I'm so disheartened over Sadie. I'm acting so weird. Can't concentrate I keep saying weird things and answering people 5 minutes after they spoke. If I can't have Sadie I just can't imagine having anyone - see all these attractive girls and I just sort of feel, "yeah, so what?". I'm not attracted to them. I'm bust up. I've had my heart set on Sadie for about a year now. Even when I was going out with Vicky I kept thinking of Sadie. I'm totally slunk. Dammit. I don't believe in god, I don't believe in manifest destiny. I believe in getting kicks in the teeth by some bitch called fate and this one was the last fuckin one. I'm scared that I'm going to turn into a heartless bastard. Why? What? Sadie, I don't get it. If I'm not right then fair enough. But if it's your work - what's the problem - see me one night a week. If I know that's where we stand then that's cool. She doesn't hardly know me though! I can't bear it. This time it's took it all away. Whatever was left is gone - I am an empty husk incapable of feeling any love. Hollow tears. Oh Sadie I love you - I don't need to know you to know that, I just need to look in your eyes and I just know that there could never be anyone else ever. Been more positive today but it doesn't make much difference - when you're dead, you're dead. I don't feel she was giving it an option of ever happening again. It was a brush off - a nice one, but a brush off none-the-less. I won't give up (I can't give up) but I think I may not see much of her. Damn, I pray that things will get easier at work + college for her and maybe she'll start to think "Hey, I have time to see someone after all". Then it's up to me to 'get to know her'. Oh I'm so sad right now.
SadieSadieSadie!!!
© 1996 I can ignore you all I want on: its_sph@nene.ac.uk