Some spirit is unsatisfied at watching her world spin out of control.
Recovered now. Not such a downtrodden wreck. I can't bear to lose Sadie forever. I simply can't add things up in my head. What was wrong it seemed perfect to me, why deny those things which make you happy. She's been on my mind so long. How can I get her back and keep her? Eyes messed up.
Got glasses fixed. Went to Duston saw Lucy, Emma, Karen. Saw Irish Vicky getting off a bus on the way back to work.
Went to Buddies and the point - got fucked up. Thinking of that night me + Sadie went to the point - oh i want her so bad. Pictures are packed so we came back to Northampton to the barratt club. Saw Andrea + Michelle. V. attractive I looked on with longing but I want Sadie. Scott said to ask her to come to 999 on Monday - I can't, I haven't the nerve to ring her. I must, I can't, help me. No don't help me - I have no faith in god - I revoke all my belief or trust, any belief is manifest in hatred.
Why? Will we ever have another chance? God she was the best ever - the best I ever had or will have. I can never get over her - what the flump can I do. Dammit.
Mum bugs me. Got paid £276 + a post dated cheque for £276 for next week. Not bad. Might just bring me below a grand o/d.Not miserable or hopeless but so badly want/need Sadie - she's so beautiful. If I had time I could make things perfect.
Tired.
© 1996 I can ignore you all I want on: its_sph@nene.ac.uk