Many people who have left the ICC find that they have difficulty reading the Bible without it bringing back too many painful memories from the ICC. I know I had this problem when I left. Now, however, when I study my Bible, I find it brings a kind of inner peace on me which I never felt at any time when I was in the ICC. If you're a former ICC member who would like to study the Bible more but finds it painful, here are a few tips I'd like to pass on which I've learned, some on my own and some from other former members.

First, ask yourself, "Why do I want to study the Bible?" In my case, I realized it was because I still wanted to have a close relationship with God, and I wanted to find verses and passages which would refute ICC doctorine and practices. The important thing, I believe, is that I wanted to study the Bible, and that nobody was demanding I study it.

I know how a lot of current ICC members claim that we former members are afraid of being pressured. But what they don't realize is that while having your determination forced on you may get results, determination that comes from within will be with you constantly. I read my Bible more now that I do not feel pressured to read it than at any time when i felt pressured to read it. It's almost like the difference between somebody holding a gun to your head and forcing me to eat an apple, versus what would happen if you had a natural appetite for apples in the first place. The former would be effective at making you eat the apple as long as there was a gunman there, but what would be a more effective motivator for eating apples when the gunman leaves the room?

Second, if you have a Bible in which the ICC has persuaded you to use a highlighter and take notes in the margins, it's best not to study that copy. That kind of notes will bring back a lot of ICC interpretations of the verse, with all the emotional baggage and scriptural distortions that implies. The ICC tends to place an undue emphasis on certain verses, while ignoring or downplaying others. Starting with an unmarked Bible will help you discern for yourself which verses are more important than others.

I highly recommend that you consider getting a translation of the Bible other than the NIV. The NIV is a perfectly fine translation, but since the ICC uses it all the time, certain words and passages may bring back too many unpleasant memories. Furthermore, many ICC studies play word games which capitalize on certain word translations and choices of words found in the NIV which simply don't work in other translations. Choosing a new translation will help reduce the number of flashbacks you'll feel when reading the Bible.

I wasn't in the ICC long enough to develop a set time and place to hold "quiet times", but I was in the ICC long enough to see how factors such as location can trigger flashbacks. For example, the Bible Talk I went to involved lots of people sitting around on a grayish-tan carpet. I once went to a Bible study held by a church which was almost as unlike a Bible Talk in the way it was conducted as can be, but I nearly panicked when I walked into the room because everyone was lying on a grayish-tan carpet to study the Bible. So if you got into the habit of studying the Bible in a particular time and location in the ICC, you might want to try studying the Bible at a different time and place. For example, if they encouraged you to have a "Quiet time" first thing in the morning in your own room, you might consider studying the Bible on a park bench (or in your own backyard if you'd prefer a less public setting) in the afternoon. This may sound trivial, but if it makes you more comfortable studying the Bible, it's worthwhile.

Lastly, the painful flashbacks will lessen the more you study the Bible. Like all healing, this will take time, but the healing will come. I've gone from feeling scared of studying the Bible to feeling a peace unlike any I ever found in the ICC when I sit down and open my Bible.