zero
indie from zero's point of view. written by the one and only zero, andrea
*note: my obnoxion is her aura boy. also, any discrepencies are due to two perceptions of the same event.
well, this seriously sucks she thought as she contemplated the colour of her hair and what strange and wonderful things she could do for her school yearbook photos. the yearbook photo was in black and white, so there would be no point in streaking her hair blue and red. her hair was already purple anyway. she was off in her world considering the effects of dark lipstick and some black eyeliner when she was disturbed once more by the many stupid people surrounding her in her school environment.
“no, I don’t have any liquid-paper, sorry.”
“yeah, whatever.”
isn’t that the third time she asked me for liquid-paper?
two minutes left. even though she hates the trapped feeling she got during no movement she, like indie, depended and the stability of the school. there was nothing special here, nothing but the usual heartbreak, delusions, blatant lies and hatred. she remembered a time when it wasn’t always this way. was it a childlike innocence lost? what had changed in the last 6 years to make things such a living hell? when did this start? was it when she started to stand up to the verbal and mental abuse of her disconnected grandparents, perhaps it was when she realized she needed more freedom then was granted her?
the bell, thank god. time to go home and spend more time wasting away in an emptiness more dark than she would like to admit even to herself. one more night of killing brain cells with LSD-induced happiness. the drugs make her happy. never once a bad trip.
“hey, zero.”
zero turned from her locker towards the familiar voice of acid.
“hey, how was your day?”
“same shit, different pile, you understand.”
“yeah well, I got the stuff you wanted, triple-dipped best stuff on earth, better than snapple.”
“better than snapple. that’s the stuff. thanks.”
“no problem. will I see you at the concert tonight?”
“concert? what?”
“don’t you remember the gig down at the square? everyone’s going. me, my brother, aura boy, shaggy, all the rest. indie too. skater’s getting a ride with you, right?”
“that’s right. been a little out of it today.”
“looks like you haven’t slept in a while.”
“yeah. think self pity will show tonight?”
“well, gee, after being to lolla and eden I think this little gig will be a little less impressive. wanna come outside for a smoke?”
“sounds good. lolla, yeah, right.” she laughed almost silently to herself.
*
“where you been?” stoner slurred at her as she walked in the door.
“with friends at school.”
“psychotica’s been callin’ since 3:10. I had to put up with her while you hung out with your loser friends? you’re gonna be a loser too, you already are a pretty big loser and you’re only 15. you’re really gonna be a loser by the time you’re my age.”
“yep, i’m gonna be a loser just like you, daddy.” she said, giving him one of those hard, hateful smiles that infuriated him. after that she retreated to her room.
her sanctuary, the walls were a rich midnight black spotted with pictures and posters of her fave bands. she turned on the stereo. the searing psychotic melodies of nin filled the house. yes, I agree trent, I hate everyone too. sweet music to her ears...but other people didn’t agree.
“turn that punk shit down bitch!”
the phone rang and she had to turn it down anyway.
“hello.”
“hey, do you know who this is?”
“yeah, hey, skater, what’s up?”
“what time does the opener start?”
“7. wanna leave at quarter after 6? gonna be crowded; everyone’s goin’. gotta get there by quarter to 7.”
“yeah, okay.”
“i’m on my way to pick you up.”
zero’s mom didn’t really care where she went as long as it was away from her, so she was happy to drive zero and skater to the gig.
she thought about dropping the acid at the concert but instead decided to take one of her lovely little tranks. ah, the sweet numbness of apathy they brought her. she never lost her temper when she was on these. they made her calm and numb. it was a good feeling, the band was good, everyone was there, it was a good night.
*
the weekend.
well, not much to say but that it was wasted and even if anything did happen she couldn’t remember it anyway cos it was a total blur. she remembered a party. skater and indie were there, lisp was there too. lisp was a great person to rely on. there was always an open door and a place to sleep at lisp’s place. never any food, though.
*
the week went by fast and it seemed like she didn’t accomplish anything in that week. it was probably true too. she had too much on her mind and the stress was building up at home. have to talk to indie about these things, she might understand. she usually does. she has problems of her own though. after what happened a few weeks ago for her to move in a lisp’s place and now she just broke up with face? no, I better not bother her with my problems. at least not now. maybe after she’s back with face. well, another boring no-movement time. she decided to go get a drink to pass the time and keep her mind occupied.
“hey zero.”
oh, shit. she hadn’t thought about self pity wandering the halls. now he’d want her to wander the halls with him.
“what do you want?”
“wanna come outside for a smoke?” he said, the cigarette already in his mouth even though he wasn’t outside or even anywhere remotely near the doors.
“no.”
“aw, come on.” he pleaded, even though his eyes wandered off to watch some niner in a short kilt walk by. she wanted to tell him to get his mind out of the gutter and to get that disgusting grin off his face.
but all she said was no.
“you’re no fun” he whined.
“oh well, tuff, life sucks get used to not getting what you want cos in my experience you almost never get what you want.” after that she walked off into an ever-deepening downward spiral of depression and something close to rage. yes, rage. the rage that always dwelt at the edge of her. ready to emerge and explode over anyone who angered her enough. the rage caused by all the hurt inflicted by other people in her life. well, not all the people but most. oh well, she thought, guess it’s better than the usual apathy. always so happy looking on the outside, though. she saw tabloid walking aimlessly through the hall. wonder what’s new? she thought, tabloid was the perfect person to ask.
“hey.”
“hi zero. what’s new?”
“not much here. what do you know?”
“have you heard about face?”
“ind broke up with him, didn’t she? I heard aura boy is practically begging her to go out with him to get the violent obsessor off his back.” she found herself wondering why indie wasn’t taking up his offer. she discovered she was somewhat jealous of aura boy’s offers to indie.
“that’s old news, I thought everybody knew, face died last night. he od’d.”
“what? I missed that. can you repeat that?”
“sure, face died last night. he od’d.”
“how’s indie taking it?”
“I heard from she’s ok. lisp thinks maybe it hasn’t really hit her yet.”
“i’ll see her tonight at valium’s party; see how she is. gotta go. later.”
“later zero.”
holy shit! face was gone, dead. she knew it wouldn’t hit ind too hard but she also knew indie did have feelings for him. she thought she better see indie at valium’s and see how she was.
*
later at valium’s she watched the door to see when indie would come in. she saw indie come through the door and a wave of sympathy washed through her. it must be hard, she thought. she saw indie talk to lisp then leave abruptly.
“hey lisp, what’s up with indie? she just bolted out the door.”
“she didn’t know about face.”
“oh my god. I thought she would have been the first to know.”
lisp said more but she was no longer listening. she thought of how indie must feel, now knowing that she was the last to hear about face. she went home and decided she should give indie time to herself but definitely go to lisp’s and see her tomorrow.
she found she couldn’t sleep and took some sleeping pills to put her out for the night.
she remembered taking the bus to lisp’s and going into the house but the one thing she could remember the most clearly was the sight of the blood running down indie’s wrist.
“oh my god!”
there was a lot of blood. she could even smell it in the air and for some reason it was an almost pleasant smell. odd sensation. can’t think about it now though; have to help indie. she bandaged indie’s arm and then let her sleep. she left indie to her sanctuary in the basement to sleep then went upstairs to sleep too. she slept all of that day, then next day got up and made coffee. there was donuts too. acid, neo and lisp were there. she seemed to really fit in here. she thought maybe if she was to stay here for a while with all these people she might be able to at least start to fix her life. she took a coffee to neo and indie and when she returned to the kitchen mohawk and skater had appeared. had they been here all along? she wasn’t sure. what kind of look was that on skater’s face? why was mohawk looking at her so differently? what the hell did I miss this morning? she thought. oh well. mohawk and skater disappeared again. oh, is that what I missed this morning, she thought. lisp had gone out again and indie and neo were in the basement drinking tea.
“so you going to stay here for a while?” she asked acid.
“yeah. it just feels right, don’t you think so?”
“that’s exactly it. I think maybe if I stay here with the people here I might be able to get control of my life again.”
“me too.” smiled acid.
what a sweet smile she thought.
go home.
mohawk's point of view.