How did you create those wonderful blank banners? How do you create the special effects you used?

No mo' blank banners, honey. They went bye bye when this website's hoster kept changing their specs every six months. For your other question about special effects, I don't create special effects. The Web does. Your eyes and brain do. Electrons do. It's all up to those elements. I'm just a mere mortal phairy, dependent on my perception just like anyone else. My goodness, if I could create special effects, just think of all the power I could have! I'd be a Goddess! I wouldn't be struggling to pay my bills, shivering in my 90-year-old frame house in Wisconsin in the middle of winter, I'd be living like the people on that Robin Leach show! I'd be creating such amazing specially-effected beauty for the world that you wouldn't be able to stand it, and also abusing my power and striking egotistical grant-sucking art professors dead with a single blow of my sparkling phairy wand! Now that would be special!

 

sex

This is scary. I suggest this person learn how to phrase a question before they ask about sex, I mean, first things first! I don't know if they even are really asking about sex, or if their fingers just slipped on the keyboard. There was no verb, no question mark, no indication of their actual Ask the Phairy Question. Do do they want to know about sex, the reproductive process, sex, the biological difference between men and women, or sex, the Latin version of six? I assume they want to know about the latter, since the number six plays quite a part in the creation of my fonts and imagery. But I don't know what specifically they want to know about number six, so I'm afraid I can't answer this.

 

I guess I am what I would call an "intermediate" graphic artist..not quite a newbie since I have designed some graphics sets ... I have been designing for about 2 to 3 months now, and it was getting to the point where all my graphics started looking the same...so I started surfing, looking for creative ideas that I could adapt (not copy) into my own sets....I am using Paint Shop for now (I was given a copy of Photoshop but have yet to figure out how to apply even a simple filter.....lol) Now, after all this, my question is...I have seen some sites with backgrounds that have a texture that looks like parchment....say a lighter texture for the main part of the background...and a darker version of the same texture in the border.... PaintShop has some paper textures but I'll be darned if I can figure out how to get them to work nicely on a background....do you have any suggestions? I can't for the life of me figure out how this is done....and I am to the point that I am sssoooooo tired of just a plain solid color background, with borders mainly....if you could suggest some hints I would be ever so grateful...:) and the work you have done is awe inspiring....*sigh* I hope someday my graphics will be as impressive...

Oh, you don't want to tackle parchment. Papermaking itself is hard enough, but parchment making is really difficult, and definitely not for vegetarians. I made some paper about a decade ago. Want to know what I put in it? Well, paper of course, but I also used those disposable diapers. Not used! What the heck are you thinking, you sicko? I said I used a disposable diaper, not I used a used disposable diaper! I received promotional ones in the mail for no explainable reason, other than the diaper company must have thought a previous pregnant tenant was still living in my house. We tried the diapers on our cats, laughed, and then decided to put them to use. They had some nice soft cottony fibers that worked great for papermaking, but those silica gel bits which swelled up gelatinously which was kind of weird. I also used bits of cotton from our old dead futon, but that was very crude cotton and would tend to tangle up on the blender's blades when I'd try to puree the pulp. But I soon realized papermaking was not for me, especially since it was becoming so trendy with papermaking kits appearing in those expensive art supply stores geared for upper-middle class suburbanites who all think their precious children are prodigies. Yet I digress. If you want to make parchment, you've got to skin a sheep. And that's messier than a diaper in a blender.

 

How come when there are spherical graphics on my screen, my monitor still feels flat? How can I make them three-dimensional?

Ah, now this is someone who knows what kind of questions to ask! You obviously don't have a Spheroid Adapter, do you? (You'd probably know if you did.) It's a small device that attaches to the back of your monitor which allows your monitor to actually feel spherical when viewing spheres. There are also other adapters available, like the Texture Adapter, which allows you to feel textures, and a Gradient Adapter, which, of course, allows you to feel gradients (and it's much safer than LSD!). You can daisy-chain these together, but if you attach too many adapters, you increase the strain on your monitor and it may start short-circuiting, so be cautious and err on the side of conservatism. Contact your hardware supplier about purchasing adapters. I'm not sure if they're available for all systems, though.

 

How do you animate Gif's?

GIF animation is one of the most complex and expensive processes of Web multimedia around. It involves pages and pages of complex coding of advanced HTML syntax to get just one frame of a GIF animation! Not just anyone can do this...you need an advanced degree. I have one, which is why I am able to animate GIFs. There is also an incredible initial outlay of expenses to purchase GIF animation programs...it's the most expensive software around...more expensive than sound editing software or any of the software which you need to use a plug-in to view. Because GIF animation doesn't require special plug-ins, this is why it is so expensive and complex since none of the complexity is absorbed by the plug-in, but completely contained within the GIF animation.

 

I guess I'm confused or just plain stupid. How do I purchase your Gem Designer Program? Gotta have it!!
and
Not stupid, but confused. Where does one OBTAIN your brilliant jewel creating software? I'm learning on Painter 5...is yours easier and better for this? I like your sense of humor...it's similar to my own(scary).

Sheesh? You think I'm a software retailer!? I'm just an artist! I repeat, I am just an artist!

 

how layers works? what can y tell me about styles sheeets?

Hooboy. Here's another one with a negative integer for a brain who needs some question-asking skills. Judging from the lack of spell-checking in the last half of the question, I can only assume the first part is not asking about layers, but lawyers. How do lawyers work? I dunno. Like I said, I'm just an artist. They seem to have nice plushy offices. And they can charge one up the yin yang, not unlike an emergency vetrinary clinic. But tuition is expensive for law school, which, if you ever watched The Paper Chase, is incredibly grueling both mentally, emotionally and physically. Hey, wait a minute, that describes graduate art school. So why don't I charge $100/an hour?

 

I love your site!!! It is great...Can you explain how I can make a frameborder with a photo on the background just like yours on your mainpage? I love it to make it for my Stevie Nicks homepage.

Aw, come on, you don't really have Stevie Nicks at your homepage, do you? Ya, I was born yesterday (snort). You'd have to have Stevie at home (which is what homepages are anyway, pages of your home), and I don't think she's living with you. I don't know who's she's living with, but it's not Lindsey Buckingham and it's not you. I bet all you have are her solo-albums and a few old mid-'70s Fleetwood Mac 8-tracks lying around your house, and Fleetwood Mac was best when they were an obscure British blues band anyway. Hey, I'm a huge Doors fan, but you don't see a Doors homepage at my site, do you? Why? Because Mr. Mojo Risin is not kickin' around my house other than in CD-format! Gee, some people take this fan thing way too seriously. But assuming you do have Stevie at home with you (I'm playing along here), you've got to get her to agree to have molten metal beads attached to her face. That's how I did it with my picture, and let me tell you, it was not fun. Now being that Fleetwood Mac still does make its occasional VH1 special appearance, I'm sure Stevie would not take very kindly to having her complexion ruined just to please a fan. Sure, she's rich and can afford plastic surgery, but it's still painful! I, on the other hand, have studied with the Swamis (as well as egotistical art professors) and therefore can endure ceaseless pain (not to mention my complexion wasn't that great to start out with.) I live in Wisconsin in the winter, remember? I can endure all!

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