"Vengeance is mine sayeth the Macho Man"

The fact that I write this introductory version of The Rant to you on a Monday night during dueling WCW-WWF (NWO?) wrestling is no surprise to the average lug. Ranting is mainstream for that industry as hype is bought and sold easier than the ‘roids used to pump up the over-inflated egos.

I haven’t regularly watched wrestling for almost 10 years, but you can catch up with the soap opera after one Monday night session. But which federation do you watch? The two 2-hour shows are just 3 clicks away on my remote (one if you hit recall). I’m pretty fast, but I’m bound to miss something. If you watch them both, which do you watch and which do you tape? Or do you always watch WWF and only switch to WCW during commercials, being sure to switch back every 3 seconds not to miss anything… How does Nielsen handle this? How do you handle this?

After 2-4 hours of watching body-slamming homophobes, what do you do next? Watch Geraldo? Throw some chairs around? Both? You’ve just been intellectually violated to the point of mixing hype, sheer maniacal steroid use, boobs and corporate cable bucks all to swoon you into the illusion that this is what America is all about. But wait, this is what America is all about.

Huh?

Now with that nonsense established, I would like to introduce what this ranting is all about. I’ve enjoyed writing for some time now, but have never found the proper vehicle to go off about things that were bugging me. There really aren’t newspapers around that print this type of crap, and if there were, I’m sure not many people would read them… …but in the same broken sentence, that is precisely my point.

In case you were wondering, no, your URL isn’t at www.suck.com, (I used to read that back during good ‘ol version 1.0) but at the same time I feel the suck guys and gals have broken some ground in the nonsense news reading category. My goal is not to have a religious cult following that will burn with me to the end of all humanity, nor is it to have 17 wives with so much plastic they dare not get close to a radiator (4 radiator wives would suffice). My goal is much simpler. My goal is to discover those people that find entertainment value in looking at entertainment. Most of the statistics I state will be undocumented. Many of the quotes might be made up. In other words, it will have the same statistical validity as most other newspapers or online texts. Well hey shit man, it’s on the Internet, so it must be fact, right?

Quick Aside: While in college I wrote a research paper called "Monopoly at Microsoft"… In that paper I made up a bunch of article names and put the source at Yahoo! It appeared so realistic and well documented to my Prof., that I could almost remember reading the imaginary articles when asked about them… (not that it would make any difference; if they were real, they would be worthless crap references like this anyway).

Irregardless, what you see here is very much "As Is", and should be taken for "Face Value", and I’m not responsible for what you do with this, where you put it, where you read it, or how the pictures stimulate your urethra, blah blah blah, ya da, ya da, ya da.

Jive Talkin'

Mostly unstructured, each week you will read whatever happens to spark my plugs at the current moment. (Hopefully I won’t be writing too much on Monday nights or we might have more pro wrestling references than you could ever want). I’ll occasionally put in some old stories that I have written when I’m being lazy and don’t feel like writing anything new. (I also use a lot of stupid parenthesis, don’t ask why; I think I must talk to myself a lot or something). Also, I will be enlisting some help from friends on the writing venture to give me (and you) a break now and then.

Being somewhat serious, if you feel you have something to offer, I’ll be more than happy to screen some of your writing for possible submittal. You are probably thinking, "didn’t he start this Rant thing cause he hates editors?" Well yes, but if you become that which you hate, uh, then maybe you just hate yourself (?). Either way, if you are interested and have a knack for being an idiot, write me. Also little cartoony things are welcome if you are so artistically inclined or reclined. Oh, if English isn't your first language and you are having some trouble reading this, copy this page and get the ebonics translation of The Rant. Granted, this is more useful for you older folk still speaking jive, but you young ebonic speakers will gets da idea. Also be sure to check out this real Jive Turkey (careful of his fro!)

Laterz,

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