July 4th, 1998

(hmm, suppose I should get my hands on some fireworks...)

	Who's next? . Why, that would be me. . Of course, the preoccupations and activities that have kept me from this in recent weeks continue to do so... I have 30 minutes now, how can I possibly say what I want to in that time? If I thought that quickly on my feet, wouldn't face-to-face be easier? . . I'm still here. Awfully far away...sometimes it feels like I'm a solar system removed. And yet...the tar is melting here, too. . I'm here. . The cynic. The double xx in the equation of like minds. The silver bullet and the tattooed woman, all rolled up into one. . My brother asks me to have faith in his abilities to think logically and to protect himself. I try, but it is hard not to compare when his age is closer to yours than mine. It's hard not too expect too much. . You are my brothers, too. . And my husband? Still overscheduled every minute of every day. . Hyper-functional. . As I type he stands in front of a roomful of both interested and disinterested faces...lecturing. He's buttoned down in short sleeves and tie, cuffed slacks and the ubiquitous doc martens. Wingtip style...a professor, after all. . Slightly premature salt and pepper hair completes the picture. . I often wonder if it is really possible that he enjoys teaching as much as he professes to...it is hard for someone as introverted as myself to believe. . My brother is at the university as well. Making friends, no doubt, amongst the music majors and professors. When they heard he was a performing musician, They offered him access to the instruments of his choice and an invitation to jam. . It's so much easier for him, sometimes. We've talked about it...he knows how much I have done and seen. He knows a few of the people I've been. . And now? . The photographer, the printmaker, the housewife...the wife. The tutor, the tormentor, the mentor...the muse. . (No, not neccessarily in that order.) . The faraway friend. . Summertime. No Janis around to sing to me, but I'm still so much happier at this time of year. Busy, but happier. The ripples in the otherwise calm waters are of my own creation. I respond to those e-mails because they continue to intrigue me; and make me laugh out loud even as they frustrate me. . Instigating hibernation. . I respond, never expecting instant gratification. I wait and wait and have yet to be disappointed. . (I told you I've been preoccupied...) . I chose to drive them out this morning. The cicadas buzz seems infinitely louder out amongst the rice fields. I dropped them off and slipped in Everything But The Girl. Sang along, alone for the first time in weeks. . Posting, too...will wonders never cease? . siempre, Shy .

or perhaps...