07/18/98

Well, it seems that nothing is like it used to be anymore. The Berlin wall is down, the Cold War is over, and Communism is almost dead. However, the aftermath of the cold war and the arms race has left the former Soviet Union in ruins. Corruption is rampant. There is poverty everywhere. And most of all, Russia is almost bankrupt. They have been forced to borrow about seven billion dollars to keep themselves afloat, with more loans to come.

The other notable fact about Russia involves software piracy. The piracy rate of computer software in Russia is enourmous, somewhere in the 90% to 100% range. This means that software companies are denied valued sources of profits. If the Russians can get the software for free, they won't shell out $200 for a copy of Windows 98. Come to think of it, $200 is probably several months pay for many Russians.

So I have come up with the perfect solution for all of these problems: Bill Gates should buy Russia. Now just stop and think about it. This would solve all of the problems of the parties involved.

First of all, Russia would have enough money to get back on its feet. Bill could loan out four care packages of about 8 billion dollars each. This money could be used to rejuvinate the Russian economy, or whatever. Plus, unemployment would go down after Bill moved his software production facilities to Russia.

Also, there would be no more corruption in the government. The country would be run by a "board of directors", headed by president Bill himself. The cities and towns would each have their own "group manager", who would go to "quality assurance" and "product" meetings. Good-bye Russian mafia, hello "employee empowerment". When Bill retires, good old Steve Balmer can take over. If the citizens / employees have a problem with that, they can call technical support!

Not to mention the piracy rate in Russia would go way down. Bill is the president of the SPA (Software Piracy Association), and he would not tolerate vicious pirates in his country. Windows 98 would be mandantory on all computers in the country, and words like "UNIX" and "Macintosh" would be erased from the Russian language forever. I'm also sure that Bill would do great things for Russia, like lower the crime rate, and bury Lenin.

Yep, the man who brought us DOS, Windows, and Bob, can bring us a new form of government: The Corporation. I see it as a mix of Communism and Orwell's "Big Brother" society.

So, put this idea under consideration. Right now, Russia is practically owned by the tobacco companies anyway. How bad can a severe, driven, computer geek be?