you accelerate. Second gear takes some getting use to and most gear changes involve some serious crunching. One really weird thing to get use to is the turn signal switch. Its just a toggle switch placed dead center on the dash. Toggle left for a left turn, toggle right for a right turn.
Our first stop is a small grungy garage with a bunch of retro hippies running the joint. We hope these guys can weld up the pipe for us but the owner just shook his head no. Not sure this guy had the ability to fix the pipe anyway. Off we go again and I'm resigning myself to the fact that I may as well just drive the thing like this. Its loud but not painful. Its starts to rain but I luckily had the top up from the start. At least I thought I was lucky. I forgot that English Car manufacturers were not all that concerned about how tight the top fit to the car. 1" gaps are quite acceptable to make it through their quality control I guess. So, I don't have to tell you that the thing leaked like a sieve. Water was coming in from of course the side curtains and some even streamed in from under the dash. Where the heck that came in I don't have a clue? My right leg became soaked faster that you can say soft top.
The 3" long wipers were beating back and forth and left a little tiny area to peak through. To squirt the washer fluid, you pull this little pump handle under the dash and it manually pumps the stuff onto the windscreen. Isn't English engineering wonderful!
After about 45 minutes of driving we decide to fill the car up with some fresh petrol. It guzzled about 1/2 a tank and we made our plans for the next stop. Back into my trusty steed I turn the key to light her up and .....nothing. Not a groan, whine, crank.....nothing. Great...I'm thinking , Lucas the prince of darkness has struck again. This is one of the things I've chose to forget about old English cars. We all stood there looking at each other and scratching our heads wondering what the heck do we do now? Jon figures we should be able to push start the thing and I agree since it runs on a generator. Dad and Jon slug away pushing this old car across the gas station parking lot, kind of reminds me of when we were kids with wood go-carts. How ironic. Anyhow she fires up right away and we decide to head off to the closest Canadian Tire and do a thorough inspection.
After removing a few pieces of plywood, we discovered that the positive ground terminal was just hanging there beside the differential. The other terminal was just barely attached to the negative side with a finishing nail stuck in between the battery terminal and the lead. I'm starting to have serious doubts about the previous owners mechanical abilities. We also discovered that the battery was just sitting there, not attached to anything. The battery could actually just fall right onto the road! There is also a considerable size hole worn through the bottom plywood board exposing the asphalt below. This is not good. We head into the Canadian Tire store and grab some new terminals for both sides plus a rubber bungie cord in hopes it will hold the battery in place until we at least get home. We also purchase some muffler tape and assorted stuff thinking we can patch the manifold up enough to make it slightly more bearable.
After an hour or so of parking lot rebuild time we have the ‘ol Morg ready for action, we hope. It is now 4:00 in the afternoon, we haven't eaten since we inhaled a few muffins and coffee at 9:00 and we can't seem to agree on a place to eat. Emotions are getting high at this point. We are 5 hours from home. We have a 30 year old car with questionable reliability that has to make the trip. And we are starving. We finally agree on a Chicken place but discover its take-out only. Then in a huff, we drive over to another parking lot that doesn't have a restaurant. At this point we are literally shouting at each other. Jon's' had enough. He jumps out of the car and walks to a restaurant across the street. Dad and I stare at each other, hop into our respective autos and park across the road.
After filling our faces we are in much better temper. As my mother Sylvia, often comments "Balfour men aren't much fun when they are hungry". We discuss the car and the rest of the trip and figure we should be home by 9-10:00. Jon snaps a few photos of the car before we depart. As we are jumping in the cars a guy in a mini van stops by and comments "that's the way I remember Morgans!" . I'm thinking, you mean they all look this beat up? The guy turns out to be an automotive journalist and a bit of an expert on aged English vehicles. His point was that many old cars are painted and polished to perfection and the only road they see is from their trailer. Sportscars were made to be driven and our example definitely looked driven. After shaking hands and saying goodbye we jumped into our cars for the remaining portion of our journey.
The sun decided to finally make an appearance so the top just had to come down. "Ahhh....this is more like it" I thought to myself. Nothing can replace the feeling of open motoring in a sportscar. There is this real sense of freedom from driving a sportscar with the top down that can only be equaled to riding a motorcycle of flying an aircraft. I now had a sense that our problems were all behind us and things should go as planned for the remaining portion of our journey. The roads around this part of the country are quite beautiful and scenic. The ‘ol Mog just kept on pounding away mile after mile and I would occasionally touch the wood dashboard for luck. The car is amazingly nimble so I take advantage of the excellent curves that are scattered throughout the distance of this two lane Hiway. Slicing apex after apex was quite entertaining and with that big Yacht size steering wheel you develop this tendency to lean in the corners, much like pictures I've seen of racing car drivers from yesteryear.
Though the car was running O.K. at normal speed, it would develop a nasty stutter at the higher RPMS. This I concluded was due to lack of back pressure caused by the exhaust exiting directly from the exhaust header. I would have to manipulate the gas pedal until the stutter stopped and go through the procedure again when the stutter returned. Though this "stutter avoidance" procedure became quite annoying, it did give me something to entertain myself with, since we had no radio on board. Not that a radio would be much good considering the loud orchestra of sounds that was emitting from under that long hood, or should I say bonnet?
We finally made it to the major Hiway 401. As I merged onto this superhiway with a stutter and a hint of cowl shake I noticed the Morgan to be out of its natural habitat. Not that it could not handle the posted cruising speeds, but its artistic flowing lines and walnut dash seemed to be totally from a different world compared to this sea of mini vans and four wheel drive vehicles.
The sun was now setting and the sky was painted in various pastel colours. I started to realize is that all these other "personality deprived" vehicles were just taking their passengers from point A to point B. While I was on an actual journey. They were sitting in their climatically controlled, lumbar supported, quadraphonic passenger vessels, while I was exposed to the elements and actually experiencing my voyage. I deducted at this point that the art of motoring is all but dead and there are just a few of us purest, sportscar nuts left that refuse to conform. As I just about resolved to myself that we should start some sort of automotive purist revolution, I realized it's now just about completely dark in the cockpit and maybe I should consider some lights! The first problem is which one of these toggle switches that I can't see turn on the lights? After trying pretty well every switch in the car, I found one that worked. Amazing, all the lights seem to work! The big gauges glowed with that familiar English auburn tint and the word "Morgan" was artfully displayed. It was quite cozy in this little cockpit with the stars above and the barking of the ever faithful TR-4 engine purring away up front.
We continued our journey down the overpopulated super Hiway for a few hours still nursing along this engine deprived of a proper exhaust system. As we got closer to our destination I noticed things to be running smoother. And as we passed the second last exit before departing this busy Hiway, the car was running great, and it seemed to be getting a second wind. Maybe this car knew it was almost home, it's long tedious voyage coming to a thankful end? I too felt somewhat enthused and began to drive with a bit more vigor. As we made the last few turns onto the road my parents live I began to realize that we are going to make it! This long voyage that seemed doomed from the beginning will finally come to a successful end. We turned onto the circular driveway where our wives burst out of the front door to welcome the long lost travelers. As I turned off the Morgan and the barking and sputtering stopped I thought to myself "I guess this is how Lindbergh must have felt when he landed in Paris after crossing the Atlantic!"
I opened the suicide door of the Morgan and slowly dismounted myself. We all hugged and kissed and congratulated ourselves for a job well done. Dad was elated that his baby made it home in one piece and that his over exuberant Son didn't crack the thing up. After a few drinks of celebration we all decided it had been a long day and called it a night. Lynn and I jumped into our '91 Miata and waved as we cruised out the driveway. Driving home I started thinking that yes, the Miata is a modern-day sportscar and it is a different car than the Morgan but in many ways it is very much the same. It has the distinctive exhaust note and loves to shave a corner at highspeeds. It's not blessed with all of the modern day emenities and it's a blast to drive. The Japanese interpretation of the sportscar is pretty much to form. Maybe someday, say 30-40 years from now some father and son will come to rescue this great little sportscar and have the same adventure we experienced? The aura of the sportscar is bound to live a long, long time.
-Peter Balfour (This article originally appeared in the Trillium Miata Club's publication. Used with permission)
Click Here for
NEWSLETTER PAGE 1
| HOME | CLUB INFO | EVENTS | PHOTOS | NEWSLETTER | MORGAN CARS |
| REGALIA | LINKS | TOY RUN | TECHNICAL | FALL WEEKEND |