What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
=^,,^= One has the paws before the claws and the other has the
clause before the pause.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?
=^..^= A peeping tom.

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
=^,,^= Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's favorite song?
=^..^= Three Blind Mice.

What did the freshman computer science major say when he was
told that the work stations had mice?
=^,,^= Don't you have a cat?

What is a cat's way of keeping law and order?
=^..^= Claw Enforcement.

How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
=^,,^= He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
=^..^= For kitty littering.

Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?
=^,,^= Because they finally opened their eyes.

Why are cats better than babies?
=^..^= Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
=^,,^= Hiss and Tell.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
=^..^= A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.

What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
=^,,^= A sourpuss.

What does a cat do when it gets mad?
=^..^= It has a hissy fit.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
=^,,^= The purrpatrator.

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
=^..^= He stole the whole show!

What is a cat's favorite color?
=^,,^= Purrrrrrrple!

What do you call four Spanish cats in quicksand?
=^..^= Quatro sinko.

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
=^,,^= The retail store.

Why did the cat cross the road?
=^..^= To prove he wasn't chicken.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
=^,,^= A mice cream cone.

What do cats use to make coffee?
=^..^= A purrcolator.

What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
=^,,^= A duck filled fatty puss.

What did the man say when the steamroller ran over his cat?
=^..^= Nothing. He just stood there with a long puss.

How did the cat feel after the dog chased it through a screen door?
=^,,^= Strained.

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
=^..^= Their paws.

Why is the cat so grouchy?
=^,,^= Because he's in a bad mewd.

What is the quickest way to get rid of a pesty cat?
=^..^= Grab it by the tail -- that's the end of it!

If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats
are left on the boat?
=^,,^= None! They were copy cats.

Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you?
=^..^= That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.

How does the cat get its own way?
=^,,^= With friendly purrsuasion.

What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
=^..^= An eskimew.

What did the hundred pound mouse say when it walked down the alley?
=^,,^= "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."

What has more lives than a cat?
=^..^= A frog because it croaks every night.

What is a cat's favorite subject in school?
=^,,^= HISStory.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
=^..^= Mice Krispies.

How do cats end a fight?
=^,,^= They hiss and make up.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
=^..^= It's raining cats and dogs.

Why are cats such good singers?
=^,,^= Because they're very mewsical.

What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
=^..^= Chain litter.

What is the cat's favorite magazine?
=^,,^= Good Mousekeeping.

How many cats can you put into an empty box?
=^..^= Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.

Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look?
=^,,^= Because you quit looking after you find it.

If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?
=^..^= Because the window is closed.

What is a cat's favorite movie?
=^,,^= "The Sound of Mewsic"

What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas?
=^..^= Sandy Claws.

Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?
=^,,^= Your lap.

What time is it when seven cats are chasing a mouse?
=^..^= Seven after one.

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?
=^,,^= Because it squeaked.

What side of the cat has the most fur?
=^..^= The OUTside.

What is a cat's favorite car?
=^,,^= The Catillac.

What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
=^..^= A Lawn Meower.

Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?
=^,,^= Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.

What do you use to comb a cat?
=^..^= A catacomb.

Why did the cat run from the tree?
=^,,^= Because it was afraid of the bark!

Have you heard the story about the cat on the tin roof?
=^..^= Never mind, it's over your head.

What is a cat's favorite snack?
=^..^= Mice Cakes!

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
=^,,^= When you're a mouse.

What did the witch's angry cat do?
=^..^= Flew off the handle.