A Change of Plans
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)
DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Bros. Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes and the author is not making a profit.
Please do not post or redistribute without the disclaimer above, or without the consent of the author.
Feedback is always welcome. I'd really love to know what you think. Please send questions, comments or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: After taking care of his parents in San Diego, Mark decides to take a detour on his way back to Chicago.
BACKGROUND: This story begins after the fourth season episode, "Family Practice."
Mark Greene shifted his carry-on bag from one shoulder to the other as he walked through the San Diego airport. He stopped suddenly as a poster caught his eye, it showed the sandy beaches and blue waters of Maui. He drew in a deep breath, and for a moment, he allowed himself to wonder "what if..." What if he had said yes? Would she still be in Chicago? Would they be together? He stopped himself and shook his head. He had been down this road too many times to count, and each time he was forced to realize that she was right, their lives really were going in different directions. But that still didn't make it any easier.
She was still gone. He lost the most important person in his life: his best friend, the woman he loved. All because he had been too afraid to tell her how he really felt. Ever since she left, he'd been moving from one pointless relationship to another. If he was completely honest with himself, he'd admit he didn't want anything serious, because that would open the possibility of getting hurt again. He'd know for a while that Doug and Carol were right about Cynthia. She was looking for more than he was willing to give. He knew he let things go further than they should have, and he felt like a complete jerk for the way it ended. Then again, he wasn't doing either of them any favors by prolonging the inevitable. He hated to admit it, but he even felt a sense of relief now that it was over.
As he continued through the airport, his attention shifted from the poster to the plane ticket in his hand. He had been so preoccupied with Cynthia and his parents, that he hadn't noticed until this morning that his flight back to Chicago included a layover in Phoenix.
"No. It's a crazy idea," he tried to tell himself, "It's only an hour. You wouldn't even have time to leave the airport."
"But there will always be other flights to Chicago," another tiny voice argued. "You lost her because you wouldn't take the chance. Didn't you learn anything?"
A slow smile spread across his face as he headed toward a bank of telephones. He quickly dialed the familiar number, entered his calling card information and waited for someone to answer. "County General ER," Jerry Markovic said quickly as he picked up the phone.
"Hi, Jerry. It's Mark. Is Doug around?"
"Yeah, Dr. Greene, he's right here."
"Thanks."
"Hello?" Doug Ross said as he picked up the phone.
"Doug, it's Mark."
"Hey, buddy! How's it going?"
"I'm okay, but I've got a favor to ask."
"What?" Doug asked skeptically.
"Could you see if Kerry could cover for me for a few more days?"
"Is something wrong? Is it your mother?"
"No, everything's fine. In fact, I'm getting ready to leave San Diego now."
"So where are you going?" Doug asked, sounding confused.
"Arizona," Mark said simply.
"Arizona?" he questioned. "As in Phoenix, Arizona?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure about this?"
"No, not really," Mark replied with a nervous laugh. "The idea just came to me. I really haven't thought it out. For once in my life I'm being completely spontaneous."
"I'm glad. Just be careful, and don't expect too much," Doug offered a friendly warning.
"I'm not. I just want my best friend back. No offense."
"None taken. Don't worry about things here, we'll cover for you. Good luck, Mark."
"Thanks, Doug. For everything."
"You're welcome. I'll see you when you get back."
"Okay," Mark said as he hung up the phone.
Mark fidgeted nervously in his seat as the plane began its final descent into Phoenix. While the rational part of his mind screamed that this was insane, deep down he knew that it was something he should have done a long time ago.
He got off the plane and quickly found a phone to call the emergency room at Phoenix Memorial. After finding out that she was off, he looked up her address in the telephone book, and hailed a cab.
Twenty minutes later he was standing outside the door of her apartment, with a thousand questions running through his mind. Would she be glad to see him? Is she involved with someone else? Engaged? Married? He knew that there was only one way to find out. Drawing in a deep breath, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. It opened a few minutes later.
"Hi, Susan. Remember me?"
Susan Lewis stood there, staring at him like an idiot. This couldn't be happening. Could it? Their relationship ended the day she left Chicago, or at least that's what she'd been telling her self for the last year and a half. Finally finding her voice, she asked in disbelief, "Mark? Is that really you?"
"Yeah, it's me," he said with a smile. She was wearing her old Chicago Bears jersey, and he thought she looked absolutely fantastic. He was glad to know that some things hadn't changed.
"It's great to see you! What are you doing here?"
"It's great to see you, too. I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop by," he replied.
"Come in," she said as she moved aside to let him enter the apartment. "Excuse the mess."
"That's okay," he laughed. "How are you?"
"I'm doing okay, I guess," she said. "What about you?"
"Not bad," he said as he took a seat on the sofa.
"What did you mean when you said that you were in the neighborhood?" she asked as she sat down next to him.
"My mom fell last week and injured her knee, so I flew to San Diego to help out. I was heading back to Chicago and I noticed that I had a layover in Phoenix, so I decided to stop by," he said.
"I'm glad you did," she smiled. "How long is your layover?"
"Well, it was only for an hour, so I decided to stay in Phoenix for a few days and catch another flight back. If that's okay?" he said somewhat hesitantly.
"Sure, that's great," she said enthusiastically. "How's your mother?"
He sighed and said, "Her knee is getting better, but we found out that she's had a series of small strokes. She's just not the same."
"I'm sorry," Susan said sympathetically.
"Thanks," he replied with a tight smile. "It's just hard, you know? I had the doctors at the naval hospital run ever conceivable test, I even called in civilian doctors, but there isn't a damn thing that I can do to make it better," he said, the frustration evident in his voice.
"Mark, you can't solve everything," she said cautiously.
"I know," he acknowledged, "but it sure would make it a lot easier, wouldn't it?"
"Yeah, it would," she agreed.
"Would you like to get something for lunch?" he asked, trying to change the subject. He came so they could start rebuilding their friendship, not so she could listen to him complain.
"Sure, just let me take a shower and change. I had to work until six this morning, so I just woke up."
"I could check into a hotel and come back later for dinner, if that would be better for you," Mark offered.
"No," she said. "I can sleep anytime, but it's not everyday that I get to see you. I'll be fine. You're staying at a hotel?"
"Yeah, is there one near here?" he asked.
"Why don't you stay here, the sofa pulls out."
"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to put you out."
"Yes, I'm sure, and you wouldn't be," she said.
"Thanks, Susan," he said. "I noticed a store down the block when I came in. I could run down there, pick up a few things, and fix lunch while you're getting ready, if you'd like. We could go out later."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he said.
"Sounds great. Thanks, Mark," she said as she got up and headed towards the bathroom. After getting in the shower, she let the water cascade over her as she tried to sort out what was going on between them. She couldn't believe he was here, not after the way she'd hurt him when she left. She smiled as she admitted to herself that his visit couldn't have come at a better time. But she also wondered where they stood. Before she left Chicago, he told her he loved her and wanted her to stay. She'd told him she loved him too, but that she needed to be with her family in Phoenix. "Does he still feel the same?" she wondered, "For that matter, do I?"
After she got up, he leaned back on the sofa and stared after her for a moment. This was better than he expected. It almost seemed like all of the times they spent together before she left. He was thrilled that she seemed happy to see him, she had even asked him to stay with her. He tried not to think about it, but he knew he still loved her, and probably always would. But for this visit, his only goal was rebuilding their friendship.
Remembering that he was supposed to fix lunch, he got up and headed down the street to pick up a few things from the store. He came back and got to work in the kitchen. About thirty minutes later, Susan emerged from the bedroom wearing black pants and a white blouse. As she waked into the kitchen, she said, "So, what'd you fix?"
"Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches," he replied.
She smiled. "Remember the first time we had that?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "It was the day we met. You were my med student and we had lunch at Doc's."
"You told me that was the only safe thing on the menu," she laughed.
"It probably still is," he joked.
She smiled. "So, how's Rachel?" Susan asked as they sat down and started to eat.
"She's doing okay. I don't get to see her half as much as I'd like. It's practically impossible to coordinate my schedule, Jen's schedule and Rachel's. I try to call her everyday, but it's just not the same."
"I know," Susan said as she turned to look out the window.
"How's Susie?" Mark asked.
"She's great," Susan said with a smile as she turned back to him. "She's really growing up fast."
"At least you're here to see it," Mark said sincerely.
"Yeah," Susan answered absently as she picked at her sandwich.
"I haven't seen her in ages. Do you think we could go visit later?" Mark suggested.
Susan thought for a moment before she said, "Chloe is taking a few classes at the community college and she normally gets a sitter for Susie. There's a park a few blocks from their house. I'm sure Chloe wouldn't mind if we offered to watch Susie this afternoon and walked to the park."
"That sounds like fun," Mark said.
"I'll call Chloe," she nodded with a smile.
An few hours later, Mark, Susan and Susie were walking hand-in-hand towards the park. As soon as the park gates came into view, Susie broke away from them and ran to the swing set. "Mark," Susie said as she climbed onto a swing, "will you push me?"
"You bet," he said as he walked behind her and started to push the swing.
"Higher, higher," she yelled joyfully.
Susan smiled as she sat down on the next swing and slowly started to swing herself. They continued like that for a while, until Susie got tired of the swing and asked to go play in the sandbox.
"Sure," Susan replied.
"Will you help me build a castle?" she asked Mark.
"I'll be over in just a minute. I'm going to stay here with you Aunt Susan for a little while."
"Stay right there where we can see you, okay?" Susan warned her niece.
"'Kay," the little girl said as she skipped away.
"I'm impressed," Susan said with a smile.
"Why?" Mark asked.
"She usually doesn't take that well to strangers."
"I'm not sure if I'd actually qualify as a stranger. I did change more than a few of her diapers," he laughed.
"I guess you did," she agreed.
Mark started to push Susan on the swing until she was going fairly high. "It almost feels like I'm flying," she said.
"I thought you were afraid of flying," he teased as he continued to push her.
"Not with you," she said almost reflexively. It wasn't until the words left her mouth that she realized how they sounded. She could feel her face flush, but luckily her back was to him.
They both let their thoughts drift back to the flight re-certification that they had done a few weeks before she moved to Phoenix. She was terrified of flying and held onto Mark the entire time they were in the helicopter.
"Are you going to help me with my castle?" Susie called from the sandbox.
"Yeah, I'll be right there," Mark answered. He turned to Susan and said, "Sorry, duty calls."
"That's all right," she smiled. "If you're okay with her, I think I'll just stay here."
"We'll be fine," he assured her as he headed towards the sandbox.
"Jennifer didn't know what a good thing she had," Susan thought to herself as she watched them. "And neither did I," she muttered to no one in particular.
An hour later, the three of them were putting the finishing touches on the sand castle, when Chloe walked up. "Hi, guys! That's a great castle. How's it going?"
"Hi, Chloe," Mark and Susan replied.
"Mommy!" Susie called out.
"How was class?" Susan asked.
"Not bad," Chloe said with a smile. "We got our first tests back and I got a B+."
"That's great, congratulations," Susan said.
"Thanks. I just stopped by to pick Susie up. We're headed to Story Time at the library. Do you want me to give you a ride back to the house?" Chloe said.
Susan looked at Mark before she responded, "There's a great Mexican restaurant a few blocks from here. We could walk there, have dinner, then walk back to Chloe's to pick up my car. What do you think?"
"That's fine with me," Mark said with a smile.
"Great."
During dinner, Mark caught Susan up on most of the gossip from County General, and they laughed about the times they spent together there in the past. As they were walking back to Chloe's, Mark noticed that something seemed to be bothering Susan. "Are you okay? You've been awfully quite."
They were now passing the park, where they had been with Susie earlier. "Is it okay if we go in here?" Susan asked.
"Sure," Mark replied as he followed her over to the swings.
It was now almost dark and the park was empty. They both sat down and she asked, "Does this remind you of anything?"
He thought for a moment before he smiled and said, "That night, back in Chicago, when you decided to adopt Susie."
"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm not sure if I ever said it, but thank you."
"For what?"
"For being there for me. For not questioning my decision. For helping me work everything out with the hospital. I don't think I would have been able to go through with the adoption if I hadn't known that you were there for me."
"I'm glad I could help," he said.
She was silent for a minute or two before she finally said, "Mark, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Why did you come here? I mean, I know about the layover, but what made you decide to stay, to come see me?" she asked.
He stared up at the desert sky as he tried to compose his answer. "Do you remember your last day in Chicago?" he asked.
"Vaguely," she said with an embarrassed smile, indicating that she remembered it all too well.
"After Lydia and Al's wedding, you came up to me and we both admitted that we were lousy at good-byes. You said you didn't want to leave unless you knew we would always be friends, and I said we would be," he paused as his thoughts drifted back. "Well, a lot happened later that day, and I lost sight of that promise. This week, when I was in California with my parents, I realized that things like this just don't work themselves out on their own. If you don't get everything out in the open, it will just cause more pain later. Now, I realize that you did what you thought was best for yourself when you left. I respect that, I really do. Naturally, there's a part of me that would love it if you were back in Chicago, but we don't have to be in the same city to be friends. You mean a lot to me, Susan, and all I want is for you to be happy. So, if you're happy here, then I'm happy for you," he said with a sincere smile.
Susan had been staring at him as he was speaking, but now she turned away from him and looked at the stars, closing her eyes to keep back the tears. After a minute she looked back to him and said in a whisper, "What if I'm not?"
"What?" he asked, not sure he understood what she meant.
"What if I'm not happy here?" she asked quietly.
On the plane to Phoenix, he thought of dozens of conversations they might have. This had definitely not been one of them. "You're not happy?" he asked in disbelief.
She shook her head, "Not really."
"What about Susie?"
"Honestly, today was the first time I'd seen her in about a month. Chloe has finally gotten herself together and she's taking good care of Susie. They don't need me, and it took me a while, but I think I'm finally okay with that. Coming out here, I guess I had the foolish idea that I would somehow still be the main one taking care of her and looking after her. I still wanted to be her mother, but that's Chloe's job, and she's doing pretty well. I'll baby-sit her occasionally, but I'm usually too tired or stressed from work," she said with a defeated sigh.
"How's that going?" Mark asked.
"Work? That's a joke. It's a private hospital, so the money and the facilities are better, but the case are just so routine. All of the traumas go to the university hospital across town. But the worst of it came yesterday."
"What happened?"
"A stroke patient came in, and she was practically a textbook candidate for TPA. She was in the kitchen baking when her husband went out to work in the garden. He came in about an hour later and found her on the floor. They brought her to the hospital and I took the case. After doing an initial evaluation and sending her for a CT, I thought TPA was best. I explained the benefits and the risks to her husband and her daughter and they agreed with me. Well, she responded and was doing remarkably better a few hours later," she explained.
"So what was the problem?" he asked, sounding confused.
"The hospital administration hasn't approved TPA for stroke patients because they think it's too uncertain. The senior attending is bringing me before the review board because of it. I've got to go before the review board because I SAVED her life!" Susan said angrily.
"That's ridiculous!" he agreed. "But if you knew the hospital was against it, why did you go with TPA?" he wondered aloud.
"I did some research on my own, and I think that the potential benefits outweigh the costs, as long as it's used according to protocol. I also read the journal article you wrote last summer, I trusted your opinion," she said with a slight smile. "I've really missed that. There's no one here I can trust. It's almost like they're all waiting for me to screw up."
"I'm sure that's not true," he tried to reason.
"Maybe." She paused before she asked, "Mark, would you want me to move back to Chicago?"
He slowly stood up from the swing and walked a few feet away, so his back was now to her. How was he supposed to answer that? Of course he wanted her back in Chicago, but he knew this had to be HER decision. He took a deep breath before he said, "Susan, I can't answer that question."
"What?" she asked, walking towards him.
He knew this was the hardest thing that he had ever done, and possibly the stupidest. He turned to face her, "Susan, you couldn't stay in Chicago when I asked you to. You can't come back because of me either."
"You don't want me to move back?" she said, her voice pained.
"I didn't say that," he corrected. "I just want to make sure you're doing the right thing. You put a lot of thought into it and you had a lot of good reasons for moving here. You shouldn't move back because you're trying to run away from problems at work," he stopped for a moment before he added, "or because you feel you owe me something. You left because it was what was best for you. If you move back, it should be for the same reason."
She stood there quietly as a few tears slid down her cheek, he decided to continue, "I can't tell you what to do, Susan. That's not my place. But, as your friend, I'd suggest that you take some time to evaluate things here. Weigh the good against the bad. Consider the alternatives. Be honest with yourself and I know you'll make the right decision."
"What about us?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Now, there's a good question," he thought to himself. "Susan," he said, "I don't care if it's eight miles or eighteen hundred, you will always have a special place in my heart and I will always be your friend. If you decide to stay here, that doesn't mean that we can't keep in touch. We both have telephones and computers," he said with a smile.
How did she get to be so lucky? She knew she didn't deserve someone like him. Even after she'd hurt him when she left, he was still offering her his unconditional friendship. She could tell he wanted her to move back to Chicago, that much she could see in his eyes; but he was putting her feelings before his own. He just wanted her to be happy, that she could see as well. "Well," she finally said, "I guess I've got a lot of thinking to do."
"I guess so," he agreed. They stood there for a while, neither really knowing what to say next. He finally spoke, "I don't know about you, but I'm beat. Is it okay if we go back and get some sleep?"
"Sure," she nodded as they walked out of the park.
Susan came out of her bedroom the next morning, expecting to find Mark asleep on the sofa. Instead, she found the sofa neatly arranged and the apartment strangely quiet. She noticed a slip of paper laying on the coffee table bearing her name. Picking up the note, she read:
Susan,
I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but you've got a lot to think about, and it would probably be best if I wasn't here. I called the airline this morning, and their only flight to Chicago leaves at 10:00 A.M. I know you don't have to work today, and I thought you could use the extra sleep. Keep in touch, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Always,
Mark
At the bottom of the paper, she saw that he had written his e-mail address and his telephone number.
As she sat down on the sofa, she noticed a picture of Susie sitting on the table. As she looked from the picture to the note in her hand, she couldn't help but wonder why Chicago and Phoenix had to be so damned far apart.
Three weeks later, Mark whistled softly to himself as he entered the Doctor's Lounge. "Good morning, Doug," he said cheerfully.
"'Morning," Doug replied as he poured a cup of coffee. As Mark walked over to his locker, Doug smiled and said, "It's amazing."
"What?" Mark asked, hanging up his jacket and reaching for a scrub top.
"The affect she has on you," Doug said with a quick glance in his friend's direction. Mark just smiled, and Doug added, "It's like we finally got the 'old Mark' back. I missed that."
Mark looked at Doug and seriously said, "Me, too."
"You want a cup of coffee?"
"Sure," Mark said as he closed his locker and sat down at the table.
"Have you heard from her?" Doug asked, sitting the coffee mug on the table and taking the seat across from Mark.
"Yeah, we've been e-mailing each other and we've called a couple of times."
"Has she made a decision?"
"She told me she'd let me know, but she hasn't said anything about it lately," Mark replied before he took a sip of his coffee. "Ugh, this is awful!"
"Thanks," Doug said with a grin, "I made it myself."
"It figures," Mark teased.
"So, you're okay with this?" Doug asked skeptically.
"With what? The coffee?"
"No! Are you okay with things if she decides to stay in Phoenix?"
Mark thought for a minute, and finally said, "Yeah, I guess I am. You know that old saying, 'if you love someone, set them free?'" Doug nodded, and he continued, "Well, I finally realized that all I really want is for her to be happy. And, if that means she's eighteen hundred miles away, then that's something I'm just going to have to live with."
Before Doug could respond, John Carter entered the lounge. "Dr. Greene, someone just delivered this for you," he said, laying a single red rose on the table in front of Mark.
"What's this?" Mark asked as he picked up the attached card.
"What does it say?" Doug asked.
"'Respect,'" Mark read. "What does that mean?" he asked in confusion.
"I don't know," Doug replied.
"I wonder who it's from? Carter, did you see who dropped this off?" Mark asked.
"It was just a delivery person from a florist."
"Do you know which one?"
"No, sorry," Carter shrugged.
"Well, buddy," Doug laughed, "it looks like you've got a secret admirer."
"Great," Mark said sarcastically, "as if my life weren't complicated enough already."
Carol Hathaway was getting ready to start her shift when Mark came into the lounge that evening, after finishing his. "Hi, Mark," she said, "have you figured out who your secret admirer is yet?"
"You just got here. How did you know about that?" Mark asked in disbelief.
"Have you forgotten that I'm dating the biggest gossip in the hospital?" she asked with a laugh.
"Doug. Of course," Mark said.
"So, have you figured out who it is?" Carol asked again.
He had gotten two more roses, with similar cards during the day, and he had a pretty good idea who sent them, but he wasn't completely sure, so he didn't want to say anything just yet. "No, I'm still not sure."
"What did the cards say?"
"Well," he began, "the first one said 'Respect,' the second was 'Trust,' the last one said 'Friendship.' Do you have any ideas?"
"Well, when I came in the most money was on Cynthia, but Kerry and that new lab tech on the fifth floor weren't too far behind," Carol laughed.
"People are betting on this?" Mark asked.
"Mark, how long have you worked here? Haven't you figured out that we'll bet on just about anything."
"I guess you're right," he laughed. "So, who's your money on?"
"I'm sitting this one out," she replied.
"Really?" he questioned suspiciously.
"Yeah, I didn't think it was fair, since I have some inside information."
"What's that?" he asked.
"I know why you were a day late getting back from California," she said with a grin.
"Susan?" he said, both surprised and relieved that someone else was thinking the same thing he was.
"You never know," Carol replied.
"I don't know," Mark said, almost afraid to believe that this could be happening. "She told me she'd let me know if she was coming back."
"Maybe this is her way of doing it," Carol suggested with a shrug.
"Maybe," Mark agreed quietly.
"Carol," Anna del Amico said coming into the lounge, "we need your help with the victims from a gang fight."
"Sure, I'll be right there," Carol replied.
"Need me to do anything?" Mark asked.
"No, I think we've pretty much got it covered, but thanks," Anna said as she headed back towards the trauma room.
"No problem," Mark said as he put on his jacket. "Have fun, Carol."
"Always," she laughed before going out the door. "Goodnight, Mark."
"'Night."
Thirty minutes later, Mark sighed as he stepped off the elevator and started walking towards his apartment, still trying to figure out what was going on with the flowers and the cards he had gotten that day. Preoccupied with his thoughts, it took him a minute to notice that something was all over the floor. Bending down, he realized the floor was covered with red rose petals, and that they led from the elevator to his apartment. Curious, he stood up and walked to his door. He noticed that it was ajar, and there was a small envelope taped to it. He pulled the envelope away from the door and upon opening it, he found another card from the florist. This one said "Love."
Pushing the door open, he was not surprised to find Susan sitting at the dining room table, which was lit with candles and decorated with roses. A soft jazz CD played in the background as wonderful aromas wafted in from the kitchen. "I'm back," she smiled.
"I see," he said, placing his bag on the floor. Before hanging up his jacket, he reached into the pocket and pulled out the cards he had gotten earlier. He sat down at the table across from her. "So, should I assume that these are from you?" he asked with a smile.
She nodded sheepishly and said, "Yes, but I had a little help."
"From who?"
"Well, Doug and Carter helped deliver the flowers. I still had my key to this apartment, so Carol came over and helped me straighten everything up and fix dinner."
"I should have known they were in on it," he laughed. "You know, you didn't have to do all of this."
"Yes, I did," she nodded.
"Why?"
She looked down at the tablecloth nervously for a moment, before she returned her gaze to his. "After the way I left, I figured my return should really be something special."
"That was a long time ago. It's over now."
"Maybe, but it's still something I need to apologize for -"
"Susan, you don't need to apologize. You needed to be in Phoenix, I understand that," he interrupted.
"Mark, please, let me finish," she said. He nodded and she continued, "When I left here, moving to Phoenix was the right thing for me. I needed to make sure Chloe was taking care of Susie. But, I shouldn't have left the way I did. I don't think I can even begin to imagine how hard it was for you to come to the station that day. I shouldn't have gotten on that train, we should have talked. There would have always been other trains to Phoenix, but for a very long time, I wasn't sure if I'd ever have another chance at our relationship," she said as a tear slipped down her cheek.
Mark stood up, walked around the table and knelt beside her chair. She turned slightly, so that she was facing him, as he raised his hand to wipe the tear away. "Susan, I'm not going to lie to you. It hurt like hell when you left, and for a long time I wasn't sure if I'd ever get over it," he admitted. "But, looking back, I guess I'm glad you didn't stay. If you'd stayed because of me, sooner or later you would have started to resent me, and anything that there was between us probably wouldn't have been able to survive. That's what I was trying to tell you in Phoenix last month. I needed to make sure that this was YOUR decision."
"And I really appreciated that. Honestly, it didn't take me long to get tired of Phoenix, and I had been thinking about coming back to Chicago for a while, but I was afraid you never wanted to see me again," she said slowly.
"I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch after you left. At first, it was just too hard. I didn't know where we stood or what I should say. I guess I just let my pride get in the way," he said guiltily. "And as time went on, it just got harder. Then, I saw that poster for Maui in the airport and I started thinking about you. I realized I really didn't have that much to lose. Our relationship couldn't get much worse - we hadn't spoken since you left, and I couldn't make more of a fool of myself that I had that day at Union Station."
"Mark, no," she said firmly, "you did not make a fool of yourself that day. I probably respected you more, if that was even possible, because I knew that had to be hard for you." She looked down at the table before continuing, "I wish I could tell you why I didn't stay, but the truth is that I've spent the last sixteen months thinking about it, and I still don't think I have a really good answer. That day, there was a part of me that wanted to jump off that train and stay with you forever. But I guess there was another part that was afraid to stay, afraid that it would change everything, and it was easier to run away."
"So, what made you change your mind?"
"Well," she smiled, "I took your advice, and I was honest with myself. I realized that you were a bigger part of my life than I'd ever imagined. I hated not seeing you at work, not spending time together after work, all of those other little things that I had always taken for granted. You weren't just my best friend. You were a whole lot more."
"You know I feel the same way about you, don't you?" he asked.
"Yeah, I know," she smiled.
"What's that smell?" Mark asked, looking around the apartment.
"Oh, God!" Susan exclaimed. "Dinner!"
They both rushed into the kitchen, and Mark pulled the fire extinguisher out of the cabinet and quickly put out the flames in the oven.
"Mark, I am so sorry," Susan said, nearly in tears. "I wanted this to be special."
"It is," he replied. "You're here."
"But still."
"But what?" he asked with a smile. "You're going to be around a while, aren't you?"
She laughed in spite of herself and said, "Yeah, I am."
"Then there'll be other dinners. But, for now, are you in the mood for pizza or Chinese?" he asked, reaching for the phone book.
"Pizza," she replied, walking over to the window.
"Pepperoni?" he asked, hoping he remembered correctly.
"You got it," she said with a smile.
After he called and placed the order, Mark walked over to the window and stood beside her, "Pizza will be here in about thirty minutes."
"That's great," she said, stifling a yawn.
"Are you tired?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "The only flight out of Phoenix left this morning at seven-thirty."
"Wait a minute. You got on a plane? The same Susan Lewis who I had to practically drag onto a rescue chopper, voluntarily got on an airplane?" he asked, positive he hadn't heard her correctly.
"Yes," she laughed.
"Why?" he asked, still shocked.
"Have you ever seen 'When Harry Met Sally...'?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Do you remember that scene at the end, when Harry goes to meet Sally at the New Year's Eve party?"
"Yeah."
"Well," she smiled, "it's a lot like that. I finally realized that the person I want to spend the rest of my life with has been right here in front of me for five years. I wasted the past sixteen months, I didn't want to waste another two days on a train."
He smiled at her and said, "That's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"I also wanted to thank you for the flowers."
"You liked them?"
"I thought they were very sweet. Thank you."
"Did you figure out that they were from me?" she asked with a smile.
"Yeah. I remembered when you were my med student, you always said you respected my work. Later, you told me that from respect came trust, and from trust came friendship. You were right."
"Thanks," she said quietly as she turned to look out the window.
He stared at her curiously for a moment, he could tell that something was still bothering her. "Susan," he said tentatively, "what's wrong?"
She stared out the window for a long while until she finally answered him. "It's just that your friendship has always been one of the greatest things in my life, and I would spend nights laying awake in Phoenix wondering if the sacrifice had been worth it. If you hadn't shown up last month, it would have probably dissolved into nothing. How could I have let that happen?"
Mark stepped behind her and slowly started to massage her shoulders. "I know I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice about this, but the truth is that's in the past. All we can do now is learn from it and move on."
Something in his voice told her that there was a deeper story behind his words. Turning to face him, she said, "You're talking about the attack, aren't you?"
He nodded slowly, as he gave her a curious look and tried to figure out how she could have known about that. Finally, it came to him and he asked with a laugh, "Doug or Carol?"
She smiled, "Doug. Do you remember when his father died last November and you both went to California?" Mark nodded, as he still tried to figure out how she knew about all of this. "Well, after he went to Flagstaff to check on his step-brother, he stopped by Phoenix. He told me about the attack, and that you were having a pretty hard time getting over it."
"Wow," he said quietly. "He never told me that he saw you."
Susan nodded, "I'm not surprised. He never said whether or not he was going to tell you about it, but I kind of figured that he wouldn't."
"Why?" he asked.
"Well, he told me that the last time he'd seen you even close to this upset was when I left, so I figured that telling you about me would just make things worse."
"When he first told me about Flagstaff, you were the first thing I thought of," he admitted. "I almost asked if I could come along and if we could stop by Phoenix."
"Really?" she questioned. "Why didn't you?"
"After Carol showed up in Barstow, it just seemed to make more sense for me to come back here with her." He stopped for a minute before he added, "I guess I was also afraid of what I might find in Phoenix."
"Like what?" she asked with a curious look.
"That you were involved with someone else and that you were happy there. Especially when I couldn't forget about you, no matter what I did."
"I never forgot about you, either," she said with a smile.
He smiled back and asked, "So, what else did Doug tell you?"
"Oh, I don't know," she said mischievously.
"Should I be worried?"
"Probably," she laughed.
Before he could answer, there was a knock on the door. "Well," he said, "the pizza's here." After paying for the pizza and heading towards the kitchen, he added, "Why don't you pick out a movie while I get plates and beer."
"Sure," she said as she walked over to his video collection. She was grinning as he walked back into the living room.
"What?" he asked suspiciously, sitting the plates and beer on the coffee table beside the pizza box.
"How does this sound?" she asked, holding up his copy of "When Harry Met Sally..."
He laughed. "That sounds great. Now put it in, the pizza's getting cold."
Two hours later, they were still sitting on the sofa talking. An empty pizza box and beer bottles littered the table, and the television was off.
"Seems just like old times, doesn't it?" Mark mused.
"No," Susan said. "It's better."
"How's that?" he asked curiously.
She smiled. "This time, I'm not afraid to say I love you."
He returned her smile. "Good, because I love you, too," he whispered softly before he leaned to kiss her.
As they broke apart, she said breathlessly, "I'd almost forgotten how good that was."
"Then I guess we'll just have make sure you don't have another chance to forget."
"I guess so," was the only response she was able to get out before he cut her off with another kiss.
THE END
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