Chat with Zezel buffer saved on Fri Jun 28 02:56:18 1996
> yeah....oh i gotta tell u something
> ....
> u wanna know>
> ?
<Zezel> yeah!
<Zezel> what?
> it is major thing about me
> well.....
<Zezel> what?
> this is hard to tell you after what we just did.
<Zezel> its ok
> sure u wanna know?
<Zezel> yes
> just promise me u won't hate me after i tell u
<Zezel> i won't
> promise
<Zezel> i promise
<Zezel> i promise i won't h8 you
> I AM A WOMAN. 37/f
> i'm sorry
<Zezel> nuh-uh!!!
> i was masturbating during our talk
<Zezel> i don't believe you!
> my husband is out and i wanted to have some fun!
<Zezel> i don't believe you
> i'm sorry if it grosses u out but i couldn't lie to u
anymore
<Zezel> i don't believe you
> believe it girl....
<Zezel> i don't believe you
> if i could send u a pic i would!
> i live in toronto with my husband and my son gregory
<Zezel> what???!!!
> he works nights
> i'm so sorry if i offended u
<Zezel> then what about james?? and me meeting jen?
> i had to lure u in somehow
> if it helps....u helped get me reeel wet
<Zezel> why do you want to lure in a 16-year old girl????
> i'm still touching myself now.
<Zezel> ewwww!!!!!!!!!!!!
> i've been attracted to women b4
<Zezel> i haven't
> so i thought i would talk to 1 while i touched myself
> i'm sorry
<Zezel> that is just mean!
> BWA HA HA YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE!!!
> you thought i was for real!
> it's james
> aren't u confused
> ?
<Zezel> i don't know if i could trust you again
<Zezel> :(
<Zezel> i am mad at you
> i'm just trying to remind u that the internet is a
strange place where anything can happen....and it does
<Zezel> i know
> be wary of the kind stranger who wants to know your name
> for he might not be so strange.....when your alone at
night
<Zezel> but if you had been lying you would be very
convincing
<Zezel> i said i didn't believe you
> think the thoughts u thought b4
> be at ease
<Zezel> lots of times
> for i am nor,
<Zezel> no!
> a man or woman
> i am gender free
> i just want u to like me!
> NEVER TRUST THE words u see.
<Zezel> u are boy
<Zezel> immature
<Zezel> :P
> for they can be as decieving as the words i speak
<Zezel> i know that
<Zezel> i am older and wiser than u silly boy
> how do u ever know?
> U DON'T
> for all u know i can be 90
> accept me for the voice i speak
> not the man u picture me to be
<Zezel> i have spoken to lots of ppl on the phone
<Zezel> and i even love one of them
> toss away all conceptions in your head
> little girl it's time for bed
<Zezel> stop being so mysterious
> time has no meaning to one so old
<Zezel> i have been lied to b4
> lies are nothing but untold truth
> i know all that is shown to me, and that is all that
needs to be known
> can u ever trust again?
> it will be hard,
> this has been a lesson from hell
<Zezel> i can trust
<Zezel> i don't trust just anyone
<Zezel> you should feel lucky
> abolishing the notions of what i was in your head and
destroying your trust
> will obly prove one thing
> i am watching u from all sides.
> u never blink without me knowing
> i am everywhere, and everything
> and nowhere and nothing
> this is the end
<Zezel> shut up
> i will leave u to your shattered youth
> sizzle in the love for a fake truth
<Zezel> what exactly are you recitin?
> what u wish for is not what it seems to be
> i wish i could reveal all that i know
> but your immature mind would not understand the thoughts
i have
> for i am one greater than mankind
> i will end this
<Zezel> do you want for me to never talk to you again?
> please don't feel the hate for me u speak of
> that is not my purpose
<Zezel> do you want for me to never talk to you again?
> just realize something
> we are all here....connected by artificial nature
<Zezel> you can tell me nothing i don't already know
> nothing here is real , nor will it ever be
<Zezel> but it can become real
> so don't take things for the truth when they are still
infant thoughts
<Zezel> it doesn't take much
> follow up on this
> does it bother u that i am speaking the truth?
> shall i leave u in your make believe world?
> little girl....u should still be playing with dolls
<Zezel> i have no quarrel with the truth
> every1 here is nothing but a fake
<Zezel> who's the little one???
> no1 tells not a lie
> even i the one with the truth in hand
> i try to share it but i am greeted by disbelief
> just like u have shown
> what does it matter what sex i am?
<Zezel> so you are saying you really are 37/f
<Zezel> ?
<Zezel> i have met some fakes
> i am who i first told u am
> i swear on the magic i speak
<Zezel> but I have met someone true and wonderful whom i
love dearly
> but don't believe for that is wrong
> when u speak to others....
> does love have boundaries?
<Zezel> yes
> if i was a fish would i still matter to u?
> you find out
<Zezel> heheh
<Zezel> a talkin fish
<Zezel> you just want to feel wise-
<Zezel> I kmow that much
> take things in the overall and not the small perspective
we have been taught to do
> let your mind be free of body, race, sex, everything that
is real to u.
<Zezel> what do you really think you are teaching me?
> and then, and only then, u will understand the words i
speak
<Zezel> what do you really think you are teaching me?
> if ever words were spoken
> painful but untrue
> i said i loved
> but i lied
> i'd kill myself for i
> u
<Zezel> hold on
> i'd kill u for myself
<Zezel> brb
> and so ends this lesson in love and so destroys the
innocent mind of a youth still in her prime. Dear god!
why must it end like this
> where have u gone my disturbed child...
> will u no longer speak to the wise one?
> have u gone child?
> i understand. Once again every1 has left me to this
painful world of truth and the misery that comes with it
<Zezel> i am back
> greetings stranger
> where did u go innocent one?
<Zezel> why are you doing this?
> i have stolen the innocence u once possesed
> it is mine now
> do u understand me girl?
> can you hear my thoughts?
> r u afraid of me?
> i have a question for u
<Zezel> i am not vulerable
<Zezel> i am not stupid
> will u at least answer me one question?
<Zezel> i am not ignorant as u treat me
<Zezel> yes?
> did i say u were stupid?
> no
> did i say u were vulnerable?
> no
<Zezel> you treat me so
> u don't have to be vulnerable to be taken advantage of.
> and that is what i have done
> and now for the question
<Zezel> i haven't been taken advantage of
> ok?
<Zezel> ok
> are u in mIRC?
<Zezel> why?
> just answer please
<Zezel> yes
> how do u save a chat box?
> i want to
<Zezel> i don't know
> remember u
> in case u never speak to me again
<Zezel> so, how do you think you have taken advantage of
me?
> don't bother me with questions as such.
> i know as much as u
> for u were here the whole time where u not?
<Zezel> shush!
<Zezel> u r wrong
<Zezel> its just like this
<Zezel> you can't rape the willing
<Zezel> think about it
> have u ever tried?
> it is possible
> just open your mind
<Zezel> i haven't been hurt, so i haven't been taken
advantageof
<Zezel> my mind is open always
> not from what i have seen
<Zezel> what have you seen?
> you are so artificial
<Zezel> why do you think so?
> every1 is
<Zezel> based on what?
> you only see that what is presented to .
> and not much else.
<Zezel> i have been entirely honest with you from day 1
> don't look at the things u see
> as things
> think of them as pieces of time....
<Zezel> what makes you think that?
<Zezel> you know NOTHING of my thoughts
> infinitely scrolling down
> i know enough
> i know more than u think
> i know others thoughts of u
<Zezel> you are trying to be all-knowing and mysterious,
but you are being a fool
> i know all that i need to know
<Zezel> others thoughts?
> yes
<Zezel> they are not bad
<Zezel> i know them too
> i know everything and nothing
<Zezel> i don't let anything bother me
<Zezel> u know nothing
> then why did u freak on me for what i was saying??
<Zezel> just now?
<Zezel> about the 37/f
<Zezel> i didn't freak
> go back and look
<Zezel> what u have to realize is that i have been through
this b4
> not with one as i am
<Zezel> i write the truth-
> u speak lies and blasphemy
> u are a puddle
<Zezel> that it is a disgusting thing to do
> shallow, but still ppl can drown in u
<Zezel> but I wake up the next day
> don't look for balance zezel
<Zezel> i forgive and life goes on
> here.....everything floats
> can any1 ever really forgive?
> no
> i didn't think so
<Zezel> u know nothing
> want has become of our friendship
> what
<Zezel> what u made it with your bullshit
> is it all to end just because i might not be a guy or 15?
<Zezel> no
> i bullshit nothing. For i am the god of truth and wisdom
> u are my pawn in the battle of life
<Zezel> i am still friends with those who decieved me to
this very day
> a3 to c1
> but like b4?
> no
> u have lost a trust in what u think
> u have lost this......lost me
<Zezel> no i haven't
> for i am afraid that it won't ever be the same emelia
<Zezel> what makes you so sure i put so much of my trust in
you to begin with?
> nothing
> i assume u didn't and thats what keeps me sane
> i'm a man full of broken lies
> don't rely on the words of a shithead
<Zezel> i dont
> for i have learned what i am
<Zezel> but that doesn't mean i am not friends with one or
two
> no matter what i say....i have doomed it all
> SEND HELP QUICK if u ever read what i sent?
> do u recognize the work of my mind?
<Zezel> at least you know the consequences...but that is
not me
> i don't want to lose what i had.....but for u.....inevitab
le
<Zezel> no
> can't u see the light on the other end?
> know why?
<Zezel> u don't know as much as you would like to believe
> cause there is none
> i am the darkness that scares u
> i am hate
> i am pain
<Zezel> your a looney
> i am the end
> i am James
> and that cannot be changed
> here is the void
> here is the world
<Zezel> you are bullshit that i call an irc friendship
> here is all i know and less
<Zezel> you believe you are a poet, a writer, but you don't
know how to keep it separate from reality
> i am truth which will ruin your little girl life
> that is the key to life emelia
> nothing is separated
<Zezel> i am not a little girl
<Zezel> i am still your friend
> what is the difference between fact or faux?
<Zezel> u are trying to escape that,
> only the willingness to belive
<Zezel> but you cannot
> or the willingness to do so
> i am not escaping anything
> for i don't wish to end this.
> but u think on the level of life and school
<Zezel> you want to escape this friendship because it
scares u
> i think on the level of time and being
> we are different and we will never be one
> that is the truth
<Zezel> that is bullshit
<Zezel> if you think that is really me-
> what is really u?
<Zezel> you know nothing about me
> all i think is what i have dreamed
<Zezel> i think of everything
> not what i have been told
> for speech is a way out of the real things
<Zezel> i dream things that would make you cry
> i cry for nothing except myself
> for i have doomed myself to a world of enlightenment
> i cannot accept things for what they are
<Zezel> but i don't preach them because I know, unlike u,
that they are not what others need to hear
> this has become a dream
> entangled in the mystery of life
> what is life and what is real
> can u tell?
<Zezel> listen: I have to go
> i thought u would
<Zezel> but I want you to e-mail me and get it all out
> so this is it u puddle
<Zezel> i am no puddle
> go and think your shallow thoughts
> go back to your normal life
<Zezel> i have none to think
<Zezel> if you could
> wake up in the morning and forget this has happened for i
will decieve
> it has to be done emelia
<Zezel> you are never going to talk to me again then?
> that is not what i said
<Zezel> that is what you are doing though
> u cannot accept me so i will let u live in your faux
world
<Zezel> nothing is done if we talk later
> be merry until u meet me on the other said
<Zezel> i accept u
> side
<Zezel> nothing is done if we talk later
> for there things will be said which none have dreamed
<Zezel> and u know that
> u will not be able to see me the same again
<Zezel> why?
> therefore, u will be constantly in question and that is
just the beggining of it all
> open up to this
<Zezel> no it isn't
> accept things u have dreamt.
<Zezel> i am an open door
> for they are real and so am i
> if u can believe the magic
> i appeared like a speck of dust on the wind....
> and so i shall dissapear,
<Zezel> not if we talk again
> i wish u the best, and i long for u to understand,
> but that is fate and i cannot mess with the will of the
drea,s
> m
<Zezel> i will talk to u later
> any last questions b4 u return to your world
> ??
<Zezel> just to tell you:
> go on....
<Zezel> i have been in my world this whole time
> and i have been in mine, and my world is a strange place
u
> only dream of
<Zezel> mine too
<Zezel> that is why i understand you much much more than u
think
> so, one night when u dream of time and being,
> think of me and i shall appear to u like the answer to a
long lost riddle
> maybe u r confused....
> but it will become clear with time
> for time is a powerful thing....
<Zezel> not at all
> it just cannot be understood
<Zezel> i do have to leave,
<Zezel> but i will talk to you later
> i leave u with my simple words that u got
> maybe......if i remain
<Zezel> i believe you will
> i wish so much more for u
<Zezel> you will want to continue this
> but i can't ever begin to change who u are
> what can u believe?
> your beliefs have no meaning to mine
> we are separated by everything
> so go on to your world and spread your joy.
<Zezel> if you really knew me, I don't believe you would
see a reason to try and change me
> FOR SOME DAY U WILL BE LIKE ME AND IT WILL ALL COME
CRASHING DOWN IN A SPIRAL OF HATE!
> you are so thin
> i leave u with that
<Zezel> not at all
> goodbye
DCC session closed
End of Chat with Zezel buffer Fri Jun 28 02:56:18 1996
Session Start: Fri Jun 28 02:56:35 1996
* Logging Chat with Zezel to: [Zezel.log]
Session Close: Fri Jun 28 02:58:38 1996
