ARTHRITIS


Hundreds of years after the death of José, the war between Redwood Falls and Springfield raged on. The ruler of Springfield became Kind Mudflap, and the ruler of Redwood Falls became Lord Scrote. Both of the rulers massed their armies and began marching towards each other to start battle. After setting up camp for the night, Lord Scrote's messenger, Slurpy, ran into Lord Scrote's tent.

"Sir, I have bad news. Springfield's army has a new secret weapon, the call it Behemoth. It's a thirteen foot tall ugly woman with size twenty sandals. She has challenged one of our soldiers to a contest of strength," gasped Slurpy.

"My Bob, size twenty sandals?" exclaimed Lord Scrote "send word to all soldiers that I shall give a year's supply of mayonnaise to the one that defeats her!"

All of Lord Scrote's soldiers laughed except for a young soldier, named Gravy, for he was a mayonnaise addict and he just ran out of money. Gravey went to lord Scrote and accepted the challenge, "Sir, I accept the challenge of the Behemoth!"

Lord Scrote laughed at Gravey, "You? You are but a small, thin, frail, weak, pathetic boy! You could not hurt a fly even if you wanted to! Be gone from my tent, I'll hear no more of your crazy ranting!"

Gravey went back to his tent, pumped up after the pep talk that Lord Scrote had given him.

The next day, the Redwood army marched once again. The army passed through Clements, but the whole army blinked and missed it. After marching for a while, they reached the Springfield army.

Before the Springfield army stood Behemoth, with a large sword in one hand, and huge sandals on her feet. She was even uglier than Lord Scrote imagined, and he wondered if she had to get those sandals at a special store. She also had a strange birthmark on her forehead that seemed to look like a target.

Suddenly Gravey burst forth from the middle of the Redwood army, "I challenge you, Behemoth!" yelled Gravey "with Bob on my side, I shall defeat you!"

"Wimpy human, you cannot defeat me. I'm not scared of any one named Bob," replied Behemoth as she started laughing.

"Oh great, we're toast!" thought Lord Scrote as he looked for the quickest way to retreat.

Just then, Gravey pulled his sling, made of possum leather, from his belt. Behemoth saw this meager weapon and laughed harder. Gravey reached into his ammo pouch to pull out a stone, but instead of a stone, it was a cheese doodle.

Lord Scrote saw this and said, "My Bob, we're dead, hear me, we are D. E. D. dead! It's game over man! Game over! There'll be no escape for the princess this time!" ranted Lord Scrote.

"Hakuna Matada!" one of Lord Scrote's generals said.

"Oh, yeah, no worries!" said Lord Scrote as he looked back to the battle field with a calm smile on his face.

"Bob, give me the strength to defeat this... this thing," quietly prayed Gravey.

Gravey started swinging the sling over his head and then he released the cheese doodle. It flew so fast that, Behemoth couldn't dodge it. The cheese doodle collided with her huge melon right in the birthmark, shattering her thick skull. Gravey started cheering with joy, when all of the sudden, Behemoth's lifeless body collapsed on top of him, squashing him to death.

"Lord Scrote, the Behemoth has been defeated!" yelled one of the soldiers.

"Attack Springfield!" commanded Lord Scrote "kill them to avenge the death of Gravey!"

The Redwood army attacked Springfield, wiping out the whole army and King Mudflap. Redwood, triumphant once again, marched home. Ever since the battle of Gravey and Behemoth, it is said that Gravey's ghost still roams the battleground, in search of his reward for killing Behemoth.


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