Book II
Courage Under Fire

Twenty-two hours, twenty-two minutes and twenty-two seconds after farting before Bob, Norman was out walking west of Olivia when the evil Danubians captured him. He was tied together with several other captured Native Olivians using dental floss. They tried to break free of the dental floss, but it was the wax covered kind and they couldn't.

They walked west for two hours and two minutes before reaching the Great Palace of Danube. The Palace was made of old cans and sticks. Inside they were brought before the ruler of Danube, His Holeeness, The Grand Hi Dolly Mama Pooky Snoo Panty Shields the XVCCDGW.

Norman and the others were forced to stand before the Grand Hi Dolly Mama for two minutes and two seconds before he spoke, "Worshipers of the blasphemous Bob. Thou most blasphemous of false gods. I have taken it upon my people to save the souls of the native Olivians by cramming mongrelism down their throats. Now I give you the chance, give up Bob, and I'll send your soul straight to Mongrala, and put in a good word for you with the receptionist, or I'll convince you of the WAY!" Pooky Snoo yelled as his panties rode up the crack in his ass.

Norman stepped forward, "We shall never turn our backs on Bob. Bob will provide!!" Norman yelled as he reached into his pocket and grabbed a handful of cheese doodles and threw them at Panty Shields. The cheese doodles struck Pooky Snoo on the head and fell to the floor.

The Grand Hi Mama pulled his panties from his ass and replied, "Where is your Bob now. Why does he not come and rescue you. He cares not for you! Krow, take them away!"

A tall man with long spindly legs and arms strode forward and grabbed the dental floss and dragged Norman and the others forward. Krow lead the Native Olivians toward an escalator Behind Panty shield's porcelain throne.

At the head of the escalator, Krow turned to the Native Olivians and spoke, "I give you one last chance, give up Bob, only by turning to the Great and Powerful Mongreliod can your souls be saved!"

"You have got to be kidding me Krow!" Norman shouted "Bob will provide!"

"Ya, well bite me!" Krow spewed back at Norman.

Krow lead them down the escalator. At the bottom they see a balding man with a mustache. He is wearing a white shirt with a name tag that says "Whipple".

"This is the Shaman," Krow said as he pointed a long arm at the man in white. Norman couldn't help himself and he reached out and squeezed the man in white as he passed.

"Please don't squeeze the shaman!" said Mr. Whipple as he slapped Norman's hand away.

The dungeon was dark, dank, and gloomy. It stank of spoiled processed meat products, and all that was on T.V. was the 700 club. "This must be Smell!" Norman complained "nothing could be this bad. Bob will provide!"

"Shut the hell up! What is your major malfunction?!" yelled Krow as he lead the Native Olivians "what did you expect the dungeon to be? The Hollydai Inn penthouse suite?"

The Shaman followed behind Krow and once again Norman reached out and squeezed the Shaman. The shaman pulled away, "I said, please don't squeeze the Shaman! How many times do I have to tell you that? Khrist, you'd think that after the first time people would listen, but no, people squeeze me all the time! How would you like it if I came up and squeezed you, huh?!" Mr. Whipple reached out and squeezed Norman "huh, how'd you like that?" again he squeezed Norman "and that!" again and again and again Mr. Whipple squeezed Norman all the while screaming "and that!"

Norman kept trying to pull away but the dental floss kept him within the shaman's reach. Suddenly Norman got an idea, "Hey, like, ah, please don't squeeze the Norman."

"Oh, sorry, I guess I snapped,' Mr. Whipple replied "but I get so sick and tired of people squeezing me all day long. I mean I get squeezed..."

"Stop whining or I'll squeeze you again!" yelled Norman and the shaman Quickly shut up.

Krow stopped at a cell door, opened it and pushed the Native Olivians inside. He untied the dental floss and said, "You are to be placed in solitary confinement together, you will eat only the sacred Mongreloid foods," and Krow paused for dramatic effect "Spam 'n Salmon, Miracle Whip, and Cool Whip. You will be forced to watch the 700 Club, Eight is Enough, and our most sacred idol," Krow paused and looked around for dramitic effect "Barney and Friends."

"No! this is inhuman, please let us go!" pleaded Norman.

"Renounce Bob, embrace the Mongreloid, only He can save your soul," preached Krow.

"You have got to be kidding me Krow! Bob will provide!" Norman shouted.

"So be it," said Krow as he slid a T.V. in front of the cell door "enjoy Pat, I believe the Blessed Barney and Friends is on in about thirty minutes, here, here's a T.V. guide to help you plan your schedule. So now please enjoy the show!" Krow said with a smile.

"Now if you send us all your money today," the T.V. droned "I will send you a Kleenex blessed by none other than the Blessed Barney. Oh, and look, here he is now!" on the T.V. a huge purple and green dinosaur walked up next to Pat.

"Hello, boys and girls, lets sing a song: I love you, you love me...."

"Please Bob, if you can hear me we need you help!" cried Norman.

"Up next on MTV, Mongrel Television," the announcer droned "the new infomertial from Bob himself."

On the T.V. the face of Bob appeared accompanied by some snappy music. Soon the image faded and there was Bob sitting on a plush chair and Jim-Bob was pot-ted beside him.

"Hi, I'm bob and this is my pet ditch weed, Jim-Bob. We're here today to tell you about the church of Bob, that's me," said Bob "with the word if Bob you can still do all those things you thought were fun and still go to Bobatropolis."

"That's right Bob," said Jim-Bob "all doors in you way will be unlocked, and you will never be a prisoner again."

"You said it Jim-Bob. Now what the Small are you waiting for," said Bob "didn't you hear Jim-Bob? All doors will be unlocked! Like, duh! Open the door Norman and go!"

Norman pushed on the door and it opened.

"It's a Miracle!" cried on of the Native Olivians.

Norman looked at the cheering Native Olivian wondering out loud, "Your name's not Fred by any chance, is it?"

"Ya, I'm visiting from Delhi."

"Cool," said Norman as he looked around for a way out "Oh, thank you Bob!"

"Go the way you came, Norman," said Jim-Bob from the T.V.

"Anything you say, Mighty Jim-Bob."

"It's a miracle!" said Fred.

As Norman turned from the cell with the Native Olivians behind him, Jim-Bob could be heard from the Television, "My Bob, Bob, you actually chose this moron as your Oracle?"

"Uh, ya, Fred, lets go!" Norman said as he headed towards the escalator.

"Well... no one is perfect, Jim-Bob," Bob replied as the sound from the television faded from earshot.

At the foot of the escalator, Norman and the others stared up in dismal disappointment for the escalator was moving downward.

"How will we ever get up them?" cried a Native Olivian.

"Worry not friend, Bob will provide!" Norman shouted as he started up the downward moving escalator. The others followed behind. After two hours and two minutes of climbing up the downward moving escalator, Norman called a halt and everybody slid off the escalator.

"We need a plan, we can't keep this up forever!" said Norman.

"Hey, what does this button marked up do?" asked a Native Olivian.

"I dunno, push it," replied Norman.

The Native Olivian pushed the button marked up and the downward moving escalator slowed to a stop and then started moving upward.

"It's a Miracle!" cried Fred.

As Norman and the Native Olivians started up the upward moving escalator they heard voices behind them. At the top Norman looked down and saw Pooky Snoo and Krow leading a group evil Danubians up the upward moving escalator. Norman looked around and saw a box marked "Caution. Opening this container may impair your ability to function" so Norman opened the box anyways and found it contained a Slinky. Norman, knowing of the Evil Danubian's intense fear of slinkies, placed it at the top of the upward moving escalator and started it down. As soon as the Evil Danubians saw the slinky on the upward moving escalator they shrieked if terror and started running down the upward moving escalator and getting nowhere.

"It's a Miracle!" cried Fred.

"Ya, Its a Musical!" cried another native Olivian.

"No, no, it's a M.I.R.A.C.L.E.," Fred spelled out "miracle, not musical, but that's okay, I've made that mistake before, but," said Fred as he looked around "don't tell anybody."

"Right said Fred, here goes... It's a Miracle!" cried the Native Olivian again.

"Ya, much better," said Fred.

The Native olivians, lead by Norman, exited the palace of Pooky Snoo Panty Shields and looked around. The sprawling metropolis of Danube was completely deserted, apparently all the Evil Danubians were trapped by the downward moving slinky on the upward moving escalator.

"It's a miracle!" cried Fred.

"Yes, Bob be praised. Let's go home," Norman said as he started east towards Olivia.



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