Moments Like This, Part VI
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)

DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters, and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes and the author is not making a profit.

Please do not post or redistribute without the disclaimer above, or without the consent of the author.

Feedback is always welcome. I'd love to know what you think. Please send any questions, comments, or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

SUMMARY: Follows Moments Like This, Part V

Stories in this series

1. Long Way Back
2. Working Together
3. Moments Like This

PART VI

Three hours later, Mark leaned back in his chair and stretched. Through his link to the hospital's computer and on-line journals, he'd found close to two dozen articles on breast cancer and breast tumors, but he still didn't have any answers, just more questions.

He looked towards the bedroom and was relieved to see that Susan was asleep. She'd gotten sick twice since she first laid down. If Emily didn't arrive soon with the Compazine, he would have to take her to the hospital. She needed the medication, and she would soon need an IV to prevent dehydration.

Maybe he should call the hospital to see what was keeping Emily. Before he could reach for the phone, there was a knock at the door. Getting up to answer, he thought, "Perfect timing."

Opening the door, he was surprised to find Doug Ross. "Doug? What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you, too, Mark," he replied sarcastically.

"Sorry," Mark said apologetically. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks. Actually, Emily Westmore came down to the ER and asked me to deliver this," he said, referring to the bag he was holding from the hospital pharmacy. "She was going to come herself, but two of her patients came in with complications. She knew we were friends, so she asked if I could come by."

"Thanks," Mark said, taking the bag and glancing anxiously towards the bedroom.

"What's going on, Mark?" Doug asked.

"What do you mean?" he tried to sound casual.

"Well, for starters, why is an oncologist asking me to deliver Compazine?"

Mark looked towards the bedroom again. He thought for a moment then said, "Come in. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay," Doug nodded as he entered the apartment and took a seat on the sofa.

Mark took the Compazine and went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he brushed her hair back from her face and watched her for a moment. Moving his hand to her shoulder, he softly whispered, "Susan, wake up."

"Mark? Hi," she said groggily, her voice still heavy from sleep.

"Hey," he said with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," she laughed.

"I've got the Compazine, so that should help," he said.

"Great," she replied.

After giving her the medication, he cautiously said, "Uh, Susan, Doug's here."

"What?" she asked.

"Emily got tied up with patients, so she asked Doug to come over," he explained.

"So he knows?" she asked carefully.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "but he is a little curious."

"I should probably tell him, huh?" she asked hesitantly.

"Only if that's what you want. Otherwise, I can tell him we've got things under control and we'll explain later," he assured her.

She considered things for a moment, then she nodded and said, "I want to tell him."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah. We can't keep this a secret forever. We have to give some explanation for why we've been off all week."

"Okay," he nodded, "I'll tell Doug. Why don't you try to go back to sleep?"

"I will," she nodded as she settled back into the pillows. "Thanks."

"No problem," he smiled before getting up to leave.

Returning to the living room, he took a seat in a chair near the sofa. Doug watched him curiously for a moment.

"So, you want to know what's going on?" Mark finally asked.

"Yeah," he nodded.

He took a deep breath and tried to figure out where to start. Figuring the beginning was probably best, he said, "Susan was waiting here when I got home Tuesday night. She found a lump in her left breast during a self-exam. There's a family history, so she was pretty upset. I called Emily, and she saw Susan yesterday. Emily did a needle biopsy, but the results were inconclusive. She removed the tumor this morning, and she's going to run the labs tomorrow. As near as we can tell, Susan had an allergic reaction to the anesthetic. She's been sick ever since we got back. That's why Emily was brining the Compazine." When he finished, he sat back and let out a breath.

Doug sat there in shock for a moment as he tried to process everything. "How's she doing?" he finally asked.

He shook his head and shrugged, "I'm not sure. She's sick, and she's scared."

Mark got up and walked over to the window. Folding his arms across his chest, he stared outside for a few minutes in silence. Finally he said, "We see what, probably about a couple thousand or so patients a year?"

"Yeah," Doug nodded, "that sounds about right. Why?"

"Most of them we forget before they've even left the hospital," he commented. "Do you ever think about how strange it is, which ones you remember and which ones you don't?"

"Are you thinking of anyone in particular?" Doug wondered.

"Yeah," he nodded quietly, continuing to stare out the window as he tried to remember more of the details. "It was a couple years ago, I guess it was probably the winter while I was Chief Resident. A hospice worker brought this woman in with end-stage breast cancer. She was thirty-five or thirty-six years old. She'd been through a radical mastectomy and chemo, but the cancer had spread into her lymph nodes and pelvis. The very first thing she said to me was, 'Let me die.' I told her we could insert a spinal catheter, cut the spinal tracks or admit her and increase the painkillers. She didn't want any of that, she just wanted to stop the pain. She wanted to die. She spent half the day begging me to kill her."

He drew in a deep breath and waited a minute before continuing. "I knew it wouldn't take much more Morphine to stop her breathing. I tried to talk to Susan about it, but she was still mad at me for the whole thing with Kayson."

"What happened to her?" Doug asked.

"The patient? She died that evening," he replied quietly.

"Did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Increase the Morphine."

He smiled ruefully. He remembered standing in the exam room, watching the snow fall after the patient died. Susan came in and asked if she died of respiratory failure. He didn't answer her either.

The thought of Susan ending up like that tore him apart. Turning to Doug, he bitterly asked, "What's the point, Doug? I've been through four years of med school, four years of residency and two years as an attending. What's the point if I can't save the woman I love?"

"Do you really think that's what she needs right now? Another doctor?" Doug asked cautiously.

Mark gave him a curious look, but didn't say anything.

"Emily's one of the best oncologists in the city, if not the state. She knows what she's doing," Doug explained. "You're an ER doc, Mark. No one expects you to be able to treat cancer. But that doesn't mean you're not making a difference. One day, someone Emily cares about may come into the ER, and you're one of the best emergency physicians I've ever met. Or maybe someone you treated years ago will come up with a cure for cancer next month. I have to believe it all works out eventually."

"I just hate feeling so damn helpless right now," Mark admitted with a sigh.

"You're not helpless," Doug pointed out. "In fact, I'd be willing to say that what you can do for her is just as, if not more, important than what any doctor can do. You can make sure she knows there is someone here who cares about her."

"I just wish she believed that," Mark said quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

He stared at a car on the street and hesitated before answering. Trying to keep his voice even, he said, "Yesterday morning, she said she thought we should stop seeing each other."

"What?" Doug asked in disbelief.

Mark looked back and gave a half smile. "You heard me."

"Okay," he acknowledged. "Then why?"

"She said she was trying to protect me."

"From what?" Doug asked as he leaned forward in his seat.

Returning his gaze to the car, Mark drew in a deep breath. "She didn't want me to watch her die. Saying goodbye would never be easy, so she thought it would be best to end it now, before we got in any deeper."

"What did you say?"

"I told her I was already in too deep. I can't let this go," he said with certainty.

"Since she's still here, is it safe to assume that she believed you?" Doug asked cautiously.

"I guess," Mark shrugged.

Realizing there was more to the story, Doug prompted, "What else is going on here, Mark?"

"I'm probably just imagining things," he said.

"What are you thinking?"

Quietly, he said, "I think she's also trying to protect herself."

Doug stared at him in confusion for a moment. "From what?"

"From me," he said sadly. "I think she's afraid I'm going to leave. I can tell she wants to trust me, but she just can't."

"Where'd you get that idea?" Doug asked.

"Yesterday, when this whole conversation was going on, she asked me what would happen if she had to go through chemo or a mastectomy," he replied.

"What did you tell her?"

Mark looked up at Doug. Seriously he said, "The truth. I told her it wouldn't matter. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, but that's not why I fell in love with her. It's because of who she is, how well she knows me, everything we've been through together, all of the little things. That's why I want to be with her."

He stopped for a moment before adding, "You saw me earlier this year, Doug. I moved from one pretty-much pointless relationship to the next. Chuny, Heather, Polly, Nina. They're all very nice women, but the truth is, not one of them comes close when compared to her. Looking back, I realize I really wasn't looking for anything serious, because that would have opened the possibility of getting hurt again, but it's more than that. The real problem was that they weren't Susan."

"Have you told her all of this?" Doug wondered.

"More or less," Mark answered.

"You don't think she believes you?"

"I don't know," he said with a heavy sigh. "I think she wants to, and there are times when I think she does. But there are also times when I look in her eyes, and I can see the doubt there. I want to make it go away, but I don't know how."

"Time's the only thing that I know of that will make that go away," Doug said.

"Time?" Mark huffed. "How much of that do we have?"

"I don't know," Doug said, shaking his head, "no one does. Just keep telling her you'll be here, and as cliché as it sounds, actions do speak louder than words."

"You're right," Mark acknowledged quietly.

"Is there anything I can do?" Doug asked.

Mark thought for a minute. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure," he nodded, "name it."

"It's going on twenty-four hours since she's been able to eat anything and keep it down. Now that she's got the Compazine, it probably won't be much longer before she feels like eating something. Would you mind staying here while I ran out the store, just to keep an eye on her?" Mark asked.

"Sure, it's not a problem. Just let me call the hospital and let them know I'll be gone for a while," Doug said as he reached for the phone.

"See if you can talk to Kerry. She knows what's going on here," Mark suggested.

While Doug was on the phone, Mark walked over to the bedroom to check on Susan. He was relieved to see that she was still asleep. Returning to the living room he asked Doug, "Where does everyone think Susan and I are this week?"

Doug smiled, "Well, after we heard you would both be off the rest of the week, a rumor started around the ER that you eloped."

"I wish," Mark laughed. "And of course, I know you had nothing to do with that particular rumor getting started."

"Of course not," Doug grinned back.

"Doug, thanks for staying with her," Mark said seriously. "I shouldn't be too long."

"It's not a problem," Doug assured him. "Let me know if you need anything else."

"Thanks," Mark said before he walked out of the apartment.

Susan stretched as she woke up and turned to look at the alarm clock. It was a little after five, and she finally felt like rejoining the rest of the world. Getting out of bed, she walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. Glancing in the living room, she expected to find Mark. She was more than a little surprised to see Doug sitting on the sofa instead.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator, she proceeded into the living room. "Hey, Doug," she said as she approached the sofa.

He looked up from the magazine he was reading. "Hey, Susan. How are you feeling?"

"Better," she nodded. "Thanks for bringing the Compazine."

"You're welcome," he replied.

Looking around the room, she asked, "Where's Mark?"

Doug laughed, "He figured you'd be getting hungry once the Compazine kicked in, so he ran out the store. He asked me to stay here until he got back."

"To baby-sit," Susan supplied with a smile.

"Actually, I think he used the words 'to keep an eye on,'" Doug said with a grin.

"He's been great the past few days," she admitted. "I actually think this is the first time since I was about twelve that I've had someone to take care of me when I was sick. I wish he didn't have to, but it is nice having him here."

"He's just worried about you."

"I know," she nodded. A few moments passed before she asked, "How's everything at work?"

"Well, Weaver's working in the trenches since you two are out. Let's just say it's been an experience. And most of us can't wait until you're back," Doug laughed.

Susan smiled slightly, "Honestly, I can't wait to get back there."

He offered a sympathetic smile, but hesitated before asking, "Is it okay if I tell Carol what's going on?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "I'd really appreciate that. I guess I owe both of you an apology."

"Susan, it's okay," he interrupted.

"No, it's not," she said, shaking her head. "I panicked when I found this Tuesday night. You and Carol were out. I knew Mark would be home soon, so I came over here. I thought about it, and I just figured it would be easier to wait and tell you after I knew if there was really something to worry about or not."

"Susan, really, it's okay. I understand, and I'm sure Carol will, too. Besides, it's not like you've been going through this alone," he grinned.

"Thanks, Doug," she smiled. "For the first time all day, I feel like I'm part of the land of the living again. I just going to take a shower, so you can leave if you want."

"And who's going to explain this to Mark?" he questioned suspiciously.

"Don't worry, I can handle Mark," she assured him with a grin.

Doug got up and walked to the door. Before he left, he turned back to her and said, "Susan, if you need anything, let me or Carol know. And the same goes for Mark."

"Thanks, Doug," she said giving him a friendly hug. "That means a lot. I'm supposed to get the biopsy results sometime tomorrow. I'm not exactly sure when, but we'll probably come by the ER afterwards."

"Okay," he nodded, "We're both on until eight tomorrow. Good luck."

"Thanks," she said managing a smile.

After Doug left, she closed the door and headed back to the bathroom.

Mark balanced three grocery bags as he approached the apartment. He tapped the door with his foot, hoping Doug would answer it and save him from having to find his keys. He waited a few minutes, but the door never opened. Sighing, he sat one of the bags down and searched his pockets. Finally unlocking the door, he picked up the bag and headed inside.

On his way to the kitchen, he noticed that the living room was empty. Glancing into the bedroom, he saw that it was empty as well. For a moment, he feared that something had gone wrong and Doug had taken Susan to the hospital. That was when he heard the shower.

Walking over to the bathroom door, he knocked then opened it slightly. "Susan?" he called.

"Yeah?" she said over the sound of the running water.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"Where's Doug?" he asked.

"He left," she replied. "Is it okay if we finish this when I get out? I've got soap in my eyes right now."

"Sure," he nodded before he returned to the kitchen and began unpacking the groceries.

Ten minutes later, she smiled as she stood at the entrance to the kitchen and watched him work. "Hi," she called softly.

He turned to face her, and for a moment, he was speechless. Her hair was still wet from the shower, and she was wearing one of his shirts, with the sleeves cuffed two or three times, a pair of boxers and thick white socks. Finding his voice, he just whispered, "Wow."

Smiling shyly, she said, "I hope you don't mind, I borrowed one of your shirts."

"How could I mind when you look that fantastic?" he grinned. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Still a little tired, but at least I'm not puking my guts out anymore."

"Speaking of which, are you hungry?" he asked with a laugh.

"Famished, actually," she laughed. "So, what's for dinner?"

"It's up to you. I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for, so I'm pretty flexible. There's a little deli a couple blocks from here. Their soup's really good, so I stopped by and got some of that. I also picked up some sandwiches. If you're not in the mood for that, we could always order pizza, Chinese or Italian. And there's always the spaghetti from last night," he explained.

She shook her head and smiled, "Were you a Boy Scout by any chance?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "for about two years. Why?"

"Somehow I think you've taken the 'be prepared' part a little too seriously," she teased.

"I just wanted to make sure you were happy," he said softly.

She smiled as she walked over to him and slipped her arms around his waist. "I am. I'm with you," she whispered before pulling him closer for a kiss.

He held her in his arms, and she thought about how wonderful it felt to be here, to be with him. She also thought about what it might be like to lose all of this. Stubbornly, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. She wasn't going to worry about that tonight. There would be plenty of time for worrying later.

Looking up at him, she asked, "So, what's the plan for tonight?"

"I figured you wouldn't feel like going out, so I thought we'd just stay here, have dinner, watch a couple of movies and eat ice cream. I stopped by the video store while I was out," he explained.

"Sounds perfect," she commented. "What movies did you get?"

"'Pretty Woman' and 'When Harry Met Sally…,'" he replied.

"Chick flicks. I'm impressed," she commented with a grin. "But seriously, they're two of my favorites."

"I know," he nodded.

"Have I mentioned how wonderful you've been this week?" she asked.

He thought about this for a moment, then smiled, "I don't think so."

"Well, you've been incredible. I don't know if I could have made it this far without you," she said quietly.

"You would have, but I'm still glad I was here. And no matter where this thing leads, you won't have to face it alone. I will always be here," he promised as he gently caressed her cheek.

She kissed his hand before meeting his eyes and saying, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

By the time the credits rolled on the second movie, Susan was sleeping peacefully with her head on Mark's shoulder. Reaching for the remote, he cut the television off. His arm was beginning to fall asleep, but he didn't try to move. He was enjoying being this close to her, watching her sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there watching her before he realized that he was getting pretty tired himself. He gently pulled his arm out from under her as he stood up and stretched. Then, he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. She stirred slightly as he placed her on the bed.

"Mmm, Mark?" she murmured.

"Yeah, it's me," he whispered. "You fell asleep during the movie, I was just moving you into the bedroom. Go back to sleep."

"You coming to bed soon?" she asked, still half-asleep.

He smiled and replied, "Yeah, I just need to clean up the living room. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay," she sighed contentedly as she settled into the blankets.

"Goodnight," he said softly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"'Night," she replied before slipping her hand around his neck and pulling him back until his lips met hers.

"Now go back to sleep," he repeated with a smile as he headed towards the door.

She nodded as she turned on her side and pulled the blanket up around her shoulders.

He went back to the living room, took the dishes into the kitchen and turned off the lights before returning to the bedroom. He changed clothes then laid down next to her. She was still laying on her side with her back to him. He moved closer to her and wrapped his arm around her waist. He smiled as he heard her sigh softly in her sleep.

As he thought about it, he was surprised to realize she'd only been staying with him for two days. He just felt so comfortable with her. Maybe it was because of how well they knew each other, or how they could read each other. He wasn't sure, but it was something that he didn't feel the need to question. It was enough just to know that she was here.

"I love you, Susan," he whispered into her hair before he drifted off to sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I'd love to know what you think. Please send all feedback to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

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