ARTHRITIS
Hundreds of years after the death of José, the war between Redwood
Falls and Springfield raged on. The ruler of Springfield became Kind
Mudflap, and the ruler of Redwood Falls became Lord Scrote. Both of the
rulers massed their armies and began marching towards each other to start
battle. After setting up camp for the night, Lord Scrote's messenger, Slurpy,
ran into Lord Scrote's tent.
"Sir, I have bad news. Springfield's army has a new secret weapon,
the call it Behemoth. It's a thirteen foot tall ugly woman with size twenty
sandals. She has challenged one of our soldiers to a contest of strength,"
gasped Slurpy.
"My Bob, size twenty sandals?" exclaimed Lord Scrote "send word to
all soldiers that I shall give a year's supply of mayonnaise to the one that
defeats her!"
All of Lord Scrote's soldiers laughed except for a young soldier, named
Gravy, for he was a mayonnaise addict and he just ran out of money. Gravey
went to lord Scrote and accepted the challenge, "Sir, I accept the challenge of
the Behemoth!"
Lord Scrote laughed at Gravey, "You? You are but a small, thin, frail,
weak, pathetic boy! You could not hurt a fly even if you wanted to! Be gone
from my tent, I'll hear no more of your crazy ranting!"
Gravey went back to his tent, pumped up after the pep talk that Lord
Scrote had given him.
The next day, the Redwood army marched once again. The army
passed through Clements, but the whole army blinked and missed it. After
marching for a while, they reached the Springfield army.
Before the Springfield army stood Behemoth, with a large sword in
one hand, and huge sandals on her feet. She was even uglier than Lord
Scrote imagined, and he wondered if she had to get those sandals at a special
store. She also had a strange birthmark on her forehead that seemed to look
like a target.
Suddenly Gravey burst forth from the middle of the Redwood army, "I
challenge you, Behemoth!" yelled Gravey "with Bob on my side, I shall
defeat you!"
"Wimpy human, you cannot defeat me. I'm not scared of any one
named Bob," replied Behemoth as she started laughing.
"Oh great, we're toast!" thought Lord Scrote as he looked for the
quickest way to retreat.
Just then, Gravey pulled his sling, made of possum leather, from his
belt. Behemoth saw this meager weapon and laughed harder. Gravey
reached into his ammo pouch to pull out a stone, but instead of a stone, it was
a cheese doodle.
Lord Scrote saw this and said, "My Bob, we're dead, hear me, we are
D. E. D. dead! It's game over man! Game over! There'll be no escape for
the princess this time!" ranted Lord Scrote.
"Hakuna Matada!" one of Lord Scrote's generals said.
"Oh, yeah, no worries!" said Lord Scrote as he looked back to the
battle field with a calm smile on his face.
"Bob, give me the strength to defeat this... this thing," quietly prayed
Gravey.
Gravey started swinging the sling over his head and then he released
the cheese doodle. It flew so fast that, Behemoth couldn't dodge it. The
cheese doodle collided with her huge melon right in the birthmark, shattering
her thick skull. Gravey started cheering with joy, when all of the sudden,
Behemoth's lifeless body collapsed on top of him, squashing him to death.
"Lord Scrote, the Behemoth has been defeated!" yelled one of the
soldiers.
"Attack Springfield!" commanded Lord Scrote "kill them to avenge the
death of Gravey!"
The Redwood army attacked Springfield, wiping out the whole army
and King Mudflap. Redwood, triumphant once again, marched home. Ever
since the battle of Gravey and Behemoth, it is said that Gravey's ghost still
roams the battleground, in search of his reward for killing Behemoth.
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