Hurting © by ^rani^
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HURTING

by rani

Sometimes just caring about someone can hurt so bad that you just want to curl up into a ball and either cry and just plain die. How does it happen, when does it start? How can you stop the breaking of your heart? You may not even want it to happen, but it happens to everyone.

You fall for someone that doesn't return your feelings, you are just friends at least to your love. What do you do, where can you turn? No one, it seems, can understand the turmoil you face. You feel as if you will never speak again, never feel again. Feeling is too painful, and it can consume you. Can consume until there is nothing left but pain.

Love is a risk you have to be willing to take. If it turns out for the better, there is no greater thing on earth. but if it turns out the risk was too great, then you must go on. Go on to take another risk another day in time. But the feelings you feel will affect you always. And you never will forget how you risked it all and lost, lost a measure of your self respect. If things turn out the way you had planned then that would be something.

Shyness consumes you all of your life, yet you take the risk, even though there is strife. You say "I care so much, please, oh please stay. Your friendship means the world and I don't want to loose what we have worked so hard for. If only you would have let me know how you felt. You heard the stories they were telling of us. Why did you ignore them and sacrifice what we had out of shyness or embarassment?

I am just like you and it hurts to see. All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. Your shyness is endearing to me, but yet it has made me loose you. That is how you feel when it seems all hope is lost. I feel like it is an eternity waiting for you to do something.

A year is a long time to wait, to have nothing happen when all you have been wanting is some small sign. Like taking my hand. I watch you hold the hand of a friend and it tears me up inside. This girl, you see, is a friend to you and me, but she doesn't see what sometimes I think I see. You get so excited, yet you show not a thing. You are so sensitive and I think you care. You ask me what is wrong and I say I don't want to talk about it, yet you persist, you just don't get it.

I cannot tell you about . . .you. I feel like crying all the time, the time moves so much slower in my world than it does in yours. Do you realise I am waiting to hear. Something from you, something so dear. I need to hear from you or I will be like this forever, lost in time. In limbo it seems. Stuck between hope and grief. I just need something, anything from you now. I don't even care if you never mention it.

After risking all, I would live with your friendship. I would cherish it always. Eventually I would learn to love someone else, but it would be so much better if that person could be you. I love you, shyness and all. It is so endearing how you miss a joke, because you are an innocent. Your smile so endeaing your whole face seems to light up, your dimples are adorable. It is killing me to think that you may never smile at me agian. It has not even been a whole day, since last we met, but I miss your smile and everything else.

Like the movie says   "Do me one favor, choose me."

^rani^

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