The Secret Diaries
Ludwig kept a diary from the time he was Crown Prince to within a few days of his death. They were published in Switzerland in the 1920's but unfortunately these invaluble documents were destroyed during the Second World War. Because of this their authenticity is open to debate. The diaries tell the story of a tormented soul. Written in a private code using a mixture of German, French and occasionally Latin, they describe Ludwig's excitment at meeting a new "friend" and his intense guilt at having "fallen" once again. The following excerpts come from The Dream King, and give the english translation of the 1920 printing of the diaries. Please note that the Richard referred to is not Wagner, but Richard Horning, Ludwig's equerry.
I lie in the sign of the Cross........,in the sign of the sun..... and of the moon (orient! rebirth through Oberon's magic horn-). May I and my ideals be accused if I should fall once more. Thank God this cannot happen again, for God's holy will and the King's august word shall protect me. Only spiritual love is allowed; sensual love is accursed! I call down a solemn anathema upon it.......
Not again in January, nor in February! The important thing is as far as is possible to get out of the habit of it - with God and the king's help!
No more pointless cold baths........... 11 January 1870.
Solemn oath taken before the picture of the Great King; "To abstain from every kind of stimulation for 3 months". "Forbidden to approach closer than 1 1/2 paces." ............... 29 June 1871.
On the 21st, the anniversary of the death of the pure and noble King Louis XIV, symbolic-allegoric final sin, redeemed by the expiatory death and that catastrophe on the 15th of this month, cleansed from all impurity, a pure cup of Richard's love and friendship .......... pure and holy kiss ...... just one.
I the King ......... 21 January 1872
Let it be sworn on our friendship, no further fall before 3 June .........
Ludwig ................................................ Richard
On 6 March 1872. In exactly 2 months it will be 5 years since that blessed 6th day of May when we first came to know each other, never to part until death. Written in the Indian Pavillion ....... 6 March 1872.
Never again as on 12 May 1872 and likewise as little as possible ........ Even kissing must be avoided ..... 13 February 1873.
On 21 March spoke to Freiherr von Varicourt for the first time. On the 23rd appointed him aide-de-camp ...... 3 April with Frh. v. Varicourt to the Residenz Theatre: The Pompadour's Fan and the private audience, then supper with him in the Winter Garden 7-1 o'clock ...... Beyond any possible doubt our friendship will endure. After the Easter festival supper again with him till 2:00 am. On 27 April with Leonhard the wig-maker to the Residenz Theatre ....... 8 days at Berg. On the 15th with Frh. v. Varicourt in the Kiosk, then a ride along the shore by moonlight till 3:45 am ....... 1873.
These diaries tell a sad story indeed. Ludwig wrestled with his sexuality and because of the century that he was born into, could never resolve his natural tendances, or accept them. His only comfort was his diary and he felt he must confess his sin, so his confessor was his diary. But just in case they were discovered he concocted a complicated system of codes and number puzzles. This is what makes these diaries difficult to interrpret.
We will never know just how far his "kisses" went, or his own interpretation of the word "fall".
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