What a darling that Rachel is - still heard nothing from her . Was planning to ring, after all enough is enough. But got in late, then dashed out to squash, then straight off to work and a short while at the Barratt club. Couldn't have fitted in a telephone conversation - besides, something so hard I'd snatch any excuse to avoid. Also gives another chance of salvation in the morning mail. Shall plan to ring tomorrow - will probably ring Kathy first to chat it through. God it gets worse, I'm all cut up. Feel very empty of emotion. Just a husk - little vitality. Don't know what I want with Rachel anymore - just want to resolve it. Still want Sadie but don't have the intensity of feeling that I used to have - think it's because her most attractive characteristic was her warmth and when I spoke to her she was cold with me - I can understand why! Caught Michelles eye at the Barratt club. She's the black haired one - very nice. Think I was making a fair bit of eye contact the other night but it was a little more blatant tonight. And as I left I swung my head round for a last look and she looked over at me. A nice thought - I could do with building up my self esteem and the thought of a new element appeals to me - she's nice.
Horoscope - "Money is still the most important issue in your life. You do like your surroundings to be beautiful, yet you may realise you're making a mountain out of a molehill. True security can't be found in the walls of a house, but from deep within yourself".
Need to sort things out with Rachel then have a boost, also a little money and things will rise - need a girl soon - need to feel more sure of who? So tired.....
© 1996 I can ignore you all I want on: its_sph@nene.ac.uk