Misc:

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Such a nice day. Please don't open your mouth and spoil it.

Judgemental People Suck

"24 hours in a day… 24 beers in a case… coinsidence, I don't think so."

I can see clearly now. Obviously, I need another drink.

Two hands and one mouth. Now thats a drinking problem!


Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're a jerk …

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I can only be nice to one person today! Today is not your day. Tommorrow doesn't look good either.

I said not to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

I'm multi-talented. I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.


The 4 basic food groups for police officers: glazed, jelly, powered, and chocolate frosted.

Are you stupid, or just acting stupid?


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